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the NOCD Community

Ik some people have contamination ocd or the organizing and neatness ocd (I'm sorry idk what it's called) but I'm not sure there's much values present there so much.

So i have to sleep on the sofa bed with my friend but the thing is in the room im in theres a knife in the sink and im sorta terrified that i could hurt someone with it and its just the fact that its there and on show that bothers me. I dont know whether i should move it so its out of sight out of mind or whether this would help my ocd?? I dont know what to do. I dont want to hurt anyone but ocd feels so real im scared i might because its so easilt accessible or what if i sleep walk?? Im so stressed

I haven’t been diagnosed but reading about SOCD changed my perspective on myself, and helped me realize my current theme struggle. I know self diagnosis can be frowned upon, but it’s just so obvious and helped me come to terms with the current theme I’m running with but that’s beside the point. I realized I was gay when I was 16. This was such a stressful event for me and triggered an at least 1.5 year shut down. When I finally came out at 19, there was a big relief but something else changed. I started to think, what if I’m actually not and I just lied to everyone and made the biggest mistake of my life? From then on until last year when I was 25, I was completely obsessed with analyzing my sexuality. I would talk out loud to myself for hours a day comparing the attractions I felt (or didn’t feel) and reassure myself I am in fact gay. I would convince myself that to be gay, I have to be attracted to pretty much any man. I would force myself to view any man who entered my life in a sexual or romantic way otherwise this can’t be true. Any time I made a friend who was a woman, I would have obsessive thoughts about “what if I’m in love with them” and fear I was lying about my sexuality to get closer to women. I would compulsively find character flaws in these women and end up ruining my friendships because it was better than the prospect that I was taking advantage of them in some way. I would constantly obsess over the “odds” of being gay and why was I “chosen”, and think I must be bi or straight. I would also fixate on the aspects of my personality, appearance, voice, mannerisms etc to appear “gayer” and this made it even worse and really made me feel like I was faking it all. I rationalized it the entire time as a case of extreme internalized homophobia. But looking back it wasn’t at all; I was afraid that I wasn’t gay, not that I wanted to be straight or bi. So what helped? I really broke down my fears and why this was bugging me so much. What was I so afraid of if I was actually bi or straight? What would happen if I had to “come out” again and how would that affect my life or others? I realized that all my trauma from it stemmed from the original event of not fully knowing myself, and feeling as though I faked who I was for 16 years. The lack of certainty was intolerable (which is why I think this is such a prevalent OCD theme). There’s no certainty for anyone in this matter. Furthermore, I already had this same event happen. My family and friends perception of me had changed already from coming out at 19, and they were still in my life. No one felt lied to or taken advantage of. If I had to “come out” again, there would be confusion amongst people around me, but ultimately I would be okay and move on. Basically, my “biggest fear” had already happened, and I was still alive and still supported, so there’s no use in fearing it Since that time, my attraction to men has felt so genuine and my brain doesn’t even look at women in a sexual or romantic way 99.9% of the time. In that area, I’m completely comfortable and anxiety free. Intrusive thoughts occasionally happen, but it’s easy to write it off. I’m not cured of OCD by any means. I’ve moved on to a different theme that’s equally debilitating. But this theme I am done with, and wanted to share in hopes that any sentiment here could start a path of recovery for anyone struggling with this theme as those six years were the most stressful of my life and I felt so alone/without support. The one thing certain about sexuality is that no one can be 100% certain, and being uncertain in this area is a universal experience, and does not suggest that you are lying or taking advantage of others just because you have some random thoughts that don’t match with how you identify yourself

Sometimes I find things my bf does cringey and feel distressed and anxious abt it. Makes me think I don't like him and that makes it worse. Can anyone relate?

I have avoided knives for two years since i first started having ocd thoughts. I have only just educated myself on ocd and ive learned all about erp and stuff but i feel terrified whenever im near knives and today my mum wanted me to wash up and there was a knife in the sink and i was so scared, i didnt want to touch it or look at it and it made me want to run away i was so scared that id hurt someone and when i picked it up i felt like i was going to hurt someone and it’s terrifying i dont want to be like this. Is it right that i put myself in positions were im around knives? Like should i be avoiding them? I feel better when i avoid them but im starting to think its not the right thing to do.

Anyone struggling with trich? It’s something I’ve tried to dismiss for a long time and act like it’s not so bad. It’s gotten worse over the years and I’ve never had anyone to talk to about it. Would love to connect with others experiencing the same thing. For me it started in high school and has become worse over time. I tend to pull from specific parts on my scalp and can tell which parts by how short the hair is or slight balding. It usually worsens when my anxiety does. I knew it was bad when I started to notice I’m seen doing it in photos and videos. I feel like I’m doing it almost anytime I’m just sitting still or driving. If my hands aren’t busy I’m likely pulling. When living with my grandma it became a problem because she was cleaning up after me and now I’m living with my sister and worried it’s going to become an issue if they start to notice.

I feel really scared. For the past 3 months I’ve been having these thoughts that I don’t love my husband and I can’t stay with him. It’s gotten to the point that I have a hard time even being in a room with him because it causes me so much anxiety.I don’t want that to be true at all. I want to feel about him the way I used too. We have built a life together and have been through a lot. I am so scared I am going to lose everything. My husband, my pets, my house, my job. I can’t tell if this is rocd or if I truly don’t love him anymore. I probably shouldn’t even be posting this because it’s reassurance seeking.

i am constantly bored and i spent most of my days sitting on my phone. i really want to do something creative and that keeps me inspired and interested but i cant think of anything. i've also been thinking about joining a volunteering organization that helps stray animals but idk i'm shy and also i'm going to uni in october so i wont have much time for volunteering. any advice/suggestions?

Are any of you on here true followers of Jesus? Like all of these thoughts, anxiety, and panic attacks are so blasphemous towards the Word of God. My favorite thing to do is study the Bible for 2-3 hours every morning, public speaking, creating motivational video content for others., and just doing my best to represent God kingdom in the best way possible. All of this makes me feel so unworthy sometimes, like a voice will intensely say I’m not worthy to do such things because of the disgusting things that I’ve been exposed to or instructive thoughts that have went through my head. My only mission when I wake up is to spread the gospel and impact many lives, I would never in a billion years fathom having to deal with something like this. It’s so depressing, I even hesitate going around my students that I mentor because I feel so unworthy and contaminated. This sometimes feel like a dream, like a foggy cloud. It’s hard to fathom that thoughts I 100% hate would stick like this. I know Jesus will heal me, I know he will, my diligence have never been tested like this EVER. And I have been through so much Trauma in my life. Nothing makes me feel as uncomfortable as this.

I feel so guilty that I didn’t feel an instant spark or chemistry with my boyfriend 🙁 because when I look online all articles/peoples opinions tend to say romantic love stems from lust which is a primal urge that you have straight away with someone it doesn’t develop over time it’s either there or it isn’t ! Also people recall how they fell in love it was the easiest and most natural thing with no doubts . It bothers me to this day, I don’t even know if what I have is ocd or if I’m lying to myself I hate this .

Hi everyone, does anyone have any good tips for dealing with the constant feeling that everything is fated? From bigger things (eg the people you meet) to extremely mundane (eg the way I am sitting at my desk/holding my pen). I also keep having moments where I'm like 'everything happens for a reason', as it can be a comforting way to think in difficult times, but the idea of a higher power also scares me. I keep answering 'maybe' and 'anything is possible', but it is not really helping. Any tips for this would be really appreciated!

this is a really big part of my ocd, not being able to touch door handles/railing/really anything shared. if i dont have long sleeves i can find myself wasting time waiting for someone to open a door for me or putting myself in danger by not holding the railing while going down stairs (i also have knee problems). every time my fingertip even slightly touches a door i will run to wash my hands with in insane amount of soap and burning hot water. its gotten to the point where i am constantly wearing a jacket, no matter how hot it is, where i am, even if i dont need to touch anything. i need sleeves. does anyone know a way i can calm this down? without extreme stress? im sick of being so dependent on having sleeves.

We’ve been together for almost 4 years, we’ve lived together for a year. And she broke up with me, over text, while in another country. She’s coming back this month and then leaving to another state away from me. Completely unexpected and I’m just left heartbroken and confused. I’m so angry at her but also so sad? I’m just confused why she would do this and why in this way. I’ve been crying all night and just feel alone. I’ve never had to deal with my ocd alone, she was my only best friend and supported me a lot. I hope I can deal with ocd alone, I’m just scared of being alone and losing my best friend…

Hello, I’ve been feeling this strange feeling for a few years now but it’s really started to bug me recently and it’s making me wonder if it’s an OCD theme but I can’t find anything similar to it. Basically I get really anxious when I see people with certain personalities or traits, and my brain picks them at random kind of. For example, I randomly started getting anxious seeing goth people online. (I know it sounds silly but that’s why it makes me scared because I don’t know why I’m feeling this anxiety), for some reason my brain is telling me that they are immoral/disgusting and a threat even though personally I don’t feel that’s true, but my anxiety still arises and keeps replaying these feelings over and over to me in a loop. Some other people I’ve had that feeling towards before are “Indie” or “Hippy” people, frat boys, etc. I’ve seen some victims of traumatic events get anxious when they come across things that remind them of their trauma, like for example a color or people who share the same gender as their attacker, but I don’t have any trauma related to any of these people and they are such specific qualities that it makes no sense to me why I’m so nervous around them. You can laugh if you want because I honestly find it silly that my brain chooses to hyper focus on the lifestyles of these people, but it’s actually very distressing to me and I don’t know why. It feels like these people are completely alien to me and I don’t want to get close to anyone like that. I’m scared that I’m becoming paranoid or schizophrenic and that’s why I’m feeling these feelings. I just want it to leave, can anyone else relate to this?

Hello I’m struggling really bad with POCD. It’s the absolute worst because the intrusive thoughts are from my own child. I feel so sick like a complete monster to the point that have felt very suicidal I’ve gone to the ER they gave me some medicine but that didn’t help I’ve been looking for therapist in my area and they all seem to be fully booked or there isn’t any . I’m feeling very lost and I don’t want to give up on my family if anyone has any suggestions please let me know . I’ve looked in NOCD does any one have experience with them ? Should I go in turn myself in to inpatient. The thoughts get very Loud at night that it’s unbearable

Anyone else scared of SSRIS? I’ve read too many horror stories online that have made me terrified to take them.. plus I have suicide themed ocd and my biggest fear is them making me want to for real… I just don’t know how to get over this I’m just so tired of struggling and being stuck and letting these thoughts rule my life..

Trigger warning!!! Adults only!!! I'm not really scared, that I'd rape a child, as that would mean a series of actions and I know, that I would stop, before it happened. It's also a given that I'm not interested in doing something to a child, even though POCD tries hard to make me think otherwise. My biggest fear is, that I might follow an urge to touch a child inappropriately, not because I'm sexually interested, but as my OCD urge got so strong, that I just can't refrain, like the urge to keep washing my hands with hot water even though it hurts. Another fear is doing something others wouldn't consider as bad - like the string of my backpack touching the shoulder of a child, the heel of my foot touching the crotch of a child, while walking normally, the tip of my shoe laces touching a child, etc., solely that or in combination with my OCD making me believe I enjoyed that. Or me sleep walking, or being drunk, or reacting weirdly to medication, which makes me zone out, do something to a child and I'd forget all about it. Or that I interact normally with a child, but my OCD twists my memory and makes me believe, that I did something horrible. I know that ERP will bring me to the point where I have to walk past children in the supermarket, without me keeping a safe distance, without having my shoe laces tugged in to my socks and without holding on to the strings of my backpack. Thinking about doing that is killing me, it seems undoable, as I, not only my OCD, am convinced, that it's unforgivable to touch a child, or having an item of mine touch a child, when I have a POCD thought, which is constantly, when in the vicinity of children. With other OCD themes, it had been easier to do ERP, as I had been fully aware about my OCD thoughts being totally unrealistic, but with regards to POCD, I'm totally convinced that one must not have POCD thoughts in the vicinity of children. Can anyone relate? And if so, has anyone been able to successfully do ERP for POCD?

I’m entering a new relationship and am so so scared. Is it ROCD or am I having realizations that maybe we’re just not compatible? I really really like this person but I’ll just wake up with thoughts like “omg he’s not super affectionate and he’ll never be that - I want someone who is” and then just start spiraling. I’ve had other thoughts like - He’s not it. - I’m settling. - I don’t feel like he’s asking me questions, we’re not getting vulnerable. - I think I like him. - What if I don’t like him? - Maybe I don’t really like him. - What’s the point of continuing this if I already know it’s not going to work? - Do I know if it’s not going to work? I don’t know? - Why do I get so anxious when I have this thought? It must mean that my intuition is telling me it’s not going to work - I have conversations with other people that are easier Please help, is this OCD or am I just denying my own basic needs in a relationship and staying in it because I don’t want to hurt this person? Can anyone relate to these thoughts at all?

When I was in HS around 10 years ago I didn't have a good understanding around consent and had really inappropriate behaviour towards female classmates. My actions weren't super violent but they were also far from appropriate To this day at times guilt still eats me up even though I know much better now and would never do that. The OCD Obsesses over it to the point it makes me think if people knew I did this when I was a teenaged kid they wouldn't be friends with me today if they knew I touched people etc. When I didn't have a good understanding of boundaries. How can I manage this with my OCD? It won't stop

Does ROCD use past relationships and friendships against your current one?? For instance, it tells you like someone in your past (could be an ex or a friend) and that you don’t like your current partner?