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the NOCD Community

Can people share what some of their experiences with medication has been like? What meds were/ are you on and has it been helping?

Has anyone ever recovered from an OCD theme? Are we doomed to struggle with our themes our whole lives or will they go away? I could use a little hope.

Hi everyone so I been seeing here that everyone has problems sleeping and nightmares with their theme I also do too but I also have a very heavy sleep I had nightmares wake up and have many intrusive thoughts but my sleep is too heavy that that I don’t fully wake up I try to fight them saying that is not my thoughts or fighting with them talking while I sleep this triggers me so much because my theme is Religious ocd and I have blasphemous thoughts:( I’m scare that I will say something while I’m half awake. I feel super attack by this thoughts at in the nights and early mornings because I’m a heavy sleeper I will wake up but not fully. This also makes me feel bad because I see everyone having panick attacks and wake up and I don’t which it makes me feel that I don’t care even thought I really do a lot when my theme first started I wouldn’t even sleep the whole night. Also sometime I’m scare I will speak my thoughts aloud and today I woke up thinking god won’t forgive me for all this thoughts like when I fight them in the nights they fight back and it’s really disturbing all the things they can say any advice or have you guys been through something similar also I am not very patient person so ocd has trigger that too because I been so upset that I’m not able to go back to my normal life or so upset that my whole world has tun upside down every time I feel any emotion happy, sad, mad it flips it and it makes a thought saying I’m blaming God for this episode in my life it also doesn’t help that anything I see about God triggers me and I haven’t been able to get near him I have fear of the unpardonable sin passages and as you guys know if you guys have read the Bible talks a lot about blasphemy I feel like everytime I read a passage or I try this theme comes out and for my people dealing with the something as you guys know ocd sometimes makes you think you come out with this thoughts when you don’t I fight them all the time but I feel condemn all the time also which it doesn’t help any advice please! The reason I want to get out of this theme fast is because I want to get rid of this thoughts but I also have false memories that I don’t know if they do sure happend that triggered me for example in the beginning when all of this started I would wake up I heard my self say something and then I would panic and I don’t know if it really happened or not and others where I fighting with my thoughts and then when I will come back to reality My brain locks like I don’t remember if I was saying thoughts aloud and fighting thoughts aloud please help. I know people will tell me God knows my heart but ocd is a monster sometimes it makes me believe this thoughts are mine and it will make me feel things for example when I get a thought I get a urge to smile and I really don’t anxiety anymore just worry. I feel like feeling condemn doesn’t help because I’m not upset at God but I also don’t understand this and I think like everyone when we go through hard stuff we ask why I know that it’s normal but my ocd flips it and I gives me terrible thoughts that make me feel more condemn. Any advice please

POCD 18+ I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for the past m/o to loli hentai and other explicit fanfics with young cartoon characters occasionally when I was 16-18. I stopped two years ago, and I’m 19 now but I’m getting intrusive memories of doing it and I immensely regret it. I hate myself forever. And you people should hate me too. I’m worthless. I’m a disgusting creature who deserves nothing but the upmost anger and disgust from you all... god help me...

I'm not diagnosed with anything. So today a friend of mine brought alcohol to school and a bunch of us took some. I took a sip of it and I knew I shouldn't take it cause I'll start feeling anxious but I took it anyways. It's been an hour and I'm getting anxious. I'm staying to think that I'll have psychosis or that I'm having liver failure or something. I know I didnt take enough for that by I'm still kind of freaking out. Can someone help

I’m having intrusive thoughts of something horrible happening to a loved one and the ocd says that I’m “attracting it to happen” and that no matter what I say or do I’ll “attract” this to become reality when I know logically that it was just a thought but the what if and the “if you do this then____ will happen” I just feel so intensely afraid and I never want these things to be real obviously but idk it’s just a scary what if and it’s hard to believe that something that feels so real is just a thought—- then I proceed after recognizing it’s just a thought to fear that saying that somehow the universe will cause that horrible thing to happen as “proof” so I just sit and wait and beg everyone to be careful and keep in contact with me so I know they are ok The thing is is that nothing ever happens but the fear just feels like it’s actually occurring Goshh I’m a friggin mess

Last night i had a had a dream about an ex and then they changed into a man 😞. Any advise anyone ?

This is for those who experience menstrual cycles: If you have a period does it make your OCD worst during that time? I think today will be the first day of my cycle and I’ve been super bad today.

I need advice..: so I talked to this guy and I felt like I really like him and then he got scared and said he needed to make himself happy first so we stopped talking then one day he called and now we are talking but I keep feeling like I’m not really into him and I really wish I was and I’m still sticking around giving this a chance I just don’t feel like I’m very attracted to him but I think I have something really good and idk if I need to back off so he doesn’t get hurt or if I should keep giving it a chance. It’s been maybe a little over a month since we started talking and I’ve only hung out with him twice when we met and when I stayed the night we him. Advice and opinions please?

Has anyone had experience with reducing your medication causing relapses with OCD and bad anxiety/depression? (I take an antidepressant in this case).

I have POCD. I have constant thoughts of raping and molesting children every time I see one everytime I'm near one. Images through my mind. Last year it gotto the point where I aunt to the police station for the medical pictures I look at to turn myself in for child pornography all I didn't feel like a constant danger to society and have distant thoughts of suicide. I thought I'd be dagger in jail. The police officer didn't feel that way and decided to take me to be evaluated. I hot upset and busted or his window,then he needed to take me to jail. While in jail I became severely depressed realizing my pain would never in and they sent me to the hospital. They hired a forensic specialist to find a program. Is was determined there were 12 in the country 2 of which wouldbe eligible for a single case agreement. 2 of which I was denied. Outpatient therapy is only self pay. The hospital days they can only " keep me safe" until I all ready to deal with my thoughts again. I'm tired of the hospital. Medication doesn't work anymore. I'm tired of medication as well. 14 years of my 27 ice been dealing with this. I've decided to love the rest of my life outside of jail where I feel most safe where I inevitably kill myself. I had hope at one point and it is gone. I deserve pain I know. But I want it to be over I'll tired of fighting to be safe. I'm tired of being scared. My case manager sent me this link for support. I can't hold on much longer. I just want to make it through the weekend so I can talk to my therapist

Encountered a pretty bad OCD trigger today. I suffer from mild sexual orientation OCD. It used to be pretty bad, but I tackled a lot of it with ERP, and it got significantly better, but I got super busy with school and slacked on my sessions a little, and things have started to get a bit worse. I went to the city on a ‘girls day’ out with a few of my friends today. We were just talking, and my friend thought she saw a strip club, and I said “I’d kinda like to go to a strip club, just for the experience”, and she looked at me confused, and said “girls?”, and i said “yeah, it just seems like it’s fun with the music and stuff” - HOCD not even in my mind at this point, I just genuinely think strip clubs would be fun, not in a sexual way, as I said - and then she went, “you sure you’re not a lesbian” and started laughing. I was hugely triggered. I know I’m not a lesbian, and I knew what I meant - but OCD does what it does, and that really triggered me. But, it didn’t make me nearly as anxious as it once would’ve done, and the silver lining is that it was a good exposure! I just felt like writing this here, because I know there’s a lot of likeminded people who will understand how that was triggering.

My brain keeps saying "you should come out lesbian, tell her your a lesbian" but I don't wanna be a lesbian... I want to like boys... I like Boys! I think... I mean thinking abt liking them makes me happy so why can't I just like guys... I hate this. I'm so confused idek anymore.

Anyone, please help me . My intrusive thoughts are constant. They are horrible violent ones and they are constantly in my head. Does anyone have any method to just suppress them or make them less overpowering.

I'm going to see a psychiatrist on Thursday. What should I tell him so he recognizes signs of Pure O? It's very important to me that he understands that I don't just 'worry about stuff', and that I may have OCD although I don't have many phisical compulsions

Can someone give me help or advice? I've been so scared of the day I'll finally open up about how horrible my OCD and its themes are to my boyfriend. I can't do it rn because I need to get a diagnosis first but I'm so scared of how he'll react. But I also want to open it up bc It's something I struggle with Like will he accept me? judge me? It's so hard because he tells me he loves me so much and will stick by me no matter what but I don't know if he's ready for what I'm about to open up to him. I also don't know how detailed should I explain it. I have a confession compulsion wherein I feel like I have to explain everything in detail but of course I'm sure the nitty gritty details will make him (even me) uncomfortable like how I've had POCD intrusive thoughts about his nephew and the thoughts I've had when I was ruminating during it. So do I explain like I have POCD and it can involve people I know in real life like your family? Like it's generalized too for future POCD attacks. How do I go about this? How do I open it up and refrain from feeling guilty if I didn't give all the details or feel like I'm leaving things out? Any advice on how to explain how horrible OCD is? I basically just want him to understand how tormenting and horrible it is but I have no control over my thoughts and I just want his support and acceptance.

Any tips for fear of flying? I’m not actually scared of the act of flying. I more psych myself out with things like “what if I have a panic attack while I’m in the air for 9 hours and I can’t do anything about it?” “What if I go crazy and need to get to the emergency room immediately and I can’t?” I used to fly all the time, but since my OCD got really bad, being in a confined space in a situation where I have no control terrifies me. I haven’t flown in 2 years now. I’m just scared of having a panic attack in the air. And I always get that “am I going to go crazy?” feeling during a bad episode. I know I won’t actually go crazy, but I know especially being in the air is going to trigger that.

I remember the exact night my brain turned on me last year and it’s just been downhill ever since. I just don’t understand why I’ve gone all my life so far without OCD and it just hit me out of nowhere at 25.. i guess everyone is different.. but I just don’t know what to do now. I’m terrified to try meds. Therapy is expensive. I just feel so lost.

I want to ask people here If this makes me a p3d0. I read fanfiction since I'm 10 and since I'm 12 I started to read about yaoi( gay sex) This last months of 2020 and first of 2021 I read horrible stuff. I found this ship(paring) and the characters have 13 and 10. I read fanfiction about them. I remember telling myself that It doesn't matter If I read about them I'm 15 and they are just drawings, and the only thing I should do is imagined them older. I and I have now flashbacks and I couldn't imagine them older. I also read some bizarre things involving one of the characters. Another thing I used to do months ago was fantasizing about gay sex, and one of the guys would be really feminine to the point of looking like a boy. I have memories of me trying to imagined them older, but I don't remember If I did that all the time. I'm sorry to everyone. I never wanted to be this person now. I don't know why I did it anyways if I knew it was bad.

My Trans OCD story. I hope this will help someone. If you have TOCD, reach out- lets support each other. Here goes: Last Easter, about two months after I got a severe concussion, I got dressed up for the first time. Skirt, blouse, lipstick, etc. I looked in the mirror and a part of my brain said “you look like a man in drag.” It shocked me, it scared me, it disgusted me. In august, I called a suicide hotline because the thought came back “what if you are a man?” It disturbed me so much my first thought was to check myself into a hospital- it’s opposite of everything I’ve ever wanted for my life. It left for a few more weeks and then I woke up one day and my brain started in again, this time nonstop. I considered ending my life again. Then I met my boyfriend. He changed everything. With him, I feel like myself. But I can’t be with him every minute of every day. And when I’m not with him, the thoughts are back. It’s so disgusting and disturbing. I have no problem with the trans community, I *adore* my lgbt friends. But they have a desire and a need to transition from the gender the are not to the gender they are meant to be. I feel like my brain is dragging backwards bound and gagged from my desired gender to a place I have no business being. My thoughts are now 24/7. With ERP the anxiety is fading but in some ways that is scarier: they feel more real. I am having a rough time again but I KNOW I can beat this.