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I rarely have problems with this disorder these days, but I still have obsessive thoughts regarding relationships and my boundaries. It seems that whenever I invest emotionally with someone, I almost immedietely enter this rollercoaster of various types of obsessive-compulsive sequences that come after each other in the kind of vicious cycle: a) when I am spending lots of time with someone I begin to obsess that I will lose control of my entire life due to them, because all I will ever think about is them and all I will ever do will be talking or spending time with them to the point of neglecting my other duties and self-development. I am scared the new relationship will take all of my time. b) so I compulsively try to limit the effect they have on me by strongly ritualising the contact - restricting it only to certain days, or certain times of the day, et cetera. c) this triggers an avalanche of scrupulous OCD in which not being always available equals bad, failing, neglectful, manipulative friend/partner. I am also tending to have catastrophising obsessions that they will need me while I'll be gone or that they are already angry at me and this will blow up. It leads me to be guilty and in turn idealising them and wanting to make it up to them. d) but once I am returning to contact and try to be helpful and useful sudden obsession comes that reminds me of some random way this person has disappointed me in the past and i start to get severe obsessions about them being abusive and hurting me without me noticing. Attempt to rationalise it provokes counter obsession that I am only rationalising due to Stockholm Syndrome, lol e) then I have this another bout of guilt because rationally I know this person is not abusive yet I still obsess about it and I get another obsession on top of those obsession - an obsession that my preoccupation with the " what if they are abusive?" is somehow visible to the person in question as me being aloof, withdrawn or tense around the person and that will hurt them as they will not know what is going on. So I get the urge to confess all of that and also get reassurance that this will be forgiven. I am not really looking for advice as there's probably not much to advice - with years I have been getting better at ignoring those thoughts and not getting myself dragged into the drama. Still it still keeps happening in any significant relationship I have, episodically, whenever my psychological immunity is lowered because I am overtired or stressed about something, it comes back like herpes lol. I am just wondering if it ever goes away entirely or if this circus will always go on in my head as it's tiring and I sometimes wish my responses to emotional intimacy were just normal for a change

Today was supposed to be a great day at the beach with my husband and kids. I woke up and the first thought is your a closeted lesbian it’s time to tell your hubby. I ignored it and stuffed my Zoloft in my mouth praying for it to work again. I tried to sleep but it kept looping . Me feeling masculine and saying you see your a lesbian time to tell husband. The heat on back of neck headache nausea is this OCD? Or is this the truth. Try to ignore and push myself to go to beach. All I want to do is cry and search forums to see others feelings to prove my whole life isn’t over it’s just a mental disorder or chemical imbalance . My wonderful husband who makes me feel safe and showers me with love and affection. I feel so bad , is this really going to happen? Felt a urge to talk to my daughter about it . It sent me spiraling time to break the news to your daughter that you want to be with a woman and not her dad . Heat on back of neck tears o my god is this true do I want this ? No you don’t? Yes you do? You’ve always known you’ve always fought this. Stop leading this man on? Let him go so you can be your truth? Tell him now now now god please help me take this away no it’s not true yes it is . Smoke a little it’ll help god it’s getting worse . I’m stuck in bed and am frozen Do others feel this ? Is this ocd? What’s happening we were so good just a couple of weeks ago Yeah intrusive thoughts would come and go but and I always wondered yes I’ve had other themes yes I have been under tremendous stress What is happening.

I don’t even feel reassurance anymore when I do compulsions. I relapsed a theme after 2 years of not having it. It’s been 4 days, I just feel fully convinced that I’m transgender. I’m so scared and I had a panic attack after realising how similar my experience is to the someone else who is trans, and how denial could also be scary. I don’t even know if this is OCD anymore . It feels real, and like denial. Can someone please tell me what to do. I had a huge panic attack where my hands were shaking and I felt cold and I was breathing deeply and heavily and repeating no no no. And I genuinely thought I was transgender. I feel like there is no way anymore that I’m not transgender. My brain is split in 50/50 and I don’t know which side it true. The thought of being trans is giving me so much anxiety and I keep checking the trans subreddits and seeing if I relate and when I do I panic. I keep thinking what if I do ERP and I’m just stopping myself from genuine self exploration if I am actually trans. What if I am trans and they don’t let me transition (this thought scares me because why would I be thinking about wanting to transition???) . I can’t even remember what I was like prior to this starting. My TOCD started at such and early age and I didn’t even get to figure out who I was. But I felt like myself in the recent months I think. I don’t know what the fuck is going on. Help. I’m so fucking scared. I don’t wanna be transgender. I want to naturally be feminine. It’s like some of my old wants and desires disappeared. Help.

At first some intrusive thoughts were very disgusting, after having them for so long in my mind, they’re not that disgusting anymore which makes me feel more anxious is that normal ?

Fear wearing items touching things things falling off me and never being able to retrieve them when out. Feel like I have ashes all over me but I know it’s just ocd but can’t move last just feels immoral to carry on bern stick in house for nearly 2 months struggle to go toliet due to contamination fearsvrestrict food water also please help some one

Good morning!!! Are any of you out there over 60? I am 64 years young! I am super active and not to sound conceited but when I tell people his old I am they are shocked! I take care of me! Do hot yoga, work out, eat right most of the time and have a happy yet OCD tarnished life. Started in my childhood and themes have come and gone. Did erp and have been quite better. Last few days it’s rearing it’s ugly little head… my ocd…. You are 64… how much time do you have left to live…. DEATH! It’s always been my main theme. Fear if it! Mine and my loved ones. Major childhood trauma on my 10th bday when my dad almost died of a massive heart attack. He did due 10 years later while all along I worried that he would be taken from us… long story short I am feeling the tentacles close in lately. Yes of course we will all die but. While I continue to breathe and enjoy this wonderful life, any words of wisdom from my fellow “baby boomers”! Happy Sunday💛please and thank you🥰

Okay so back in December I made the disgusting drunk decision to make the biggest mistake of my entire life, one that had forever changed me. I was the drunkest I’ve ever been and slept with someone who had a gf, at the time drunk me did know but it wasn’t in my conscious brain at all that it was something I should worry about. Until I woke up the next morning and felt stuck to my stomach and the lil amount I even remembered. This guy was driving my home, he was driving so he was definitely more sober than I was. Anyway, my point is I’ve met this absolute lovely guy the same night and we hit it off so well to the point today we are seeing each other and even exclusive. He knew the guy and even got dropped off by him as well! And to this day I’m not 100% certain on what this guy knows of the story, we’ve talked about it briefly and he says the guy was disgusting and he isn’t friends with him anymore. Then we talked about mistakes and how no matter what you’ve done in your past if you’ve learnt and grown from it then nobody can ask more of you, the thing is I don’t know if I should tell him what I’ve done and if I do what do I do if he leaves me. It’s something I’m having to live with and I do my want to, I don’t wanna think about my last anymore. My friend says it’s probably best for there or be no secrets between you both and for you to be 100% completely honest with one another which I do wanna do, but I don’t know when I should do it. I am absolutely head over heels, and this is the first time I’m admitting it, in love with this guy. I can’t loose him he’s my rock and I’m his. I’m so anxious I’m at work rn feeling like I’m gonna have a breakdown over it. I want him fully I don’t want anyone else, I’m not a cheater I would never ever do that, but during the time I did I was in the biggest deepest hole of depression to the point life seems pointless. I lost my Nan, my dog and the guy I thought I loved in the span of a couple months and I just didn’t see the point of caring anymore. But he changed everything, the moment I met him my entire life changed, he changed me fully and I couldn’t be happier but fuck this anxiety is killing me

Something I've noticed is that I can't help but take certain things personally. Like losing in a video game when trying to have fun, or comparing myself to others unfairly, or whenever I think of the things I'm ashamed of. I don't really know why my self esteem is this low but with OCD, it does not help because of all of these intrusive thoughts. I don't really know what to do about it besides try to ignore it. I'm also not the best with socializing

Hi there, I just downloaded the app yesterday in hopes of guidance. For me, I believe I may have recently learned I have OCD several weeks ago. In looking through what has occured, I believe I might be struggling with Hit and Run OCD. Roughly two weeks ago, I was driving to meet my friends with the window down and radio on. I looked to adjust the radio briefly in combination with hearing a child outside. While the thought occured if I may have hit a child, I continued to drive thinking nothing of it. Closer to my destination, I became more and more panicked, and involved looking at my car for any new damage or blood on the tires. Even though nothing was noticeable, since then it has been dehabilitating with checking news and police reports, mental reassurance, etc. Then two days ago, when driving through a parking garage, I ran over what logically would be a speed bump (checking that the garage has speed bumps in multiple areas) and did my best not to check and continue to my destination. However, I can't remember exactly when I hit that speed bump, so I'm panicked over another possible hit and run scenario I was unsure of. Even now, I have doubts about my dented license plate from years ago was new and from a pedestrian, or even if I have OCD at all and am using this as an excuse of some sort. My apologies for the long winded response, as I am researching and trying to put ERP into practice, but any guidance would be extremely grateful.

Anyone else with this theme? No reassurance please. Also sorry this post is really long! Guys I’m trying to nip a new theme in the bud. I discovered r/fakedisordercringe last night and went down kind of an awful rabbit hole. Now my brain keeps telling me I’ve been faking ocd and other mental health troubles I’ve had in the past because my life is easy and I’m bored and want to be special or something. Admittedly I kinda feel like I made myself mentally ill with subconscious intent to punish myself— like I did some attention seeking stuff out of boredom and lied a lot as a young teen, but I went pretty far with how much I hurt/sabotaged myself so there must’ve been something else going on that was deeper than just surface-level faking. And the way my brain functions has changed radically as a result. I definitely have OCD. These people accuse other people of making mental illness their entire personality, and it makes me insecure about how much I talk about mine. It isn’t my personality, but it takes up so much of my brain space and I’m done with being alone and not talking about this stuff. Sometimes I seriously lose touch with my interests and positive attributes because it feels like the villain in my intrusive thoughts is all that exists. And it’s not true— I’m passionate about music and nature and sometimes I feel an immense joy lust for life. I have a few close who I love very dearly and could talk to for hours and the grip of the thoughts temporarily melts away. I was also diagnosed with autism when I was very young, but in most situations I don’t “pass” as autistic to others because I am very verbal and articulate. I’ve always struggled with things like making friends, sensory overload, changes in routine and holding jobs, but to a lot of people it probably just looks like I’m shy, anxious, incompetent, who knows? There are some people on the internet who are mostly self-diagnosed and post cute posts and say things about autism that feel weirdly infantilizing and make me uncomfortable—but ultimately I, a stranger, can’t be the judge of whether they’re really on the spectrum. Especially because I fear many people on this subreddit would probably come for me just because of how I carry myself a lot of the time (“not disabled enough”, “insulting to the people who are really struggling”). I think my OCD impairs me a lot more than my autistic traits these days but like. Did my parents “fake” my diagnosis? Other parents thought they did but I don’t fucking think so. I don’t want to let this toxic negativity overtake my brain; I had a really good day yesterday and I want my hope to reign.

This is really personal for me to share but I fear that something is wrong with me. I will be 19 next month and I’m still a virgin. I’ve always had the fear of intimacy and having sex had always intimidated me. I fear that this is because I’m a lesbian and I’m starting to fear that my friends think I’m lesbian because of this.. I feel like this isn’t normal.

Do some of you with religious ocd also struggle with thoughts like god doesnt love you because otherwise you wouldnt have ocd or that you have to prove somehow that you too are worthy of love?

I have insurance that NOCD will take (if that made sense ) but My mom doesn’t wanna get me therapy on this app for some reason… I haven’t ate in 2 days because I’m having all these scary intrusive thoughts 😔 I’m so alone n I have no one to talk to I went to the hospital yesterday and I told them abt my fear of drugs but they never gave any advice or things I could do to end this fear :(

I am having such a hard time understanding the why behind ERP therapy. I understand that if you complete a compulsion, it makes the anxiety worse long term. I just have the hardest time trying to understand why I would put myself in an uncomfortable situation just to one day not be worried about a specific thing? If there is something in the moment I can do to get rid of my anxiety, why wouldn’t I do that? (I asked my therapist these questions and she just told me to keep living the way I was living then) I am hoping one of y’all who is actively going through it can help me understand better.

Good morning just wanted to vent a little so the theme I struggled/ still struggling with? I don’t even know if am or if it’s just not as bad or what but the theme I struggle with is Schizophrenia OCD and I’ve just been noticing I’m hyper vigilant of random thoughts ? Like I’ll be reading something on fb or watching tv and a random thought or word will pop into my head that has nothing to do at all with what I’m doing at the moment and also just remembering random memories too that have nothing to do with what I’m currently doing. I noticed it happens way more often when I’m stressed out or anxious. I’m pretty sure yesterday morning I got triggered and that’s when the random thoughts and everything started again. It’s just annoying because now that I know I struggle with that theme so I’m not thinking as often “oh I probably have schizophrenia” but I’m still too focused on the random thoughts and words that pop up and it won’t be anything bad at all actually I’ll just be random words that I heard earlier from like a show or movie or video I was watching. It’s just really annoying and kind of stressful I was just wondering if anyone has gone through this and has any tips ??

TW: discussion of heart disease and heart-related content Ugh. I was doing SO well with my somatic OCD, and then BAM, yesterday it hit me after I was triggered during a discussion with my Psych NP. We were discussing my medications and are decreasing the dose of my SSRI, because supratherapeutic doses carry an increased risk for QT interval elongation and arrhythmias. My dad has no structural heart disease, but does see a cardiologist for management of PVCs. I’m in the medical field, so I know there is often a familial or genetic component to heart diseases. One of my OCD themes has ALWAYS been somatic. I have immense health anxiety whenever I experience a physical symptom. After exercise or drinking too much coffee, for example, when my heart rate goes up, I dislike the physical sensation, and worry I’m having an arrhythmia. My compulsion has long been to check my pulse to make sure I’m not. I also do a lot of reassurance seeking online, and mental compulsions. I’ve been doing a great job lately not doing these things, but became so distressed after my conversation with my provider, that I gave in to some research and checking my pulse. The rest of the day, I utilized the SOS feature successfully! Today I have been successfully not engaging in compulsions, but am feeling very anxious. It’s frustrating that the OCD convinces you it is an actual medical problem, and ignoring it could damage your health… but it’s more complex because I have a family history! I do have my annual physical coming up next week where they usually do an EKG. So trying to remember to leave it to the professionals. But words of encouragement or motivation are welcomed, because it’s so hard on days like today. Thanks and keep working hard everyone!

Is there anything that you’re proud of/happy with that has happened in your life in the last week? Please share, would be happy to hear!

I was watching a movie about the world ending and it was making me have a panic attack. And yet when my mind keeps racing and won’t shut up about my pocd I don’t get the same reaction. It’s when my first initial reaction when I just look at a kid is groinal responses and fluttering heart. I never even cared about kids but of course when a tiny human is brought into our family all of these thoughts started to rise. It was so bad yesterday that I could barely eat or concentrate at work yesterday. It’s really making me believe it’s not pocd and I’m actually a pedophile. This erp stuff isn’t working. First it’s okay for a while and then it gets bad like this and I just feel so lost and scared again. Please God help me. Just make this go away. Im not strong enough for this.

Does anyone else already said his intrusive thoughts out loud when alone and really struggling with an ocd episode ? And then regretting so much I feel so alone 😢

My bf is coming over tomorrow to my house to stay for 4 days. Lately everyone I’ve seen him I’ve always had really bad anxiety attacks to the point where I’m shaking and vomiting and my ego body hurts and goes numb. I’m panicking rn and nobody is getting it. I wanna cancel but I feel bad and my therapist said I have to but if I’m already having anxiety rn imagine tomorrow and the next 4 days? I feel stuck rn bc I’m afraid it I have a panic attack my parents will get mad and not let him come over. I can’t vent to anyone really about this I just need help and advice bc I’m over everything rn