Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I’ve heard some people say wanting to tell you friends and family everything you’ve done or thought is a compulsion. But I really feel like I’m not being honest with them if I don’t?

does anyone else’s OCD cause them to overcompensate? like when i used to have SOOCD i would always overcompensate about me being straight. and when i was having real event OCD about a certain thing i said in the past, i would always like overcompensate to show i supported that group of people and was not a hater towards them and that i did not mean what i said. and now with POCD i feel like everytime i see a tiktok talking about someone being a pedo or a story where someone did something horrible to kids or someone saying something that’s pedoish i feel like i absolutely HAVE to comment how horrible that person is or how weird someone is and just overcompensate or else i am not truly against people hurting children. now, i saw a tiktok saying that people who always talk about pedophilia and constantly talk about how they are against it are just truly overcompensating and are probably pedos themselves and now i’m freaking out that all of the times i talk about how pedophilia is bad on tiktok or call out people acting like pedophiles that people will think i’m just overcompensating thinking i’m one myself.

As a kid i would always have girl best friends / sisters (i always wanted a sister), and i would imagine in my head like us in the future She would be my best friend and i would have my husband and child and she would have her husband and child And i feel like i only did that because i wasnt aware of the possibility of two girls being together But yet i was I learned what being gay was at like 6/7 and it never once crossed my mind that i could be I always liked guys and saw them as romantic partners It’s never been girls before, not once until fucking ocd started And now idek where i stand And im scared that im a lesbian and had signs in the past and everything:(

I’m being haunted by the memory of my past friendship. It was a very toxic friendship in which I would do anything this girl asked me to. When we fought, I used to give her presents and write her notes so she would forgive me. Now I’m convinced that, in reality, I liked her and my mind is telling me that that is the final proof I’m lesbian. I’m scared bc this feel so real that it seems like a fact. It seems like if I don’t accept it I’m in denial.

Things have been difficult for me, by this point if I what to do, I am getting angry at myself and other people are invalidating me constantly. I can't even bring myself to get my own cup of water. I know I shouldn't ask what I should do, but if anyone can help me, please do, I can't even sleep at night.

this is not particularly ocd related but I need help. I have experienced all my life that most girls don’t like me and always find ways to make me feel insecure. Even girls that doesn’t me, I feel an energy that is very toxic from so many girls that I meet. But it’s always me that deals with it, I don’t know anyone else that experience it. I have been told that I am pretty and that I have a beautiful soul that makes other girls jealous, but I don’t understand what it is about me that makes other girls behaving like this towards me. Therefor I don’t have a lot of friends, that also has been a trigger to my hocd, can someone help me understand this?

I’m going to be honest. I’m not ok. When I try to rationalize a thought it make me feel like I’m in denial. My groinals are weird.

I’m ruminating over whether or not I’m a child molester since jag was my first false memory and encounter with ocd . (8th grade )Then after that it progressed to intrusive thoughts , which sent me a pang of anxiety. I’m debating whether or not I did compulsions . Was it avoidance because the thoughts were scary or was it just me thinking the thought was absurd . I remember thinking the thought was absurd and kind of leaving it . I’d fantasize about random people and my best friends face would pop up involuntarily and id avoid fantasize Nagu all together due to this (9th), then I had HIV obsession (9th) and them POCD again. What weird is how cool I was over this at first . Like was I avoiding thoughts cuz they were too scary or were they normal intrusive thoughts and I’m avoiding the fact that I’m a molester ??? Like for example , in grade 9, I had intrusive thoughts of being attracted to my friends 12 year old Bridget and whenever he left I was relieved he was gone . But I didn’t ruminate. A lot . I just kinda avoided and felt relief . I guess I didn’t get into the content cuz it’s too scary so that’s why I was nonchalant or maybe not . Idk it’s SO weird

This is a poem I did a while ago, one of the many things OCD is good it and is making you forget who you are and that's how I was feeling when I wrote this and to be honest it still resonates with me today...

I am going batty. Teaching remote summer school happened this week instead of next, and I was only notified this week that it was...😬 My new immediate supervisor just keeps making me so mad. She doesn’t seem to read my questions because her answers are often copying and pasting an old email to me that might be somewhat related to the topic but is absolutely irrelevant to the question. Her other, big go-to is to tell me to re-attend trainings or ask questions at office hours run by higher ups. When I do so and I am repeatedly told by higher-ups that what she’s asking is the exact opposite of what they want, I politely let her know that’s what I was told, but that I’m willing to do whatever she wants/needs. She then seems to berate me with her retorts, though I am really trying to remind myself that she is also under a lot of stress right now and subtext is lost in email. On the one email amongst dozens where she used overtly kind language, I read it as though it was a fresh start with her. It was unfortunately followed by more curt, unhelpful, and contradictory emails. She mentioned that we were given 2 extra paid hours for planning “over the weekend”. Since I had only gotten my class rosters this week, and she discussed this at our end-of-the-week meeting today, (we don’t work on Friday), I thought how nice it was that we would be paid for some of the extra time that would be needed for all the extra work this holiday weekend, mainly of re-doing things as all these supervisors keep telling us to complete tasks differently. (Really, I can’t wait to actually spend my prep time on my students instead of illogical forms!). When I asked if there was a specific way she wanted us to record those two hours on our timesheet, she told me via a midnight email that those 2 hours extra were for last weekend, copied and pasted something about our regular teaching hours, said that I needed to relearn how the whole system worked again, and yup, should watch more self-training videos. I replied that I understood our regular teaching hours and thanked her for letting me know those extra paid hours were for last weekend. I wanted to ask if I could borrow her time machine, because how on earth could I have used hours last weekend that I was only made aware of today to make lesson plans for classes and grade levels I hadn’t yet been assigned? I refrained from asking her that, but that’s where the OCD comes in. It’s so hard not to ruminate about her. As soon as I meditate or move on to a cool, new lesson for my students, ::bing::, another email from her asking to redo something in the way I have been thoroughly trained NOT to do it. At least when this turns my uncontrolled thoughts into scenes from Office Space I can laugh even while living the asinine reality. Thanks for letting me vent. My mind already feels clearer. 💜

What is OCD’s true purpose…why does it haunt our minds and exist. Is it driven by anxiety? Dysfunctional brain?

18+ please sexual topic Tw So growing up I used to have a fetish and that was all I had anything to do with it had nothing to do with anything else. I’m scared that when I looked up the fetish and this was after I was 18 that the characters that had to do with the fetish I’m scared to death what if they were younger characters and I didn’t realize it. I remember going back and being like this is weird now it’s not the same as it was when I was a teenager and I stopped but still what if I did something terrible and I can’t go back and fix it. I know this is real event ocd but does anyone relate? I promise it had NOTHING to do with age it had to do with the fetish itself. Masturbation had a lot to do with it too. I hate myself and I keep getting suicidal thoughts because of it. What if I deserve it? I’m not the same person and I would never make the same mistakes again knowing what I know now

Hey guys. I’m new here. Real event ocd is my main theme right now.

My ocd is trying to convince me that I don’t love my boyfriend anymore and that I don’t want to be with him when it’s the exact opposite. I love him with my entire heart and I would never want to lose him. Has anyone dealt with this?

I keep beating myself up for being too slow at work projects even though there has never been the slightest complaint. I mean, it's definitely true that I'm slower than a person without OCD because I check so much and always try to make everything perfect. But if my boss doesn't seem to mind, at least up to this point, why can't I stop hating myself 😭 just venting... I'd appreciate if someone could offer some opinion, similar experiences, etc.

Anyone else’s OCD really bad when they first wake up?

Convinced I'm a racist, even though it's the complete opposite of my morals & what I believe. - - - - - - I've currently been struggling with something that is going to make me sound like a piece of shit, even I recognize how messed up it's going to sound. Over the past couple months, I have been worrying about the proper way to interact with POC without coming across as racist. I know, this is already awful. I consider myself to be an ally who supports POC & civil rights movements. I'm ashamed of white people honestly, we've oppressed POC from the beginning of time. I'm personally ashamed of my white ethnicity. I've been even more so in the past year. I feel like my OCD has recently attached to this though. At least, I think it has, or maybe it's guilt knowing I'm white and part of systemic racism problem as a whole. When I pass a POC on the street, or in a place of business, I'll immediately start to get thoughts like "Am I coming across as rude? Am I being nice enough? Am I being too nice? Am I smiling too much? Am I smiling enough? Do I look uncomfortable? This isn't about me, so why am I anxious? Stop being so self centered. Are you appearing racist? What if this POC thinks I'm racist? That's awful to assume what they think. Stop making this about you!" And basically the entire time I'm trying to interact with someone of color, I have all this anxious dialogue in my head and I probably physically appear to be anxious, which in turn I'm sure the other person thinks "Why are they acting so tense/afraid?" It's not that I'm afraid, or dislike POC, I'm way too overly cautious, I recognize that, and it's actually coming across as racist. And I don't want to make this about me, because it's not, I can only imagine the racism POC have to endure on a daily basis. It's like my own OCD/anxiety is getting in the way. I hate it. I want to get over it. I don't know why it's coming up, but I want to get past this.

18+ please Tw abuse, pocd and real event This is going to be long but I will try to keep it as short as I can. I feel like right now I’m on the end of my rope I feel worthless, hopeless and terrified. I have ocd and I’ve tried to tell my mom but she proceeded to tell me that I’m making her miserable, I’m being stupid and that I’m going to end up in an insane asylum. I have a therapist but I feel like every time I go to her for help I’m bothering her. When I was a minor I was possibly sexually abused for a time period of 5 years but I’m not sure. When I was a minor My step dad would hit me in inappropriate places to be funny and some other things like talking in a sexual way verbally so I think that it had to do with why I’m dealing with pocd but I’m not sure. My mom knows about it and so does my therapist but anyways, when I was a teenager, I used to be curious and looked up some fetishes and one of them was a daddy/little girl one and I’m scared that it makes me a monster and I don’t want to be one. I hate to even think that. I’ve had intrusive thoughts and images and so on just wondering if that’s why I have pocd is because I was messed with as a minor, not under clothing but still messed with. This is so painful to even talk about and I’m scared to death. I’m having suicidal thoughts because I feel like I deserve it and I don’t know what else to do. It’s seems like everything is crashing down. I’m a Christian so I try to pray but I feel like it’s not working. Im not looking for reassurance I just don’t know what else to do. Im scared to death that I’m a monster and I don’t want my past or whatever I looked up as a teenager to mean I am one. I never looked up the worst things if you know what I mean I would NEVER do that. I would NEVER hurt anyone. I refuse to be a monster….😭

im a little bored so im going to tell you all my ocd story. it all started in elementary school when i thought “what if my siblings stop breathing?” this caused me to stay up late to ensure they were still breathing in there sleep. on road trips i would always be the one to stay up while my siblings were sleeping so that i can make sure they were ok. then it turned to another theme where everything i did on one side of my body i had to do on the other. for example, if i opened a door using one hand then i had to do it with the other hand. then it turned into religious ocd. i thought that everything i did would cause me to sell my soul to the devil. if i blinked 5 times i would sell my soul and it would be a bunch of ridiculous things like that. when i fell asleep i would feel as if my body was being possessed and that there was a demon in the corner of my room. now onto the worst theme i have had to go through, hocd. this began in quarantine while i was on tik tok. i would see these tik toks where the person would be like “if your favorite movie was tangled then you are gay now” “if you like drinking sprite then you are gay” the most ridiculous things right? well sometimes i related to what they were saying and that got me worried. around that time i rejoined the one direction fandom. a running joke in the fandom is that everyone is gay. that is what took the worry to another level. i live in miami so i have been exposed to homosexuality my entire life and many of my friends identify as lgbtq+. i have nothing against homosexuality and have been a proud ally my entire life. but i dont personally identify as gay (umbrella term) so when this began it caused me mass amounts of worry and anxiety cause its not me at all. i have been boy crazy my entire life and it made me feel amazing when i had a crush on a boy. so the thought of losing that and my future doing a complete 180° terrified me. what took it to another level is my insecurities. i have never been the thinnest person in the class so i always admired the girls that matched the beauty standards. i would often compare myself to the tik tok girls that had perfect bodies. i thought they were beautiful and i aspired to look like them. then ocd put the thought in my head “what if you actually want to date them?” that caused me to get so scared. i soon developed all these compulsions where i would check if i was attracted to every woman i saw, would look back on my memories and see if anything i did showed signs of me being gay, and spend hours researching sexuality. i never felt connected with any of them except for heterosexuality because i have always only been romantically, sexually, and emotionally attracted to men. but i never felt like i had a definitive answer cause my mind would think “i cant be straight if im having these thoughts. why wont these thoughts stop?” i felt like i had to accept me being gay even if it didnt feel like me at all. i spent months living this torment of not knowing who i was until i found ocd. i thought ocd was the stereotype of uncontrollably cleaning. i read more into it and found hocd. it made complete sense. before i knew about it i would always look back at my past and would say “dang this feels a lot like what happened with my siblings breathing.” so i have always had ocd but i didnt find out til this theme. im still working toward being recovered but i feel much better knowing i am not alone and that there is tons of people experiencing this. this just goes to show that we as a society have to do more to educate others on ocd because there are hundreds of people that are suffering in silence due to the fear of being judged. im sorry that was long just wanted to say that:)

Just a big vent I had a really good time going out with my friend yesterday and it made me realize how much I missed having a close friend. I haven’t had the best of luck with friends and I’ve been even more hesitant to get close to anyone because I’m terrified of falling for them. But of course, my black and white thinking won’t let me take this as a good thing. If I want to be closer to my friend, I must like her. It feels like I want to do things with her. I’m also finally expanding a little more in my life and this attacks my long distance partner saying I no longer care about him or that I should break up with him because it’s not going to work. My thoughts around us have been so negative and it hurts because I love him so much and I want to have the same optimism I usually do around our relationship. At the same time, I’m terrified of reuniting with him again. I haven’t been with a guy romantically or physically since he left and I’m really scared that I won’t like it when he gets back or I’ll realize it was never real and that I’m indeed destined to be with a woman. I’m scared I won’t like him anymore or that even seeing him won’t be enough to keep long distance going. It feels like I’ve lost everything that’s important to me but at the same time it feels like I never truly cared for those things in the first place because my ocd attacks all of it and it breaks my heart. Being around my boyfriend used to be so easy, he really brightened my world and he was he first person who I was ever really unselfish for. I wanted to care for him, well I still do it’s just hard with the distance, anxiety, etc. I miss the person I was. Nothing about these thoughts feel right and whole the way I used to feel. I want that feeling of rightness back and I’m terrified that I’ll have to let go in order to feel that but I don’t want that at all.