Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Do I just really want to break up!?!?! I do love him. I love him a lot I think.. 💔 I hold him tell him I love him… please!! Help

Would anyone like to share their goals ? It can be anything . Long term or short term goals . I’ll go first.... I hope to someday be able to successfully recover from eating habits and/or potential ED. I’d like to one day accomplish my goal of losing weight . I want to burn off and lose 35 pounds. I hope to begin a relationship at some point I want to be able to be more socially active as a person and better interact with people (make friends ) I hope to one day enrolls myself back into college I hope one day I’ll have obtained my drivers license and have bought my first car Most importantly I hope to recover from ocd

my mom is the kindest person, and she thinks i’m the same pure hearted girl without bad thoughts. she supports me and thinks of my situation with the struggling with intrusive thoughts, she doesn’t know how bad it is though. and i’m convinced she would hate me and disown me if she knew what my thoughts were like. i keep reminding my self or asking “it’s intrusive thoughts isnt it. it isn’t me thinking this, it can’t be. i wasn’t like this.” i struggle with this often, and i already think the why am i living with my self being this or with the thoughts, i don’t want to live this way and i shouldn’t be here. and then if i have an episode of intrusive thoughts and can’t tell for sure it was intrusive thoughts and wasn’t me choosing to think of this, it gets worse. i’ve been trapped this way since the beginning of oct. sorry for expecting a response from someone, thanks for reading it if you did.

I’m treated like a cautionary tale. My father is on everyone’s back at home so that they don’t end up like me, always tells me that black people don’t do this “nonsense” like going to exposure therapy, and when I told him my feelings today, he did three things: - apologized - right after that, talked about how he’s in the right - when I misunderstood something he said, he told me that if I want to be all touchy geeky, then whatever, because I’m lucky to even get an apology since Nigerian parents don’t do that. It’s frustrating. So, so frustrating. And I have NO ONE to talk to about it. No one besides my exposure therapist, and whenever I talk to her, my dad and mom tell me to stop, because it’s none of her business. No one else has ocd. It’s so isolating, I have no community, and I’m TIRED OF IT.

Anything would help.

Hello! I’m VV(20F) and I’ve recently discovered this whole ROCD thing. I really need to talk to someone who understands ROCD and who can help me with advices. I have history with mental illness. I have been prescribed medication for depressive episodes in the past, and now I struggle with panic attacks and this “ROCD”. I am desperate. I’ve never mantained a long-term relationship, and now I am in one of almost 2 years. These thoughts have tormented me for a few months and I just want to feel peace and love. I’m so tired and I just want to end it all. I can’t seem to find joy in life. I couldn’t maintain relationships in the past, but this time is different. My boyfriend is so intelligent, attractive, loving, caring and protective. He loves me so much. And I also love him from the bottom of my heart, I surely know that and that’s why I want to fight for this relationship, because I’m convinced he is my soulmate. It’s just so hard with these thoughts, I wish I could make my brain stop. I can elaborate if anyone is willing to help me a little bit (I know this is not anyone s job but I hope to find someone nice who wants to help). I am lost and so so tired… thank you. :(

Weird questions : What do you have been diagnosed (or self-diagnosed) with beside OCD ? I've been diagnosed with Dyslexia, OCD and HP for now. It can be interesting to know what everyone have.

I'm still so fixated on the event that happened two days ago where my elbow brushed up against a woman's butt when zipping up my backpack. It doesn't seem serious to other people and I may be blowing it out of proportion. I don't want something like that to happen again, and I HATE when I have triggers relating to anything sexual in the wrong way. I'm just trying to let go of this and hope it never happens again because it was so awkward. I hate that I didn't move my arm as it happened and I hate that I didn't say sorry. What I hate the most is thoughts saying I wanted it to happen or planned it. If that were the case, i don't think I'd be THIS bent out of shape over something like this. So I get that this bothers me, I get that I don't want it to happen again, and I get that this resurfaced pretty much all the things I tried to work against and completely put me at my lowest point. I just want to let go of this.

I just need help, I’ve been worrying about having schizophrenia for a few months now after I decided to google something and then found out if you have OCD you’re higher risk for schizophrenia now since then I’ve been worrying about schizophrenia, EVERY DAY. Worrying I have it because the article I read said you’re 30 fold higher risk if you’re OCD to develop schizophrenia. Now I’m convinced fully I have it after the other day, I heard a voice in my head that sounded like a scary version of darth Vader and it said one word that was gibberish and it freaked me out I don’t remember doing that before I wish I remembered if I did or not, but since that happened it freaked me out more and now I keep hearing random voices and sentences, and makes me freak out more and I just want to be normal, I read an article saying anxiety can cause you to hear voices in your head too so I was hoping it was that, but since the voice was a man and sounded like a scary darth Vader I’m scared it truly was schizophrenia because of how the voice sounded, has anyone else ever done this? I just need some relief so I can go about my day and not sit around all day waiting and scared for another one to happen. And another was a British guy actually made a coherent sentence but didn’t go with what I was thinking it was random and scared me even more. The article I found said anxiety can cause you to hear voices inside your head so that means the voices can sound like anything right? Cause they tell you what voices sound like for schizophrenia but they don’t for anxiety and I’m freaking out that by the way the voices sounded that it’s not anxiety that caused them and I’m just so scared and need relief and to know I’m not the only one. And these were while I was awake NOT going to sleep so terrified me more. And I don’t watch the movies anymore it’s darth Vader just that’s the closest thing I could describe the voice something close to please someone tell me I’m not the only one

I have no issue with the fact I’ve been blocked (title is to hopefully get some traction) but with the lack of monitoring on this community discussion board. There are users who are consistently reassurance seeking and nobody seems to be addressing this. It’s not helping them when people reassure them and It’s not helping others who then feel they’re helping by feeding into this. There are a lot of younger users and newbies (even long time sufferers) who aren’t aware of the issues of reassurance seeking. It breaks my heart to see how desperate some of the posts are. Again I’m not sure what the purpose of this discussion board is as it’s changing from being a space where we all support/motivate each other and can find sources for educational information surrounding OCD to a place where people are using it as a compulsion and for reassurance. Whilst I understand that it’s impossible for the board to be heavily monitored. It’d be amazing if NOCD would do a talk or make a post about reassurance seeking and let us know what the purpose of this space is. I’m not saying this to moan I’m just becoming concerned about some of my fellow OCD sufferers. *I’m not completely guilt free myself before I get an ear full.

I am convinced my partner isn’t the one for me anymore!!! 😭😭😭💔💔💔 I am not even the one having the thoughts! The feelings are so strong!!

No! It is me!!!! I don’t love him anymore!!! This is fake right!! 😭💔 no no no no no!! I’m in denial!?!!

Hey guys and gals!! I hope everyone is good and well and ✨ thriving! I always wondered if there was such a place to vent, share stories of my struggles and success with ocd, and hopefully help someone in the meantime, and maybe I’ve found it. It’s been. A while, since the grips of OCD came knocking at my door. Living symptom-free for two years has been a godsend. A much needed relief. Now don’t get me wrong, I had the intrusive thoughts, but I knew what to do with them. I could apply the things I learned from therapy to them, And they would pass as fast as they came. I “ignored the house guest” as I call it. It worked and I felt great. Now, I don’t know about you but when my life is full of chaos and stress that’s when I thrive the most. I don’t have time to hyper focus on the thoughts, sensations, and impulses it all just fades into the background. But once the dust settles, things become less chaotic stressors are removed, and I’m alone with just me and my thoughts it comes back with a vengeance. Every. Fucking. Time. (Anyone else?) So here I am in the middle of my “storm”. It’s been about a week now, and I can think of the triggers (It took a good Psychological thriller book, and the Jeffrey Dahmer series on Netflix 🙄) The once “ignored houseguest”, is sick of being ignored and is making her presence known.… what a bitch! I can’t pretend that in the moments of sheer panic when OCD really gets to me I don’t go down the rabbit hole of research, “what if’s”, doubt, and reassurance seeking. But, what I also do is remind myself to be extra kind and patient to myself, I remind myself that these themes seem very typical of previous OCD Ruminations I have once encountered. I remind myself that feelings aren’t fact, and it’s OK to acknowledge the thought is there but ignore it, hence the “ignored houseguest”. It’s OK to feel the anxiety and the uncertainty and live a productive meaningful life. Also it’s OK to “relapse” Because every time it happens I come out stronger than before, I have more knowledge to give others than I did before. It makes me better of a listener when someone comes to me with the same issues.. I will literally have this internal dialogue where I’m listening to my worries and thoughts, as if a friend is listening to one of their girlfriends vent about a bad relationship. I then will self dialogue the friend giving the rational advice it needs to hear. It works! Any who, it’s been quite the week, and dare I say I feel some relief. The storm may finally be passing 😬. I hope everyone is doing good, and is living their best life, and their “ignored houseguest” Is shutting up and sitting on the couch without saying a word! 🤪 And if not, and she’s making herself known, It’s OK, you’re ok, You are strong and powerful, a fighter, and OCD warrior. Tell that bitch to have a seat. You will get through this just like you did plenty of times before! WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER! Please just remember to be extra kind, compassionate, and above all patient to yourself in these times. you are totally worth it 💁🏻‍♀️

I feel sick and my heart aches... Lately I have been not getting intrusive thoughts, I'm willing to say "they are just thoughts". I'm willing to not obsess over them, now I am SCARED if I don't have ROCD at all and I'm just in denial, I feel calm with my thoughts, but now I feel like I don't love my partner after all. My intimacy that was once there is now disappearing. My love for him feels like it's disappearing.. I know the thing that love is a choice but I'm starting to feel like I don't actually love him at all.. I'm scared. I genuinely want to spend time with him more and get to know him more. Now when I say "I love you" I pause in the middle of my sentence because I feel like I'm faking it. Same with making gestures, I feel like hugging, kissing, and holding his hand once felt genuine, now I'm afraid that it isn't genuine at all and I'm just forcing myself to love him. I'm so confused. Just a week ago I had such intense intrusive thoughts now I feel like I numbed from it. I just told my partner that "I feel like my feelings and love for you are drifting away" I feel bad, I feel fake, I don't want to break up with him... I want to spend my future and time with him. People say "love flows" but I feel like my feelings and love for him, the emotions I feel with him will never come back. It hurts.. I feel like I may not have ROCD after all. So I may be going.

So I am co-maid of honor for my friends wedding and the other MOH is (was?) also my friend (we’ll call her Sadie). As MOHs, Sadie and I had to plan our friends bachelorette party. During the months we needed to plan/prep, my mental health was in a really bad spot, the worst it’s been in years. I still hadn’t been diagnosed with OCD yet and was in horrible shape emotionally. I told Sadie that I was struggling but I probably would not be much help for bachelorette planning, but would do what I could. I felt so guilty about not doing my share, but I had to take care of myself because I felt totally out of control, having daily panic attacks and crying. Sadie told me she understood and it was no problem, we met maybe twice for planning and the rest was ordering decorations and stuff, which I split with her. I thanked her and apologized repeatedly for running the show throughout the months leading up to the bachelorette. During the bachelorette, Sadie was in a horrible mood (long story) and it resulted in the bride getting mad at her. As the other MOH and seeing my two friends arguing, I checked in on them. At that point, Sadie (who was over tired and very drunk) started pointing fingers at me and saying that I was making her feel like a bad friend because I wasn’t getting into the details of my mental health situation with her (which is completely unrelated to the bride’s conversation with Sadie- it really came out of left field). She said that she was worried and wanted to help but I was unresponsive to messages (which isn’t true). She made me feel guilty for not trusting her with my deepest and darkest struggles, meanwhile I had just found out earlier in the day she had lied to me about something minor and unrelated… so why would I trust her with such personal and stigmatized information? I explained that I didn’t get into the details of my struggles with anyone besides my therapist and my mom, but she kept hounding me about how I was making her feel bad. Of course one of my OCD themes is worrying that I’m letting people down… anyone who knows me knows that’s a big concern of mine. Naturally, this made me cry. I found out after the fact that Sadie also told the bride (before I joined the conversation) that I never thanked Sadie for planning the bachelorette and that certain activities fell through because of me. Sadie (kind of?) apologized to me and the bride for her behavior, telling me that the mental health convo should have happened at a different time/place, but things have been weird ever since. I feel like she owes me a serious apology for weaponizing my mental health, because if she truly cared she wouldn’t have done what she did to me or would have pulled me aside later and apologized profusely. It’s been over a month and she has put in no effort to communicating with me and vice versa. I think she thinks I am in the wrong, although I’m not sure what I did and the bride doesn’t know either. Anger comes at me randomly about this, because I thought of Sadie as a good friend and I feel like she used my situation as a weapon. Even if she was hurting too for me not opening up, there are so many other ways she could have told me. In any situation though, I still do not owe her details about my mental health challenges. Right? My friends say that Sadie crossed a line by demanding to know details about what’s going on with my OCD. I just want to stop being angry with her and effected by this situation. Any advice?

Good afternoon, So I’m new to NOCD and grateful. I’m a new mama struggling with severe postpartum OCD, and I recently got a new phone. Yay self care! However? I continue to struggle with intrusive thoughts and am trying to limit the “doom scrolling” as we know it feeds the OCD. Long story short, I had to set up obviously all my logins and passwords and for the last two days I’ve had these horrible intrusive thoughts of what if I Google something that feeds the I struggle thoughts. I struggle with fear of harm/fear of losing control and horrible sexual thoughts as the result of a troubling documentary I watched early postpartum. Does anyone experience this? It seems OCD evolves into new themes even as I’m making progress. Yuck. Thank u got everyone’s kindness, support and honesty. God bless

My ex boyfriend and I broke up about 1,5 year ago now. Later on when we already broke up I found out he had cheated on me in the relationship. It hurt and I got mad but I was over it for a long time. When I heard this I cut off all contact. But still when I see him or see things about him I get triggers, like anxiety and fear. I have an amazing boyfriend now since a month he’s sweet and so much better for me. But it makes me scared that my ex triggers me sometimes when I see him. Does this mean something?

Anyone a dr or scientist or something? Today in my bio lab I dissected a pig and then when we were done I had to clean the surface with 70% ethanol spray. I forgot to put gloves on to clean with the ethanol and I was supposed to. When I realized, I washed my hands with warm water, but not for 15 min. My skin doesn’t burn or anything but I’m so scared that it absorbed through my skin and that I’m going to die. I am having a panic attack and crying.

I am 14 years old girl. I have soocd and tocd. My soocd is not that bad anymore. It is still there but I can accept the thoughts. This might be triggering for somebody but I have realized that I am not fully straight and that its ok. I feel attracted masculine girls and boys. I dont If this ocd is just messing with my head but now I just feel like this and I can't help it. My tocd was so mild when the whole ocd rumba strated. But now its worse. I feel masculine and I hate it. When I look at the mirror I feel like that the girl on the mirror looks like transboy. I am obsessed with my body parts like my broad shoulders. I hate hate hate them. I take pictures of them because i wanna see how they look in certain positions. I have measured them also a lot. I feel like that i am denial and I want to boy, I just haven't had that right and good feeling yet. I have always liked girly stuff. But now i dont even use makeup, because I feel like I use it for hiding my real self. Do I have tocd because that soocd mess made me think about what If I dont have ocd at all. I am not diagnosed with ocd but i have seen psychiatrist and she gave me medicine ( escitalopram 10 mg) but I feel like its not working. I know its not. I am also strarting therapy but its not yet. I just feel so embaressed and scared about these thoughts so its so hard to tell the whole truth about everything. I just wanna be somebody else. That its my vent for today.

Hi! I’ve been struggling with HOCD for a couple of years now, but recently I started working with an OCD therapist. Anyway, one of my biggest triggers are guys in underwear, or shirtless, or in swimsuit, etc. It’s really hard for me to do this exposures as my tberapist asked me to watch pictures of male models, for example. I’ve been doing this for a couple of months but I still get triggered everytime, I don’t know how to get better at exposures, I wanted to know if someone is struggling with the same and maybe have some tips to share. Thanks!