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I'm at an all time low today after something that had happened. I've been doing so well with recovery and getting out of my comfort zone and doing what I want to do. Now it feels like I'm back at squared one. I'm so scared for my life and my morality. During class today, when it ended, I packed my things while getting ready to leave. While zipping up my backpack, my elbow touched a woman's butt as she tried to pass through to leave. She noticed it, I noticed it, and it was so awkward that I couldn't say anything and tried my best to not get messed up from it. She left before I even got a chance to get up, and as soon as I left for the stairs, the thoughts came in. Hard. Thoughts saying I wanted that to happen, thoughts saying I liked it, thoughts saying that I planned it. Twice my heart sank because of it, then I went to reassuring. It feels like all of my progress has plummeted. What if I meant to do that? What if she thinks I'm horrible? What if I get reported or charged with something or if my life is ruined? This is what I'm worried about throughout the entire day. I don't even know if I want to go to my class tomorrow... I wasn't even focused on this woman now that I think about it. There's another older woman in my class that I find cute and sometimes I look at her. Sometimes we talk, sometimes not. But it's cool when we do. I just want to be able to move past this with confidence but it feels like I just screwed up my entire life with this one thing that lasted for like 2 seconds.

I love my boyfriend so much! Sometimes though I get irritated with everything and anything he does. He won’t do anything bad, just make a joke, or laugh, and I get anxious, which I think is because I’m internally checking how I feel about him (completely unaware I’m even doing it), and then I get irritated. And it’s like I’m always irritated by anything he does. I feel it’s because my mind is rescreening how I feel and checking my emotions and whether “I love him enough” and that anxiety makes me anxious. Is this normal? Anyone else know what I’m talking about or have tips to help me?

I still don't feel right. My OCD has morphed into obsessing about emotions. And I know I've been through this (with words, time, distance, seeing thoughts, inner voice) It's just so stupid. I once was freaking out about words. And how do we "imagine" stuff in our heads. Now it's about emotions. Like what are emotions and how do we have them and like how do we even know they are good or bad? Didn't we just make up the concept of good and bad? What if I forget the meanings and do bad things? What's the point? What's the purpose? And that makes me depressed and hopeless which makes the anxiety worse because then I'm worried about self harm. Im supposed to say "there is no answer to this" but it still won't go away And I know they fade. But it is taking so long to fade. And I've already upped my Zoloft in the last 6 months and I'm taking it correctly. It doesn't make sense.

I know others will be able to relate to this: How do you deal with wanting to come to this app or another OCD resource when your OCD is out of control? I’ll give a little backstory on how this is affecting me specifically, but you can skip to the question at the bottom if it’s too much. My worst OCD episodes are during big transitions or after big events like Christmas, weddings, etc. though I have a “normal” amount of OCD tendencies outside of these episodes as well. I moved into a new place a little less than a week ago so the transition is making my OCD really bad. It’s my first home and my first time living alone and I’m completely overjoyed and thrilled, but OCD takes away from it. Right now my OCD is themed around fear of real events, internet privacy, radiation from technology, and feeling like the world may end because of any combination of these things. Add on fear of microplastic, man made viruses, etc, and my mind is a nightmare. My mom said something about wishing she could pay only cash for things and go off the grid, but that the Bible says we’ll have a cashless society in the end and that it’s too late. She said it RIGHT when we were pulling up to my brand new house for the first time, and I am super triggered by what she said when I am at home now. My family (especially my mom and her parents) regularly talk about the end of times in relation to global news, but in a very negative, gloomy way that makes my fear and OCD go absolutely nuts, I’ve had to leave the room before just to calm down. I am a Christian so I am overestimating the threat of these “signs of the times” fears which brings me a wave of dread. Christians are instructed to not fear signs of the times, so fearing these arbitrary things that I am *perceiving* as signs of the times brings religious OCD angst. The stupid thing is I have no way to know whether the end will come soon or beyond my lifetime, so there’s no way to reassure myself 100% if these are actually signs of the end or just life. Time is irrelevant to God and I can’t find a balance between listening to what the Bible says will happen, and fearing everything and living as if this is the end. A ritual of mine is to look back over the globe’s history at all the scary things that have happened and I tell myself that those weren’t end times, so this isn’t necessarily either. My entire obsession is unhealthy, obviously. Right now it’s taunting me that I feel so much fear and I “shouldn’t”. The QUESTION at hand though is that I feel like I want to seek support on this app, on Reddit, or by listening to Mark DeJesus’s OCD podcast to help my OCD fears calm down. Last night I was so anxious that I listened to the podcast to help me calm down so I could sleep. I know I have made progress because I recognize my obsessive thoughts, but starving the compulsion is the challenging part, especially when a compulsion is theoretically something that should “help”. How to I continue to get support and learn about my illness without making it worse by reassuring myself?

I’ve had overpowering thoughts today. So I started my sertraline tablets hoping it would help. But now I feel worse. The thoughts feel so real but I don’t want them to be real.

Hi there guys, What is the therapy like? Are the therapists nice? I have in my head they’re going to be so judgmental and not actually understand what I’m going through. That it’s me and me alone. (I recognise this is OCD trying to pull a fast one!) Also, do you make sessions when you want? Or are you signed into a contract? I’ve heard it’s two sessions a week for the first month but what if I just want one session a week or after a month don’t feel the need for many more? Is it down to the patients discretion?

A few days ago i attempted. Im going inpatient in some days in a pretty good hospital hospital and has doctors and teams specialized in ocd. The intrusive thought that led me to attempt su!c3d3 was the million articles i read online. I say weird techniques like "recording ur intrusive thoights and hearing them half an our every day" and many more. These techniques are STUCKED to my head. I believe tjat if i dont do them I'LL NEVER GET BETTER. I cant trust any psychiatrist because of all the bullshit i read online. (Btw it was from accurate sites from "experts in ocd".) A few weeks ago before i read those, i did cbt and learned to ignore and not answer ocd thoughts and things were so much better. I have destroyed everything. Im ready to commit another attempt, if i cant trust my psychiatrists in the hospital Im doomed. I cant go there and be like " oh what you say is contradictory to what i read so i dont believe you". I feel my life is over. I dont want to live with this mind anymore.

My aunt passed away recently. I was very close with her and it was unexpected, relative to her general health just earlier this year. My heart feels broken and I can feel my OCD coming back which causes more stress. I can't tell if I'm avoiding the pain because it's a normal part of grief or if it's my OCD. I feel the urge to grieve "correctly" and be there for everyone else but then will burn out and need to isolate and ignore everyone because I'm afraid if I engage too much or not enough or not the "right way" when I feel depleted, that I will mess up myself or upset them or ruin the relationship. The pressure from OCD is so strong yet I'm still attempting to do my ERP though everything feels really horrible and out of whack, space like, because of the grief. Then I spiral, questioning that, as well, and if it's the grief or maybe the OCD is "finally making me insane". We have been clearing out my aunt's house and it's been a positive experience with my family, but it's been increasingly hard to see her items changed or adjusted or cleared. Some of this seems normal but I know the strength for which I feel it at times is OCD because I find myself close to panic each day we are done because essentially it's like 7 or 8 hours of exposures. Now I find intrusive suicidal thoughts coming back, depression (which seems normal for grief but exacerbates the OCD sometimes) and other intrusive thoughts involving my aunt or my cats and life and death. I feel like I'm going to fall apart and my body aches from carrying the stress. Anyway I'm just feeling horrible now that the intrusive thoughts are coming back more and everything is so out of whack, I don't understand the point of anything so doing ERP for this feels impossible or daunting or like such a minor thing to accomplish when I have so much else to do and already overloaded emotionally and mentally. Thank you for listening I just had to share.

when you’re upset at an argument or issue with someone, is it considered the bad kind of reassurance if i keep asking people if they think i did the right thing? something happened last week and im constantly going it over and over in my brain and need people to tell me that i did the right thing. the fact he blocked me makes me anxious and scared that one day he’ll unblock at text so, should i stop asking for reassurance around this situation? it does feel really really good when someone tells me they did the wrong thing (when they did something messed up)

For a while now I’ve started to think I possibly have an Ed. I consistently get anxious if I don’t intake what I feel is satisfying to me . I consume a lot of sugary food throughout the day. Through each course of a meal, I don’t feel full sometimes or at least I think. I eat a lot during nighttime . There’s a lot I’ve noticed throughout these last couple of months now . My eating routine is just not the same . I’ve gained over 20+ pounds over these months . I know due to my stressful circumstances, I cannot stop devouring all this food . My ocd is the main factor to overall all my problems . I’m not sure where to go to get a diagnosis . This is simply just a concern for me and I want to eat normally now because my habit of overeating only unmotivates me not to follow with the plans . For example; going to the gym . I know that if I want to successfully lose weight then I need to better manage my current state with food consumption . I don’t wanna fall back because I don’t know what I’m doing . Anyone have any suggestions in regards with this subject ? I genuinely just need to know how I can get a diagnosis .

Does anyone else get bothered a lot when someone feels certain in the possibility of what you get worried about? I have a BF and my mom was telling me she's certain another guy will catch my attention when I get to college and they'll be much better because they'll know what and who they want to be or do in their lives (we're in the 11th, school just started in September). It annoyed me cause I already get anxious if I'll no longer wa to be with him, so hearing her go "your eyes will fall for someone else In college cause of XYZ" caused me to get worried cause I don't want that to happen. I'm not sure how to put it, but it was her garuntee of me wanting someone else that stressed me out. I can't even express to her how it bothers me, she often goes on when she's upset that he's not going to be the only person ill date and etc.

Terrified I’m about to hallucinate or see / hear something :( A week ago while I was on a bus I heard a scary voice that sounded so close to my ear saying “you don’t like me” and it cut out right away, and I can’t tell if it was a hallucination or someone’s phone and I can’t keep obsessing about it :(

hi guys, well i have 17 years and 11 months of relationship since the 4th month I developed the thoughts of doubts, literally overnight I just woke up with a lot of anxiety and it's been like this until today, I've always had doubts for 2 weeks or more and I had a time of comfort and certainty, but in the last two months I feel calm with my partner and without anxiety but I feel numb and no longer with certainties, and I also developed a certain feeling or will, which is as if, as much as love is a choice, I keep thinking "what if I don't want to choose her" or "I don't want to love her anymore" and this has made me nervous and my stomach is churning as if this time it was really my truth and I really didn't know since I don't have moments of certainty anymore. does anyone have any advice or tips?

It’s so weird how OCD just comes about with no explanation, out of nowhere. My issue has been feelings. I have moments of hyper focusing on feelings, trying to figure them out, and it’s exhausting. Logically, I know that what I’m going through with the things happening in my life (relationship ending that was abusive, my father just getting diagnosed with dementia, etc) would make anyone feel the way I do. But I keep trying to fight my feelings. “Normally, old me” would embrace them and let them be. Ever since my OCD returned, I can’t help but fixate on them and stress even more. It’s almost like my emotions and the way we are as humans in my mind has become even more of a problem than the problems themselves. Can anyone relate? I am doing my best with ERP. I definitely helps. But I’m still waking up not feeling like myself and it hurts.

There are so many posts on here now that it’s become quite overwhelming. Some days I can use the app appropriately and get actually helpful information out of it or attempt to offer insight to people struggling. However, lately I’ve found I’ve been using it as a bit of a compulsion to see other people struggling like me to “reassure” myself it’s OCD. But I’ve also been triggered by a lot of people offering others really bad advice that isn’t good for OCD. There are way too many reassurance seeking posts (I know it’s hard, I’ve been guilty of it too). I think I’m going to take a break from the app. My advice to you, stop seeking constant reassurance. Stop obsessively reading stuff related to your intrusive thoughts/worries.

I am so depressed… I really believe I don’t love my partner anymore… 😭💔💔 I know deep down I do but why do I have to feel this way! Last night before bed I cried badly holding him bc I thought that will be the last time.. then this morning I started crying again and he could tell how depressed I was by it… he gave me a hug and I started crying more… rubbing my head against his belly. 💔😭 No one has to respond I just need to vent so badly… I did a bad compulsion yesterday. Saying I didn’t love him to make myself feel better but it backfired bc I cried so badly after saying that.. 💔 No one understands when I say that it honestly feel like I don’t love him anymore… I want this to ROCD so badly… I am beyond depressed and numb… I keep testing my reactions still. Am I just bored or sick of him at this point!? That can’t be right when I had my biggest clarity moment and I was completely fine out of the blue. I knew I loved him a lot. But I haven’t felt a clarity moment in 20 days basically…. It’s killing me….

I had intrusive thoughs since I'm 13, when I was 17 all of that came back to me one night and I "admited" to be into dudes, or at least like how they look, I don't remenber exactly what I said but I know that I dind't felt anxious, I actually felt good about it (not about being into dudes, but about finally giving an end to the thoughts, a conclusion) at the moment I didn't know about OCD or any of that so I thought it was the right thing to do. And now it's back saying that no one straight with HOCD would ever say or admit something like that

My daughter loves the movie Sing, and the other day while she was listening to the soundtrack, I realized that the U2 song “Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of” (sung by Scarlett Johansson in the movie) is really applicable to OCD and anxiety. Below are the relevant lyrics as I explained them to my beautiful wife and how I think they apply to OCD. The U2 version includes the last lines that are encouraging in helping you move forward, while the soundtrack version is a bit more soothing and comforting to listen to when OCD gets bad. I hope others find this encouraging. "I'm not afraid Of anything in this world There's nothing you can throw at me That I haven't already heard" All my OCD thoughts are repeat themes and I’ve already heard them "You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight These tears are going nowhere baby" I need to resist the compulsions, and my ruminations are going nowhere "You've got to get yourself together You've got stuck in a moment And now you can't get out of it Don't say that later will be better Now you're stuck in a moment And you can't get out of it" Stuck in my rumination, and it won't get better "later" if I do compulsions and don't resist it "I will not forsake The colors that you bring The nights you filled with fireworks They left you with nothing" All the nights filled with anxiety (fireworks in your mind) that didn’t end up helping anything "I am still enchanted By the light you brought to me I listen through your ears Through your eyes I can see" Even though I know the anxiety and OCD is not true, it still traps my mind (“enchants” me) and feels like truth (“light”). OCD makes me listen through OCD’s ears and see through OCD’s eyes instead of seeing things as they really are (i.e., no real threat, just an OCD obsession). "You are such a fool To worry like you do. Oh I know it's tough" The anxiety and worry OCD causes is pointless, but we all know how tough it is in the moment. "And you can never get enough Of what you don't really need now" We can never get enough of reassurance and compulsions, but we don’t really need that in the moment of our OCD "I was unconscious, half asleep The water is warm 'til you discover how deep" Compulsions (the water) feel good (warm) until you discovered they just get you deeper into it "I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall It's a long way down, to nothing at all" We don’t mean to get ourselves stuck in the obsessions and ruminations, but we fall into it anyway. And it’s a long fall to nothing, because the compulsions and ruminations don’t lead to a solution. "And if, and if the night runs over And if, the day won't last And if your way should falter Along this stony paths It's just a moment This time will pass" Encouragement to end the song

I have the most lovely 3 month old daughter....and I have chronic OCD over harm/paedophile OCD and it just consumes me. Last night , I was rubbing her chest to help her sleep and my hand rubbed over a wee button under her sleep suit. As she's a girl and I was rubbin her chest my head thought , " that's like a mound as if a breast"..... I can't remember what I thought or did after this but I may have thought " that's nice" and kept rubbing. Not long after I remember the thoughts being too much and lifting my hand away. I'm absolutely mortified at the thought I didn't lift my hand away the second my head associated that wee mound with a breast and feel like the worst dad ever now. I'm so upset over this . The amount of effort I put into not doing anything inappropriate then I let this happen. Hoping for some support! Thanks

Please comment if you have experienced severe depersonalisation where you feel unsure or doubtful about specific events? I was driving with my girls from a long trip and the whole time I was pre occupied with thoughts and anxiety asking myself if I was really behind the wheel? Are my kids with me in the car right now? Have I already harmed my kids in any way while being totally oblivious to what happened? Then when we got home , the thoughts continued on with doubts like did we make it home or did I get into a car accident and because I’m feeling so depersonalised I couldn’t reassure my self that we’re home safe and nothing like that happened …lately my DP and ocd have gone to the next level where I don’t feel like im a person , this morning for example I felt like I was a box with all these contents inside it and this feeling makes me feel like im going lose my mind and end up with some psychotic illness where I’ll get dumped in some mental institution 🥲🥲🥲🥲