Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I really need to ask a question it’s really stressing me out😞

Did anyone looked back on their life and seen how OCD has manifested and changed throughout their life? I remember being a kid and being terrified of monsters well into being 13. My nighttime routine became more and more ritualistic and elaborate. The reassurance from my parents became useless and I remember having to sleep with my lights on and the radio going. Eventually that wasn't enough. Vivid disturbing images of monsters staring at me, ready to strike the second I wasn't paying attention. That urge to think of a monster otherwise I would be surprised by one. Growing up religious and being told you can sin against God in your head was the other thing I delt with. Having horrible blasphemous thoughts that had me crying out to God for forgiveness. Terrified I'd accidentally commit the unpardonable sin. Doing everything possible to assure myself God wouldn't cast me into hell to the brink of mental and physical exhaustion. Then as I got older I got I remember it switched to social aspects. The fear I'd roll my eyes during a heavy conversation with someone pouring their heart out to me. The fear I'd flip off my teacher in class. That I'd lose control and scream out a swear word or call a classmate a racial slur. I would go through the day reminding myself to press my lips together tight and keep my hands in my pockets as often as I could to reduce the risk of doing those terrible things. Then as I got older and began to understand I didn't just like guys and going through the motions of that while being Christian was hard. I'd remember being told time and time again that the "spirit of homosexuality" wouldn't be satisfied until I had committed every sexual deviancy and fill me with rage towards God. I was told it was only a matter of time until my attraction towards women would expand and I would soon be attracted to children. Then it would branch out to animals, babies and dead people. You can imagine what my OCD latched onto after being told all that when growing up. I remember feeling so out of place in my early years. If I were to describe myself in one word back then it would be: coward. No one I knew had the same "fear issues" I had. Everyone was afraid of the monster under their bed when they were 6, not till they were 13. Everyone got nervous in a dark room, but I was the one that couldn't tolerate it. Everyone around me would express their fear, but it didn't control them like mine did. I desperately wish I knew that this was OCD the whole time and could've gotten help for it back then instead of beating myself up for being a burden still afraid of the dark with horrible social anxiety. But now I know, I'm 21 and I now have so much mercy for myself. I wasn't a coward, I was just undiagnosed. If OCD wasn't just presented as germaphobia and perfectionism, maybe I could've been saved a lot of heart ache. Just wondered if anyone else had struggled with OCD as a kid like me and had the same strange experience understanding what they felt wasn't normal.

y’all, some of my mental compulsions (making up scenarios and checking) have gotten so automatic following triggers that I don’t even experience the feeling of anxiety that originally led me to start doing this compulsion… …now it’s the realizing that I’m doing the compulsion that causes me anxiety. (for example, sometimes my partner will express something kind to me. I’ll briefly smile and appreciate it, but I’ll automatically imagine “well, what if it were someone else instead of him? would you like that better?” and briefly imagine that scenario and check how I’m feeling. sometimes I don’t even get all the way through checking because I’m disgruntled that I’ve done the scenario thing without realizing I’ve taken that mental step.) so, I don’t know how to catch myself between the trigger and the compulsion, in order to sit with the feeling of discomfort, if it’s just a habit at this point, where there’s barely a feeling to sit with at all until after the compulsion occurs. but I still don’t want these mental patterns following me around! I just want to enjoy feeling love from him and loving him back.

I did something i Think is really bad…. But why? How? Why would i do something that i now find my self having bad suicidal thoughts over. Because of alcohol? It’s shouldn’t change you that much? Doing something and the the next Day thinking your life is over… i know how my Braun works i must have known it would end in this… Am i just so selfish so broken and bad? Do I hate myself so much and was willing take others down in my fall? Did I think it might be okay because my brain is damaged from drinking? Has all this insane guilt from ocd numbed me until I don’t know what’s right or wrong?? I’m so confused it’s like right after I get over an episode I do something to immediately fuck up my entire life, and this time the morning after I think… this is real this is not ocd I did that I made that huge mistake…. And then I go numb straight into reassurance seeking and damage control.. but I’m just numb and start thinking about suicide…. I’m told no one was hurt, but what if they knew my side of the story then they might. Idk I’m honestly just so fucking disappointed in myself I really had a chance for a meaningful good life and I blew it up I think I came out of the womb wrong honestly or at least out of 6th grade wrong Anyways I keep ruminating on all of this, how bad was it, what was my intentions, was someone hurt, should I confess to the person I might have hurt, what my thoughts were? How drunk was I? Am I bad to the bone? Idk i think i might need hospitalization. But im not sure I really deserve any help especially from friends, i feel like a Fraud, like they All tell me im good but they dont know. I dont Think there is any coming back from this, i just smoke weed and nicotine and other things to numb everything as best ss i Can, putting on a brave face but really im seriously considering calling psyk. I don’t want to burden my family anymore and I know if I killed myself I would only cause even more pain which defeats the point of regretting having caused pain. But I’m barely hanging on. I’m supposed to go back to school in 4 days and the person who I may have hurt or at least could have hurt idk is going to be there…. I can’t just pretend, I will just end up getting high everyday and wasting all the money my dad pays for me to go there. I don’t know why I even wrote this, I guess I just need to know if someone relates, especially to the intentions/ doing things you know maybe you’ll regret badly

So last night I had a dream that had a harm thought in it about hurting my cat and I had a reaction. Like you know how people sleep walk well I woke up to me swinging my arm over trying to grab her. I woke up and was like :0 and then went back to bed not really caring just was like that is an interesting thought. When I sung my arm over though she was walking past me. Now I’m convinced I was trying to act out my thought and I wanted it and that makes me so horrible. Has anyone had this?!?

I just went through my biggest fear but it only seems to happen when I’m half asleep I swear I see things and sometimes hear things when I’m half asleep not fully in sleep mode yet this only happens… and then I sometimes wake up and feel like I’m seeing me as someone else if that makes sense does that sound like ocd!? I feel like this isn’t right and it’s freaking me out 😭😭

It’s one of those nights where I’m constantly checking my body, seeking reassurance and wondering if I need to see a doctor tomorrow. I stopped therapy because I thought I was getting better…

Hi, Does anyone know where to get started on getting help for narcissistic personality disorder? Let me be clear: this is not asking for reassurance or OCD-related. This is coming from years of troubled relationships with others, friends and family. I’ve had more than 3 people pointing this out already, that in addition to OCD, I check most if not all boxes for NPD. I’m looking for resources to get a possible diagnosis and getting treatment.

Anyone suffer from postpartum ocd after there first child!? Then got pregnant with there 2nd child a couple years later and get severe prenatal ocd and anxiety!? If so does it get better after birth?? I can’t do any worse then this I legit do not feel able to take care of a new born and 4 year old feeling this way that’s why I’m sooo soo terrified I’m going to go mentally insane after having her 😭😭 please helpppp

The thing that is bothering me the most about owing this app over 2,000 dollars is that every single week I had therapy I checked for a bill and it was always 0.00 dollars. Now that I have been done for months, I am emailed incessantly about my outstanding bill. Make this right NOCD. Your are a new company that needs to work out it’s kinks but I cannot afford this.

Is it normal to not feel like your self with all these harm thoughts , mine are so bad that I feel like I’m losing my old self the sweet person I just want to go back to normal but these thoughts feel so real and as if there going to happen am I the only one ?

Hello! I started NoCD three weeks ago but my therapist said I may benefit from IOP. Im in the process of being placed there. Has any one done IOP?

Has anyone experienced False memories with cheating ocd? I have this memory that I kissed a friend while I was super drunk but he said it didn’t happen and so did my other friend who was there. I’m terrified and feel awful and guilty and I don’t know what to do.

Hey everyone! Hope the new year is going well for everyone so far. I'm seeking some advice for managing anxiety spikes related to a menstrual cycle. I completed NOCD therapy a bit ago (whoop-whoop!) and feel like I'm fairly successful managing my OCD most of the time. But I've noticed a very distressing pattern lately. About a week before my period starts, my OCD becomes very hard to manage. I get terrified, frozen to do anything, and get triggered super easily by things I can normally brush off. This lasts until a couple days after my period starts, which is normally when the anxiety wave "breaks" and I feel back to my "normal self". In total, I can spend 10-12 days in this awful anxiety funk, which has been hard because I feel like I've made so much overall progress in my recovery. I really try to prepare for this each month and be extra strong, but I feel like I have to break down into tears at some time and can't get through my cycle without at least one big breakdown. I also feel extra isolated during this time, as my bf (who's been super supportive of my OCD experience and am truly grateful for him) does not have the most sympathy when it comes to my period. I don't think he understands how much this affects me. I would love any tips/strategies for how people manage this time, so it's not as disruptive. I know it won't be perfect, but I think I could be doing more to manage this time better. Thanks! :)

Hey all, I was wondering if any of you had any ROCD hacks revolving around nitpicking your partners flaws. This is something I struggle with and am looking for exercises to help reduce these hellish thoughts. I want to not be as judgeful and relaxed around my partner

Does lust take a strange form for you since Ur a OCD sufferer? Like, any normal person would not look and that would be just fine for them but for me it's like, my mind is so focused on that or trying to get me to believe I lusted or something. I'm not even looking at it but it's just in my view, my focus isn't onto the lustful thing but again, it's still in my view. I don't think about it in my mind, I do get that strange sexual feeling that I recon most OCD sufferers get when dealing with these kinds of things, like, Ur feelings are set off by Ur mind and it only kinda makes you feel even more like it's true. I don't know what to do, I know something is off, if this was lust and it was the same for every Christian then fr, we should gauge an eye out....I don't get it. I've been dealing with this for a long time and I tough it was just me having a lust problem that would just, after some time of fighting with it, dissaper, but it's not like that, I can't do school, watch movies do anything, it used to be triggered even when a family member would pass by me.

i want to apologize in advance because this is not specific to ocd and i would hate to feel as though im abusing this community but i just need a safe place to talk rn. basically any friend groups that ive had in the past have fallen apart and i feel like im left with very few friends. i have a loving bf, a bsf, and a great roommate but i go to college out of state so i dont get to see my bsf or my bf as often as id like. my roommate and i are close but she has other friends so shes not always available. i have a few other friends but they all either make loose plans, live far away, or we arent close enough to hang out. my bf and bsf see me as someone who is easy to get along with and funny and kind, all that good stuff so i wonder why my friend group at home and at college fell apart and why i cant bounce back from it. my bf has a friend group and my bsf even has some ppl she hangs out with often so why dont i? i didnt even know who to invite to my bday last year so i just spent the day with my bf which was amazing dont get me wrong, but at the start i was trying to plan a bigger gathering. its just rly hard sometimes and i just needed to vent a little. though i cant help but wonder if im the problem somehow. :(

Hi I have tired erp therapy not for long enough tho helped to a certain extent but has anyone tried any medications that actually work ? I have never tried any and just want to see if anyone’s notice good amount of difference with their ocd /rocd once taking medication ?

Hi, so I have never been diagnosed with ocd but it runs in my family. I hadn’t really struggled with intrusive thoughts as much until recently. (TW: discussion of triggering content) So on Xmas day, i was watching random YouTube videos and came across a true crime one and they had gone over his case and how he did bad things to kids and regarding kids (SA). They mentioned a website where the criminal had gotten certain content abt children and it triggered me for some reason. I’ve heard these kinds of things before and I’ve watched other crime videos and stuff but for some reason my little adhd brain attached to the website name and my brain went that’s an easy find. And then from there it spiraled and I started wondering why I cared if that stuff was there and that I must be awful bc obviously I want to see it but I didn’t and don’t. But my brain convinced me I did. And then when i went to work the next day (i work at a daycare) i found out that some random person had sent that kind of stuff to our work computer and someone described it to me and i couldn’t get the images out of my head. I started seeing these things around my kids and then my brain started to mess with me even more and I freaked out and then my brain supplied images of me doing stuff and i freaked out more and made myself sick and felt awful the rest of my shift. I would never hurt my kids and I have never had these thoughts before. But my brain latched onto these thoughts and it sucked and it tried to convince me that I’ve always wanted this stuff but i haven’t. I went home and continued to freak out internally. I never went onto that website but I did go to regular adult ones I knew and typed in words to report anything I saw and to make sure I’d never see anything but I found nothing. I felt like I had to type these things or id explode. And then I felt disgusting for needing to in the first place. And then recently I checked myself to see if I would react to any of those thoughts in /that/ way and I feel gross for checking and stuff. Im so scared. My whole career goals and life goals revolve around kids and helping them and now I have these awful images and intrusive thoughts. And I’m afraid of myself. I can’t eat or sleep that well, im always anxious, i can’t live anymore and I’m scared. I did research and found out about pocd and how ocd can do this to people after triggering situations and such. And then I found this app and it has shown me so much. Honestly Im afraid of what people will think of me, even on here. I just want everything to go away and to go back to being happy and somewhat care-free, at least in this aspect. If any of y’all have advice I’d love it. I promise im not seeking reassurance as I read abt the detriments of that too, i just don’t want to feel alone. Sorry for the long post, I hope you all are doing well.

24, UK. Feel so alone