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the NOCD Community

I have decided to drop out of college now. It’s finally clear to me that it’s the only thing I can do now. I feel like such a failure tho but luckily I have the best and supportive parents that agree with my solution. I am going to lie to the people in my class and roommates about it, I just have to say I got sick or something because it’s so embarrassing to me. I suffer from depression, intense anxiety (hocd and social and generalized). I have personality problems and I look forward to go to a therapist and start recovery and start to be myself and healthy again, because it’s a very long time since I was myself and completely mentally healthy. What do you guys think about my decision? I struggle a lot with quitting college but I don’t think the program was for me anyways so that’s a good thing. I am 19 years old and I have many years to decide what I want to do, don’t I?

Seriously not copeing with pocd at the moment, for the past couple of months I have went really well, living life again, not wanting to not be here every minute of every day, I felt like I was so much stronger and able too take on anything, now the thoughts have slowly come back stronger and stronger the past few days, things like going to hurt my baby daughter whether that be sexually or physically, I hate to hear about pedos on the news or anything because it makes me get a strong feeling of like guilt or something, when I’m feeling good and not having so much anxiety I can shrug the thoughts off mostly and keep going about me day, but now it’s fully convinced me that I’m attracted to kids and that I’m a monster and want to harm them, I constantly compare myself and my thoughts to things I hear on the news or anything about pedos, my head just goes around and around all day, then when I try to be strong and positive and say to myself it’s the ocd coming in again, I then start to search for all these reasons as to why it is or isn’t ocd, I was the most proud loving dad, now I can’t even bring myself to look at my little princess, I can’t bring myself to shower with her, I have panic attacks if I’m left alone with her, I just don’t know what to do anymore

Does anyone have a fear of romantic relationships? I’m honestly really embarrassed to ask this question but I’m trying to step out of my comfort zone and I’m curious how other people feel 🙂🙃

I’m starting therapy but I’m scare they’re answer will be vague and I’ll be wasting my time like how I didn’t really benefit from therapy last time I had one

It feels like if me and my mind are two different people.... Because my mind wants the opposite of what I want and I can't figure out what I truly want now. Also I need advice from people but only if you have the same problem if not then no. But I'll say a girl is pretty and my mind goes "your gay, bi or Les" but It started last week on Friday and that day I felt so scared that I was becoming gay and I cried a lot this week cause of it! Like I can't find a girl pretty without my mind saying omg you like her. Liking guys makes me happy and excited but I've never liked a girl or I don't see myself dating one. I've imagined how it would be to date a girl and I find it uncomfortable. Sorry if this offends anyone. But I don't like the thought of "liking a girl". I keep searching how do I know if I'm bi or Les or straight 😐 I don't know what to do.

Did anyone have these thoughts as kid?!! Or just me? 🙁 I specifically remember saying I can’t be gay but I guess I can be bi…. My brain uses this as proof. I also was terrified and anxious about anything gay related as I was growing up 😞

Obsessive thoughts about being unable to sleep are causing insomnia. Has anyone experienced this or have any advice?

I just wanted to vent for a moment. But I'm so scared of being unable to find love. I'm 31, and have abstained from a LTR over the years, as I was putting too much on partners for validation and reassurance. I might as well have asked them to valiDate me. I am at a point of healing now where I think I am ready to re-enter the dating world but I'm fucking terrified. What if they find out about my intrusive thoughts and find me as disgusting as I find myself? I want to be human, but I've never been able to think of myself as such. What if they make fun of my past like my first real significant other did? I hate these thoughts. They're so terrifying. And I feel so alone. Which is where I tell myself I need to be, even if I don't want to be here. Thanks for listening.

please help. was anyone on here misdiagnosed? I just had a consultation with this young therapist and she said she doesn’t “think i have ocd” she says i have severe anxiety. I know I have OCD. nothing else explains this. I was vulnerable and told her all my obsessions and intrusive thoughts and how i do my compulsions to get rid of them or ease my anxiety. how i have to loop around 2-4 times driving thinking i hit someone or caused an accident. How i take videos and pictures and check 5 times if the stove and lights and water isn’t running and i turn it on and off until it’s just right. how i think i’m a bad person and i’m to blame for everything. how it makes me depressed because i obsess over things for 24 hours of the day for weeks and it makes my stomach hurt and i get all sweaty and anxious. I told her specific situations and how i think back on my past and will think i cheated on my partner when i was drinking and i’ll just never know and how i ask for reassurance. how i’m scared i’ll blurt out a slur or something bad and stuff i would just NEVER ever do and i felt horrible and gross. how i google 24/7 and have to do things 3 or 5 times. how i’m so scared of hurting people i can not drive or do anything normal. how i have to clean things and wash my hands because i’m so scared of contaminating somebody at work . i just felt so safe knowing that this diagnoses matches me. and this app helped me so much. and now she’s saying that i just have severe anxiety? I don’t know what to do. help

Hey y'all! Happy thursday! I am sharing this post again because I think some of y'all need to see it :) Please be gentle and kind to yourselves with your progress! Progress is not made overnight. The more you check, compare, and expect perfection, the more unrealistic your ideas of recovery will be. Keep that in mind! You have a whole community of people here backing ya up. You got this! How's everyone's day going? Feel free to chat in the commentsss😊💛

How did you tell your partner that you have OCD?

I definitely got better with NOCD help, I got better at reacting to thoughts. But I do not necessarily feel better, through all of this I definitely lost a whole chunk of myself that I can’t seem to find again

i fall asleep at 3 every night no matter how hard i try to go to bed earlier, wake up at 7, and then have intense anxiety just because i feel like i’ll get anxious, if that makes any sense. then i can’t go back to sleep. it’s been like this for weeks and i’m so exhausted… i have a handle on my intrusive thoughts and realize it’s just OCD, but i’m still getting the same intense anxiety without the fears. it’s like i’m scared to get the fears.

How do you guys stop compulsive googling at night? I can’t stop and it’s ruining my sleep. My brain is so active at night with thoughts and questions and sometimes they seem harmless but I can’t stop. It’s become an addiction.

Woke up this morning an the first thought I could think was an intrusive thought, sometimes I don’t think I even have OCD it seems so real, I struggle with POCD and it seems real it’s insane but I think over the years I definitely have struggled with other types of ocd since my childhood like I used to think about my family dying tragically and have intrusive thoughts like that and then as the years went on I think I developed a little bit of health OCD and would think there was things wrong with me specifically HIV/AIDS I can’t be bothered anymore

Question (and venting) about ERP I’m going to want to do ERP, but I’m really scared. I don’t know how I will be able to deal with the exposure, especially for hocd. I’m Catholic, and when I’m not experiencing a bad episode, I stand firm in my values and don’t doubt them. I don’t want to watch pornography. I don’t want to do anything unchaste. I truly believe that it’s a sin, and watching any kind of porn would be awful to me. I also used to have a mild addiction to masturbation, so I really am just scared. I’m scared that an exposure I will have to do will involve watching same-sex porn. It’s not even the fact that it’s same-sex. It’s the fact that it’s porn. I’m scared that I’ll fall back into masturbation. I did this summer, and it was awful. I don’t have these values and beliefs because I’m blindly following what I’m told. I have truly felt the effects of watching pornography and consistently masturbating. It made me feel awful before I was even Catholic. It made me feel dirty and wrong. Not just because someone told me it is. But because it feels wrong. It’s not natural. I started doing it at a very young age to try to understand what my abuser had done to me. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to have to put aside my values to heal. I don’t want to have to go to confession and say “I watched porn to treat my OCD.” I don’t want to have to go into treatment constantly trying to defend my faith. I’m scared that I’ll get a therapist who tells me my religion is hurting me. Catholic people can suck. But I didn’t grow up with them. I chose to be Catholic. I chose to be religious. I chose this for God. I don’t want to have to turn my face from Him. My OCD is telling me that everyone who reads this will think I’m in denial and I’m ignorant and I’m stupid. Please don’t. That’s all I can say. Please don’t assume what all of my beliefs are. I don’t hold all the same beliefs as some people who are Catholic claim to. I truly believe in Love. I just want to be healed. TL;DR: Will I have to watch same-sex porn if it goes against my religion, values, and beliefs? Is that a requirement in order to heal from hocd?

Has anyone else noticed that your ocd will make a conclusion and then you feel awful? I used to watch a lot of true crime (don’t anymore because it’s triggering) and my brain wouldn’t even have enough time to process what was happening in the video before my ocd told me “you don’t feel bad for that person, you’re a terrible person.” But you hadn’t even had time to comprehend what had happened? I’m not sure if this is all over the place. But if you understand and have experienced it let me know.

Hi I’m worried I cheated on my bf and don’t remember and have been obsessing about it . I confuse things I’ve done prior to our relationship to during our relationship . I messaged a lot of boys and girls to get help from anxiety and scared I said anything wrong to the boys during that kind . I want to die, this is so stressful I’m terrible.

Vent I’m having a really hard time coming in here as a compulsion. I feel like I’m making that up. But I think it’s true. I just have no one to talk to OCD about. I could talk to my best friend, but I feel so ashamed about my thoughts. This is the only place that I have felt safe in 20 years (maybe an exaggeration, but it feels true). For the first time in my life, I /know/ that other people feel the way that I do. And I just want to feel safe so badly. So I’m stuck here. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been coming here because I don’t have therapy until next Thursday. My counselor is trained in EMDR, and we thought that’s what I needed to treat my childhood trauma. She has no idea that I think I have OCD because I found out like a week ago (after I already went to therapy). I don’t think she knows anything about ERP. I’m scared to lose her. She already knows about some of my fears, just not the fact that I think they’re OCD. I hate this. It feels like it has to be a secret. When I thought I just had anxiety, I didn’t mind telling people. Now the thought of telling people I have OCD feels awful. I already told my bestie, and she sympathized and told me that she thought the same thing after a previous conversation about my childhood struggles (we’re both psyc majors)..she just didn’t think it was right to tell me. When does this end? When do I stop obsessing over every thought in my brain??? I’m so tired. I slept almost all day. This is truly exhausting. I think I’m getting worse now that I’m aware of what’s wrong with me. I thought it was helping me, but I’m not so sure anymore.

Has anyone with hocd ever felt nothing (almost like an out of body experience) when kissing someone they thought they liked? I had never felt this way about a guy before and then when he kissed me today i just felt nothing. Like it wasnt me there. And i didnt have a panicked feeling either or anxiety really, all i was thinking was “you dont feel anything” all the time. It feels like i must be in denial. I dont know what to do, things were going so well and I genuinely thought i liked the guy so much but how could i if i felt nothing?