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the NOCD Community

I wanna hear when & where you noticed your ocd really starting? when did it develop for you.. i know it’s not important & i know getting treated is more important but i’m interested lol

Hi! I’m 27 weeks pregnant and deal with ocd obviously since getting pregnant a lot of my obsessive thoughts have changed and are toward pregnancy and parenthood but I have one I can not get over and it’s dying during labor… I have been scared of that since I was a little girl I remember my sister and me watching a video about something happening to someone during labor and them passing and ever since then I have been scared and sick that’s gonna happen to me. It’s so bad I want to set up a what if it happens so everyone knows my wishes but I also don’t want to because that triggers me so hard. I’m too the point now with this thought it’s effecting my everyday life I get physically sick anytime I think about going into labor. I feel so alone because I never hear anything about this.

I know that you guys don’t know me, my background, and that none of you are my therapist. I’m just posting this thought before another difficult day ensues. I’m just venting, However I am welcoming any encouraging comments. Not looking for a fix because none of those exist with OCD anyways. Post: I have been in an anxious rut for about one week now, and it has progressively gotten worse every day. Believing that this low point will not last much longer - and that I will start to curve upward back to “normalcy.” When the OCD and anxiety hits me it kills my confidence and puts me in my head. This is a concern because it makes it harder to focus (not get distracted) it makes it harder to be fully in the present moment. I have had OCD since I was a child and didn’t start treatment with a therapist until I was 25. I have made immense progress with cognitive behavioral therapy and exposure response therapy. I stopped seeing her because I was to a point to where I thought I didn’t need her anymore. I still see her once every few months when I have anxious times, but I am doing better. I recently found this app because I noticed that I still need to take more steps with exposure response, as I reach new levels of functioning I notice new areas that are still holding me back. I have my first appointment with an NOCD therapist next week and I am excited. I realize that this is just a post on an NOCD app and then I have already said A lot for people to read but just keep me in your thoughts. I work at security job, not gonna say where, and at this low point of the past week the obsessive thought has been that I’m going to miss something or someone - being that I’m going to mess up at my job and get fired). I know when I am in my head it is harder to focus on my job and I almost had a mess up yesterday. Sometimes I get stuck in rumination and it kills my confidence to the point to where I just get easily distracted and make mental errors which you can’t do at a security job. I think that is all I will say for now I hope you guys continue your treatment and doing well. Again, this post is not me looking for any quick fixes or advice really I’m just looking for encouragement because I know I am on my way upward just doesn’t always feel like it. Thanks.

My question is can Ocd gives you feelings of the horrible inteusive thought that you have are things you want like the harm thought you have, you have a feeling of "i want to do this cause i feel like it, i will enjoy it" Yesterday i got really angry cause i did something bad,then i wanted to focus on something else but a deep feeling of "no i want to feel this pain" came that really made me scared, and i had to let myself feel that everything is bad, im alone, nobody will help, i wanted to shift my attention but the feeling of no this is an authentic feeling just pushed me back,then all of this created a thought and a feeling of i should die, nothing will be better... since then im terrified that im actually suicidal or not, cause when i want to feel better,i get this feeling of i dont want to feel good,.i want to feel bad cause everything is bad, and i feel terribble and hopeless about this. Can this be ocd? Another one,the harm thoughts, whenever i have one i have a feeling to and thoughts that says i would enjoy that. Im really asking this cause i had enough...

I have obsession about my certain bodyparts due to ocd. I have hocd and tocd. I am a girl and I have an adams apple. And I know its normal but I can't accept it. I am scared that it grows even more, what if it means something, it has to mean something. I take pictures about it all the time and also look all the time to mirror so I can watch it. Why I get so obsessed with my body. First I had the finger thing, I know that somebody knows about it here, but I dont like to talk about it because I know that it can be a huge trigger for someone. I was so obsessed with my fingers. Then the lovely adams apple decided to join the triggerclub and now this obsession is so bad. All these body obssesions are because of my hocd and tocd thoughts. I feel like that I accept The fact that I got extra testosterone in my mothers womb before my birth. But still I CAN'T stop thinking about it and these thoughts just are annoying me. I still feel like okay I have to live gay, be gay and be trans. If I dont do those things, I lie to myself. What can I do? Are here any soulmates or similar experinces?

Rant about anything! I’ve had more than half the subtypes you could think of so chances are I can relate, and maybe share how I got better…

Good morning everyone! For the last month I’ve been going to sleep and waking up almost every day with nauseous or nerves towards my relationship. I’m in a long distance relationship about 3 hours apart. We have been together on and off for almost four years now. (We met in college). We come from two different religious households. I’m Catholic and he is non denominational Christian. My family likes him but his family doesn’t approve of our relationship. Our relationship is overall really good. We make each other laugh, we listen to each other, and we have learned to communicate really well towards each other. The only issue I have in our relationship is his view on LGBTQ+ due to his religious back ground. Because of this it has created me to go through motions extremely similar to relationship ocd. He doesn’t actually do anything, he has met my gay friends and he doesn’t give me an issue for hanging with them at all. I am just overall so fearful of our future and it all stems from intrusive thoughts that cripple my day. I don’t want to end things but apart of me does out of extreme fear of the future. I feel like I have no control and it bothers me a lot

Hello everyone..... I'm honesty so over this. I Haye the fact that my OCD theme is back and the anxiety hits super strong back to back to back and keeps going. I have been trying to stay off the internet and to not feed my ocd any more ideas, but it seems like evey where I trun, OCD uses evey chance it gets to make my anxiety spike more and more on after the other in a row. It was so bad I was crying my eyes out because these thoughts feel real and I hate them and I cried and cried until I couldn't anymore. I hate waking up now because I know what I'm getting myself into. I hate having to deal with my brain when I'm active. The only escape I have is sleep (95.5% of the time). I feel like im losing myself and I feel like im fighting to keep my identity safe from OCD. I'm tired, tearful, anxious, and stressed. Is so stressed to the point where I have physical pains in my back and develop headache. I want my life back and my sense of sanity back. I don't go on forums that much (reddit, quora, and google) Sometimes when I get numb from it all, I feel safer because u can't feel, and if I can't feel; I don't need to worry. Sleep is the only thing I look forward to because I can't even express my creativity( visual artists) without 4 or 5 intrusive thoughts following up.on each other along with intrusive feelings. I try and keep myself sane by playing bile games to re-directing my focus, but it works 50% of the time, which isn't bad, but from wverything I've stated above, it's not enough. I really Hate doing this because I know problems aren't as important, and people don't have time to stop and hear my thoughts and feelings, so I prefer to keep them to myself,; just so thay I don't burden or bother people with my issues when others have more issues than me. But I really feel broken and I feel.like my entire being is suffering because of it. TL;DR: my life is a living he'll I sleep Throught to cope, and I want to get rid of forums and ither things that feed my OCD to make it wores and throw things back in my face. Thank you to whoever had the patients to read this💙 Thank you so much... 💧🌧😞🌧💧

TW for a spot in the Bible that causes me some sorrow and anxiety about doubting I hate this back and forth doubt, thinking one way and then another. It's really taking its toll on me. It reminds me of this spot in James: "Only it must be in faith that he asks with no wavering (no hesitating, no doubting). For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind. For truly, let not such a person imagine that he will receive anything [he asks for] from the Lord, [For being as he is] a man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute), [he is] unstable and unreliable and uncertain about everything [he thinks, feels, decides]. " James 1:6‭-‬8 AMPC

What is accepting uncertainty to you all?

I’ve been diagnosed with sexual orientation OCD and have been struggling with my sexuality for years on end. I identify as a woman and have gotten extremely obsessed with powerful female figures throughout my life- I mean crying and staring at pictures of them, daydreaming and fantasizing about being with them, the whole ordeal. The thing is that they have always been much much older than me, and I don’t ~think~ I was sexually attracted to them. But my most recent celebrity obsession has been the first woman I can truly and unequivocally state I am sexually attracted to. What does this mean. Do I really have OCD? Does this mean I’m queer? Does this mean that all those other obsessions are indicative of queerness? I am in one of my horrible ruts right now where I am obsessing about this 24/7 and am feeling so lost, despondent, and constantly trying to “pray the gay away.” I just don’t know what to do.

I’m suddenly really struggling right now. I’m having suicidal thoughts and I feel like the best option for me is to do it. My family really really loves me but I don’t think I can do it. I wish I felt I could live for them but I feel like that’s selfish of me because what if I’m actually a bad person. I’ve seen people talking on here saying they’ve struggled for more than 20 years and I’ve only been struggling for a few months. And this is absolute torture. I cant imagine living like this for that long. Because that chance of me being a bad person or not being able to live the life I wanted is a chance I feel I can’t take. I know in order to overcome ocd you need to accept the either or. But I don’t feel strong enough. I wish I was different.

I have Autism. Today i got angry infront of my nearly 7months old niece who lives with us. I was shouting at my mum and my niece was sitting on my mums lap facing me. As i was shouting i snapped out of my anger trance and realised my niece was right there and her bottom lip was going then she started crying. I'm crying again just thinking about it, how i made her feel. As soon as i saw how upset/scared i'd made my niece i immedietly stopped and went upstairs and cried. I thought i had changed and weren't like that anymore. But seeing her crying and eyes wide probably only 30cm-60cm away from me made me realise i am so horrible. All i want to do is protect my niece and nephew from everything bad in the world. But today i failed at that. I've never made my nephew upset or scared which i'm so grateful for but everytime i see my niece or think about her all i see and hear is her sad face and her crying. I'm also questioning if i knew she was there. Obviously i could see her but she was out of focus. All i could see was my mum as that's who i was arguing with. But i was slightly bending down too so now i'm thinking what if she thought i was being horrible to her. That breaks my heart. A little while later i was messaging my sister (her mum) about how guilty i feel, she just told me to come downstairs and give my niece a cuddle and a little while later after i calmed down i did. Her mum started reading her a book and raised her voice at one part of the book (as people do it's normal to add that speech difference when reading) and she done that face again and started crying. And it was all my fault. I really do hope she forgets me shouting and that it doesn't affect her.

After so many months of stress and rumination I just don’t even feel like that crazy about my boyfriend anymore. I feel super distant and just like put off. I have been ruminating for hours though at this point. I hope I can just chill and stop worrying. When I think about living without him I start to cry though. Sos guys lmao

Hello All! I just wanted to put out a few friendly reminders regarding talking about sexual orientation OCD (SO-OCD) and gender identity OCD in a way that is respectful to people who identify as LGBTQIA+. -Terminology: For those who don’t know, the OCD community has been moving away from the term HOCD toward “sexual orientation OCD.” The term SO-OCD better represents how anyone of any sexual orientation can have SO-OCD, not just straight people, so please use the updated term. Remember that most of the time, we can trace SO-OCD and gender identity OCD fears to a fear of uncertainty, not a fear of being a certain identity, although often the surface fear may appear as the fear of being a certain identity. It is super valid for anyone to have SO-OCD regardless of your sexual orientation, so in no way am I saying that having sexual orientation OCD as a straight person is wrong. We can’t control our thoughts, however, we can control how we talk about our OCD and can do so in a way that does not harm people who identify as a sexual orientation that our OCD might have attached to. A few guidelines: Avoid grouping fears of being LGBTQ+ with sexual obsessions/POCD/other obsessions in which the fear is of doing something that is generally seen as morally wrong. (e.g. "I have taboo fears like pedophile OCD and fear of being gay”) Focus on the uncertainty not the identity. Identifying core fears is key to ERP and can even help in your therapy! Most likely, there is a deeper fear than the fear of a certain identity that can be helpful to explore. Just because someone has obsessions about a certain identity, that does not mean that they must not be that identity (e.g. I had sexual orientation fears and then realized I was asexual later). It can be triggering to many to know that some people have fears around a certain identity and later identify with it. That fear is valid, *and* the experience of exploring identity is also valid. Please be respectful in responding to such posts. Don’t assume people’s genders or sexual orientations based on what they post. Don’t assume that someone identifies as asexual and/or aromantic because they are avoiding sex/relationships in an OCD. Asexuality is a valid sexual orientation and separate from OCD! Bottom line: Sexual orientation OCD is very difficult and valid no matter how you experience it. Although we are not in control of our thoughts, we are able to discuss our thoughts in a way that is respectful and inclusive to everyone on the forum including LGBTQ+ people. If you post about fears of being a certain identity, consider how someone of that identity might interpret your comment.

Hello, has anyone been admitted to the psych ward? How was your experience ?

Can someone who has been through this and gotten better please give me some support? I just need to know what it is like on the other side because it feels like it’s a myth atm. I feel like I’m losing my mind all day every day. I have an official diagnosis of schizophrenia which doesn’t help convince me I’m not losing it. My doctor wants to turn over my diagnosis for one of autism or OCD. Well I have had practically every OCD theme at some point even before the schizophrenia. I’m just feeling exhausted atm.

I didn't have any professional help yet.... I now can control my ocd tho it did a lot damage after ruining half of my life then i could finally control it... Ocd is still there but i have gained control over it... But now i (most likely) have adhd.. And it's destroying my life.. Upon that i have depression also... I now feel like before my life gets more worse for all of these illnesses i should seek help .. I thought and convinced myself since a long time that i can handle all of this myself only to Make Things worse without help.. Now i think i sud really seek help but the thing is My Parents know nothing absolutely nothing about My Mental illnesses.... And I'm unable to tell them cause they won't understand... How will i make them understand... How will i tell them this... I have no idea.. But if i don't tell now my life will just get more worse... I don't know what to do 😔

18+ only Aside from anxiety and intrusive thoughts, which to be honest I'm not as bothered by them like I used to be, there's something else that bothers me just as much, if not more than those things combined. That bothersome thing is pornography. It's been a bother in my life ever since I first discovered it when I was very young. It's always been messing with me. It's like this dirty secret that I engage with and I honestly don't know why I still do to this day. It doesn't help me. I feel bad about it every single time. It amplifies my anxiety and the other day it hurt a friend I deeply care about. The thing is, I've talked about this previously on here, so I just appear like a broken record. At this point, I'm addicted to it I don't want to be, but I am. This is something that takes advantage of your mind. Even if you say no, your mind won't. Worst yet, it appears everywhere in many forms. I feel so dirty. Everytime I end up relapsing I just feel horrible. Horrible due to the fact that this is associating with who I am, even though I don't think it aligns with my morals nor my goals. Not even close. I also feel like this stumped my social development in my adolescence. I understand that teenagers get all wonky with hormones and it isn't like I had a roadmap with going through high school, but pornography definitely made things more difficult. A lot of risky actions were made, bad decisions, and regretful imagery that to this day still messes with me from time to time. I thank God for the days I'm not being distracted and disturbed by those kind of thoughts 24/7. Today, I still think that's bothering me. Another thing that makes me sick is how easily extreme and zany videos can be even when you're not looking for those kind of things. I can Google one thing and it will either give me the opposite or something completely different. Unfortunately, this can include very disturbing things that I wish I wouldn't have seen. This is the only thing I feel so much shame for and I just want it to die. I don't want to deal with it anymore. Yesterday's relapse was one of the worst ones in a long time. I just don't want to keep dealing with this stuff anymore. I wish it were as easy as picking it up, and throwing it out, but the urges and the thoughts and the visualizations come back.

Hi! Does anyone here have a combination of these going on? I'm curious about your experience. As I learn about myself and my OCD, I'm also discovering that I've struggled with executive function for a long time. And I want to look at this now. Curious about your experience. Have a good Monday!