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the NOCD Community

we may go to the beach today and i am so worried i am going to get turned on by looking at girls or that i will like what i see. is this hocd? being scared of getting turned on? because lately the scenarios i do to check haven't been making me anxious, on the contrary they felt like i wanted them and liked them and that made me so uncomfortable. what if deep down i do want that? i don't want to like it. is this denial? saying i don't want to like the thoughts of same sed intercourse??

Is erp supposed to feel real?

I just saw something that said "if you haven't been kissed by 15 you're ugly" now I'm sobbing midday because I am 20 and I must just be horribly ugly because I have never been kissed or had a relationship. Everything online makes it seem like you are an alien if you haven't dated yet by now. I just feel so abnormal and ugly and like a piece of trash

Has medication helped anyone with severe intrusive thoughts. I am considering starting and wanted to know what worked best for people.

Breathing obsession. I've forgotten to how just let it be. Any tips.

My friends with contamination OCD, how have you been handling COVID? My bf has COCD and has since been vaccinated and still wears masks in stores and won’t go in to restaurants. He sits in the passenger seat and still wears his mask when we pick up food. How have you guys been coping with this?

Rant ahead: I saw a post on insta talking about how ocd and other Neurodivergencies shouldn’t be called disorders because there’s nothing wrong with the person it’s just society 😐. I can see what they mean with that statement when it comes to adhd or autism but not ocd. We could live in a perfect world and still be tortured by ocd, because it’s are brains oppressing us, not society. They also mention that medication is a “tool of capitalism built to make people conform” I’m not trying to conform with my ocd I’m just trying to relieve the mental torture caused by my malfunctioning brain first off. They go on to mention, again, how it’s not a disorder and rather “essential biodiversity” which again is harmful because they’re aren’t really any upsides to having ocd. We could live in a perfect world and still have ocd because it’s our own brains working against us. I’m just sick of the invalidation.

The thoughts aren’t as loud and there’s not much anxiety but it’s like they’re permanently lodged in my brain which makes them seem more real. It feels like I have attractions to girls I see out in public or at my summer classes now, thinking of intimacy with my boyfriend still makes me feel scared and afraid that I’ll never enjoy it, I get thoughts about wanting things I don’t want every day and when I see the bisexual flag I feel like one day it’s going to be me having that flag. Yet I don’t feel the need to panic as much anymore, I don’t feel like I’m being disloyal to my boyfriend that much anymore, in fact at one point it felt like I was “forcing” myself to be attracted to him because I would do things with his pictures and imagine scenarios and write stories to prove I wanted him which honestly did arouse me! But I don’t feel the need to do that anymore because deep down I was doing it to prove to myself I’m attracted, I mean I still want those things from him but my sex drive is just dead right now honestly. I don’t want to do anything at all right now especially since it’s been long distance for so long. I’m so terrified that when he comes back I’ll “realize” I actually didn’t like anything like I feared. Sometimes I wasn’t really into pleasing him but only because 1.) I felt like I was doing something wrong. 2.) I felt self-conscious and focused too much on whether I was doing a good job. 3.) I get insecure about myself. I love him so much I really want us to have a physical connection but there’s just so much fears and anxiety around sex that I had even before this theme that it’s like ugh. It makes me not want to do anything. I’m just afraid that I’m forcing myself to be attracted to him, I want to love him sexually and emotionally and I don’t want to be one of those girls that are in love with their boyfriends but realize they have to leave him to have good sex with a woman. The idea of being with a woman still makes me so sad. It’s all wrong but there’s no anxiety anymore it’s just like if its true that I don’t want to have sex with a man than I Definitely don’t want to have it with a woman. I’m just really grieving the loss of who I used to be and I’m really terrified that I’m discovering this is who I was all along. Even if I’m forcing it I don’t care, I still want to be with my partner.

hey this is a distraction post: how about each one of you drops a "hey" and i'll reply with a sweet message to those who are having a bad day and need it :)

Feels like i only like the idea of men and wont like a guy actually doing stuff to me:( And im scared i secretly like the thoughts and am just telling myself i find them disgusting when i really dont And i just dont want any of this but im so scared i do

Has anyone ever had experience OCD triggered by weed..? 1.5 years ago i got really high with my boyfriend and i thought about a really traumatizing horror movie i used to obsess over in high school and got a major panic attack. Ever since then i have ocd themes around horror movies and gore, and my brain has been high alert ever since and been a living hell. I want my normal life back…i miss having a clear mind and not living in fear every day. Could the weed have permanently damaged my brain?? Or maybe it was just a trigger? I keep blaming myself for getting too high that day and its given me depression along with ocd. Can someone help/give advice on this?

I generally suffer from "pure o" which means I get a lot of ocd themes and they change all the time. But especially today I started to suffer from religion ocd. I've had these thoughts before but today they've gotten worse and this makes me unfortunately believe in them even more. I've always been a faithful christian and I never want to change my religion. But especially today for some reason I started to get really scared that I might convert to another religion. (There's a specific religion but I would prefer not to mention it's name not to hurt the feelings of it's believers or to cause any misunderstanding). I'm starting to get these thoughts that this religion is right and christianity isn't and these thoughts are very disturbing and they feel so real. It actually feels like that I actually believe in that and it's scaring me to death. I feel like I don't believe in christianity in anymore and that I particularly believe in the other religion. The big problem is for me that I always try to use faith to deal with ocd which did help me and give me some hope. But now I feel like I can't do that anymore because it feels like I don't believe in my religion in the first place which is never the case. Like how would I pray to god as a christian or use christian faith to deal with ocd when I don't believe in it anymore. Or atleast that's how I feel like. I keep asking myself these type of questions and it's driving me crazy. It's very confusing and this is by far the most hopeless and depressed I've ever felt because most of the time faith felt like my only hope especially with ocd. I don't know what to do I'm very confused. Can anyone relate to me and give me any advice on how to deal with this?

I was chosen to be a leader for a summer camp that happened last week. I did it but because of my themes it was difficult for me. My friend decided to help me in that class as well, but there are a few things that have bothered me. The first day she was basically doing all the leading, and even though I wanted to lead she would get a head start so I couldn’t. Later she asked me what she could improve on so I told her the only thing i’d like is if she’d give me more room to be a leader. When I told her this, she got upset because she told me she felt like I was telling her she was overstepping. The thing is, that’s how I felt. I didn’t want to keep it in the entire week and let that anger simmer so I told her the same day which was difficult for me. I told her it was hard for me because of my themes and I’d never been a leader before. The next day she was mad at me and when I asked her after the day was over if she was mad, ahe said no, but later on the phone she said yes. When I asked her about it, she said it was because I told her she was overstepping and because I didn’t give her and our helper any assignments to do. I asked her what other way I could’ve phrased askjng for more room and she said to ask for more time, but I told her I didn’t need more time I needed more space. The summer camp we help with has rotations like crafts and such but everyday looks a bit different, so I told her I can’t tell you in the morning do this and do that because I just need to ask you when the need arises, and the camp has never been like that, all the past leaders just ask hey can you do this or help them with this and we do it, but besides which activity we go to there isn’t a layout. She said she was still mad at me and moved on. I didn’t apologize bc I didn’t see where I was wrong. Then yesterday she didn’t acknowledge me. I sat down nearby and she looked in my direction but not at me, so I left her alone bc I could tell she was mad. I truly hope Im not badmouthing her I don’t mean to make people look down on her, but I’m just really angry? I feel like I’m always overreacting but I need some insight from others bc I can’t tell. Thoughts?

Honestly, I need advice. How can I still live with OCD, my family invalidating me, and everything slowly getting worse. I keep getting told, "You're being ridiculous!", "If people see you in public like this you'll be sent to the nuthouse!", "Do you act like this in school?!", "You're just a hypochondriac, it isn't serious!", "Get over it!". It hurts and it is pushing my progress back. Instead of moving backwards, I wanna move forward, but it feels impossible. Help?

Hi guys I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. I have struggled with ROCD for a long time now and it has been hard on my relationship. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half and 2 weeks ago he admitted to me that he finds other girls attractive. It seems innocent to me and I know it is normal to find beauty in other people even when in a relationship. I know it’s normal, but I still cannot stop worrying about it. I worry he may find these girls more attractive than me and will develop feelings for them. My boyfriend says he doesn’t find them more attractive and that he only wants to be with me, but I can’t stop these thoughts. I have tried ERP exercises, talked to my therapist and asked my partner for reassurance which only helps temporarily and then the constant worry and agonizing intrusive thoughts come back. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to worry about this anymore. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I just want to be able to accept this and move on.

pls help!! so something that really helped me calm down when I’m having a OCD attack is that, before HOCD, I knew all my life that I was straight. But now, my brain is trying to tell me that I didn’t know that I was straight bc subconsciously I was always questioning. What do I do?? I thought I knew I was straight all my life before this, but now my hocd is making me believe that I didn’t actually know and I was always doubting my sexuality. Is this still HOCD? Can someone relatevvv

I feel like I'm never going to be happy again 😔

18+ please I’m so aggravated because it seems like my ocd is trying to attach meaning to the littlest things that don’t even matter to try and find proof that I’m a bad person. I hate myself. When I was younger I had a I hate to say it it’s very embarrassing but a tickling fetish and what if when I would do that to someone did that make me a bad person? I know it’s a normal thing and at the time it was normal but what if wasn’t? What if it was wrong and I should hate myself for it? What if I had groinal response or worse? What if what if what if! I’m exhausted

i think i definitely have ROCD. i have a boyfriend and we have been together for 2 months and i see him every day. i want to move in with him. i dream about him every night. i am literally crazy about this guy - he is amazing and beautiful in every way. however i have so many doubts that i “actually truly love him”. what if i just like the idea of him? i’m not sure how to tell if it’s real or not. i am so proud that he’s my boyfriend. he’s everything i could ever ask for. i also worry about us breaking up constantly, even though everything is going pretty much perfectly as it can in a relationship. one of my friends highly disapproves of us, and constantly talks about “if you guys were to break up”. she says stuff like “you guys won’t date forever” and “when you break up..” and “be careful, he might only want you for the sex” and also “all men are assholes, it’ll definitely come to a point in your relationship where you’ll understand that” and i have a panic reaction every time she says these things because i feel like she’s gonna jinx it and that we WILL break up. i am still young. still in school. but i am certain that i wanna spend years and years with him. even the rest of my life if possible. but it’s hard to imagine us in the future. i feel like it would be impossible to love me for so long..? and i feel like i’m ridiculous for imagining such things like being together forever because everyone says it’s “impossible”. i have so many doubts and i’m so scared. i don’t want this to ever end. i don’t want to think about it. but every time we are together i have to check if i am feeling good or if i love the way he looks or if i’m truly in love with him. i even feel infected writing this because i don’t want to even utter the possibility of us breaking up. it’s horrible but i’m really really scared he knows how much i struggle with ocd so should i tell him!?

I’ve been doing pretty well for the last few years. I saw a great therapist and am still currently taking sertraline. A few days ago I had some colleagues over for a few drinks, we had a brilliant day but then I woke up the next day absolutely panicking that I’d made a fool of myself because I’d been a little bit drunk (we all were!) I tried to sit with the anxiety but I absolutely caved, spent ALL day googling and reading articles about anxiety after drinking, and texting my friends to make sure I wasn’t an idiot. As well as excessively reassurance seeking from my husband to make sure I wasn’t a bad person. I’m so mad at myself for taking a step back :( I have a constant feeling that if everything isn’t tidy/sorted at home or my to do list isn’t ticked off completely or I don’t fully have every single thing in my life sorted, that I cannot and should not rest. Everything has to be perfect and it is EXHAUSTING.