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the NOCD Community

My mind one minute 🧠😍👦🏼👩‍❤️‍👨💍👨‍👩‍👦 I cant wait to marry this man I love him so much I can’t imagine life without him I can’t loose this boy he is my everything My mind the next 🤔🤥🚫🙈✋🏼🙅‍♀️🙅🏼‍♂️ Ur blind in denial stop lying to urself ur happiness is fake u don’t actually want to be with him you just don’t want to leave cuz ur just too scared to be alone Me: 😐

Hi guys, this is gonna be a long one but I’ll try and keep it short. I’ve had OCD for a very long time and I was only diagnosed this year when it really interfered with my quality of life. I’m on medication and have been for a few months, and it was totally life changing. I suffer with a few themes that resurface every now and again. One of those themes is to do with real event/my relationship. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years, we’re very happy and I’ve never had issues with him. We first met at work, where we both worked together. Then we got into a relationship and then my boyfriend got a new job. We had a few good friends from work that we were both friends with. One of those was a boy who I carried on being really close with after my boyfriend left (and we’re still all friends now). This boy and I became pretty good friends, we were both going through tricky home situations at the time so we spoke a lot to each other about our mental health. At the time I thought nothing about our friendship being inappropriate. We would go on nights out together (all of the work team) and this boy could be quite flirty when he’d had a drink but he was just a very outgoing/over-friendly person. Obviously nothing ever happened between us and at the time I didn’t worry about it. One night after a night out, he touched my leg in the taxi on the way home (there were lots of us in this taxi). Again at the time I thought nothing of it but I didn’t stop him. Fast forward to a few years later, this becomes an obsession. I was crying for hours, ruminating and having panic attacks over this situation. I convinced myself I had feelings for this boy, that I’d cheated on my boyfriend and that I was an awful person. I did all the compulsive behaviours - ‘confessing’ to my boyfriend, playing the situation over and over, convincing myself on things that I don’t even know if they happened. The typical OCD behaviour. Since my OCD has hugely improved, this obsession has not bothered me in the slightest. But for some reason it’s come back. Not to the same extent, but I cannot stop thinking about it again. I just don’t know what to do. It makes me fill with tremendous guilt whenever I look at my boyfriend. He’s not bothered by the situation at all, he knows all the ins and outs. I don’t want to keep hurting him and I don’t want to talk to him about it AGAIN because I know all I’m doing is seeking reassurance from him. Does anyone have any advice? I’m struggling to let things go and accept them. (If you’ve made it to the bottom, you are a literal saint, I’m so sorry this is so long)

Hi, I noticed most people with ROCD have obsessions around their partner. And if they find their partners attractive or are their partners good enough for them? My fears are usually about ''if my partner finds ME attractive or not''. Or ''If I'M enough'' or ''if they have real feelings for ME'' etc. Can anyone relate? I never heard anyone with ROCD talk about this or have these obessions. It seems most people with ROCD usually question their feelings about how they feel towards their partners and not the other way round. It's making me doubt if I actually have OCD in the first place.

Does anyone ever be like what if I’m only staying with my partner bc im just to scared to be alone and don’t wanna start over

Hello :) I have been out 5 months ago... and do not remember every detail of the evening. While drunk and not being able to recall every bit of the night I got the thought "this time something must have happend, you cheated". After that night I have done my detactive work and thought, feelings and memories got more blurry every time. I think I am a bit better in comparison to two months ago, cause I dont cry as much, but I still feel horrible when I am doing my bf a favor or tryin to make him the best birthday because I think I am just doing it to wash my hands clean :( Help anyone?

ocd and bdd is not fun

I was officially diagnosed with OCD in February - I’m 20 years old and graduating college this year, so it was overwhelming yet relieving at the same time. I lost my Dad tragically when I was 14. I feel like this event exacerbated my symptoms - I couldn’t control losing him or what would happen after. Everything I thought I knew was shattered. I felt like it was my responsibility to pick up all the pieces. Sometimes I still feel that way. I took college classes in high school to get ahead. I broke up with a long-term boyfriend who was toxic. I moved across the country on my own for college for a fresh start. It was the best decision I’ve ever made. My social life soared, I excelled in my classes, and even started my own research as an undergraduate. I’ve always been a fast-track student, an over achiever in all aspects of my life. I’m an honors student, work in 4 research labs as an undergraduate RA, have a part-time job out of school, and pay all my own bills. I’m graduating from college a year early because of my efforts and just applied to graduate school for a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology. Last year I fell apart. 18-19 credit semesters ripped me away from my friends and family. My life was a revolving door between school, work, and the grocery store. Occasionally, I’d sneak in a hike. I developed an eating disorder and an unhealthy relationship with exercise. For the first time in my life, I thought about suicide. I knew I needed a change, and I knew I needed help. After all, I’m studying psychology - shouldn’t I have seen the signs? I got help. I started to heal. I figured out what the words ‘trust’ and ‘balance’ truly mean. I’m by no means perfect or anywhere close to where I want to be, but it’s a damn good start. I love to learn, and more importantly, I’m learning how to allow myself grow and change. Life is uncomfortable right now - there are many unknowns, and I find myself spiraling at times. Will I be accepted to graduate school, even though I’m young but have so much valid experience? Do I make the people in my life happy? Do I need to clean the kitchen when I get home? Did I remember to pay my electric bill this month? It feels like the weight of the world is so heavy at times. Everyday I’m learning and growing into the woman I know that I am meant to be. I know I am strong. I know I am worthy. I know my Dad would be proud of me if he were still alive. I’m learning how to love who I am and who I am meant to be. It’s by no means easy, but it is worth it. Life is beautiful and too short to obsess over things I cannot control. It’s easier said than done, but I am doing my best to find beauty in the process. Growth doesn’t happen when we are comfortable. It’s a matter of when - not if.

I want to be with my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend. I want to be with him so much. He makes me happy. I wish ROCD would stop trying to mess with me. “But you feel so much anxiety do you really love him or does this mean you want out deep down?” I want to be with him but say whatever you want ocd cause at the end of the day I’m still going to choose him.

Hey guys, I’m really struggling right now. I’m trying to study for a final and then all of the sudden I got hit with intrusive thoughts and now I’m dealing with a lot of compulsions. I’m not doing some of them but it’s getting hard not to. The thoughts won’t stop and it’s getting bad. Any support would be great. Thanks

I don't get reassured like I used to. I believe it's a sign of growth that I do not but things are more difficult feeling when I'm not reassured. Most days I feel like depressed, stressed and anxious. I miss feeling the ways I felt before this shit started... normal. At the same time I am so grateful that I have grown in the ways I have through this pain I feel. I do wish I knew 2hat was truly good for me and what I truly need to do to continue to grow. For me this is regarding my suppoaive ROCD. Quite frankly it has been very difficult for me to have faith that it actually exists. This is me venting. If anyone else like to talk I am here.

Does anyone else’s OCD get worse when they’re alone/have time to think? I’m on maternity leave so spending a lot of time on my own and I dread it because I know my OCD will kick in. I used to love my own space but now I hate it 😢

I’m trying my best to not post on here because it’s reassurance seeking. However i just am so lost and so scared at the moment. I was scrolling on social media and came across an article of a sports reporter dying. I made the mistake of reading it and reading the comments. It says that he collapsed at a game and died shortly after that. Some comments were reading that he had health conditions, some were reading that it was foul play not investigated yet, and others were reading that his heart probably stopped from having the Covid vaccine. I have the Covid vaccine and now I’m truly sick to my stomach. What if a blood clot forms around my heart? What if i suddenly collapse? What if the r vaccine is a trap? I’ve never thought This way about the vaccine before. I always thought that it was good. But now I’m so scared because of reading some comments. Not to mention that some comments also said that there are a lot of unexpected deaths lately and I’m truly freaking out. I’m freaking out 😭

Hi everyone I’m new here. I’ve been to hell and back in the last 5 months with my OCD which has affected me with various themes in various ways for since childhood but I’ve only this year discovered I have OCD. I have been suicidal 3 times and very close to ending it all. I have a question for all the parents out there/mums to be suffering with OCD…… I already have a 9 yr old boy and 8 yr old girl and have just found out I’m pregnant again…… I really want to be happy about it but my OCD is determined to make me terrified of having another baby and I am living in fear and dread of changing nappies etc as I know it will start affecting me with POCD type thoughts. I didn’t have OCD anything like as bad as it has been this year when I had my two eldest so never had any issues when they were babies. But I don’t even know how to feel except I am terrified now and very seriously considering abortion just to not go through what the OCD may do to me mentally! Though it would devastate my partner. I have had minimal therapy so far since August but no ERP therapy, I’ve lost faith in therapists as I’m yet to meet one that actually knows what OCD is like for those of us living with it. Is anyone else currently facing this situation with being pregnant or been through/currently going through it? How are you coping? Please don’t give too many details as I am scared of being triggered

I am undiagnosed and have been dealing with this since 11. I had pure ocd something I guess I never fully recovered from but I’m 18 now and have learned how to control to where it does not control me or make me physically emotionally or mentally distressed. But I still deal with contamination ocd and that was confirmed for me yesterday when I tried the I think Ert the exposure therapy which honestly.. I don’t think anyone should be doing themselves I’m in a psychology class and remember going over that- my teacher is a psychologist and said that nobody should ever do that alone and should always do it with or approved by a therapist. And while like I did it, yk, I still think I’m not ready to start doing it frequently. But so my biggest thing has always been my feet touching the bath tub. Since I was 11 years old I’ve worn flip flops in the shower and it was not until yesterday that I ever did not. I tried before earlier this year or last year and started crying and hyperventilating etc. idk if that’s considered an anxiety attack or what but so. I did the exposure thing yesterday, took my flip flops off and right when I was abt to step in I started crying and it took me 5-10 mins to step in but I did it and I continued to cry and breathe heavily in the shower but I know what calms me down so I just did breathing exercises. So my score of distress did go from 8 to 5 but. I realized that I need help. And I realized that I really don’t feel like I have anyone to go to and I realized how much therapy I really need but don’t really have access to. And how sad it is that I’m basically legal now and just finding this app when I really needed it when I was little and it’s so unfair that I have to and had to deal with this for years with no help. And so idk, idk why I said all this I guess I just don’t know what my next move should be. I’m gonna do the 15 min free call today but, I know I want in person therapy. For anything I’d rather text therapy than call therapy but yeah. And its like even though the ocd I experienced when I was little isn’t exactly what I go through now I feel like it’s still something I need to heal from but because I was never tested idek what all types of ocd I had but I know it was more than one. But then also my teacher told me certain people can get sent to the psych ward is it called ?? For ocd and, then I was glad I never got diagnosed because I wouldn’t want people to let that define me and I wouldn’t want to go there?? Like all I ever needed was support and help.

I'm pretty sure my 6y.o child has ocd. She often ruminates on subjects like me or her dad dying, and the end of the world. Late last night as she cried, she asked me, "Will I have a different family at the end of the world?" She's also dealt with depression (in winter), and she "spaces out" during times like this, which I think must be her dissociating. This all started at...I think almost 5. ☹️ Part of me used to feel guilt because I believed she must have inherited these mental illnesses from me. But it's not anyones fault. I'm just not sure how to talk to her about this in a way she would understand, and without offering the reassurance she seeks as a way to comfort, because, as someone with ocd myself, I know that doesn't help. I can't afford more therapy right now (I don't think she'd open up to a stranger anyway). Can anyone offer advice??

i have been talking to a boy online since almost a year. he knows i have ocd and how awful im doing in life right now. he's very open to listening if i have sth to vent about. but since my mental is really more than just poor and without any medication u can conclude how i could have been doing. i am also pretty depressed and having suicidal thoughts rn. but im scared i could be a bad influence on him. im scared that my thoughts will influence his .he has told me to share my intrusive thoughts if i want to. but im scared that he probably will face an impact because of them. please do let me know if my constant venting is fine or not

Hi friends, To my fellow christian’s who struggle with OCD. Can you share what you notice to be compulsions for you mentally/physically when it comes to faith? I’m struggling to differentiate what is me and my faith and what is me and the OCD. I don’t have a therapist so just would love some advice. EXAMPLES Iv noticed in myself I think are apart of the OCD: - obsessing over reading the Bible first thing, needing to keep my Bible streak and feeling guilty if I don’t -repeating certain prayers that I think I need to pray to be safe -mentally checking that I still feel connected to God throughout the day

My friend just had a severe anxiety attack and the cops showed up… I’m making sure she’s okay but my ocd is telling me that since I’m not having an anxiety attack like she is, that I never had OCD to begin with… I don’t ever want to ever be what my intrusive thoughts tell me I am…

Man my ROCD really wants reassurance right now. Making me feel like I’ve never felt love. When I know I have. I’m so annoyed. I just want to be with my man in peace. FIVE YEARS TOGETHER and ROCD decided to attack me this summer. It’s been an on and off battle since.

I’ve been feeling so Bad™️ lately. I know I’m anxious because my chest feels tight and it’s hard to breathe. I can’t focus and my head just hurts. I know I’m depressed too because the only relief I get is when I sleep, I can’t get up in the morning, and I delay starting work. My obsessions and compulsions are largely why I’m so distracted, and I’m exhausted. I feel like my OCD is yelling at me all the time to ruminate and analyze and throws urges and feelings irrelevant to any given moment where im sitting at my laptop at the dining room table trying to get anything done. Because my compulsions largely feed off of my personality, which is to analyze, I’m having a hard time catching when things go off the rails. My therapist wants me to avoid analyzing, so if I do catch myself I’ve tried to say, “maybe, maybe not,” but the anxiety doesn’t seem to go away in a reasonable amount of time. If anything, it makes it even easier to fall for OCDs lies each time after that to the point that I feel like I’m the one living the lie. I’m new to this, and I’m fighting habits built over 13+ years, so I can appreciate that this will take some time. But what am I supposed to do if I can’t work, as much as I want to (and need to)? Has anyone else felt this paralyzed in the process of ending compulsions? Do you have advise or perspective to offer to get through?