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Does anyone see someone recover and get scared there never gonna recover

ocd has been so bad lately; rearing it’s ugly head and making things so hard. why can’t i do everyday tasks without a compulsion?? can’t it not for one day….is that so hard for it??? like pls let me live in peace

Are you scared of intimacy due to ROCD? And do you use sex as a compulsion to "prove" to yourself that you have (sexual) feelings for your partner. I just recently discovered this pattern for me and it is hard to deal with and also I kind of feel sad for my past me in past relationships. I have an amazing partner that wants to help me, but I know it's mainly myself that needs to work through this. Also at the moment I try not to ruminate about the whole topic, which is hard. Any advice?

Anyone here recover from ROCD? I’m confused and in a really tough place right now and don’t want to make a rash decision that I’ll regret. Family and girlfriend are super supportive but I just want one conversation with someone who really gets it. Second time this is happening to me and I’m struggling.

I wanna break up… I am worried ROCD might be keeping me in a relationship that I am unhappy in… but I don’t want it to be me… I want to love him. I want to stay. I don’t wanna give up on our relationship. I want to love him like before bc we want to work on ourselves and the relationship. But how can we when I constantly thinking this way?… Were my happy moments a lie… were they just false clarity…. 💔😞

Why is ocd considered ego dystonic? I feel like it’s more of my ego preventing me from accepting my thoughts and therefore I have a big ego :/ can someone explain so I can understand better?

I understand this post isn’t specifically about OCD but it plays a part and I don’t have anyone else to turn to. It’s more of a rant with advice needed :( So when i was 20, i left uni as my ocd was at its absolute worst. At 22 i went back to uni and now i’m currently 23 and still studying. On top of my ocd, i’ve had people tell me i’m good for nothing and stupid and dumb etc which has made me lose all confidence in myself. I’ve always wanted to get a job but i genuinely believe i’m too stupid and dumb to get one. So many people have said the same things to me and make fun of mistakes i make and belittle me. These same people are the ones who tell me i need to get a job and i need to get out and do something instead of spending time in bed being depressed all the time and when i try to tell them that their words are a huge reason why i do not feel like i’m good enough to get a job and be good at it, they say it’s not a good enough reason and i’m using it as an excuse. i’m genuinely not using it as an excuse. i genuinely do not think i’m smart enough for one. i used to have so much confidence and now it’s all gone. these people tell me i’m not doing anything with my life but then they’re the same people to put me down? am i overreacting in feeling so much anger towards them? Like words have such a huge impact on someone’s life and they’ve made me feel so so so low and insecure in my ability to do anything. I just don’t know what to do. I genuinely see myself as the dumbest person ever. I have no one in real life to talk to who understands as they’re all the ones calling me these names and then saying i need to get a job or life is going to pass by. i’m just upset and confused.

More people that obsess over there boy figure? I feel like I’m gaining weight and I’m really fat and I can’t stop thinking about it I really want to lose weight and I do everything I can about it, I eat about 1400 calories per day, do fitness 3 times a week, walk 2 times a week half an hour. But I don’t lose weight, well I feel like I don’t lose weight and feel like I’m only gaining fat.

I lay in bed here thinking that I shouldn’t be going through this. I have everything I have ever wanted, a great job, a great career, resources, a super supportive family, an amazing partner, beautiful pets, and yet… here I lay feeling empty. Feeling like I shouldn’t be feeling like this. I don’t think there is anything super severe that has happened to me that should be making me feel this way and yet, here I lay, unable to go to sleep, hoping the side effects of the meds would go away pondering why. Why do I feel like this? Why does it keep coming back? What did I do in life to deserve such troublesome thoughts and feelings. I don’t understand. I read people’s post to remind myself I’m not the only one going through this and it saddens me to see a whole community struggling with their mind. I really just want myself and everyone to be happy. To be fulfilled. To beat this monster.

I am experiencing unwanted thoughts repeatedly that arent causing physical anxiety but discomfort/unease and a pull/urgency to "figure things out/make sense of the thoughts." I am really trying not to engage in the thoughts but find it difficult since they come on rapid fire. Is it normal/can anyone relate to my description? Some of the thoughts are calling attention to the fact that I have had these doubts/thoughts for many years and that that must mean that they are true. The thoughts relate to whether I never really wanted to marry my partner and am living a life I actually dont want to live. I find it difficult to know what my actual thoughts/feelings are and what is persistent doubt - especially since I have experienced it for so long now and it keeps coming up - as if I am lying to myself. Another thought that I feel like I am struggling with is the regret of getting married because of the suffering/difficulties of the emotions/thoughts/feelings that have followed. Nothing to do with my partner though, but my own internal struggle. I have been struggling for a long time now how to enjoy my relationship in the midst of these thoughts and what they might mean. I guess when I feel anxiety it feels easier to identify the OCD flavor....I just imagined that it is the anxiety that gives the thoughts their power.

I'm so freaking sick of this I CAN'T fall asleep because my obsessions and fears just keep rolling and rolling. I am so freakin sleep deprived and I'm trying to keep it together. And being tired and unmotivated makes the worries so much worse. I HATE being this way, feeling so exhausted that I'm paralyzed and don't know how to handle my thoughts I'm trying to let them come and go but they're so upsetting I have a therapy appointment tomorrow so maybe I can get some help there. I just feel no relief from the obsessions and I do not know what to do.

So Iv been doing better and im proud of myself. Everything seems to be going okay but I still feel numb. Its been almost 9 months and I barley feel happiness, love, anything pretty for that matter. I can only feel the negative ones like feeling blue from time to time. I just wonder if I’ll be “normal” again. I miss how I felt with my boyfriend. That overwhelming warmth I felt to the point i had yo stop myself from biting him because it was irresistible. It hurts that i cant feel but it also hurts that I might never be the same. How can I go on like this? What am I gonna do once we decide to live together or engaged ? Im always thinking of the future even as far as what it I go through postpartum depression. Im not asking for reassurance but these questions are on my mind everyday. Im so scared im going to go into that dark hole where i was 9 months ago. If anyone has some advice or someone who’s been going through this longer than I have can leave me comments on their experience id appreciate it.

This is more of a rant/vent so Tw for (csa,pocd,past SH,) just triggering in general but idk what’s wrong with me im entirely desperate for closure and or getting out of this mess idk if its healthy or rlly. Ik i made a long discussion earlier but there is so many layers not (in chronological ord really)to this issue idk what to do. I really dislike having ocd its so gross and feels violating like i feel so gross when I actually realize what im thinking and my eye twitches constantly and my face gets all tingly like im about to throw up. Ik its ocd because my last theme was similar I thought that everyday was gonna be my last. But really So far my recent themes really have had me either become stressed tired, hopeless or un interested in things i like because my obsession was the only thing that mattered so my last theme was really bad. Pocd even feels just as bad even worse. with the theme of death and health i came to be fine with. But now its like how can u just deal with thoughts like that and be fine. I cant live every day thinking im gonna hurt someone. And To prevent myself from going insane i just let the thoughts go on but im just there and it’s happening and i don’t like it ,and then its like I like those thoughts don’t I etc. and its like im shaking my head back n forth and my brain is telling me horrible things .and my body involuntarily acts for any actions i do out of nervousnesses and discomfort which makes it worse too. I hate making sure that im not a ped which makes me feel even more disgusted. its like im desperate in my head to ask myself for forgiveness. With this a lot of things in my childhood are now coming up and really make me remember that that event actually happened and I thought it was normal. The first instance something ever traumatic that started this is happened when i was a kid i didn’t realize and i had to have another adult stop the kid cause i was just there confused. And i used to sit in class and remember these situations randomly. And thought it was just an accident im fine now. And as i got older only 7 really i became extremely hypersxual and kids would tell me about more topics I didn’t really know and i would just go along with it and think its ok if they can talk about it like its nothing. Off topic a bit but Its so weird cause I never liked liking people younger or ppl shorter than me cause it felt weird and wrong its not but in reality, but it did feel like it and this one girl i had a crush on for a bit was younger and i got really grossed out when i realized i would be 18 one day and shes still 17 but were only a few days apart tho. Also I didn’t think me being this way at 7 was bad in the past but then when my mom would got really mad at me for looking up sex related topic it hit me i had a problem and it didn’t really do much the more stressed and upset i got the more it got worse. I remember before my 13th birthday i got in trouble again for the same issue my mom said I could become a predator or that my actions could influence my sister that scared the shit outta me so i got mad at myself for not being able to change since i kept being this way since 7 and indulge in sh (not anymore physically not sure mentally ) she said i was manipulative and narcissistic when she found out. I never really felt anything afterwards but guilt and shame. I became super reliant on the internet as a way to relive stress or escape from real world issues and that probably fed into my issues as well. So Recently when I discovered twitter and realized that some how it allowed people to post anything without getting in trouble and seeing that peds were everywhere was gross and mix that in with my hypersxal issues it made me so afraid of what my mom said and it stayed in the back of my mind I’ve felt guilty and afraid if i ever stumbled upon content that would make me feel gross and like i was a bad person cause i was already in a state of stress. i felt so much more guilt than ever.And because of that my pocd has honestly been super shit because being told i am manipulative and narcissistic are traits of peds and its getting really hard to combat these thoughts and make me think i actually am one and its so hard to explain my situation and my past experiences without feeling like everything i say is an excuse to my thoughts. Talking about it so easily on here makes me feel awful too (but it so badly feels like i need to) and really bad like im not making excuses i just don’t know wth is wrong with me and my desperation even makes it gross too like im begging to be accepted for something so vile. I have to be so careful with what i say but even more so it makes me seem more like one of them cause ik those people use that to abuse issues like pocd and other illnesses to seem “normal”. And the thing is I don’t feel normal i feel disgusting the thing is im not and can never feel normal again and I genuinely want these things to stop. EvenToday i felt like my friend didn’t like me anymore and knew about what i thought because she’s very nonchalant in how she speaks and i was just trying to keep the mood up so I didn’t start crying right there. But,Crying even makes me feel awful my mom told me something along the lines of crying doesn’t affect anyone and isn’t valid or she’ll give me something to cry about . I’ve cried for forgiveness from her once when she got mad at my irregular in sex interest for a kid when i was in trouble because no matter what she wouldn’t believe me and usually then thats when i would try to hurt myself out of regret and then she would call me a manipulator and that i would end up like her brother. Ik the correlation is weird but crying makes me feel worse for some reason like im manipulative and my actions are truly the worst and I deserve to suffer for it and if i try to do it myself im even more manipulative. Also that when i cry its extremely invalid and not normal. I feel like this whole thing was useless to write but i feel a need to explain my tendencies or else ill feel guilty for anyone feeling pity for me of accepting the fact i have pocd because they don’t question it cause how do u not know im lying i don’t want u too but I don’t even know myself. Like im very good at analyzing my behavior and emotions but my emotions are not and i feel extremely detached from being able to actually show my true intentions. Like i wrote this with the intent of a small discussion that turned into a story a whole essay even idk really . Though im still afraid that if someone reads this they’ll be like yeah ur behaviors are that of a ped and ur just a manipulative ass who is using pocd as an excuse and ur so far down in ur lies you don’t even realize it. Ive been called so many things by people close to me like a manipulator, narcissistic, pathological liar etc that i sorta believes some things and that it bleeds into my issues with ocd and just twist my brain. The only way i can try and make sure or at least come to terms for the time im not doing or acting such so is comparing themes and how similar my actions from what I remember. Im so sorry for this being incredibly long and redundant and stupid and probably irrational behavior just yeah 😞.

OCD makes me feel like my reality is not the same as everyone else around me. Like my mind is just in another place, and doesn’t see things the way others do. It’s a weird feeling I can’t really explain…but it sucks. It’s lonely and very scary when you don’t see things the way you used to. It’s like you’ve learned something that no one else will understand and you can’t unlearn it or un-know it. Like you’re just constantly stuck in your own world and own narrative. You know it’s weird, different, unreasonable and irrational, but it’s maddening when the other half of your brain feels otherwise. Like it is real, it is the truth. What scares me the most is thinking about how I used to see things, versus now…my perspective is so different. That’s when I go down the rabbit hole of perspective and how everyone has their own. I just want my old perspectives back. I don’t see things the same way anymore and it almost makes me feel like I’m going through a grieving process.

I'm 26 and have had OCD symptoms since I was a small child. My grandfather is diagnosed OCD, and my parents were very concerned that I had OCD as a kid. I believe that I "grew out" of most of my noticeable compulsions/rituals as I grew up. (I probably just learned to cope a bit) but the intrusive thoughts are incredibly overwhelming sometimes, the intrusive thoughts seemed to just get worse as I grew up. I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2010. In 2010, I was also diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Agoraphobia, but that diagnosis doesn't seem off-base, as anxiety has ruled my life for as long as I can remember. I thought about trying to get diagnosed properly, as I believe my Bipolar Disorder diagnosis was just childhood trauma (willing to expound on that later on) but I'm also worried that it might not help. What if it doesn't change anything? I've made it 26 years while coping (barely coping, sometimes) so I just wanted to ask, Has a diagnosis really changed your life? (Thanks in advance)

Hello everyone. I was wondering if there is anyone else on her that is finally getting the help they always needed at an older age. I am 62, and have had a lot of therapy that didn't really do much for me.

So i said to many things to the therapist that she said she cant give me a diagnosis cause theres lot of things i say and it could be a diagnosis but i contradict everything and i dont show signs... so theres alot of problem that i made myself believe that is a real problem, i diagnosed myself, and theres one that is real. The only thing i need to do is just watch these thoughts and emotions and donz try to see why i have them... so that means i need to stop saying this is ocd too. So now i have a really bad anxiety with harm thoughts and i cant say its ocd and it doesnt even feel like its that cause it comes with anger and hopelessness(and the therapist said it too that ocd is fear of the thoughts) so now that i dont know what is it, i worry more and more...

I started having ocd after I gave birth and was so scared to be around my baby and for a whole year I didn’t know what was wrong with me I would go to therapy and they said if I didn’t take medication I was never going to be ok! I than found NOCD online and it was a struggle so to having to open past traumas and wounds. I suffer from pure ocd and currently have a fear about being around any guy specially my brothers or dad I get taboo images and it’s the scariest feeling ever. I’m supposed to love them and not feel like this.

My harm theme started 8 months ago and has gradually gotten worse. I have a few days/ weeks that are good and then will quickly go back to a week of severe anxiousness. Since this started I have hardly felt like myself. I realize recovery will not happen overnight and is not linear. My question while in recovery does it take awhile to feel like your self again? I am currently in an anxious spiral and just finding it hard to believe I will ever feel normal again. Any recovery stories would be great.

Rumination central right now.