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Does anxiety play scenario or scenes in your head that you never had before ?? About a thought you have? That you never had before ?

So I take Zoloft. I haven’t missed a single pill since I started it back in august. I take once a day typically at night. I DONT REMEMBER IF I TOOK IT TONIGHT and now I’m FREAKING OUT. So afraid that if I miss one dose the depression will come back. And if I take one because I don’t remember taking it, If having double the pill will cause me harm or give me wack symptoms. I don’t know what to do but I’m scared and freaking out. I used to tell my mother, if you don’t remember taking your pill, you probably didn’t take it. But like. AHHHHHH

Hi all, I’m newly diagnosed with OCD, and the path to treatment seems kinda overwhelming. For those taking meds, how do you know when they are working? What should I expect in ERP therapy (or other forms of CBT)? Thanks!

I’ve never tried posting in this community or any online community for that matter, but my girlfriend of 8 years just told me she wanted to take a weeklong break 3 days ago. I know a week isn’t long and I believe everyone deserves space when they need it, I’ve been trying to give it to her. We’ve still ended up texting everyday (I made a rule with myself that I’d only text her if she texted me, so that the space is there if she wants it). These obviously aren’t our normal texts, the coldness and having to pretend this isn’t my other-half of 8 years is killing me. I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD, but I’m almost positive I have rocd reocd. Ive been the type to make up problems in my head and obsess over them until I have to share my thoughts with her, this usually upsets her and we have a fight. She’s amazing, and I’d do anything for her, but shes not the reassuring type when I’m panicking about our relationship (not that that’s her responsibility). I have this awful feeling that when we talk about it after this week, she’s going to ask to just be friends. For some reason I just can’t do this, I can’t keep conversing this way with the woman Ive planned my life away with, I can’t keep living in this hell. I know that my delusions will get better once we move in together as they completely go away when we stay together, but I can’t help but feel that she’ll doubt this and want to break up anyway. As dramatic as I feel saying this, these last few days have been torture on my heart and mind. I can’t eat, and when I do I throw up and dry heave, I’ve lost 10 pounds in 3 days. My whole day is filled with random panic attacks and an inability to remain present and focused for more than 5 minutes. The panic attacks get much worse at night, not allowing me to sleep, and I just keep fearing the worst and obsessing over what I’m going to say or do to show her I’m serious about making this work. I’ve contacted two counselors and am meeting with one tomorrow, but I just don’t know what to do right now. I really appreciate anyone who read all this I just needed to put it somewhere.

Has anyone come to the conclusion that your parents also have OCD? My father is showing real signs, but he’s in his 70s and kind of blows off the notion of having it. I’ve seen different opinions on if it’s hereditary. Any thoughts?

I’ve never tried posting in this community or any online community for that matter, but my girlfriend of 8 years just told me she wanted to take a weeklong break 3 days ago. I know a week isn’t long and I believe everyone deserves space when they need it, I’ve been trying to give it to her. We’ve still ended up texting everyday (I made a rule with myself that I’d only text her if she texted me, so that the space is there if she wants it). These obviously aren’t our normal texts, the coldness and having to pretend this isn’t my other-half of 8 years is killing me. I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD, but I’m almost positive I have rocd reocd. Ive been the type to make up problems in my head and obsess over them until I have to share my thoughts with her, this usually upsets her and we have a fight. She’s amazing, and I’d do anything for her, but shes not the reassuring type when I’m panicking about our relationship (not that that’s her responsibility). I have this awful feeling that when we talk about it after this week, she’s going to ask to just be friends. For some reason I just can’t do this, I can’t keep conversing this way with the woman Ive planned my life away with, I can’t keep living in this hell. I know that my delusions will get better once we move in together as they completely go away when we stay together, but I can’t help but feel that she’ll doubt this and want to break up anyway. As dramatic as I feel saying this, these last few days have been torture on my heart and mind. I can’t eat, and when I do I throw up and dry heave, I’ve lost 10 pounds in 3 days. My whole day is filled with random panic attacks and an inability to remain present and focused for more than 5 minutes. The panic attacks get much worse at night, not allowing me to sleep, and I just keep fearing the worst and obsessing over what I’m going to say or do to show her I’m serious about making this work. I’ve contacted two counselors and am meeting with one tomorrow, but I just don’t know what to do right now. I really appreciate anyone who read all this I just needed to put it somewhere.

I keep reading stories about people who have suddenly died from heart attacks or cardiac arrests and it is freaking me out. I just read a story about Leslie Jordan’s official cause of death not realizing it would trigger me. I thought he died from a car crash but when i read the story it said he suffered from a “sudden cardiac dysfunction” and that caused him to crash the car. People in the comments are saying “so many people young and old have been dying lately”. And i cant help but agree with it because its true. There has been so many deaths lately ( mainly heart and stroke related on top of it). And then today i seen an article about Lisa Presleys frantic 911 call before her cardiac arrest and that triggered me. But these anti-Vaxxers are really getting to me. I believe it more and more every time i read a story about a “sudden cardiac arrest”. I keep telling myself that Leslie Jordan had a previous condition, Lisa Presley had a family history of heart conditions, and even bringing up Damar Hamlin again, i know that he was tackled and thats what caused his. I keep telling myself that it’s a super odd coincidence that these all happened close together but then the anti-Vaxxers get in my head about just random people. Why are all these random people young and old having cardiac arrests? I just read a story about a 7 year old in a coma after suffering cardiac arrest. And everytime i read a comment about its all related to the Covid vaccine i actually believe it because it just seems so weird that there has been so many things happening lately. Not to mention that yesterday i was completely fine. I was finally veering away from my heart disease fear and now im sucked back in. 😭😭

About 2 weeks ago my best friend of 5 years and I had a falling out and haven’t really spoken to one another since. Context: My intrusive thoughts had been slowly intensifying for months, but I felt that my not OCD-specific CBT every week was adequate means to controlling them. However, I woke up one morning consumed by the fear that the only people who could ever/currently do love me is on the condition that I am quiet about my OCD. My brain is a scary place and I never want to cause harm to someone I care about by exposing them to that. I felt I had it under control until my best friend texted and asked to come over. I told her I was having a hard mental day and just needed to be alone. She was insistent on being present with me in the moment to be supportive, and I knew in that moment that I couldn’t mask what I was feeling. That she would see the most raw and unfiltered version of myself, and that only made me feel more scared. She showed up to my apartment anyway, and because of my friend’s nature, I knew refusing to let her in would only raise more concern with the potential of a wellness check. I didn’t want that, so I let her in. While she was here she asked me multiple times if I could just tell her what I was thinking in hopes she could help. I told her repeatedly didn’t want to talk because what I didn’t feel in control of my thoughts and what I had to say wouldn’t be good. With every ask I could feel the adrenaline in my body and the compulsions getting more intense, until she took out a guided therapy journal and I snapped. I didn’t snap in anger towards her, but just in the frustration of feeling my compulsions getting stronger and ultimately like the rational parts of myself lost control. I told her about my fear of no one loving me despite having OCD and that if anyone saw me at low points like this, they’d be both traumatized and angry with me for traumatizing them. That I am able to have this close friendship with her because in 5 years she had never seen me like this, and that if I continued to unmask my OCD like I was right then, she would no longer want anything to do with me. When I said this she stormed out of my apartment in anger. I texted her and apologized for upsetting her enough to leave and that we could work that out when I was feeling better about my own situation (note that I was crying, shaking, and fighting the built up adrenaline of wanting to cause harm still and wasn’t in the headspace to rationally discuss our interaction). She responded with many paragraphs, saying that I hurt her and she didn’t deserve me thinking that poorly of her as a person. Seeing by how upset she was I tried really hard to pull myself together and make things right with her. I apologized for what I did and clarified that I don’t see her in that negative regard she interpreted. That I instead care about and respect her too much to put her through my mental mess and deserves to have best friends that won’t hurt or blow up on her. That she’s so strong and self-assured that she would see my low points as attempts at manipulation and leave me for someone who doesn’t treat her like that. Because I obviously over-explain it ended up being multiple paragraphs of letting my guard down and trying to make sense of what was happening. Like I said it’s been 2 weeks and she hasn’t spoken to me, and I don’t know what to do. I feel I have said everything I possibly could to make things right. At this point I feel like this whole situation has kinda proved my original fears, too. That if I was open about my OCD and let people see me at my worst, then they would be angry with me and want nothing to do with me. We were each other’s go-to person for 5 years and suddenly one bad day and I’m nothing to her. Oh well :/

I feel so bad, angry and sad about this I went to my boyfriends following list on Instagram and saw he follow many girls. Sometimes he comments on them, not hearts but smiley faces or something. I don’t know any of them because I don’t know his friends yet. And when we first started our relationship, 4 months ago, he had only girls in his best friend list on Snapchat. Those were friends of them he said. Some of them are I guess because some of them have an relationship with friends of him. But I don’t know everyone and I didint see the names very well. But he doesn’t open snapchats when I’m with him. Besides that he’s very sweet, he does a lot for me, texts me anytime, I said I wanted to meet his friends so he arranged a date that I can go with them and meet them and the girls I saw on Snapchat. When I’m with him he’s very sweet. And we do a lot of things together. But I just seeing this as an anxious person who’s been cheated on in the past makes me so scared and sad. I don’t trust him and have these major flare ups of sadness and don’t trusting him. Sometimes I trust him. Last time he was texting a girl in front of me, I asked him who that was because I was scared. He said it was a friend of his sister (his sister was sitting next to me) and he started talking to his sister about this girl so I could hear that it was a friend of hers. That was really sweet But what can I do about this please help

Hi, Ever since I had a nervous breakdown a month ago, all I’ve been able to think about is the fact that I feel like I’m a murderer and that I do all these things to harm people. I feel like people have confronted me about it, I feel like I do these things. Just everything feels so real and I need help and I’m so confused if it’s OCD. I feel like I am at the point where it is a puzzle that I cannot solve. :(

all day yesterday i was trying my hardest to avoid a thought and fear that is starting to come back again and i think i was able to just push it out that it kinda went away. while i was walking my dogs and smoking i had gotten the thought back in my head and felt the anxiety struck. i tried labeling this as just and intrusive thought and go on with my night. while i was eating a snack and texting my friend the thought popped into my head that i was trying to avoid so much and it felt so real as if i was going to do this or i guess like it came as an image so i saw myself doing this and i just started panicking completely. i felt my heart just drop and as i was able to calm myself down a bit from this by labeling it a thought, telling myself i’m fine and okay, and focusing on my breathing i ran to my room to get ready for bed cause i didn’t want to feel anything at all i didn’t want to go through this again. now that i woke up super early with my mind already playing the whole thing back and me trying to tell myself this is a thought and freaking out in my bed for about 2 hours i’m trying to figure out what now. like i’m sitting here asking myself did you want to do this, why did it feel so really like it was going to actually happen, and just completely spiraling in my head that i feel so slow and completely drained. i saw my mom and i usually get excited to see her in the morning but i just felt so disconnected and distant and i just want out of this completely. i also feel just so much disgust like why does your kind think this way or about this or any of it and i hate it and i’m trying to just stay calm and distract myself. i know this is super long and if you read it thanks i just didn’t know if anyone else feels this way or gets this way or am i just a monster and all alone in this. i hope ppl relate and i’m not all alone.

got into it with my mother last night because i’m young and “behind” in life (i.e., planned to graduate college two years ago but i developed OCD and it dragged me across the pavement). she told me that i need to “just stop f*cking overthinking and get my sh*t together,” because “it’s a privilege to have the time to sit around and wallow in self-loathing.” she said if i were in poverty i wouldn’t have that luxury, and i would “just let it go and move on” because i “wouldn’t have a choice.” luxury of what? being so paralyzed by crippling fear every day that i can’t remember what it’s like to live a normal life, because it’s been three years since i’ve had almost everything i love ripped away by this god awful disorder? please tell me i’m not crazy… i’m only two years “behind”… it just stabbed me so hard hearing her say that all i do is sit around and ruminate, that i need to “just move on,” as if that hadn’t occurred to me. i have tried to explain that 70% of my energy goes purely towards trying to STOP ruminating. i said if i loathed myself i wouldn’t get up every day with such boundless hope that some might call it insane, and make myself nice meals even though i don’t think i deserve them because i “already wasted a bunch of time yesterday,” and confront the mirror every time i enter the bathroom even though it makes my limbs cold, because i believe in a future where i love my body even though i’ve never experienced that a day in my life. it is not my fault that watching my favorite cartoons fills me with fear that makes my chest so tight i can barely breathe. i have never given up, and will never give up, and i continue to smile even though something broken inside me that i *can’t control* makes me so scared to be alive that most days, i lose my memories and forget who i am for at least a couple hours. sometimes it lasts for weeks or even months. all the while i’m just trying to graduate. yep, what a privilege.

I’ve had many ocd themes before, but none of them have given me as much guilt, anxiety, and shame as POCD has. All these groinal responses, thoughts, feelings, etc. makes me sick of myself and wish I wasn’t me. I feel like all of this is gonna stick with me for the rest of my life and I’m gonna remember all of these things for the rest of my life. I feel like I need to tell my future partner all about this and all about the groinal responses that I have had. I just want all of this to be over and I wish that this POCD never happened. I constantly wish that I could go back to my past OCD themes, they tortured me but compared to POCD I want them back. I wish everyday too that a new theme will come along and all these things will just go away. I feel like my ocd is different than everyone else’s, I feel so alone and I’ve been suicidal over these things and I just want them to all end

Does this ever happen to anyone? I get very self critical in any social situation where I feel like I could have shown up better. Specifically around charisma. Ex. If I say bye very softly or if I leave abruptly, or do anything that could be perceived as awkward or weird, I spiral and obsess about the interaction. I will replay it over and over and feel so anxious about how I acted. I will beat myself up and criticize myself for not being charismatic or for potentially acting weird. It drives me insane, sometimes for more than 1-2 hours on end. does this happen to anyone else?

Can anxiety or discomfort from having the thoughts ever make you feel like you could break out into a smile? Like I know these thoughts distress me but from feeling confused as to whether I like the thoughts and checking whether I’m ‘happy’ or looking in the mirror to check my facial expression I’ve become worried it’s true. Now sometimes when I’m worried/anxious I feel like I could break into a smile or suddenly smile or that I secretly want to smile? What is this

the past couple days i am like hyper aware of my chest and my heartbeat and i don’t know why. i don’t think anything specific triggered it. but i keep making myself think my heart isn’t beating right when i’m almost positive it’s fine and it’s just my anxiety. can something have triggered it without me even realizing it? like something i saw on social media or a tv show? does this happen to anyone else?

I’ve been considering scheduling a call with a specialist. Just want to know if and how it has helped others that have worked with a specialist. I have a fear of family doctors as they have put me in some terrible situations in the past with misdiagnoses and medications that I reacted very badly to and I would like to get a real therapist that specializes in ocd because I get the feeling family doctors don’t know much about this. No matter how hard they present themselves as knowledgeable about the subject it feels like they are just pushing prescriptions on me and making guesses. Just wanted to get a general idea of what I would be getting myself into with a specialist.

Anyone here suffer with contamination ocd and how are you getting along with this crappy theme?

I just changed my nephews diaper and afterwards I washed my hands 3x and then used hand sanitizer and cleaned my rings 😅😅 excessive?😅😅😅

So every time I have that intrusive thought I get anxiety but it feels like I ‘like the feeling of doing that when I imagine it’ The thought is about smothering my cat/someone with a pillow. None of my other intrusive thought have every felt like that. But I imagined it to test myself once and I got bad anxiety but it felt like I liked the feeling of doing that. I don’t know if I’m confusing my feelings like maybe when I’m imagining doing that it feels like an urge to ‘squash someone with a pillow’ but my head is confusing the urge to do that with me ‘liking the feeling’ so when I imagine it I get anxiety but it feels like I would like the feeling of squashing someone or stopping them from breathing and it’s really scary and horrible. I know I don’t want to do that and it’s stressing me a lot. And it’s not like a verbal thought of ‘maybe you like the feeling’ it’s like an actual feeling and now I’m worried I’ve taken a liking to some sick action, I start tearing up and get anxiety but I don’t know why it feels like that. But my mind starts wandering like ‘what if it feels like a relief to do think that because your frustrated so that’s why it feels like you like the feeling, because I’m thought your acting on an urge’ and the worse part is when you watch movies and a killer does that smothering thing they make it seem like the killer gets a relief from doing that and I’m worried that’s me. The strange thing is so let’s say I’m worrying I like ‘suffocating someone’ sorry I’m going in so much detail but if I imagine strangling, I instantly know I hate it and wouldn’t want to do that and it’s really scary but with these thought about the pillow idk if maybe I’ve gotten use to them that’s why it doesn’t feel like I ‘hate them’ anymore but I don’t understand why it feels like I would like the feeling of doing that and it gives me anxiety and like a intense feeling in my chest and I don’t know what to do 😢😢😞😞 I feel so horrible and no one is able to give me any answers because they don’t know what I’m feeling