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Any tips on stopping the rumination that comes with the thoughts? Existential rumination mostly

ever since my medication stopped working, I haven’t felt right…it’s like “I don’t know what’s wrong, I just don’t feel the same.” I wish I knew. Idk if it’s the OCD because I’m not sure that I’m obsessing about anything…at least, I can’t pinpoint any particular obsessions. I just feel so alone and scared and confused. maybe i’m hyperfocusing or obsessing over how I feel? maybe that’s the obsession?

Does anyone else just feel like they are going completely crazy?

So with my ocd I have realized that over the years my obsessions switch out like one week I’ll obsess over this and the next week I’ll obsess over that. I have one obsession that really scares me and it’s zombies because I’m severely terrified of them. I know it sounds childish but it’s making it hard for me. I feel embarrassed being scared of them. I’m currently obsessing about them now. I’m so scared of them and the walking dead show. A couple years ago I watched it till season 4 and I was fine the entire time. Then I realized how terrified I was getting so I stopped. Now it’s just a cycle that I can’t get to go away. And I have this cycle with many other obsessions too. I just wanted to talk about it to let it off my chest. I think it scares me because I also obsess over death and sounds like alarms. Alarms scare me as well. It’s just really taking a tool on me so I wanted to share. :)

i’m having a really bad episode rn. i have a very bad theme of not understanding life kind of. right now it’s not understanding the concept of talking. how i don’t really even need to think to respond to something? like i just automatically can say something and it just comes out without having to think about it. it’s making me think this isn’t real and there someone on the outside or something controlling me because i don’t have to think to talk it just happens so someone or something else is just controlling what i say or thinking for me. i’m so deep in this loop hole i feel like i’m going crazy and can’t get out of it. it’s making everything feel fake. idk what to do. i literally cannot understand the concept of speaking and how it works like how do i just talk and it comes to my brain without even thinking about it. it’s happening right now as i type this. how do i even know to say this stuff how is it coming to my head without even thinking about it. idk what to do. this is so scary.

I have no feelings anymore. The only things I can feel Is anxiety and depression. I'm never Happy, i'm miserable all the time. Nobody cares, nobody understand. My therapist pretty much gave up on me. Why should I continue to live like this?

I can’t find anyone that can help me and I feel hopeless

Hi, I'm writing this just to see if someone else can relate. I've always been very confused by the difference between regular therapy and ocd therapy. What I mean is that, at least in my limited experience, regular therapy involved examining your feelings and thoughts (why you had them) and I was told that you can only process something by getting to the root of it. However, since I developed ocd and was diagnosed with it, therapy has been about tolerating anxiety, guilt, fear, sadness, etc., while forcing myself to not analyse the thoughts and feelings that I have. I feel very weird about this. It's like I went from "everything you think and feel has a reason (i am not talking here about fleeting thoughts and emotions, I am talking about recurrent and persistent ones) to "whatever feeling or thought you are having is not who you are and you should just observe it and not get involved with it". Am I the only one who is so confused by this? Also, if I am not my thoughts, and I am not my feelings, and I am not my sensations, who am I then? I mean, what is supposed to define me? I know some people say "your values" in response to this, but values are thoughts as well, and they can change over time, so, I don't think that this makes anything any clearer. Others say that it is our actions that define us. I can agree with that, but aren't our actions based on our thoughts and feelings? Anyway, I am not saying that therapy for ocd is ineffective, I am actually finding it very helpful, however I am still very confused about many aspects of it. I hoped that some of you could help me understand it better. Thanks. I wish you all a good day.

So I’m praying for something to happen and I keep praying it. Do any of you feel that God said no to your prayer even though it only came as a form as an OCD thought and it wasn’t actually him? And does it give you anxiety and stress? I speak to a pastor about this and he says that it’s just me and it’s not him

I will preface this by saying I understand the goal is to not get rid of the thoughts but instead learn to tolerate the anxiety and uncomfortable feelings. But the thoughts/feelings/urges are getting worse. It’s to the point where it feels like I either want this or that there’s no way around it. I’m starting to feel like I’m not inside my body which is making it even scarier. I cannot even describe the amount of fear I feel right now. I am absolutely terrified. It feels like I’m about to snap at any moment and I just want to tie myself down. On top of this, because I'm having this experience, it feels like I need to be locked away. It feels like reality is slipping away. Please give me any advice you have. Logically I know all of this is just a thought but I cannot get over it.

I hate to admit this but I used to watch a lot of porn. I always had crushes on boys and wanted a boyfriend all my life. And I indentified as heterosexual. I’ve had this theme twice and gotten over when another theme took over. Unfortunately I watched a lot of female porn, and woman to woman porn and now my mind is telling me I’m bisexual. I’m so sick of this cus I don’t wanna be bisexual. I get false attractions all around. Am I suppressing sexuality? I feel so ashamed. Completely stopped watched porn.

I have real bad anxiety, existential OCD, ROCD, disassociation. My therapist is starting it next session. Have any of you had it done? Does it help? Especially the ROCD??

So today while I was talking to myself, sometimes I do this, my mind said something like to ask for a sign from God and I didn’t mean to ask it or even wanting to ask it. I was talking to myself about something that happened a few months back for when I asked God, my grandmother who’s my guardian angel, and St Therese to help me get over the hunch of scrupulosity and OCD (I’m Catholic). They then gave me a sign in Church to let them know that they heard me and I felt peace, love and excitement then. I have been dealing with something lately that I asked them then to send me a sign if something didn’t happen or occurred, even though I couldn’t picture myself saying that. If anything I would have said the exact opposite to prove what happened or occurred, not to show me a sign if something beautiful didn’t happen. Yet the feeling felt so strong as if I did say that and it kept replaying in my mind over and over again. Going back to in the moment, It just went to my mind and blurted to my mouth about asking a sign from God even though I didn’t mean for it or intended it. I then got a thought thinking that I saw something later this morning thinking that God sent me a sign about something. Well, later this morning while looking at my daily Bible app, I saw something and my mind and feelings said that God sent me that sign. Now I’m flooded with anxiety because I was getting these thoughts before and now they like manifested into reality. It’s like as if God planted those thoughts in my head to tell me what’s coming and what will happen. I’m so angry, anxious and sad. I’m scared now that what I didn’t say is actually something that I said. It’s like God is constantly trying to tell me something and he’s keeping on telling me as if he’s playing a game with me and he won’t do it until I give up and give in. I don’t know what to do. I felt very depressed last night because last night because I couldn’t take this anymore as if God is telling me these things or he revealed me to something. Is this God or OCD that’s doing all this to me? I know it’s a lot but I just need feedback from you guys

I’m turning 20 this year. I feel like I have so much limited time of being “young” which I never thought about before this. Growing up is so hard and I don’t know if it’s turning into ocd or not

I used to avoid the Reddit spiral but after making the mistake of looking up comphet last night for the first time in years I am absolutely spiraling. Have spent this whole day googling things in my bed in the dark. Not responding to anyone, not doing anything. I have found more comfort in the bisexual Reddit sub where there are more people criticizing the master doc but as my brain keeps spinning and spinning it feels like it all makes sense. A lot of them don’t understand how someone can be at some point sexually attracted to a man or want to do anything with them and then somehow be lesbian? Like if they didn’t feel forced, i mean. If you were consciously doing it because you were aware you were under pressure then that would make sense, but I feel like that doesn’t apply to me?? Maybe in some ways, like I felt convinced I needed to fit in at school and there was a couple times someone insinsuated i was not straight when I was younger and then like I’d feel the need to prove it with an existing crush like no I think _____ is cute but I don’t recall any of those crushes being formed as a RESULT of that. I just wouldn’t really do anything about my crushes and definitely had some experiences with limerence when I was younger. And even a couple times recently which drove me insane. At the same time me being super horny kind of coincided with the time that I got my iud in?? Maybe that’s the problem?? I don’t know. I also don’t remember fancying any women sexually or noticing it until I got the first same sex dream which is what I believe triggered my SO-OCD. I tend to be much more avoidant in such I would avoid googling things and avoid tv shows with gay characters and stuff like that. I would still check my attraction but now I’m the opposite and constantly googling. I’ve been sitting here all day nonstop. I’m psychoanalyzing every interaction I’ve had with both genders and am like losing it. It felt like I related to too much on the comphet doc and subs for this to not be true. But how can that all be a lie? I just don’t understand. Last night just to ease my cognitive dissonance I said ok fine maybe I’m bi. I’m bi whatever. And that eased a bit of my discomfort. But now 1. I feel like all of my attraction to men is gone now that I apparently confirmed my attraction to women and 2. Now I’m convinced I wouldn’t be bi enough and I’m just a lesbian??? I don’t even know. It never stops. And the thing that triggered me was people talking about how distressing it was for them to realize they didn’t like men. I guess I thought that was an SOOCD thing but nope another thing to worry about. Like how??? It just all feels so damn real and sometimes I feel like I’m just using HOCD to cover up my true desires. Writing this post I feel like I’m just making excuses. But if I swear I’ve felt genuinely sexually attracted to men, maybe not now but in the past and have enjoyed doing things to them, then how can I be a lesbian??? It doesn’t make any sense. I’d honestly be fine if I was bi if that meant my attraction to men was still there. I know it’d end up fine if I was really lesbian but it’s so hard for me to believe that all of that just wasn’t true. I never felt much pleasure through penetrative sex and struggled to get turned on. Like I feel like now at least men’s bodies don’t do it for me and women’s could if I let my mind accept it. In the past I feel like I’d go crazy over vlines and veiny hands like I literally remember looking up veiny hands on my own because I thought they were hot. And there’s things I love about men too but I just don’t know if it’s comphet or what. But I literally have gotten turned on to a man’s body from both solo porn and videos sent to me so what?? I don’t feel disgusted by men, maybe a bit uncomfortable around them but mainly the ones I considered attractive. I know I’ve seen a man and thought wow I’d totally fuck him. But I guess when it comes down to it I don’t enjoy it as much as I think I will?? Maybe I’m asexual, or bi, demi, or graysexual or heteroromantic or whatever. Any of those I’d honestly be fine with. But it’s just the idea of being a lesbian that freaks me out, and I don’t like to think it’s because of internalized homophobia but because this is something I’ve known to be true about myself for so long and something I rarely doubted albeit maybe a few times after crude comments from classmates. But I don’t know. It’s all just wild how different things feel. It feels like my brain is telling me I’m just lying when I was sobbing crying over a man two days ago. Like what?? It brings me nothing but stress and anxiety. I haven’t slept well in days. I’d usually go to bed fantasizing about a man and now I can barely even do it because my brain is telling me it’s not what I want. Ugh.

Whenever I’m out having fun with friends. I feel such shame, guilt, and sadness that I am having fun without my immediate family and start to think about the fact that they won’t be here with me one day. They have difficult lives so I feel guilt that I’m able to have fun while they deal with depression or anxiety. It consumes me to the point where I will want to leave what I’m doing and go home. Even when I am with them sometimes I hyper-fixate on the idea of them passing one day or soon and I become overwhelmed with sadness so I try to do lots of things to tune out those thoughts. Any ideas on how to cope with this?

TW death, terminal illness I feel like I could be suffering from complex post traumatic stress disorder, specifically due to loss. I just get these waves of sadness, not always physical but like a hole is in my chest and my body is compacting on itself. Sometimes it does come out in the form of crying. Random things trigger it, mostly music, and sometimes it seems like nothing at all has. Death has always been a core part of my life and my childhood. I have a massive family and im one of the youngest, so that means much of my relatives have and will die before me (potentially.) my grandma when I was age 2, great grandparents around 5-6, 2 cousins around age 8, grandpa at age 9, aunt at age 10, other grandpa at age 12, other grandma at age 13, more aunts and uncles age 14-16, and most recently, my uncle who I was very close with died when I was 18 a year ago. They’ve all died from rather horrific causes, glioblastoma, birth defect, cancer, dementia. Cancer is the biggest. I just feel like im always anticipating the next soul shattering loss. Will it be my mom or dad? My cousin? A baby cousin? My aunt and 2nd mother figure? I feel surrounded by death. I think this is why I have such intense, spontaneous waves of depression. I feel it right now as im typing this. I think writing it out is helping.

I have spent about 6 hours today trying to figure out the answers to a couple questions. And I feel like I will lose my salvation if I don’t get the answers right. At this point, I am just going in circles in my mind.

I feel like crap. I am out in medication but I know it is not a fix all. I know I still have to work on this and I am still going to have tough days I am just so scared that I am not living my life ti the fullest. I am just really tired. I am trying my hardest though. I am scared the most about not being happy. I have had to live one day at a time before. I don’t want it ti get that bad again. I feel like I am just stuck in this infante loop. I am happy, then normal then horrible then slowly I pick myself up again and I can be happy but I miss out on so much while I am miserable. It is the worst feeling. It feels like nothing can fix this, all my fears are true and life has no meaning. I have am having a really hard week. I am sick, I m trying to socialize, I am doing work, I am away from home. It is just really hard right now. And I am scared it is going to just get worse

my ocd triggers my ptsd everyday and im struggling to escape these vivid intrusive thoughts. i feel so detached and unaware, like im not me. am i in denial of reality in some way? if so, how do i snap out of this daze? im in a dream state all the time i think cuz of the pain im in. i just want one day without sinister chatter in my mind and gross feelings invading my body whenever my mind goes blank. instead of silence in my brain, there's something that fills the emptiness with negativity. it feels like a gravity pulling me down into a terrible place like something wont let go and im being gas lighted into thinking i want it. it's also like im compulsively mocking myself in the most cruel ways i can think of, but it's a voice that is definitely not me. then i follow it up with a defense compulsion even though i shouldn't need to since the truth is obvious that i am not evil and i dont wanna do bad things. my trauma is taking away my sanity/consciousness and im tryna gain it back, but i welcome any positivity.