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I hate that idek if it is rocd this time, how can I go from liking someone so much to then a week later thinking u don't like her anymore you're guilty about it and u wouldn't care if u ended things you should end things it isn't rocd ur using that as an excuse that feeling just isn't there anymore even tho I don't want to end things with her that's why I haven't since I've felt like this

I've got a Christmas party with my husband's family this afternoon and there will be a LOT of people there. I'm so anxious to go because his family always seems to be sick with something. There will also be a few very young children (walking petri dishes in my opinion). How can I enjoy myself and not let the fear of catching something get to me? I'll be using my response prevention messages of course, but those don't always work for me. There's going to be about 35-40 of us in a small home exchanging presents and eating and drinking. (I will not be eating or drinking ofc) It really bothers my husband when I'm anxious and uncomfortable around his family and I'd like to be calm and happy and enjoy myself for him and for my sake as well. Any advice would be appreciated!

I feel in the way today. I’ve been a good person and ticked all the friendship boxes. I’ve distributed Christmas presents and even put up with the people I don’t like. When I have good friends and I am a good friend why is it at these times I feel like a burden. Maybe exposing myself as a good friend makes me feel vulnerable.

I don’t know what to do at this point everyday I’m stuck in the same loop because I have got it in my head that I like the feeling of doing that horrible thing. Because for some reason when I imagined doing it to test myself I got anxious but at the same time it felt like I liked the feeling of doing that and I don’t know why, I don’t want to do that and it doesn’t make me happy thinking about these thought so I don’t understand why it feels like how it feels to do that I’m stuck in this loop of imagining the thoughts to test myself then feeling like I’m getting no answers or they it feels like I do like the feeling and then crying and telling my mum about it. Everyday we’re having the same conversation because I can’t get over this. There are no answers for me, I don’t like the fact that it felt like I liked imagining doing that but I don’t get it. I wrote down how i feel so I can try to figure it out so 1. when I try to test myself, I don’t like bringing on the thoughts 2. I instantly get an anxious feeling and feel like I need to go poop.(sorry bit tmi) 3.I don’t feel like I want to do that but for some reason when I imagine it it feels like I want to do that or like the feeling or doing that, and it’s been really worrying me I don’t want to like the feeling of doing something so horrible and I know I don’t want to do that. I don’t know if my feelings are misfiring or I’ve confused my anxiety with ‘liking the feeling’ but it’s horrible I feel so worn out by this whole situation but i don’t know what to do, starting to worry that maybe I do have ocd but now I imagined how it feels to do that and I like it and it’s worrying me. The only other thing I can think of is, is it possible that I’ve been having these thoughts for so long and it’s felt like an urge and I’m frustrated from having the thoughts but when I tested myself and imagined doing that I some how ‘gave in to an urge’ in my thoughts so not that I like doing that horrible thing but because it feels like an urge and I’m frustrated that i don’t even know what I’m trying to say but I just feel terrible ‘what if I liked the feeling of doing that in the thought because it felt like a relief to give in to an urge in my thought’ but I don’t actually want to do that so now I’m crying and ruminating constantly, there isn’t a day I don’t cry and I’m just lost, I’m walking around thinking I like the feeling of doing that but don’t want to do that?? I don’t even understand these feelings myself like I don’t even know what part of imaging that is making me feel like i like the feeling of doing that? Or what feeling is making me feel like that because I definitely don’t feel happy imagining these things so what is this? How can I like the feeling of doing something but not be happy about it and instead stressed 24/7 depressed miserable crying and a mess? Please can someone give me and answer it makes me feel awful thinking that I like the feeling of suffocating someone, it’s honestly terrible and I’m just stuck in a loop or ruminating/deliberately imagining and testing myself and crying and I’m starting to feel like there are no answers for me and I’m just a horrible person with evil desires. I’m only 19 I haven’t even lived my life but I’m stuck on this idea/feeling that I like doing something so horrible please someone give me advice

Yesterday I seen a post my mates girlfriend posted on FB. I noticed on the pic some of her thigh was there, she has tights on I think. Anyway I kind of felt some arousal! I think she is an attractive person and I would never cross that line or anything as it's my mates gf! But why did I feel some arousal. Is it normal make biology or maybe it's OCD and feeling on edge by looking lol. Flipping mind!

Hi everyone, hope you all are doing well! I pray for healing for all those who are suffering from these unwanted thoughts. I want to share my story with you all to receive some guidance and hope. I am currently 18 years old and in desperate need for some advice. This can be a triggering story, so please read if you wish. I was molested at 3 years old by my preschool teacher. This has brought me a lot of trauma physically, mentally, spiritually,etc. I didn’t know how much of an impact it had on me, especially when I didn’t remember the incident until later on in my preteen years. I grew up to be a very shy and isolated individual. I was also bullied very badly my middle and high school years. About 6 years ago is when I had my first unwanted intrusive thought. It was about a family member. I started slowly disassociating with them. The thoughts continued getting worse and worse, and was about multiple family members then. About 3 years ago is when I started getting pocd thoughts. These thoughts give me so much distress, especially relating to my story. How can someone so evil take it into their will to harm something so pure and innocent. I get angry and cry every time I think about it. These unwanted thoughts affected me so much I get uncomfortable being around children. Please if anyone can give advice as to how they overcame these unwanted thoughts, it would be greatly appreciated.

Can you get use to the feeling of anxiety and it won’t feel that daunting/painful as it once did? When I first had this problem the anxiety was extreme and painful and I wanted it to go but now I’m worried that my anxiety that makes me need to poop isn’t anxiety and is excitement because of the evil thoughts I’m really scared I’m feeling as though I enjoy these thoughts and want to act in them and I feel conflicted and very confused I don’t want to do that but now I’m worried I’m bad and have evil desires please help, people say online that they know it’s intrusive thoughts because it feels horrible but the thoughts don’t feel really horrible anymore they feel like any other thought I don’t like them but they don’t cause me as much distress and now I don’t know if I’m confused or if I actually enjoy imagining doing those horrible things because it feels like I want to but I know that I don’t want to but my feelings are all mixed up please help

I wanted to ask anybody out there if anyone up there has the type of OCD that I have I have music playing in my head on a constant loop 24 hours a day 7 days a week I have conversations and I have music in my head when I'm falling asleep I have music in my head so it's hard for me to sleep and fall asleep so if anybody has any tips that can help me with this I would truly appreciate it. Thank you

Hello again. I'm having a bit of a struggle today... I worry about contaminating others with my "bathroom germs", and I know ERP would involve carrying on as normal say, if my shirt gets in my lap when using the washroom and touches an area of my body where there's been waste, but while rationally I know that that kind of thing isn't horrible and there's already "bathroom germs" EVERYWHERE... I am stuck. It feels morally wrong to PURPOSEFULLY go about my day despite knowing I'm "contaminated". I get lots of people don't even wash their HANDS... I don't want to participate in the germ spreading. I don't like knowing that MY grossness could be on someone. It's probably not harmful, but I feel like I don't have the right to do this, like it's disgusting and amoral somehow. A vent, I suppose. I want to start meaningful ERP but I can't get over this. Any advice? (Tagging as trigger just in case.)

(Disclaimer: I am simply writing down everything going through my mind here and all of the stuff I have been thinking. These are all the thoughts that are driving me crazy. I know this isn’t the type of post you’d typically see from me on here but this is just me letting off steam. I don’t advise people to try to answer some of the questions I’ve written here, but I’m human and and struggling. My recovery will not be as smooth as I’d like it to be. This is a journal entry of my headspace, but anyone can read it if they want.) TW: Physical attraction struggles- especially related to weight; doubts of relationship, and of some common treatment mantras. I want to let this out of me to see if it helps. I’m having a tougher day and struggling. My partner got a haircut yesterday which is hard for me because when his hair is shorter I think his face looks a bit heavier and his facial weight is more noticeable and distressing to me. He would like to lose weight and says he’s unhappy with his body but we don’t have the gym time we wish we did and it’s a bit of a drive. I also really believe you should be able to accept your partner as they are and changing them in any way is horrible, or at least wrong. Anyway, we decided to go out to breakfast, (I’m proud I did because I pushed myself when I wanted to stay in and forget the world,) and the whole time I’m quiet and trying not to focus on his face, my interpretations of it, his pudgy neck, lack of jawline, and what I perceive as plainness. Or if it’s actually okay. I’m trying to sit with it and let it pass without engaging, but the questions, which don’t even feel like ROCD at times, are driving me crazy and feel so overwhelming and frustrating. I know that ROCD can make you feel that you’re not attracted to your partner, and that I had/ have severe Body Dysmorphic Disorder (and am still overly worried about my jawline and still don’t use mirrors over a decade later) but I’m so scared of there being truth to this- which I get is a huge thing with ROCD. Is it even possible that ROCD (or BDD, if that’s at play here) could distort my perception of him at all? A little bit? To this degree? Am I seeing him realistically? I had a thought at breakfast that he’s a 3 or a 4 out of 10. >_> Do I really believe the whole “thoughts are just thoughts . . . and by themselves don’t have meaning” thing? Do other people think very differently and/ or see something different when they see him? If I could magically turn off mental issues, would his appearance be different to me? Would it be possible that I’d be okay with it? Could I possibly like it? Is this something that won’t change with my treatment and I’ll just get better at accepting it? Will I have to end this relationship if I can’t? Why did he tell me when we first started dating over 3 years ago that “I could probably do a little better than him?” I know, I know, I’m performing compulsions and doing exactly what I should NOT be doing. I’m ruminating, I’m judging, I’m rating, I’m entertaining breakup urges, I’m searching for certainty, and I’m comparing my perception of his appearance to others. I should be starving my OCD but instead I’m giving it an endless all-you-can-eat-buffet. >_> This just feels different and I’m feeling the need to get to the bottom of this and am so antsy. I don’t even know the answer to any of the questions I’m spewing. I feel like if I got the answers to these questions I could let go, and stop ruminating but I am clueless. The facial distortion aspect of these illnesses has always fascinated me. I know with BDD some attractive people who could be models can look into mirrors and see a 2/10 looking back at them. Is this happening here? I know it’s a bad and dangerous road I’m speeding down right now and this is a bad lapse. I’m just for some reason at a place where playing investigative detective feels right and sitting with this and letting it pass doesn’t feel tempting or the way to go at all. >_> Gahhhhh. >_> I’m going to do an exposure and try to sit with it. I hate this. 😞

I was on a forum when some asshole stated that ocd subtypes are hoax and not real and anybody going through anything related is faking it or just a terrible person making excuses. This obviously isn't the case but it still got to me and my mind was flooded with doubts about everything I've been dealing with for the past 7 years or so. Is it real? Am I faking it. Am I just a terrible person who's in massive denial? Did therapist make it up? I should know better but they still bothered me.

I any taking a therapy break.. After about ten sessions i don't think I've made the progress i expected Maybe it's the therapy approach the therapist I've been paired with or maybe it's me nevertheless i need to figure out how to fight this Ocd and maybe ptsd properly for the new year I wish all of us success in this terrible affliction and may we all overcome this together Merrrrryyyyy Christmasss everyone and happy new year in advance

So last night I got very drunk, I haven’t been this drunk in a long time. I started making out with this guy who I’ve known for a while, genuinely my drink scale was insane. Basically then I started talking to these people, I knew the one guy but was talking to the other people. They were 18 and I’m 21. So me and this one guy started kissing, he was very cute, then this other boy he started kissing me as well, I at this point new he has a girlfriend but because I was so drunk it didn’t really comprehend wtf was going on. I blame myself entirely for what happens next. Basically he says he’ll drop us off, me and this one other guy in the back. So we start making out, and the other guy is getting slightly jealous so drunk me kissing him on the cheek. When we get to this other guys house he gets our days goodnight and I get into the front. Now this is where it takes a turn I wasn’t expecting. I can’t remember who made the first move but we started making out, he stopped driving at this point and pulled over into a lay-by, he gets heated very soon and basically we end up having sex. He has a girlfriend and I’m sat here sobering up a bit now hating myself Fillmore than anything. I can’t tell my friends but I seriously don’t know what to do. He said not to tell anyone because it won’t happen again, I’m sober and it won’t happen again. Not while he has a girlfriend. But I feel like such a slut. I was always scared the guy I was seeing was seeing other people, turns out he was, but now here I am and I’m that’s girl. I have to completely blame how drunk I was, but now I have to go get the morning after pill from my local pharmacy and hope nobody recognises me! I’m shitting it and I feel so bad

I am awake in the late night as I type all of this out.. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for the past m/o to l*li explicit content and other explicit comics / fanfics with adult and really young cartoon characters couple of times unknowingly when I was 12, and 14 and unknowingly when I was 17-18. (Ex. Marge and Lisa) I had stopped three years ago, and I'm 21 now but I'm getting intrusive memories of doing it and I immensely regret it and feel triggered by it… I didn't know what the content was in any way at the time or what it represented… and while I avoided most of the content, the videos of them had millions of views, both the videos and the fanfics / comics were on public sites, and some of the creators said they were 18 in some of the videos, so I thought it was safe to watch... I hate myself forever. And you people should hate me too. I'm worthless. I'm a disgusting creature who deserves nothing but the upmost anger and disgust from you all… god help me... I hate myself and you should hate me too…

In August I had received the Holy Communion after confession after a really long time. I was praying and I was feeling intensely calm. One of the things my mom had taught me to pray since a few years is for a good life partner and sometimes I do pray for that. I had just prayed that and I was trying to imagine a guy I like when all of a sudden i see a mental image of a guy who has been sending messages to me on Instagram and I had restricted him on Insta a few months ago. This disturbed me and I was reminded of stories I have read in the Holy Bible years ago like prophet Hosea being asked to marry a prostitute. The story of Tobias, stuff like that. I know these are stories and what is happening to me is just part of my magical thinking OCD. All this happened in August. After that whenever I made this specific prayer i was always hyperaware, his name or face kept popping into my head and as compulsion I have to immediately try neutralizing it with the image of a guy I have a crush on. It's weird and I know if I tell anyone they would just think I have gone bonkers. 🤷 Anyways this was bothering me today because it's Christmas and there are chances i may meet this guy in the church and I'm worried if he asks me out or something. I always disliked him and because OCD has latched on to him i almost hate him now. But my OCD makes me think I have to accept him and try to love him. That's my mission stuff like that. All I can say is the things OCD makes you think just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

I just feel like no matter what my fear is going to end up true.. I have been diagnosed with OCD but still so hard.. I’m scared no matter what, I’m gonna lose. Help

I’d love to know your experiences of telling friends and family that you have OCD? Who’s decided to open up about it and who is still hesitant to? No one knows I have OCD and I have no idea whether I should tell people close to me!

I know this sounds absolutely horrible, but does anyone else hyperfixate on their partner’s weight? Or other forms of physical appearance? I KNOW it’s my OCD because we’ve been together for 6 years and I used to not worry or care about this stuff. It’s the newest theme my OCD has picked up this past year. Like I’ll stress when I think he’s overeating or drinking too much (he only drinks 2 nights a week). I repeatedly sneak glances at his abdomen area. And sometimes I’ll look back at old pictures when he was a little more fit to remind myself that he is very handsome and that he COULD get back to that weight if he tried. I know this sounds horrible. I do NOT want to obsess over this, but I cannot seem to get it out of my head. 😔😖

Does anyone else experience memory hoarding OCD? I feel like I’m the only one.