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Felt like I’ve lost my attraction to men 😔 Ik I have my Icks to some and haven’t been treated right from past relationships, just needed to remember that I just haven’t found one that’s good enough for me to be with. Yet I’m backed up by thoughts that I’ve lost my attraction to them cause of those reasons.

Hello all - is/has anyone been on antidepressants and how were they for you? Finding my bad days super hard at the moment. Thank you!

I just keep constantly getting intrusive thoughts of dudes and dating them Everytime i think about beautiful women and dating them… what do i do…?

Literally my brain won’t catch a break. A long time ago one of my female coworker- I thought was so pretty and cute year ago. I vividly remember a thought coming up like “ are you attracted to her? Are you bisexual?” A little background, my first ocd thought came up when I was 12 and I walking to middle school and a random thought out of the blue came up as “ are you lesbian” and looking back that the first OCD theme I had. Eventually time flew by and I forgot about it. My crushes to boy came back and lived my life till I was in college. Then I latched into suicide ocd and having the urge to take a knife and stab my stomach after watching Harry Potter?? I had various themes but the worse flare up was when I was in college and again I saw a super beautiful girl in the campus and at that moment it felt like “real attraction” from then my theme of being scared of being bisexual came up. Soon that theme transformed to suicide OCD to harm ocd to others which is when I researched and seeked help and got diagnosed with OCD. Lived my life 2 years and eventually I forgot I had ocd, but it lasted for years and I was pretty much traumatized by harm ocd. COVID hit and my ocd slipped my mind and I loved my life for the past two years enjoying my lifestyle and even developing a huge crush on this guy. I began to work out and eat healthy because I wanted to shoot my shot at this gorg boy. Made it my goal to finally have a boyfriend before turning 25. Yes, I have never had my first kiss or a bf. I’ve always been anxious. Regardless, I indentified as straight all my life and even when I first started NOCD therapy last month they had a option asking for my sexual orientation. I clicked in my sexual orientation as Heterosexual cus that’s what identified as. One day I was as I was doing therapy for harm ocd with my female therapist last month… I randomly got the thought I that I had a crush and I was attracted to her and my brain automatically remembered thought of my coworker from the past I had about being bisexual and then it came back… my second theme which randomly flared up. Ever since that day, my mind constantly switching between harm ocd and that I’m bisexual. Every pretty girl I see I’m convinced I’m attracted to her, I can’t even tell the difference btwn false attraction and if I’m being in denial, Im kinda doing erp but I’m scared it gonna make me accept conversion and become bisexual. Sometimes when I say like “ I’m straight and I only like boys” my brain feels like it’s wrong. Now that same coworker she would always like my stories and text me and immediately my brain thinks it’s more and I have feelings for her. I physically can’t… I’m so scared when I’m marry or date a guy in the future I’m being a fraud. I hate this and I’m so lost. I know I have to keep the thoughts and move on w my day but I can’t. Uncertainty “maybe I like women, or maybe not” I’m feel like I’m going insane. I’m so scared this is gonna last for years again and more years of my mid 20s are gonna go wasted. My life feels pauses. I force myself everyday to do the simplest task. Like really two themes??…. I try not to avoid girls as a compulsion but sometimes my brain won’t give me anxiety but I still get attraction from every girl I see. I wanna be normal like everyone else. I’m so scared to have kids I just hate my life. I want to be normal. I can’t even figure out my triggers. Sometimes when I say in mind to test myself “ I’m bisexual” it feels right? Am I in denial oh I hate this. I hate my brain.

Was curious to hear what recovery looks like for some of you? If you’re doing better or if you would consider yourself “recovered” whatever that looks like lol

Does anyone get really irritated and angry at absolutely everything because of anxiety just wondering if it’s only me

My OCD is like being forced into a theme park haunted house. On one hand, I know that all the scary things are actors and props and machines. On the other, I'd like to avoid getting scared. Soon enough, I'm convinced that everything inside the haunted house is real and I barely remember that I'm in a theme park and I'm supposed to be having fun. I've lost sight of my life. And it's even more unsettling to be in a haunted house waiting for a jumpscare. If I go somewhere in the haunted house, an actor could come out and scare me. If I touch an unlucky object in my room, there's a possibility of something bad happening. In both instances, I feel stupid for getting scared in the first place. I'm living in a constant state of suspense. I know it's fake, but my body and my brain aren't lined up because I get a physical anxiety response. I just have to remember that haunted houses have exits!

How does one move on from having intrusive thoughts and feelings?

I started my first exposure yesterday coloring a Pride Flag, hanging it in my office, and saying “I may or may not be attracted to women.” I am suppose to do this 5x a day and track when my anxiety peaks, when it subsides, and total time. Now my brain is telling me these exposures feel like conversion. Like once I’m comfortable with thoughts of being bisexual I am going to become that or be okay doing things with women. Anyone else struggle with this when starting ERP for SO-OCD?

lately i’ve been feeling like my obsessions are real and i’m just in denial because of one thing i did in the past, i’ve spent hours upon hours reading articles and forums to find an answer as to why i did that in the past and what it says about me. I could just say “yeah this obsession is real” but i would never act on it or do something related anyway, i get nauseous just thinking about it, but again in the past i didn’t realize the magnitude of the situation so i just went on with my life happily without paying much attention to it until i developed ocd, i remembered that past situation and it was impossible for me to refute my ocd obsessions with that event in mind. I constantly question if what i read of other people having done the same thing (and it it not an indicator of who they are) also applies to my experience or if i’m just denying the evident.

I found this article very informative about how treatment may need to be modified fire for ocd based on disgust instead of fear: https://iocdf.org/blog/2023/04/25/disgust-based-ocd-thoughts-on-a-new-treatment-protocol/ if you have trouble accessing it you can search by “disgust ocd gallagher” as this info is also published elsewhere Here’s an article with info and a table for the meds that could/ may work for disgust based OCD: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4776764/ I wouldn’t replace erp if visual stimuli can be used in a hierarchy or if fear is a factor as well as disgust, but I would supplement with the other approaches. I say this because, at least for me, ocd latched into using disgust as an excuse to keep the compulsions so I’m using an erp hierarchy to chip away at my routine in the restroom especially since this works for the fear I have and the gradual reduction of compulsions also addresses the disgust (but only if I am willing to accept the risk). Poop pics do help with lessening the disgust so for me erp is still my core treatment method but I’m going to be supplementing my ssri with one of the glutamate meds.

My contamination ocd and germophobia are at an all time high. Theyve never been this bad and when i say bad i mean just the thought of or looking at something can trigger me. I live with my parents and im an only child. We very rarely have guests maybe every few years. With that being said ive hardly ever had to share a bathroom. The layout of the houses extra rooms are 2 rooms across from each other and a bathroom in the middle. My dad is having his friend come live with us who will be staying in the room across from mine which means he will be using my bathroom. When i tell you i dont know what to do i truly dont know what im going to do. Just from me using the bathroom myself i have to disinfect it. Sometimes multiple times a night. Now im going to have some older man who is a complete stranger who frankly doesnt look like a very clean person and looks like he could be my grandpa from the few minutes i met him around my personal items and using my shower, etc. On top of that i spend a lot of time in the bathroom washing my hands, disinfecting things, going in and out of it constantly at night esp before and after i take a shower which i try to take as late as possible to avoid having to leave the bathroom and room area again. I take a lot of time having to feel clean before i can put my pjs on and get in bed and im by myself on the other side of the house so i usually dont have to cover up or anything i can just go freely from my room to the bathroom until im finally content and can wash my hands one last time before i go to bed. Now im going to have a strange man right next to me and its going to throw off every single thing i do. This man is basically contaminating my entire life. Im sorry if that sounds mean but its true and i really dont know what to do. I dont know how im going to get through this at all. Im crying just typing this and my anxiety is through the roof which is in turn is all making me feel dirty. Btw my parents have 0 compassion and said they dont care at all and if i dont like it i can move out. I dont expect them to cater to me but at least pretend like you care a little about how im feeling. Just wanted to share with people who would understand. Thanks.

I have a new best friend who I love, but I think ocd is beginning to attack this friendship. Physical touch is my love language (and it’s my best friends too) so we agree to cuddle a lot. It’s completely platonic. We are both straight. I know that I’m straight, but when I cuddle w her, I usually feel my body react physically to touch and it makes me so nervous. I have also had intrusive thoughts about being attracted to her, but those I can usually fight pretty easily. However, I’m afraid that those physiological reactions my body has mean something. I don’t want ocd to ruin this friendship. How do i fight it? I’ve fought lots of subtypes of ocd before, but this one is a bit unfamiliar to me.

- I had horrible psychological childhood abuse when I was 8-15 from my step dad - I never felt like anyone ever validated this in my life. - when I was super drunk I accidentally told my partner it was sexual abuse (it wasn’t) I think, I thought maybe he would take my trauma seriously if I said that - now that I told that lie a year ago, every day since I have felt the urge to confess the truth that it wasn’t sexual, just psychological - he’s my soulmate and I feel like I’ve ruined everything and that I need to confess - this ocd theme has gone on for like 15 months EVERY DAY PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT TO DO, do I confess????? I kinda backpedaled to him a few weeks later and said well “I’m not sure if it was but my childhood was still bad and I can’t stop thinking about it” This has been going on for too much time, I’m going to crack, I thought I’d be better by now , PLEASE REPLY, do I confess??

I think I trauma dump on people. Whether it's with friends or with this app or other support groups I'm in. I feel like a piece of shit for this because it makes people feel bad and they feel they can't do anything to help me. I'm constantly sharing the horrible things that I worry about because they're overwhelming and I think talking about it helps, but it's just a compulsion in the end. I end up doing it still and over every worry and now it just makes me feel like crap thinking about it. So I don't think I should keep posting the way I do on here and to other people.

Hi everyone, I have been doing ERP for a little over two months, and while my SUDS scores and quality of life has improved, this past week it seems as though my harm-OCD is coming back despite doing my homework on a regular basis. I do feel discouraged and more depressed. I even feel like I had to cut back and do easier exposures. Does anybody else experience this?

Sometimes I find it crazy how I used to be so unbothered before ROCD. I wonder since it was triggered so quickly if one day I’ll be able to feel how I did before all of this. Now everything that I think or do has to relate back to my relationship. Every Instagram post or thing I say or tiktok I see I wonder, what would he think if I liked this? Do I like this? Does he like this? Is it morally right for us to like this? What if he likes this and it’s not right, what will people think? I’m honestly tired of caring so much and my brain numbs out. It feels so weird to me since I lived most of my life happy and with free. I really want to try and get back to those calm times where I could love him freely. I get scared that I’m stuck this way forever.

What do you guys think, when is the right time to do therapy? How much time should you fight alone against this?

I go back and forth wondering if my anxiety and fear is coming from the Lord to try and get my attention. I'm in a healthy and loving relationship that is Christ centered. It doesn't make sense why I'm having such anxiety about moving forward in my relationship. I've read articles that say God doesn't give anxiety but instead peace. I've read that He doesnt want us to be anxious. But then I read the story about Samuel and Eli and how God caused unrest for Samuel to get his attention. I'm so afraid that God wants me to break up with my bf, but it isn't clear. My anxiety doesn't make sense. I am feeling so physically sick today.

I hate this disease. It’s robbed me of every ounce of happiness. I am scared to go near my daughter. I want to cry all the time. Please make it stop. How am I gonna go on like this. My baby!