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working to conquer OCD
A lot of us go through horrible experiences with our OCD day-to-day to the point of we’re literally living in fear. Does anyone have any tips on how to self-soothe when your OCD is loud?
I’m struggling a bit right now. I have, until now, REALLY emotionally struggled and my brain is saying accepting these thoughts are a lot easier and usually I get so so upset but my brain is numb. Some of my thoughts get no real emotional response and this terrifies me as the whole convo surrounding this is “you know these thoughts aren’t real cos you’re so upset. Has anyone had this too?
I saw a video that sexuality can change on YouTube and it's triggered me badly my brain is now saying that ever since hocd my sexuality has changed to bisexual I'm feeling lack of attraction to women again, I'm affraid I cannot deal with this alone again I need advice I was happy being straight I was happy being in love with women, having crushes and feeling attraction to them I feel so alien right now my identity is lost :( worst relapse I've ever had.
My ocd was weaponized by a therapist who wanted to do trauma work. Against my wishes. She told me “why are you in therapy if you don’t want to do the work”. I didn’t know about my childhood trauma. But she found it, and judged me for it. And then put intrusive thoughts in my head. It wasn’t until this week that I realized that I might be suffering from ocd. My family is getting sick of me. I’m stuck in a negative tape loop. After therapy I started having panic attacks and now am faced with dealing with anxiety and depression almost daily. I’m so pissed at her. I think I’m traumatized by going to therapy. She taught my brain to look for trouble. She also put unhelpful thoughts in my heads. Oh, and when my lizard brain found the guilt and shame of childhood. She told me to imagine a golden box to put it back in. My inner child wants to burn my house down and has no plans on leaving. So, I feel stuck.
I have absolutely no desire to make any promises to God, but that’s how this started out. I made one promise to God and wasn’t going to fail it for anything. After it was over, I guess my ocd realized how much promises to God meant to me because at some point after I started having intrusive thoughts of saying the promise word to God and then feeling as though I would have to do whatever I felt I promised (the compulsion) or I feared something would be “taken away” from me or that I would be “punished” somehow if I didn’t. After several months I think of battling this, it then shifted demonically. Now I fear as though I’m making oaths or promises to the devil himself and though I know I can break those ties simply by calling on Jesus’ Name…. How many more times? I can’t keep taking this, it’s draining the life out of me and I live every day in survival mode. I got ocd in my last therapy session and thought I may have made a stupid oath to God that I wouldn’t talk much, so in fear of God’s punishment or allowance for punishment somehow, I spent 95% of the session dead quiet just listening. I need help or this is going to eat me alive, if you don’t mind please share your thoughts🙏🏼
My ex therapist. She denied I had OCD, even if I obsessed over my health, being schizophrenic, my ex relationship, religion etc...she said I was just an anxious person, one day I started to obsess over being trans (but it lasted just two months, because I never liked the idea of being a guy) and I told her this thing and she started saying "maybe you do have some signs of OCD, but nothing extreme" and she told me it was definitely just an obsession created by tiktok. But then I told her then the month before I also started obsess over my sexuality a little bit because I worked with a masc lesbian and I liked her appearance, but then it went away because I realized that I liked guys more and I didn't like her sexually, just the appearance. But she started to press me into thinking more about my sexuality, it could be true, maybe I was a lesbian even if I liked guys before I still could be a lesbian etc, even if I was obsessing it didn't mean it couldn't be true etc...and it started. I couldn't stop thinking about it, I didn't go to therapy for a year because I was scared, I didn't go out anymore. Then I changed therapist, she told me it was definitely OCD and I had every sign OCD. I went to another therapist too, to see if he agreed and he told me that I had OCD without doubts. But I still think about my ex therapist. I can't stop thinking about what she said.
So a month ago I started taking trintellix for ocd but a month later I decided to not take it as it didn't really do much for me. I read the side effects and that really triggered my ocd and gave it something to latch onto. I was so worried I would get blasted with the suicidal side effects as Suicidal OCD is a sub type I deal with. Then I've been on/off again with this girl because of my rocd that I didn't find out about till last September. I feel like I had an epiphany though! Because as I sat in the uncomfortability of my ocd I dig into my tools and realized something. Well first I questioned why the ocd always attacks what we fear most? Which...that's it! That's how I combat it. The ocd for me, attacks my worst fears and flips the script on my true morals/beliefs. So it's like "unhooking" where you take the "thought" and look at it as if it was in your hand, then you "look" at the thought and you instantly realize that none of the intrusive thoughts, or fears are true! So guys, let's stay strong! Keep using whatever tools you have to help you keep on pushing! This does get easier! We can handle this!💚
My OCD has been with me since childhood. I got some help with my mental health in my teens and went to an actual hospital. I’m now almost 30 and something’s changed after I got COVID. Granted so many triggering and nerve wrecking scenarios have transpired to not give me any peace of mind even in the “down” moments. I find myself being fully unable to do a single thing without my ocd taking over now however. I have so many types of ocd which I knew but mine is complex. My ocd is associated to germs and what have you but anyone associated to my SA abuser I distance myself from too. There is a emotional component. I can’t even have anything to do with people who have any estranged tie but it’s transferred to objects now. Other people who may have just had that person at their home etc. I’m now unable to receive packages from certain people even knowing they may have come from Amazon directly for example but also my favorite human being I can’t see anymore even moving closer to them because of this whole situation. In my mind they may have had a person in their home therefore they have touched things they have touched and then would touch me etc. I know these things are illogical but again after I got COVID my symptoms have gotten worse. I now find myself hoping I only use the restroom once a day because whatever fear, I sometimes don’t leave my house for days and weeks at a time, I shower too much or not for weeks. Truly I could go on and on but ultimately I lost my job as my ocd is just taking too much time. My S/O lost their job because we worked at the same company and it is going under so now I find myself on unemployment trying to really provide since I was on unemployment before my partner. It’s added stress on added stress. This is beyond unfair and obnoxious and insert adjective really for myself but it’s also unfair of me to put my partner through this. They are now struggling a bit too so I don’t want to add even more pressure. I can’t even check my mail or truly make food or the simplest of things right now. I had ocd prior like I said but something just pushed me over the edge and now it’s constantly getting worse but not only my mental health my physical is TERRIBLY SCARY right now too. I am just fully at a loss on how to heal when the severity came on all of a sudden and has now just consumed every aspect of my life. I need meds but can’t get into doctors. I need therapy but can’t afford it. I need to be able to be a functioning human but can’t find myself being independent enough to even bathe, eat, do laundry, etc etc. I just want to know if anyone’s symptoms feel like they’ve gotten worse from getting COVID cause that’s the only thing that transpired before the aftermath of my job that I can pin point. Any and all information or guidance is helpful and I’m grateful. 🙏
I noticed that being alone really messes with my thoughts and it's been hard to relax at the moment. I just keep thinking about the past, negative thinking, and really disturbing intrusive thoughts that I just want to stop. Just want to go back to how I was before 2020 even happened. I wasn't the best person then but at least I wasn't going through THIS every single day.
Hey guys - I wanted to share something that has helped me in my ocd journey - in becoming stronger in myself. At first glance, Attachment Theory seems unrelated to OCD. Basically, if you haven’t heard of it - it’s a way of describing our relationships to other people - if we avoid them, constantly need to be closer to them, or are happy in the middle. The three insecure types are dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant, and anxious attachment. And then there’s secure. (I’ll attach an article at the end so you can read in more detail if interested). People with insecure attachment tend to deal with negative beliefs about themselves - like “I’m not good enough” or, “I’m not worthy of love” or “I am not emotionally safe”. Our behavior in our relationships is indicative of our own self concept, our self esteem, and these insecurities. Whether we constantly doubt if people are mad at us, worry about the state of our relationships, or try to avoid being hurt by others - are indications of different attachment styles. Now here’s how it relates. OCD has a lot to do with our self concept, our sense of self, and our self esteem - because of the way it latches onto our values and makes us doubt those things. A quote from a recent study on attachment in OCD patients says “Anxious attachment is common in patients with OCD and interconnects with primary OCD symptomatology.” Furthermore, “Insecure attachment leads to the formation of dysfunctional beliefs about the world and self, which influences the dynamics of OCD. It is associated with maladaptive cognitive processes such as an inflated sense of responsibility, perfectionism, and mind control. With worse emotional regulation and reduced self-esteem (which can also result from insecure attachment), it can lead to maladaptive behaviour such as perfectionistic and compulsive behaviour to secure and stabilize self-worth and safety.” Here’s the article in case you’re interested: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34506091/ One hallmark of a securely attached person is that their sense of self is strong. They are more trusting in relationships and also of their own instincts. So, looking at this data - Well it makes sense to assume that learning better emotional regulation and improving self esteem may lessen perfectionist and compulsive behavior - Basically, healing attachment style can perhaps lessen the severity of OCD, as it will make you have a stronger sense of self. *now, just a disclaimer. Take this as you will- you are the one that knows where you’re at in your recovery journey. ERP should be a top priority but this is something that may help on the side 🤗 Good news! If you’re insecurely attached- you can heal this. Look up Personal Development School online and take an attachment test. Once you have your result, there are free videos on YouTube under Personal Development School for you to access and learn about your own tendencies. If you’re interested in attachment here are some resources for you: Article - “Attachment Style May Influence Obsessive Compulsive Symptoms” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-about-trauma/202205/attachment-style-may-influence-obsessive-compulsive-symptoms?amp Book - “Attached” by Amir Levine Personal Development School - heal your attachment style through online courses. https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/quiz/?utm_source=google-search&utm_medium=cpc-lead&utm_campaign=18002521897&utm_term=&gc_id=18002521897&h_ad_id=615763633191&utm_content=personal%20development%20school&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI1I_xlKCP_gIVFRDnCh2FZw22EAAYASAAEgJtcfD_BwE Sending love to you guys ❤️ I know how hard it can be. But I also know this - you can do this.
TW: Moral scrupulosity There are many ways I can think of describing my experience with OCD and yet none of them can truly do it justice to the non-sufferer. If you have never been held on a death grip by a cycle of rumination, or been detached from all of reality as you know if coming out of that cycle, then I can not do it justice with my writing alone. OCD is one of those things that you cannot truly know until you have experienced it. But I can try, I can try to explain how it feels. I have concluded that it is bleakest war one could ever fight, bleak because it’s me against myself and yet neither of us can truly see things for what they are, like a dark fog clouding all sense of judgement. I have once described it like how I imagine being physically stuck in a liminal space would feel like, a space with no exits, just a backwards and forwards pacing with the extreme urgency to exit but to no avail. It’s a vicious illness, the harder you try to pull yourself out of the darkness, the quicker you sink into it - very much like quicksand. Now, imagine that battle internally, while existing in the outside world as one must, tending to all obligations and errands like every other person, but with this battle on constant repetition every single day inside the mind - that is what life is like for an OCD sufferer. It is brutally testing, and what makes it all the more brutal is the way a sufferer feels like nobody can or would understand. So we end up suffering in silence most of the time. Why does the sufferer feel like that? Why can’t they just talk to a loved one or a friend? Because that’s how OCD thrives, it convinced us nobody can or will understand, the theme is too horrific, too real, too bad to talk to anyone about it. What if it’s not OCD at all?…What if I really am an evil of bad person?…What if I deserve punishment?… What if someone realises I am really a bad person and I do get punished?…How can I figure this out?…How can I truly know? Before you know it, years have passed asking the same questions internally, seeking the same reassurance externally, and fighting the same battles daily. I have often thought, the only way it will truly end is in the grave, and yet I hope it’ll end sooner. I hope I’ll know one day what it feels like to live my life, to breathe and feel free like any other person. To see the trees for what they are, not for what they are and whether I’m deserving of being able to see the trees at all.
I had a dream about my physically abusive ex a couple nights ago and the thought of him has been lingering around in my head. Today it’s like my mind is comparing my bf to my abusive ex. As in if they look alike (which they really don’t, they have the same hair color and almost like same hands or feet lol) but that’s about it, if they act the same (which they don’t, but my mind is making it seem like they do), etc. I absolutely hate my ex, and literally sometimes my bf would do something that would remind me of my ex (not in an abusive type of way) but it would trigger me. And now sometimes it makes me feel like I’m with my ex boyfriend or like my brain will make my bf look like my ex if that makes sense? & like sometimes I would see my ex’s face on my bf face or if I’m cuddling w my boyfriend it’ll make me feel like I’m cuddling w my ex which I ABSOLUTELY HATE. It’s so annoying bc my current boyfriend is an angel, treats me so fucking well, and I want to marry this man. This shit that is going on w my mind about my ex is making me not want to look at him or it keeps making me check or compare on how my bf acts vs how my ex acted. Please if someone went through this please let me know bc it’s making me feel like I can’t be w my boyfriend.
This weekend I had a Jekyll and Hyde moment. I’m obsessing over someone and trying to find out more information about them. In my OCD anxious state I was thinking I could get some information from a few of her friends. Later on when I was out of that state I was able to tell her to warn her friends. Seriously I can’t believe it’s gotten to this point. When OCD is kicking in I’m like a different person with an insane drive that I have no control over.
Does anyone ever feel like they can’t do anything beneficial for themselves relating to their future and progression with themselves bc of ocd and what it does? It could be the most simple or far reaching goal like going to the gym or wanting to strive for a specific career. Those are just examples. I’m just curious to know if anyone struggles with this.
TW - Value in God's eyes I've been very depressed with the thought that God loves the Jews more and gave them the promises and went to the Jews first, even as Jesus, and initially the Gentiles were left out. And one of the few people I talk to about this is my aunt. But still, nobody really seems to understand me, and everyone tries to prove that I'm wrong, and she is no exception. But, not talking about that, now I get to what I am asking: The other day I was talking to her and she told me, like she had several times before, that we all get to make our own decisions about what we believe, speaking of my interpretations of some verses in the Bible. I responded, "I didn't choose to believe this way -- I don't want to believe this way." But she responded, "We all do choose how to believe. That is why nobody can choose for us." Any input on this would be helpful. Do you think she's right, that I'm choosing to believe this way? Do you think she could possibly just not understand my situation? Do you think I should tell her something like I am not understanding her perspective, thinking that everyone always has a choice to choose what they believe? I don't know what to say, or if I should even say anything...
I keep getting so fixated on my breathing and then it will go away for a few months and then come back when I get stressed. It's just so frustrating I don't even understand what I'm scared of ??? Focusing on my breathing? It just feels like I have to breath manually and I can't stop thinking about it and it's just scary! And frustrating! I want to be in the moment not thinking about a completely normal bodily function! Sorry for the nonsensical rant it's just frustrating! Wondering if anyone else deals with sensorimotor ocd?
I’m scared of going to therapy/counseling incase I slip up and tell to much and get put into a mental hospital or CPS will get involved (I am 18 but the age of majority is 19 in my state so until next year I can still be taken and put into a foster home) I’m scared of being on medication, when I was around 8-9 my mom had me so medicated for my anxiety and OCD I would sit there and drool on myself…as embarrassing as it is it’s true. I’m scared of being diagnosed with something else and it limiting me in the future. I’m scared of my therapist/counselor going home at the end of the day and making fun of me or telling my story to people. Anyone else have any experiences like this or advice? Thanks!
Hi my ocd is constant worrying I feel like I have to worry about something in my mind until It’s clear in my mind. For example if I have worry’s in my mind before I go on a plane If I don’t think the thoughts through so that it’s clear in my mind I feel that it will make the plane crash. Hope this makes sense what I’m asking is what erp can I do to stop this
My dog has a habit of eating my earplugs, and when he has he just poops it out. My mom told me to be more careful with my earplugs and I have been but I left it out yesterday and there was only one earplug on my bedside table so I think he ate one. It’s giving me so much anxiety because I’m worried it’ll block his intestinal track. He’s pooped twice since then and there hasn’t been an earplug, but online some websites say it can take up to a few days. I’m really worried and I’m scared if something happens it’ll be all my fault. But I think if he did have blockage he would show signs so I’ll know if I need to take him to the vet. This is stressing me out so much
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