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working to conquer OCD
there’s a thing i do, and it’s repeating mantras to myself like “i’m a good person” or “i would never do that” or “i am never going to hurt anybody” and i just wanna know if those would be considered compulsions? if so, how do i stop? 😣
I am working on overcoming one of my themes, and one of the things I have to tell myself is that no matter what I do (compulsions, etc) I can’t stop something bad from happening to me. I almost feel like I am grieving the loss of “control” / “safety” that my OCD has falsely provided me with all this time.
This is really getting out of hand for me personally. I just read online ( and i didnt even try to read it just popped up and was right in my face). But i read that an American Idol alum (32 years old) died of a heart attack. This is now like the 10th story i have read about younger people having heart attacks or cardiac arrests. I literally cannot take it much more. What is going on? And of course everybody is saying vaccine, vaccine, vaccine. As much as i don’t want to believe its from the vaccine im starting too. How do you explain all these young people having heart problems? And im one of these young people who is vaccinated. Im freaking out and i dont know what to do. Like i truly don’t know what to do. How can i live my life happily when im on edge everytime i feel a heart palpitation? Im so scared. Im so numb. Any advice would be great. I also just would like some input on if anyone thinks these things are happening from the vaccine or Covid itself? I know that Covid has really bad lifelong effects so maybe that could explain some things? I don’t know either way i don’t know what to do.
ocd is all over the place, one day its about a next day about b the day after that in the morning its about c and afternoon back to a. Its extremely exhausting, and more and more i find it difficult to motivate myself. Where in the past i could draw motivation from thinking about my kids and wife. I now get a more Flat response to it. Which in turn gets me anxious again. Why do i not feel motivated by thinking about my loved ones or other positive stuff? With every new obsession ot feels like the ocd takes another bit of my strength and motivation away. I feel as if a couple of years ago i was better at coping with my ocd then i am now many therapies later and medicine. Its as if im losing that inner warrior bit by bit, and i feel more vulnerable by every obsession that comes around.
I am afraid to take a medication because there is a small chance of a serious side effect and an even smaller chance that it could become fatal. I don’t know how to “accept” the risk that taking this medicine could literally kill me. I am bombarded with intrusive thoughts about it all day and while I am sleeping about me taking it, getting the side effect, ending up in the hospital, regretting my decision and not listening to my OCD and dying. But the alternative to not taking the medicine is also bad, because if I don’t take it I could get sick and also die. I feel like I am being tortured. How do I overcome this? I’ve had lots of different bouts of OCD but never with something that had documented evidence (people dying from side effects) backing up my fears.
So I’ve been getting treatment for about 3 months now and it’s been slowly starting to work I think and days are slowly getting easier. There are still plenty of bad days and days where I just feel completely defeated but I’m gradually learning how to deal with these emotions. Part of me is really relieved and excited as OCD was absolutely awful and the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. It held me back from so many things and I felt so trapped and I never imagined I’d be in so much agonising discomfort everyday. However part of me is also really uneasy as OCD is what I’ve known for so many years and I don’t know life without it. It’s almost unsettling integrating back into the ‘normal’ way of life as part of me doesn’t know where to start and I feel like I lack foundation if that makes sense as I have been unable to do so much for so long. I’m also finishing school soon which makes things even harder as I don’t know what comes next, or who or what I’ll become and do with my life. I guess my question is, is life beyond OCD worth it and is it worth climbing out of this hell hole? I also know that I’ll probably always have OCD and there may always be bad days but it’s just becoming less disabling and time consuming which is so exciting but sort of terrifying at the same time. I also am worried that I’ll live a boring and miserable life because at least dealing with OCD left me with something and made life more interesting, much more painful but It almost became my identity. But I guess there has to be something more beyond this life I’m living. Sorry this is long.
I am a few weeks deep in my hardest exposure & it’s been the hardest thing I have ever done. Here it is after midnight, early Wednesday morning, my daughters birthday, & I am up during the night again, not sleeping well again. Hurting physically again, ocd causing my thoughts to keep going even while I’m trying to sleep. I don’t know if this is all due to my ocd & this hard exposure, or if it is due to a health issue & possibly a medicine needs increased. I’m not going to try to figure this out. I’m going to keep trying so hard to allow The thoughts, the feelings & the emotions to just be here without giving in to the compulsions that I want so badly to do to alleviate the distress I am feeling. The reassurance that I want that I did the right thing, made the right decision. Learning to trust oneself is a hard thing. I could give in to what my ocd wants me to believe. That I can’t handle feeling this way. But I have already lived this way for way too long because I didn’t know what I didn’t know, & I know what this way is like, I know how it feels & I know how miserable it is. I don’t want that anymore. So I will keep on keeping on. I won’t give in to what my ocd wants me to do. I will keep using my skills & trying over & over as many times as it takes for my brain to see that I can withstand the discomfort that my ocd thoughts, feelings & emotions bring. I want this & I can do it. Not perfectly. It will never be perfectly. But it can be a way that works for me. A way where I have compassion for myself as I work on my ocd. It can be a way where I don’t beat myself up for every little perceived way that I see as me failing. Just because I have always been so hard On myself doesn’t mean that I have to keep doing that. It takes a lot of hard work & commitment to the process. But I can & will get there. As long as I never give up. I believe this. So if you are knee deep in your most difficult fears believe this, it won’t always be this hard. It just is right now because you are learning how to undo years of what ocd has told you to fear. The things ocd has told you you cannot do. Ocd lies! You can. It take time, but you can. Keep trying over & over, no matter how many times it takes & never give up.
After my boyfriend of 2 and a half years and i talked yesterday, we decided we needed space apart. i feel like this is going to end in us breaking up. i’ve been with him since i was 15. he is all i have ever known. but now, i feel differently about him. i think because i feel differently, it has caused me to spiral in why. do i feel differently because i am actually gay? do i feel differently because i don’t love him anymore? i’m not sure. i know i do love him, and i always will. but i’m not sure if i want to commit to someone at 18. he says he knows he wants to be with me, but i don’t know. i have nothing to compare him to. i have no other experiences. i feel like i need other experiences, because i feel like that’s how people should live. i don’t think i feel the same way about him as he does about me, and that’s devastating. 16 year old me would be absolutely crushed to know i’m in this spot. because i remember feeling so in love with him. i guess the fact that i don’t feel as compatible with him as i used to is a turn off, but it makes me think i’m gay. i’m really not sure if i am, i have liked boys all my life and i don’t ever remember liking a girl in that way. and i really feel like i would’ve noticed. but the fact that my boyfriend and i aren’t working out, seems like proof i am gay. but really, i don’t know. i could not be as attracted to him as i used to be because of so many different things. it could be because i’m gay, it could be because we aren’t compatible. it could be because we just don’t have great physical chemistry. i tried to make us work, but at the end i still just don’t feel compatible with him and i thought i was. this really triggers me, because it’s hard to understand why we aren’t compatible. it makes me think, well what if this happens in another relationship and i don’t feel the same way, that would definitely mean i’m gay. i don’t think i ever would date a girl, but at the same time i don’t know. i don’t know if that’s internalized homophobia speaking, if i’m in denial, or what. i mean i thought i was going to be with my boyfriend for the rest of my life, why is this any different. i’m just scared.
I went to the hospital Sunday night because I had a racing/pounding heart.. it woke me up from a dead sleep. I thought I was having a heart attack. My partner put their hand over my chest and could feel how fast it was pounding and they got up from a dead sleep to take me to the hospital. I was so confused when they tests came back normal. I think I just had another episode. I got this intense fear that I was going to act out or harm myself. I then felt derealization and an intense anxiety. I almost called 911 on myself. I’ve had small episodes like this before but these last 2 have been super intense. Anyone else experience this?
What are some of yalls symptoms with worrying about developing schizophrenia?
I don't think I've struggled with this one before. Bilut the person I've been dating for 9 months now, I just recently opened up to about my ocd and let him see me at my "worst", during an obsessive breakdown. I have told him that I was afraid to show him because I thought he'd think I was crazy and broken and then leave. He said he doesn't think that and that he loves me the way I am. But since I have trust issues from being lied to from my last 10 year relationship, I have a hard time believing him and not over thinking. Since then, I'm over analyzing everything. He didn't respond to my "I love you so much" text. I made a comment the other day about how "I hope I never have to use a dating app again" and he didn't say anything at all. I'm overthinking his silence. I told him on two different occasions that I was struggling and all he said was "I'm sorry". Small things like that... He's a very sweet, kind, loving guy. Very patient and understanding. Man of few words. I don't want to address this because I don't want to come off as needy or crazy. I feel like I've come at him with small things or vulnerabilities so much in the last few weeks I don't want to do it AGAIN. Not sure if this has happened to anyone else
When I pray, sometimes I get certain thoughts that either curse God out of the blue or just have gross thoughts that aren’t my own. According to my religion, cursing God and meaning it is an unforgivable sin , and I am scared that I will go to hell which is my absolute worst fear. I’ve talked to my boyfriend about it and he says it’s not how I truly feel, but I feel so scared when it happens often when I can’t help it. I don’t know how to stop this since the more I think about it the worse the thoughts get.
so my knuckle may have briefly touched this woman’s back when i was walking past her and playing with my earbud, i’m constantly scared of touching people because it makes me feel like a creep. she didn’t seem bothered at all but i am nervous wondering it may have been slightly intentional.
Here’s the answer: Have you tried NOT responding to the discomfort and JUST sitting with it? Are you saying maybe to your fears and yes to your values? If not: Say “maybe that’s true maybe it’s not”. But I can handle this and I’m going to sit with this discomfort and focus on my value(s) in this moment. Then, proceed with whatever activity or value. If a new question pops up, answer it the same way; “maybe that will happen maybe it won’t, but I can handle this and I’ll focus on my values in the moment.” Wash, rinse, repeat 😂. Welcome to ERP
I don’t know how to get rid of them
I’ve been doing pretty well I thought until last night. My husband and I were watching a movie he has already seen before and we got to one part and he let out this huge “ughhhh.” The couple in the movie were arguing about how the woman didn’t want children, he did, and then she changed her mind and said yes. Anyway, this has been a huge issue for us because like the movie, I don’t and he does. My sister is in the same boat. Her boyfriend has been ragging on her cause he wants her to get a better job. He said he can deal with her not wanting kids, but he can’t do both. My mom even mentioned me and my husbands fights and told her she needs to get him go if she loves him, since he wants children. I don’t really see any way out. I feel like it will always be an elephant. He told me he thought God was going to change my mind and he “accepts he will NEVER have children.” I just feel like I’m not enough and I’ll always be a barrier. He told me he was fine with it when we got married, so I thought we’d be fine. We’ve only been married a year and it has been a cause for multiple, huge arguments (threats of separation and divorce etc.) we’ve done therapy but no changes. My therapist resigned and I can’t see anything till February. Trying to just use the tools I’ve learned to get through this.
These last few days my ocd had been maybe the worst it’s ever been. Currently, I am trying to do schoolwork assignments but I’m having a hard time reading because my mind is reading too fast and just skipping over the words then I feel frustrated like I have to go back and read the words carefully one by one with the same brain effort put to each word. Then I feel like I need to go back and look at how much I’ve read up to now and how much I need to read still and compare and it’s a never ending cycle of frustration. My mind is also racing about negative past events on top of that
What should I do if my OCD thought torments me with intense pain and regret? I would’ve never had this regret if I didn’t have OCD, so how should I respond to it? Should I respond to it in a way that would decrease the painful feeling, or should I just feel the pain everytime I think abt it?
Has anyone even happily had a relationship with their gf/boyf after having rocd with them
If you are in crisis, please use these emergency resources to find immediate help.
OCD doesn't have to
rule your life
