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the NOCD Community

I want to beat OCD because I’m tired of worrying about if something has been contaminated with raw meat especially raw chicken after I touch it and spread the contaminates around.

From the time I was a small child I was labeled as crazy, off in the head and repeatdly told something is wrong with you by family and so-called friends. This was due to my counting rituals saying 12,12 over and over until things felt right and these actions would accor walking on the sidewalk and if I didn't step over a crack just right I would have to go back and say 1212 until things felt and the same happened with light switches. When I read the obituarys in the paper I couldn't look at " young ages" such 20 or 30 I would have to look at an older person's age and count 1212 in sets of fours until I felt I performed the ritual property. Then came trying to prove nothing was wrong me aka people pleasing all to no avail. Lastly I currently say prayers at 50 years that I have to say a certain number of time although not driving under bridge. This has been a lifelong problem and I admit I need additional help with ocd in conjunction with Wellbutrin. I'm at the point where I realized the 12 steps saying that I must acknowledge complete defeat to move forward. I ask all of you to pray for and allow me to join this fight against ocd

When I'm drinking caffeine, I feel great. Not worried at all during, but afterward, when I'm on the come down, I am get very anxious. Does anyone else notice this?

As the title says I think I might have a new theme coming and it’s meta :( lately I’ve been ruminating on the thought I’ll never get over ocd and even though I’ve made some progress it tells me it doesn’t matter as it’ll always be the same or that I’m in denial with things,or if I don’t constantly keep doing perfectly good with my exposures I’ll always keep going backwards, etc etc. and it doesn’t help it partners with the other themes I have but idk all day I’ve been overwhelmed with these thoughts and last night I had a meltdown over it. Idk what to really do cause I can’t stop ruminating on it and tomorrow is my last day of school and I wanna make it good but I’m afraid my thoughts won’t stop even then or I’ll never actually improve.

Hi, im Beck. I suffer with pure o, ocd. This morning while working, I got caught up in a thought. It ended with me getting caught in a 5 hour Spiral. My compulsions are prayers. So I sat basically and said the same prayer over and over again 5 hours. While pinching are hitting myself, Because it seems to be the only thing I can redirect my thought pattern. Of course it's short lived because if it wasn't.... It wouldn't have lasted five hours. One Of the worst parts is I was supposed to be focusing on work. But I had convinced myself that if I didn't do or finish my compulsions, That whoever I was emailing would directly be harmed somehow. This Of course made it impossible to stop. Because at that point any work that I would have done would have been " Tainted" With that negative thought. And of course the Dreaded thought of what if it something did happen because I didn't finish. I just feel so Exhausted and sad. My therapist recently asked me, If I felt like I deserved happiness. How are you supposed to feel happiness, for yourself when you literally can't stand who you are. I'm sorry this isn't a positive post. It's just that when I talk to people who aren't inside this world that we live in.... I guess I just needed to vent, to people Who understand that "just stop " Doesn't exist. Thank you for reading. - B ♡

I been recently diagnosed with ocd but in the same time I was dealing with a breakup. It’s been 5 months already but we officially separated from each other 3 months ago. I prolonged the process of the break up and I’m finally dealing with it on my own. But recently I been struggling being there for myself because he used to be my best friend and I don’t really talk to a lot of people other than my sisters. I know it takes time to heal, but sometimes I feel pathetic because I still feel like I need him when I know I don’t. Recently he hasn’t been consistent with texting because he’s going through something but I keep overthinking it and believing maybe we won’t have a stable friendship. I been told it better to let go of the friendship, and I still there going back in forth if I should. I could tell I feel insecure being alone and I know one day I will feel comfortable with it, but it’s hard being positive. I have trouble regulating my emotions and sometimes I feel alone going through this.

I’m going to be really vulnerable and some of this is embarrassing but I need to talk to somebody. My mom is a narcissist…I was kicked out of the house yesterday for simply responding to something she said, she took it the wrong way and now I’m living with my sister. My father also told my mom he wants a divorce (after the argument) he has left and for the first time we are all separated we always bicker and argue but it’s just us 3, we are all we got. I’m scared and all I want is love…a major part of my ocd is scheduling, timing, planning, lists and saying things just right. I had my week planned out, tomorrow I was supposed to go and spend the money I got for my bday and get my birthday present which was going to adopt a new cat…now I don’t get to. I had my week planned perfectly and now it’s ruined and I keep having panic attacks over it. I also have Asperger’s and I’m scared of the change. My mom told me I could come back tonight and now she changed her mind and said she doesn’t want me back…I made her something for Mother’s Day which I was really proud of and took me almost 3 hours to make. She told me last night she hated it for the soul reason that I made it. Please somebody help me not feel scared for the change. I’m also having panic attacks becuase I wasn’t able to say goodnight the way I like to say it last night and so now that was ruined to (my Asperger’s and OCD combined like me to say things just right every night or my head tells me everything is ruined)

My ocd seems worse (6 weeks pregnant) I’ve developed a lot of health fears and fears of losing the pregnancy etc. Along with my other ocd themes seeming worse atm. Does anyone have advice or help?

Is anyone else here a mom with harm OCD? It makes me question everything. If I love them enough, if I really want them, it's horrible I don't wanna have these questions or doubts. I wanna be a happy mom that is sure of herself and sure of wanting her kids and the love I have for them. OCD has taken a lot from me. I even was hospitalised for it because I couldn't take it anymore. Please tell me it gets better. Is anyone in the same position?

Feeling a little despondent because I had been doing better for a few weeks, making some progress and experiencing less anxiety, but I had a bad flare this past weekend after a stressful week and now I feel like I'm back where I was a month ago and that I'll never get any better than this. I think the worst part is that it feels so isolating. I can't really talk to my friends about it because they don't have OCD and don't understand, and I feel like I'm just burdening them with crazy nonsense and alienating them because they can't relate to anything I talk about anymore. I can't talk to my family because they're tired of having to live with me and fed up with me not making any substantial progress, and me talking about my OCD just makes them angry because it means I haven't been working hard enough to get better and I should be over it by now. It's worse now that I gave them the false hope that I was doing better, but every time I relapse I let them down and they're running out of patience to deal with me. I am an emotional and financial burden to my family and I contribute nothing in return. I can barely leave the house, I'm almost 38 years old and I've never had a real job or any interests outside of my obsessions. My family is pretty much the only thing I have going for me and if I don't get better NOW, my behavior will push them away too. I see people younger than me getting help for OCD and I feel like it's just too late, this disorder is all I'll ever be and I'll never be able to recover and have an identity outside of it. I am seeing a therapist but no matter how much they tell me I'm working hard or making progress, I just can't see it and I'm sure they'll give up on me soon.

I’ve been doing fairly well the past 3 weeks, I finally came out of a bad episode. The past couple of days I can feel it coming back on again and I just don’t know how to deal with it. It always seems like it has to get so debilitating before it can feel easier again but I just can’t keep getting to that real low point every single time. Any advice?

I can’t even get out of bed this thought is killing me! If I have a different opinion on a controversial topic to my partner does that mean we can’t be together? Does that mean I have to leave them because I can’t support that opinion on the topic? I saw a TikTok that said I couldn’t be with someone who has a different opinion like thsg to me, one that is very controversial and it’s killing me. I have fallen so so so hard for this guy that I’m seeing, to the point I can’t see anyone else being for me, but after finding out this way he thinks it’s sorta made me think shit I can’t be with him because society have out this label on people who have different options to others and now I’m stressed out! I don’t even know if he truly has this opinion, we’ve had the conversation 3 times and he’s always had a different view, like the 2nd time he mentioned it, it was like he was trying to see how much he could push me away by making it up, the first time he mentioned it he made it clear he wasn’t the option and didn’t think that way so it’s got me confused! I’m scared if I talk to him about it then imma find something out about him I don’t like. Which then means I have to leave him and leave my haply space. Leave the guy who makes me feel all these amazing feelings. I don’t want to do that but if I don’t then I’m scared society is going to hate me and attack me. I’m hurting so bad right now, I think I’m gonna have to tell him my thoughts but I don’t know what to do

okay my story little long sorry for writing all this but i wanna take it out from my chest so im in last year in highschool in my country we have final exams wich is very strict 2 teacher no talking no phone pre selected seat for students so in past year i was final year too i got very scared to take finals exams so i skipped them my family blamed me for that its same situation that im stuck in this time final exams are 2 weeks away im scared I can't skip them again im very scared i cant sleep at night I can't tell anyone what im feeling right now because i told my famiky last year no one believes me so when im in class with strict teacher i feel like im trapped no exit to run I can't exit like bathroom to catch a breath i feel like im going to piss on my self and embarrass my self wich is scarring shit outta of me in mid term exams i didn't had this feeling because i can just hand over the exams even if its empty paper but in finals i can't exit before half time wich is 1h30min its tmtoo much time i feel like dying i cant breathe when in mid term exams when teacher ask me to seat in front table i feel this feeling and what is weird when i run and exit exam i feel okay I can't study I won't pass exam i can't skip them either my family will kill me if i do every night i keep getting negative thaugh and prediction future I can't focus on anything else i tried deep breath self therapy i didn't get better i tried 2 psychology doctor i didn't get better either im thinking of ending my life every night i need help i don't even know how express my feeling

So this morning, I was having quite a bit of anxiety and I was having the usual intrusive thoughts and all that comes with them. And at work I was listening to a podcast about my particular “theme” of OCD which initially was a total compulsion on my part, because I listened to it in an effort to bring down my anxiety. But at the end of the episode, the host, who is a licensed therapist and OCD specialist, went through a imaginative exposure type thingy, and I was at work so I didn’t really get to sit down and truly follow along, but nonetheless it made me anxious and got the anxiety going again. But something that this guy kept saying was “notice how you’re feeling right now. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, don’t label it. Just allow yourself to have that thought and to feel however you feel about it.” And honestly, I was at a point where I was willing to do anything to get these thoughts to go away. 😂 So I sat with those thoughts and it was super uncomfortable but I didn’t fight them, I just said “okay”, and then didn’t do a compulsion after that. I think I did ERP correctly for the first time! It didn’t feel good in the moment, but now, some hours later, I feel really good! Now for the original reason for my post. After work, I decided I was gonna go mountain biking. It’s something I’ve loved doing for over 10 years and it’s probably my favorite hobby. And I just went, and chose not to be afraid of my intrusive thoughts and just let what ever thoughts were to come to just be there. And I found myself having the thoughts, but focusing way more on how much fun I was having hitting these jumps on my mountain bike. I feel more like myself tonight than I’ve felt in months. I feel genuinely me! Not the obsessive compulsive me. And it’s a dang good feeling. It took me so long to build up the courage to allow the thoughts to be there and to lean into them. But leaning into them and allowing them to be there without attaching any meaning to them will help you so much. Try it!

I’ve been staying home from school to much because of my fear and I’ve been screaming at my family and crying myself to sleep and sobbing on the floor trying to find answers. Does anyone else fear death?

i feel like what if me and my partner don’t make it and what if he’s falling out of love with me? i keep having intrusive thoughts of him wanting someone else instead of me and choosing to marry and spend a lifetime with someone else. idk if this is anxiety or a gut feeling :/. but nonetheless its scary. he tells me he loves me and he only wants to be with me and he never wants to leave me. but idk..

I feel like I have to do things a certain amount of times.Such as 2or 5 times. Or i have to do 3 and 2 then double it and do 2 and 3 sets of something.(it’s very confusing).It messes with me so much that if I step on a crack in the middle of the street I have to go back all the way to go touch the line again.

I feel like the way my HOCD was first triggered is abnormal. I feel like everyone had a thought like “what if I’m gay” or something of that sort. My first trigger was a picture of a girl I felt attracted to — but it was WEIRD because I knew this girl and I never really thought she was like gorgeous or anything. I was super hormonal when my ocd started for the first time so I don’t know if that has to do with anything. I fear that the “attraction” I felt for her was a sexual awakening.

Hey guys so obviously alcohol isn’t great to take with ssris but I’ve heard mixed conclusions about smoking weed with ssris. When I’m high I feel great and it gives me some room to breath from my ocd/anxiety/depression but I recently learned that weed can inhibit the therapeutic effects of the medication. I’m worried that even tho it feels good in the moment that it’s not letting my meds work correctly Right now I’m on Zoloft 100 and I have been on and off for the last 7 years and I’ve been smoking almost every night for the last couple years. Does anyone have an experience or hindsight on whether or not weed prevents the meds from working well?

I feel so horrific right now… my brain keeps telling me that my urges are the same that these people have because I read that they feel distress too! I am trying really hard to not let myself accpet I am this person but it feels like my urges are the same. I don’t understand how I can have such urges if I am not this person..