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Has anyone else been in a toxic relationship or suffered from narcissistic emotional abuse and your OCD got so much worse?

TW: hello you guys. i really regret doing my compulsion, my intrusive thoughts these days is not really affecting me that bad but still im doing my compulsion for reassurance and relief. i searched on google, does anybody with harm ocd acted on their intrusive thoughts, i saw some threads in reddit and i opened it. i saw a comment to that thread and the commenter commented that he has this friend that has severe harm OCD. he said that his friend has this urge to act on their intrusive thought, not just a compulsion, but on his actual intrusive thought. he said that his friend went to different psychiatrist and nothing helps and that made him breakdown more. that urges gave him so much anxiety yet he wanted to do it. thats why, in several scenarios, that friend acted on his urges to shoplift and collided his brand new car in the wall and felt regret, guilt, shame and even broke down after doing the actions. after reading that, it really scared the hell out of me. what if i do something like that? what do i do? every person that has OCD has this feeling that its an urge to do the actions and somewhat gave them/us an anxiety for having those urges. we also think that our OCD is lying to us, that the urges we feel is not an genuine urge. i think i will be starting to be in spiral again after reading that reddit comment. i really hate me, i really regret doing my compulsion. can somebody give me an explanation about this and somehow help me with a reassurance please?

As someone who's always had very bad eczema, I've always struggled with skin issues and self-esteem because of it. It's gotten 5x worse since I developed dermatillomania, which has been an on-going issue for about 7 years now. It's genuinely distressing and has led to my arms, face, legs, and chest being scarred up as well as my scalp. It's only been about 3 days since this was addressed professionally by my therapist, and I've been genuinely trying with the exercises, but it's really hard when I feel no sort of support, which in turn distresses me further and makes it even harder to stop picking. My mom only ever talks about it to make me feel bad, and behind my back to other family members (about my scalp specifically); I tried talking to my dad about it, but all he had to say was he was glad because the scarring was ugly; and nobody else takes it seriously. On Friday, during a test in class, I caught myself picking bad and went tk the exercises, but started crying because of how difficult it was. I had to leave class and was in continued distress for a while after. I told my partner and he just brushed it off. I tried to bring it up with him again, joking I was going to stop trying with it (I'm not) but serious about how distressed I was (I was crying) and he again brushed it off. Today was bad. I kept catching myself, and when I thought I was doing good, I'd start scratching. I told myself it was the eczema, but then I caught myself picking at scabs until they bled, and I got so upset and frustrated I bit myself multiple times(not to cause harm, but I had no other way to get it out). I told my partner I wasn't doing well in general, and he just brushed it off. This is tiring. But I feel like unless my arms and scalp are bleeding uncontrollably, nobody (outside of therapy) is going to ever take it seriously. To them, it's just a quirk I can drop whenever I want to, something I should be shamed for or something unimportant. But it's been surprisingly draining trying to do this, even just for three days, and the OCD is obviously NOT helping and making it even worse. I know I need to want this to change, and I do. And it will get better, no matter what they say to me (or don't). But it's frustrating that the same people who continuously fault me for being distant are refusing any support or encouragement of any kind when I actually do reach out. It's not even a need for reassurance, which I originally thought it might be. I just want to hear "I'm here if you need me" or a "Do you want to talk about it?" Then they wonder why I don't go to them about "bigger things."

So I just fainted at a concert and went into a full blown episode afterwards absolutely certain my throat was closing up and that I wasnt okay. I made it home and I feel safer but am still not 100% sure my throat was okay. I live at a high altitude and am probably just dehydrated. My fiancé took care of me and now I feel so bad that he has to deal with me and this awful thing I have. Like I want to tell him I’m sorry he “has” to marry me Anyways. On some level I know that I’m having an episode but I do have a real question here. For somatic ocd, how do you deal with ACTUAL things happening like fainting? It just feels like more proof that something’s actually wrong.

I can’t stand it when people say that they think everyone is a little ocd. I especially can’t stand it when it’s an immediate family member saying this to me, & after I have talked with them about something related to my ocd. You know, opening up a little with them about myself & this part of me. Which is very hard for me to share with my family about anyway. Then for them to say this insensitive, invalidating thing, I have started to say something more back to this now. I used to just simply say, maybe. Now I have started to say, maybe, but most people do not have ocd to the point that it interferes severely with their everyday life. I know my family doesn’t mean any harm by this. It is a lack of knowledge & understanding. I know they love me. I know they want the best for me. I just wish they understood how hurtful that comment is to me & how it reinforces for me that I am being continually misunderstood by the people who are the closest to me. If they can’t understand me, then how can anyone else, you know. I don’t need any reassurance here. I just wanted to say that it is not helpful at all when people say this comment to those of us diagnosed with ocd. And those who have had ocd their whole lives & are only finding this out during middle age. That is 40-50 years of obsessions & compulsions. A huge amount of time being misunderstood & not knowing why I did the things that I did. Not liking what I always would do, but not knowing why I would do it, over & over again. I’m glad for a diagnosis now. It’s hard. As you all know. And I go back & forth more than I’d like still. But I’m trying. Some days are better than others. Today was a win in some ways. I attended a baby shower for my bonus daughter & her fiancée, it was nice. Although I was anxious/uncomfortable at times I stayed the entire time & I talked to several people I had never met before today. I’m pretty sure I have a bit of social anxiety. Especially in bigger groups & with lots of people I don’t know. But I went to the baby shower & I was social & talked to others who I didn’t know previously, & I stayed the entire time. I did what I wanted to today & I was there for my bonus daughter. That was what I wanted.

So I’ve been having the same intrusive thoughts since Christmas there’s been some time when it pops up and I say that I’m not that person and I would never do that and I carry on my day which I call a good time but then there’s some bad times when it just sticks in my head and I feel bad inside and guilty and hate myself for thinking of this and idk if it’s me or ocd and whenever say I’m watching a movie or something has my attention then whatever I was doing ends then my mind immediately goes to that thought as if I’m trying to think about it which I don’t want to or that that’s the only thing i can think about. And I worry that this thought will be in my head until I die

i am genuinely so ugly. like it’s so bad i cant look at myself in the mirror. i got dressed up for family and i just hate everything about myself. im so scared im going to hurt somebody out of this strong hatred of myself. i just want to feel good about myself again. i don’t know what to do. i keep getting irritated with my family and im so worried i’ll hurt them and snap. i want this to stop i cant live like this

Is it possible to be cured of a theme/subtype or ocd in general? I got my official diagnosis today and I’m happy to know that it is in fact ocd but does it ever go away? Is there a cure or Is treatment necessary for the rest of your life?

I’ve been really bothered by this . And feel like a monster and that I should turn myself in . So I have pocd for years and everytime I’m on pornhub I m catious if what I watch and always analyze the videos . I remember a few months back I seen a tweet about how pornhub allows cp on there . It freaked me out and I went ask for reassurance from a friend and bf and they said there’s no cp on pornhub so I believed them but still had my what ifs . So I have 3 problems I’m gonna list that has happened and has caused me distresssed and y’all can’t tell me if I should let it go 1. I remember clicking on a video , it had the word little girl or gal . I don’t remember how the title was but I know it had little in it . And I definitely wouldn’t watch a video knowing if it was a child in there . I would never do that but the fact that I clicked on the video with that title . But I feel like I clicked on it with the intentions of little as in size. And my bf has told me there’s no cp on there and that in porn “little” means size . but I still had my what ifs . 2. A girl was wearing a student alumni shirt . At first I was hesitant and idk if I searched up the meaning before or after I clicked it but I watched it . But the meaning means former student at a college or school or university. 3. Someone had the username wiz the kid and I’m like what if that was an actual underage person bc I feeel like I’ve seen adults call themselves a name using the word “kid” . Plus it had a check mark by it but then that leads me to think about I have clicked on videos without verified check but I never knew what the check mark meant . 4.As a compulsion , I would take screenshots of the videos I watch if I had what if thoughts after. and I can show my bf and he can reassure that it’s not true and that they dont lookk underage . But the sparks another worry like what if they are underage and I have screenshots in my phone which means yk the worst and that I need to turn myself in . Even tho I have no possible way of knowing if they are And then a few days ago, on twitter , I seen another post and it was about how pornhub allowed a 15 year old to be on there and many more underaged ppl . So that confirmed my worries for sure . And I’m like in a spiral .

“I was so exhausted," says Shamika Williams. "The only comfort that I found was to go to sleep. That was the only escape from my thoughts.” When nurse Shamika heard about her coworker being stuck with a needle, her life changed forever. She became consumed by OCD. Contamination fears led her to avoid blood and throw away her clothes and shoes. “(The) thoughts for me were so overwhelming that I couldn’t put those shoes back on,” she says. “I literally had a bag of scrubs, and I would put my scrubs in that bag. I would throw them away.” Eventually, OCD caused her to quit her job. She fell into depression and thought she might never get better. But once Shamika found NOCD and started ERP, she found hope again. Soon she got her life back, after more than a decade of suffering. Thanks to the Today Show for sharing the inspirational story of NOCD member Shamika Williams! Read the full article at https://on.today.com/3Y1uRgK

does anyone else struggle not only being hard on themselves when they mess up or have bad thoughts but also being extremely critical and unforgiving of those closest to them? Sometimes I truly feel so disappointed at the people closest to me, and it feels justifiable but also exhausting and I can’t tell if my ocd is amplifying it/if it’s forgivable, or how angry/disappointed/for how long I’m supposed to feel. I struggle being mad at myself for not being a good enough person, but I think I struggle even more at the people around me not caring more about others, etc.

My life since 2023 was hard my grandfather died and i was very stressed about everything, one day i watched a movie about killing, and the thought just popped in my head what if i kill first it was about someone i hate , and my anxiety spiked to the roof , while my mind was thinking about it i had a thought what if i hurt my Gf which I admire and love the most then i start losing it even I thought eventually i have to lose her just to protect her from , i have never spoke to a therapist i rlly want this part to go away and i get my life back together.. If any one can help me of what i can do it will be a thankful Ps:sorry for my bad english its not my first language

I’m so scared of the uncertainty of what’s gonna happen in the world , I wake up everyday and get a fear that maybe the rapture is coming , or aliens 🤦🏼‍♀️ I just keep taking it day by day and it sucks. I hate this fear , I’m 15 and I’m afraid I’m not gonna be able to grow up .. have kids get married raise my kids because of this world. It sucks :(

i’d love to talk to anyone abt any ocd struggles if you’re interested, or even just anything in general. just feels good to get it all out once in a while :)

every once in a while my body image issues flare up & it can get intense. i obsess over the feeling I have in my clothes to check if I’ve gained weight, think of food, and have this perception that everyone sees me in a certain light I don’t want to see. i really can beat myself up with negative self talk. i haven’t realized until today since body image issues are so common that this could be my ocd. i used to engage in highly restrictive behavior when it came to food—I eliminated any white carbs, dairy, meat, etc & would do intermittent fasting. it’s hard not to fall into this obsession. I gained a few pounds over the last couple of months and it makes me feel anxious for the summer. anyone have a similar experience? x

“Teardrops on my Guitar” by Taylor Swift is very helpful to see that you are not alone when dealing with unrequited love. My crush (my taken boss) left and it broke my heart. This song may have also reminded me of the first guy who I had a massive crush on, during my last semester of college. I did not want to date at the time, and he was not my type. However, I loved his body and he seemed nice and respectful and caring and mature. I also thought he dressed nice. I never talked to him, though. I had a bad self-image and thought that he was too attractive for me and he would maybe think I am too ugly for him. I had trouble eating sometimes that semester and listening to this song reminded me of the pain that I felt at that time. I thought I didn’t dress nice enough for him, either, Now, a little over three years later, I am much more confident and am in a different place in my life. I didn’t let myself dream about him and that made me sad, but now I do. I love men ❤️‍🔥. The song also reminds me of school. I was bullied in high school and I don’t wanna think of high school anymore. It reminds me of college too (fortunately a lot better than high school!). Check it out if you need to! My therapist recommended country music as having a lot of songs for unrequited love ❤️❤️‍🔥💔☹️😢🥺💕💘

I posted something earlier about going to a concert and being proud that I didn’t wear a mask. I’m afraid to catch norovirus and people keep saying it’s going around Like crazy atm and I’m like super anxious that I will get it. I read something that said you usually develop symptoms 24-48 hours after exposure ( it’s been 72hrs since the concert) but I so scared that I will get it and I’m like so anxious and I regret not wearing a mask. It’s like I’m so anxious I can’t sleep😩

Hi there! I was diagnosed with OCD when I was about 17 but never really understood it. I never knew there were so many subtypes of OCD. There are things that I do that I knew were OCD related like intrusive thoughts, excessive counting, and excessive organization. I used to take medication for it but I was young and didn’t think I needed it so I stopped taking it. As of lately, I’ve been going through a lot of stress and anxiety. I was already flirting with the idea of therapy but felt I had a good handle on life and told myself I could get myself through most issues, but lately I’ve even stressed and overwhelmed so I finally decided to make an appointment. In my therapy research I began doing more OCD research as well and realized that a lot of my life centers around OCD. I always thought it was just anxiety or feeling unsure about myself but after doing this research I’m starting to think my OCD is a lot worse than I thought it was. Sometimes I write an email at work and read it over several times to make sure I didn’t make a mistake, every night before bed I check several times that the stove/oven are off and that the doors are locked because I’m afraid my family and I will die overnight, I’ve come to learn that the counting makes me comfortable and that my cleaning and organizational preferences aren’t just “quirky”, I’ve learned that avoidance is a symptom of OCD which has also affected my work, when my loved ones are sleeping I always check to see that they’re still breathing, I reread directions several times to make sure I don’t miss anything or make a mistake, I press the lock button on my car several times even if I’ve already heard the beep, unread notifications on my phone make me anxious because I’m worried someone is trying to tell me bad news or someone is threatening me. The list goes on. I’m definitely interested in seeking more treatment and learning coping skills but I’m afraid it will change me as a person. I like who I am, what if I manage my organization skills and then I become too messy or I stop checking directions or things I wrote and I make too many mistakes, etc. I think I have to keep reminding myself that treatment will make me more comfortable in my own body and mind and that it is definitely a good choice and a step in the right direction. I really didn’t expect this post to be this long 😅 but getting all of this off my chest feels good! I’m open to any advice and/or words of encouragement. Thank you for your time

I’m really upset because I booked my first week of therapy last week and I made sure to confirm that NOCD had my referral from my insurance company. I even emailed the billing company and confirmed that I didn’t have a Co-pay. After I booked it, my appt was changed to another therapist because they said they booked the one appt in error. So I started seeing the therapist (saw her 2 times) and tonight at 5:10 pm I got a text that she was not “in-network” so they wanted to know if I wanted to keep seeing her because they said I was paying the CASH PRICE!!! I literally confirmed that I had insurance coverage and it covered this in full, this was their error! I am so mad! Of course I do not want to pay $170 cash per hour! And I never wanted to! They should have called me and changed my therapist before letting me see her. So now I’m freaking out about the bills! I told them I won’t pay it. They said I have to wait to talk to the billing dept on Monday. I think that is rude to do to someone with anxiety (message me after hours on a Friday night). They sent an email earlier in the week but it was in my spam. So I never saw it. They should have called! When I made a big deal about not having a Co-pay, why would I want to pay the whole visit in full? And it is not my responsibility to know which ones of their doctors are in-network and which ones aren’t. Now my whole weekend is ruined because I am sick over this.

I'm just feeling pretty bad about myself bcuz I literally just don't know how to make friends. Everytime I think I make a friend they don't stay. People tell me all the time they love my personality and that I'm really 'fun' but I guess just not good enough to make a friend and that sucks. Like maybe I'm too much, and too weird, which I get sometimes. Im 21 for reference. I don't know. How do I be myself if no one actually really likes 'myself' ?