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Can I get better while still doing compulsions or do I really have to stop all of them? I just can’t imagine giving up every compulsion but also this is torture. Do I quit cold turkey or slowly stop?

This is gonna be a long post, but it needs to be said. Recently, I've been struggling with my mental health. I'm twenty-four years old and I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. Two months ago I quit my job because I was not enjoying it anymore and felt like I wasn't making any progress. Since then, I've been really struggling to find another job. I graduated from university last year and I haven't made any progress. I see people around my age accomplishing/hitting milestones pertaining to social media, getting married, buying a house, and having a baby. Since I've been depressed, my intrusive thoughts have become bigger. I struggle with pure OCD. and struggle a lot during the mornings when I wake up. I look at my life in shame because every time I try to make myself feel better or do a little self-care, there's that voice saying that I don't deserve it. I don't have any friends where I live, so I'm at home a lot of the time. A few weeks ago I got rejected from two jobs that I really wanted and I had a huge mental breakdown where it's triggering to even look at job postings right now. I'm thankful that I live with my parents but I wish I was more independent like people that I know personally. I'm having regrets about quitting my job back in April but I was really miserable working there. Because of my OCD and everything that is happening in my life right now, I starting to feel like my life is not worth living anymore. I am in counselling which helps, but I'm just so overwhelmingly sad because I'm lonely. I'm twenty-four now and I'm turning twenty-five in September and I've decided to stop celebrating my birthday because, to be honest, I don't have anybody to celebrate it with. I'm just never been lucky and I feel like the more lonely Im gonna get, the more intrusive thoughts are gonna get piled up. I just need someone to talk to.

I recently had a son, exactly 3 months ago actually, and it has been genuinely a torturous experience. I used to be so excited for him to come into this world, I was excited to be a parent. I used to be a very happy person as well, I never lost my temper, and I don't know how to explain it other than I was just so happy, happy for my life and spending time with those I loved, hopefull for my future. Around October though I started smoking cannabis daily, and it was very, very bad. I smoked around 4 grams a day (no I'm not joking, I wasted all of my money on it) and I became a very spiteful and genuinely angry and aggressive person. I have hallucinated more than once and fell into very surreal delusions even when I wasn't under the influence All my life was about was smoking, I didn't really care about anything else. A few days before my son was born though I got extremely anxious and scared that I might accidentally drop him, or hurt him accidentally. I feel like I was also just unhappy because I knew I wouldn't be able to spend my time high 24/7 I cut smoking out of my life completely and I was genuinely so happy to be a father, to be there for my fiance, I felt happy, but after getting home, I smoked again and I had unbelievably bad thoughts that someone was going to hurt me or I'd hurt someone else. I was so scared and I swore I'd never smoke again Since then I've been wanting to be a good finance, I've been wanting to be a good father as well, but I've been getting a lot of intrusive thoughts and it happens nearly 24/7 they are about most of my loved ones and even random people and it just scares me, I used to cry because I thought I was going insane or I was a danger. Everytime these thoughts happen I get unbelievably anxious, I get tight in my chest, and I can't help but try to fight them, but when I fight them, the thoughts linger or worsen and Its just a nasty cycle. My fiance and therapist think I have harm OCD, and a potential cannabis psychosis and it's just so debilitating. I get stressed everytime I see any sharp objects whether it's scissors, knives, even sharp tables, genuinely anything, I get paranoid everytime I watch anything like cartoons, or certain designs because I'm scared it'll make me go insane or freak out. Almost All the music I listen to freaks me out as well. I used to be very interested in history, especially military history and war movies, video games, etc, but everytime I see footage or these movies, weapons etc I get unbelievably stressed And anxious, and paranoid it'll just make me snap. I tell myself it's irrational and I don't want to do these things, which I genuinely don't want to do. But it's like my mind tells me other wise or the images get worse. I've been trying to spend more time with my family, with my son, but it feels so scary, I've been trying to ask for reassurance less because it's been putting a lot of tension on my relationship and our families. It's just miserable, I can't do the things I used to love doing, I can't listen to the music I love, I can't spend time with loved ones without these thoughts and it's just so horrible to live through, I don't know what to really do anymore, I'm trying my best. I want to be able to be the person I used to be, and I just feel like I'll never be this way again

feeling very triggered with my rocd, just saw a twitter thread where people were talking about how they can love the people in their life but they are not in love with them and it just leaves me questioning if i’m even in love with my partner. anyone have good exposure techniques for this? every time i say maybe i do maybe i don’t, i don’t notice any difference. my biggest problem with rocd is questioning if i’m in love with my partner, because i know i love her and care for her deeply but i question so much if i’m in love with her and i get freaked out

How and why does OCD make us feel like we want to do what our thoughts are?

I don't think it's ocd anymore. I'm convinced that I'm going to hell and there's nothing I can do. I don't want to i want to go to heaven. these thoughts are killing me. I can't do this anymore.

I don't understand how to calm down long enough to explain my OCD to those around me, and I don't even feel comfortable enough to open up to those around me. But, I miss my parents/nieces so much but my parents won't let me around my nieces because my bf (I live with) and I have had arguments recently and my mom told me my niece (9) told her therapist about my argument with my ex bf 5 years ago, and my mom said it was traumatic for my niece (I kicked my bf out of my house because he was a compulsive liar and I caught him in another lie). I feel like my parents truly believe I am a terrible person and they aren't willing to make time for me to actually get to know me. I feel uncomfortable like I can't be myself around them and it leads me to feeling like I have no family. My nieces are my favorite people in the world and I love them a lot but it feels like my mom is using my own trauma against me by saying she doesn't want me to traumatize my nieces with my mental illness. My nieces are the only people that treat me like a human being and love me unconditionally. I just feel like somewhere between 18 and leaving for college, and now 23 still in college and living on my own, my parents and I have drifted so much and it feels like they are relieved to see less of me. I don't have anyone that I feel like I can open up to, except for my bf but my ROCD loves to ruin that too (and my bf's parents keep calling him and telling him to leave me because I am a sociopath). I was supposed to go to my nieces' dance recital today but I have been so anxious the past few days because I'm worried everyone will be able to tell I have POCD intrusive thoughts and it feels so wrong to sit in a theatre and watch little girls dance. My brain keeps making it out to be so creepy. On top of that, I started new medication for my PTSD nightmares, and it made me drowsy and oversleep today and I feel horrible. I told my mom I couldn't make it today and I am left sitting with this guilt because she always tells me I let my nieces down and I am so scared I will legitimately have nobody. They almost moved to another state last year and they didn't even consider me when making that decision because they said I never come around anyway but I don't come around because they don't understand my condition and they don't take the time to understand my condition so they just treat me like I'm not worth the energy or empathy and being in their company makes me feel worse but I would do anything in this world to have them love me again. I just feel so consumed by the anxiety and I know if I open up to my parents they are just going to tell me to pray about it and I am no where near ready to even think about religion again and it just feels like when it comes to my family, it triggers every single theme and I end up feeling hopeless and depressed and I don't know how to get better. I keep going back to being a kid and my parents both loving me before I started getting more depressed/anxious because of my brain. I also feel like my family doesn't know how to act around each other unless we are bonding over our trauma together. We don't know how to converse about anything other than that. I feel like I don't have parents anymore and I feel like I am begging strangers to love me and let me into their lives/hearts but they make it seem like they can't be around me too much because I've caused them too much pain and I don't know how to deal with that guilt of hurting them. And I know both of my parents probably have some OCD too and I worry if I open up to them then I will ruin both of their lives even more. I just don't know what to do I just want to feel like I have a mom or dad. Or anyone.

I just need help understanding that not every difference or disagreement needs to end in a horrible relationship with constant arguments or dissatisfaction. My boyfriend is very words of affirmation and enjoys acknowledging that he spoils me. Growing up my household, was very anti-words of affirmation, seeing it as gloating. So I interpret his self appreciation as throwing it in my face that he buys me things or treat me well. These things don’t mix very well but we know this and work on it. Unfortunately my mind thinks that since we’re not perfect with this it’s going to just cause building resentment and cause huge fights and ultimately end our relationship. Obviously this doesn’t have to be the case but how can I internalize this? When I’m triggered I get so fixated and think this will be the end of us (amongst other themes and triggers) it’s just tiring thinking everything ends in failure, or that I’m the only person in a relationship that is trying to work though something like this and that everyone else just finds someone that is able to 100% meet every need all the time. Any advice or support?

You would think by now, I would KNOW it's just my mind playing tricks on me, but I still believe everything. I will admit I had problems with compulstions in the past, but I overcame that somehow, and now it's turned to reassurance seeking towards everything. Anyone have any tips on how to overcome reassurance seeking, and believing all of my thoughts?

It’s constant thoughts… even some like “oh what if <insert past person> sees you and thinks you’re pretty? And it repeats over and over. I missed my medicine dosage last night. Already prepared for the bad thoughts. I’m so sad. My rocd and false memory ocd is so bad. I really want to give up. I feel like I can never enjoy my relationship, I love him so much tho, more than I can even say

I feel like now I have to record what happens to me/details of situations that trigger anxious episodes in order to have the "memory" in ink so I can't confuse it later when the rumination comes in. It has to be specific as I can possibly manage, down to date and time. I have done this as journaling, but I usually did that at the end of the day, but now I feel like I have to do it immediately after the thing happens. Is this a sign of compulsive behaviour, or am I just losing grip on my own memory? I'm also starting to doubt myself very strongly when it comes to confirming if "the bad thing" didn't happen, or if the "right thing" did. I can have ample evidence to support the outcome I know happened/didn't happen, but still brain doubts. I've been trying to go about my day living in the belief that I am right, but anxiety does not like to let go. I suppose this is all part of whatever disorder I've developed... Just gotta live I suppose. I am so tired of this...

Can ocd really send you such horrific vile and deep dark thoughts To the point im like this is not right atall 😓 Really bad thoughts of harm just to hurt people. I see people say they have bad thoughts but mine are those of a dark mind 😓 I dont know what my morals or values are anymore either, when people say just go towards your values i can honestly say i dont know what they are or if this is the new me an i want to do this just to hurt people??

I have C-OCD for... almost all of my life. It's been an ever evolving thing, and parts of it have gotten a lot better. I used to spend over an hour in the bathroom every time I went pee, washing my hands and my stomach and my leg area, and genitals out of fear of any pee splashing on me and any germs that could have connected from the pee stream. This has gotten better, and I've (mostly) gotten over this fear, understanding that I would feel it splashing on me, and the world would not end. However, I am spending upwards of 8-10+ hours in the bathroom every time I have to poop. I won't go deep into the details of my rituals, but they are long and I have to make sure I am EMPTY, and then do a certain number of wipes in certain spots, and then do a final couple wipes with one piece of paper to check, and if that doesn't go well, I have to start all the way over, and by the time I'm done it has typically taken 10 hours. Anyways, I just feel like my bathroom usage is ruling my life and I hate having to spend so much time of my life in there. I'm never sure I can go on trips with family, and I'm constantly canceling on people and I have to make plans on when I'll use the bathroom and plan my day to day based on that. I'm certain it also takes a toll on my family, and my girlfriend. I go to talk therapy and my therapist is really great but. I don't think that I'd enough anymore. I'm lost and I don't know what to do. I'm sick of having to deal with this. Thanks for reading.

I am feeling so shitty right now… I am literally dealing with so many mental issues it’s making me hate the way I am and it’s messing with my head. I need to know I am not alone, I need to hear that someone feels similar. I am such a sensitive/nervous person I hate it SO MUCH. I dealt with Harm OCD for so long, and I’ve always been a loner, but now that I am finally getting to meet more people, my low self esteem, social anxiety and even emetophobia are getting on the way. Whenever I hang out with new people I haven’t met for that long, I get extremely nervous, shaky, sweaty, red, my voice cracks, my lips tremble, and I even struggle to eat. This is messing so bad with my self esteem, (that was low on its own), that I feel embarrased and uncomfortable around people all of the time. I hate this. I just wanna be happy and I haven’t been able to in such a long time. I am always dealing with so much I can’t take it.

OCD stole those precious moments away from my baby and I. She’s 18 months now but I went through so much. I was having really scary thoughts. I didn’t want to be around her cause I was scared I was going to hurt her. I avoided my baby when she needed her mother. I was so scared to be alone with her. It hurts so bad. She’s the most perfect thing on this earth and I feel like she deserves so much better. I’ve struggled with OCD and depression all my life. I’m so scared that I’m going to ruin her somehow with all my mental health issues. God I just want the best for her. I can’t get over the guilt. I’m 20 weeks with my second and I’m so scared. I love my babies so much but i don’t want to ruin them.

I had a few gay experiences when I was a kid and that would be when I was with my male cousins ​​and a few kids in the neighborhood at least 5-7 times a year... after going through these, I would have a lot of embarrassment and boredom. and I was always ashamed of it. I couldn't talk to girls much until 3rd high school, either we would be friends or I couldn't communicate with them while talking, I was bad and I didn't have a good relationship with my mother, but I was nice to other women to be respectful. my mother used to embarrass me too, I fought with my mother a lot when I was a kid, then passed in high school, of course, this tragic life of mine affected my relationship with women and my god complex towards my father always made me think that my father knew best and he was wrong affected me deeply over time... my very terrible experiences Now, was I trans, was that the reason I loved female main characters and watched teen dramas when I was a kid, or was I gay? It affected me because I was so ashamed of women and because I had a sexual relationship too late. I don't know if it's me I wonder if the thought of dying comforts me in these situations

The thoughts and feelings make me feel in denial. Accepting them makes them feel even more real

How can you tell the difference between being attracted to someone’s looks and wanting to look like them? I’ve never had a strong sense of identity and I feel so disconnected from everything right now that it’s impossible to tell. I’m compulsively looking at everyone I see and asking myself if I want to look like that.

I feel like the things our brains come up with (intrusive thoughts) can be actually traumatizing. Even if you’ve have the most perfect life, no abuse or anything, OCD can leave you with some sort of trauma. Like can you get ptsd from this? I feel like this is probably one of the worse mental illnesses out there

I have a horrid fear of being cheated on, I have been cheated on in the past, and I have a fear of abandonment so bad that I am pretty prone to codependency. I was in a long distance relationship for a year and a few weeks ago moved in to his apartment. Im thrilled to be here, I love him, he is my favorite partner I’ve ever had, and my best friend. I have a severe fear of being cheated on. I have struggled with even hearing about his coworkers. I’ve tried to bite my tongue and tell him to make me uncomfortable with these things because I need to get over it. Right when I moved out here he turned find my iPhone on for both of us. It’s a kind of nice gesture, especially with him being my only point of contact in this state. Only I know he can look like he’s home all day if he just switches location to something like his iPad or EarPods. Sooooo of course I’m checking it non stop. And then at that he can always see me coming home from work. 3 days in a row I saw the same girl coming from our apartment building when I get home. She makes eye contact with me and I smile but my gut tells me that’s his other girlfriend. It threw me into a full on panic attack on the third day and he got mad at me. I told him I just want him to hold me and tell me I don’t have to worry but he says getting accused of being a shitty person this much makes him not want to be close to me like that. At this point he doesn’t want to hear it and he says he’s given me enough reassurance. I realize the average person wouldn’t move a partner in from out of state if they had a local affair partner. I’m trolling adultery Reddit, I used my old phone to hide at work on wifi to try and come home “early” and surprise him and now that’s my only goal on the daily. To come home and see them together because that’s all I can see in my head. Right when I started my new job he took a two week break between his- so he’s gonna have all this free time, untracked, and it’s making me feel so horrible. I want to quit and stay home, I want to hide microphones and cameras. I feel crazy. I feel like there’s no way to get out of this without breaching serious trust or pushing him away with lashing out. I can’t ask for reassurance because of his take on it and also because I know that doesn’t fix the problem it actually makes it worse. I’m lost and dying over this and desperate to fix this. His stance is that the last gf he had like this cheated on him, and he’s going to get tired of hearing about it one day and snap. (We’ve dated twice. This is honestly our main problem) I asked for what he thinks I should do and of course he wants me to “just stop” and “get over it” that I spend “too much time justifying why I have these fears” and that I need to “just decide to not have them anymore.” Like bro I wish I could I’m in agony. Admittedly other than me being sensitive and looking for anything that could be a sign of cheating (and getting delusionally creative over it) I actually don’t think he is cheating on me. But I still can’t stop feeling like and treating him like he is because it’s taken over my brain.