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I really honestly believe this isn’t ocd and that I’m just loosing my dang mind! Each day that goes by it seems to get worse idk what to do anymore I woke up from a panic attack on top of racing thoughts 😥😭

I’ve seen a lot of people say they realized after coming out that their friend crushes or fixations were actually people they were attracted to and this scares me because I do this now and in the past. I’ll see a girl that I think is really pretty and seems cool and I want to be her friend so badly. I felt this way about one of my best friends growing up too. What if those are actually crushes? How do I know that they’re not, especially when I see all these people who say they didn’t realize?

Someone posted something on twitter about how coercion is r*pe . And it got a lot of likes .My bf has asked me a few times to do something sexual until I gave in. And by a few times maybe like 3 or 4 times . I don’t think there’s ever been a time where he just kept asking and asking and asking and asking . Cause I hear that ppl will ask ask . Maybe like 50 times until someone gives in but my bf has asked more than once for an sexual act before but never that many times . . Now it has me triggered . Cause I don’t think my bf is an r word . And I don’t think coercion is r word but coercion Isn’t a good thing either .

Hey all. I have had OCD practically my whole life, and have been a member of NOCD for two years now. I have struggled with practically every subtype in one way or another, but over the last week or so I have been struggling specifically with somatic OCD for the first time. I have a decent amount of knowledge of ERP but I feel like when it comes to somatic OCD exposures are a little different just considering how automatic somatic OCD is. I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to create exposures around somatic OCD (specifically relating to swallowing and hyperawareness of teeth). I have no idea how to go about creating exposures, and my anxiety has been so high because of it.

Just looking for a safe space. The news of Lisa Marie Presley passing away just kinda hit me and OCD hard. I wasn’t even a huge fan or anything I liked her but not like a mega fan or anything. I’ve just been dealing with so many bad emotions and thoughts and fears and this just hit me hard. To see a normal person I’ve heard about for years pass away so quickly and suddenly is just difficult. I’ve heard so many awful things about the vaccine causing this stuff and it really scares me. I am vaccinated with just the normal shots no boosters and still feel fine but I can’t not be terrified still. I’m just so scared and lost and confused lately. Thanks to whoever took the time to read this. Leave any comments or advice you might have if you want please.

So I’ve been taking Zoloft (Sertraline) 50mgs for about two weeks and at first it felt like I was being relieved but I feel like the OCD is breaking through. I feel like it’s not working I still feel very on edge and I still have these thoughts that just consume my energy I don’t know what to do. I feel hopeless, anyone else on Zoloft have you had this problem? Any tips or help? Thanks

So I’ve been having thoughts about suffocating someone with a pillow, ugh I hate even writing that but I kept having this feeling where it felt like I liked the feeling of doing that when I imagined it, today I was downstairs and I had the thought about my cat but I didn’t get that feeling of ‘I like the feeling of doing that’ and I started thinking ‘yeah I’m just being tricked this is all a lie’ I went to see my mum in another room and I had a intrusive thought about the pillow thing about her and suddenly I felt like I had to have the thoughts, like I had to keep imagining it and that I liked the feeling of doing that and it’s really horrible, I started venting to her about it and crying but now I just don’t know what to think. Unless it some how comes to me strongly that I don’t like the feeling of doing that I’m just going to constantly be thinking it’s true? It feels like everyday I’m choosing not to be bad and when the thoughts feel like ‘I like the feeling of doing that’ it feels really real and I believe that I’m bad so much that I don’t even know why I’m not being bad. I don’t understand my feelings anymore, when I’m not having the thoughts I feel a lot better and happier but when I have the thoughts I don’t get any strong disgust feelings or like I hate it (I use to) now it just feels like I like the feeling of doing that and want to and it’s really scary how vivid it is. I think the anxiety I get in my chest makes the thought feel like I like the feeling of doing that or it’s an intense feeling that feels like an urge. I remember before when I use to get that intense anxious feeling over an intrusive thought it use to feel like an ‘unwanted urge’ and I use to quickly get out the room from how real it felt and I was scared but I deliberately imagined the thought to test myself and now instead of unwanted urge it feels like ‘I like the feeling of smothering someone’ and it’s really confusing because it’s feels like that but at the same time I know I don’t want to do that but it’s just horrible I don’t know what to do, also when I imagine it, it’s like my breathing stops because it’s an intense thought I guess and I hold my breath and it makes the ‘suffocation thought’ feel even more real like I know how it feels to do that and I don’t understand why it feels like I like it and it’s awful, I don’t want to like the feeling of doing something so awful, sometimes I have the thoughts and I have this head reflex thing where as soon as I have the thought I shake my head like ‘no’ or ‘ugh what is that horrible thought’ but other times the thought feels really real and intense but this feeling of ‘liking the feeling’ is really messing me up like I don’t know what to make of it, say if I’m actually enjoying a sick feeling , that’s what it feels like and I don’t know what to do, everyday I’m choosing not to dwell on the thought because of what a terrible depressed state it gets me in but it feels like I’m just ignoring the fact I have everlasting desires, I just want to live a normal life. Before I had this feeling of ‘I like the feeling’ I could just say to myself ‘it’s just intrusive thoughts ignore it’ but now that there is this confusing messed up feeling attached to it I don’t know what to do. Also when I have one intrusive thought there is like a feeling attached to it if anxiety that makes it feel like I know what it feels like to do that and that I like it and that makes my brain desperate to replay the thought to see if that feeling is true but now I’m worried say if it’s not because I’m trying to test myself say if it’s because I’m actually enjoying imagining how it feels to do that and that feeling of ‘I like the feeling is true’ I keep going on about this on here but I’m honestly at a loss, I don’t think anyone on here has experienced this same feeling, like it genuinely feels like through imagining doing that I know what it feels like and that I liked the feeling of doing that and my head is constantly worrying ‘say if it feels like a relief to do that’ ‘say you like the feeling of doing that because your frustrated… it feels like no one else can relate to this and I’m just worried, I was fine before but say if I’ve understood something I shouldn’t have and now I like the feeling and want to be evil I’m really at a loss and don’t know what to do. I’m a 19 year old girl, I don’t have any friends, I left school early due to social anxiety and I’ve never got to experience romance and now it feels like everything is gone because now I have some sick desire that will eventually screw my life up if I try to live normally. I spent so many years not doing anything with my life because I had crippling social anxiety, I couldn’t even go out and if I did I would have to wear a face mask because I felt anxious if people looked at me, after so many years spending my youth indoors not having fun with friends and I kept hoping some how I would come out of my social anxiety and in the end I watch a crappy documentary and end up like this, this year has been the worst year of my life, the only seemingly good thing that came out of this is I was forced to come out of my social anxiety because I was too scared too be at home so I was forced to go out with my mum to work and I hated coming home. I love helping people, I love making people food, looking after people, giving people advice and comforting them when they have problems, but now it feels like I’m living a double life and have sick desires and it’s awful. Surely there must be hope for me please 😞 when I have the thought I don’t get a strong feeling of disgust or guilt or anything anymore it jsut feel like I like the feeling and its so scary and intense and real feeling

When I get an intrusive I will google for hours to try to see if I’m not crazy. Like has anyone else been through this before, is this normal with OCD, what does this intrusive thought mean, etc. I will even ask my boyfriend if I’m a bad person or something like that to feel better. I NEED reassurance or I feel like I’m losing it. I constantly need something or someone to tell me I’m okay or nothing is wrong and I’m normal. Is this a compulsion or am I just weird.

Hi so I'm at a point in my life where I feel no anxiety or no anxiety, I guess I still worry and obsess about my Hocd otherwise why would I be typing this? But because I don't get panic attacks, my brain and my feelings keep telling me that I want to have these thoughts and want to date guys, and weirdly enough, I get groinal responses, I feel like I'm more attracted to guys, I'm looking back into my past to ask myself was I just attracted to men all along, never had fantasies or sexual thoughts about them but I'm confused. And now it feels like I'm at a point where I don't care. like if I were in denial and gay, I would be ok with it, BUT I DONT WANT TO BE THOUGH. I know I'm sexually attracted to girls however I get anxious from fantasizing now. I feel no relief or motivation even right after I just got diagnosed with OCD which should be a good thing! Idk but I feel like I would be interested in dating guys now and I don't want that even though it feels like I want and im lying to myself.

Heart palpitations have an all new meaning since I’ve been fearing cardiac arrests. Cardiac arrest consists of irregular off rhythm heart beats and every time i experience heart palpitations it immediately reminds me of that and i start freaking. And i know heart palpitations are a normal symptom of anxiety and it says that females in there 20s may experience heart palpitations and that its normal. However they have an all new meaning to me now and im scared that im just going to go unconscious or something 😭

I had a crappy experience with my psychiatrist today I went in with hope of (somewhat getting some assurance) but mainly feeling better. But I came out feeling worse He ‘diagnosed’ me with pure o ocd last time I saw him. I was so happy for a few days. Then I started doubting it. Today, he never mentioned I had ocd. Just the word’s ‘anxiety disorder’, ‘PTSD’ and ‘depression’ I kept trying to make ocd the main subject of the session but he kept changing it. So now I feel even more disbelief about having ocd. This might sound stupid. But tomorrow is a day I’ve been waiting for a long time. I big meet up with my friends and getting a new piercing all together. But I know I will have LOADS of false attractions, groinals etc. I just feel so crappy. And what with a big exam I have tomorrow, I’m overwhelmed

Yesterday I was watching a show and I thought the boy was cute and just randomly texted my cousins cuz we were watching the same show. I’m 23, & at first glance I barely paid attention but I thought he was at least 21, but my cousins replied with “he looks 18 you pervert” or “it’s looking bad for you”. I started freaking out immediately checked to his face properly again and he did look younger, & I felt so disgusted with myself. I felt terrible, instantly regretted everything & didn’t know what to do. I’ve been anxious since last night barely been able to sleep cuz I just complimented someone who is younger than me. My mind is now like ruminating that I’m a pedophile or pervert for thinking that. I hate this because I honestly wasn’t thinking of it in that type of sense like I would date him or something, I was not aware. I would’ve forgot about that moment after. I needed to get it off my chest cuz I have been feeling exhausted & terrible.

I am having a super hard time sitting with the ick today. I always go into it with the best intentions to resist my compulsions, but sometimes I start doing them without even realizing I’m doing it. My biggest anxiety right now is getting my second COVID shot. My OCD has convinced me that it will be fatal for me, that I will get heart inflammation or some other severe side effect and die. My compulsions are to research all about myocarditis from the vaccine and what the rates are and how many people have died from it, etc. when I do it I don’t feel like I’m doing a compulsion, it feels like I am gathering more information to make the correct decision but I realize that it is all compulsions. I am trying to sit with the ick and not look anything up but it’s so hard!! Does anyone have any tricks on resisting compulsions?

How can I accept the uncertainty ?

I have a compulsion that’s 50% difficult for the mental disorder side of things, and the other 50% of the problem is my pride being involved. I used to obsess over having a strong willed mind, and would constantly test myself in various ways. I didn’t know it then, but these various ways were all compulsions I was doing.. feeding the monster that I now know is called ocd. I started getting the intrusive thoughts of how long I could stand holding my breath, and would even almost pass out sometimes from either doing it too much.. or for doing it too long. I have a fear of suffocation, so I get a sense of accomplishment when I can hold it for the limits that i set before doing so… but I feel absolutely weak and almost even worthless when I try and fail to reach my limits. I feel myself give in, and that’s just not the cloth from which I was cut so I try again and again and again until I finally reach my target.Up until that point my adrenaline starts going, and I feel my heart beating out of my chest while I try to hold it for however long the intrusive thought says. Lately it’s been 2 minutes. I’ve been doing so well in ignoring the intrusive thoughts and not giving in to the compulsion lately, but back when I was doing this regularly I would usually go for 2 minutes. It’s been a few months since the last time I did this I think, so I have no idea if I could even go that long now, and the fear of trying and not being able to do it… feeling the way I never want to feel again, that’s got my anxiety through the roof. I need help, serious help.. but NOCD doesn’t accept my insurance and no other therapists in my area seem to know enough about ocd to truly get me through it the way that I’m failing to do for myself. I don’t know how to explain this any better than this: I’m losing my mind. I can’t stop the intrusive thoughts from making me feel like I made a promise to God and then I end up in positions like I’m in now **where I finally make a real promise** and now can’t fall back on the “well, it was just an intrusive thought” excuse. Now I’ve truly made a promise to God, and I fear the ocd lies have now become a reality. Even without ocd, my pride is still there. How do I cope with the fact that I might not be able to hold my breath for 2 minutes and how would that same pride that keeps me and ocd attached not bring us back together? You can see why this is so frustrating. The people reading this far probably are because they feel the same way. Life isn’t supposed to be like this, and there should be therapy given to ANY kind of insurance… as the people who suffer from this demonic disorder come from every walk of life. My life is ruined, and nobody is helping me stop this. I’m losing my mind, and that’s all I had left. This would be laced with swear words but im afraid it would get taken down. I want to atleast be able to say that I posted this cry for help. I tried

Struggling with postpartum ocd mostly harm, relationship related. Does it get better

So I have been struggling with harm ocd for around 3 months and the thoughts really target my family and my girlfriend. It has gotten to the point where I feel like I don’t enjoy being with my girlfriend or family anymore because I have thoughts about killing them. I feel more on edge and jumpy and I am confusing the feelings I think with thoughts that I don’t actually like my family or girlfriend anymore and I want to hurt them… is this normal for ocd?

Literally now when I think of my past crushes, my head like "yeah, but it was fake or you forced it"

i just want to go to sleep for my classes in the morning but i still feel the need to do all of these compulsions or said thing will happen. this is so exhausting i want out of this routine based lifestyle. it has become debilitating.

it’s been 3-4 sessions with my therapist (Not the NOCD team) and i haven’t got a diagnosis. she refers me as having ocd because she’ll say “how’s your ocd going” and stuff like that. but she’s never mentioned a diagnosis. and it’s treading me out. i feel like a diagnosis will help me feel like i can get better instead of worrying if i havé or don’t have ocd. i just want to cry.