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the NOCD Community

Any Christians available to talk? Not against others just think other Christians would understand best rn :)

Hi everyone, I am Matt, I’m 24, and my OCD came back. I was wondering if anyone else can reach out to contact me and share their experiences.

I want to start therapy. I really need the help. But I’m scared. I’m absolutely terrified of being misunderstood. I have tried to tell my mom time and time again that I need help I think she’s scared for the same reason. I want to show her that what I could have is real and it’s making it really hard to live my life. I’m willing to get help if that’s what it takes to get better. So if I were to start therapy on here I know I have to call but I want to talk to someone who specializes in my certain theme is there any way I could ask without telling them if that makes sense? If anyone has gotten help with this theme can you point me in the right direction?

Ahhh hi everyone I’m literally writing this in the middle of a store, trying not to panic or spiral. I’m spending the day with a friend of mine, we’re not too close and this is the first time we’ve really hung out for a long period of time We were joking around and I told her a little joking antidote about my partner Then she said “I don’t know...The more I hear about this guy, the more I wonder about him”. She said it in kind of a joking voice but I’m starting to absolutely spiral and panic. Even if she was joking, I feel like maybe it’s rooted in truth? I’m trying SO hard not to justify or over explain or dig into it but that’s why I’m hiding and messaging all of you. What can I do?! Please help. I don’t want this to ruin my day but I can’t stand the idea that someone who hasn’t even met him, thinks poorly of him and our relationship. Thanks everyone

I think the problem with people who have OCD and have intrusive compared to others who have intrusive thoughts and no OCD is that when people like us get intrusive thoughts we are so convinced by our minds that they will happen that it causes us fear and distress. Like these bizarre thoughts cause us to avoid things, people, shows, etc. But for others they are able to just let that thought pass through their mind and they can just shake their head and it’ll be gone. They then can go about their day. But for people like us who suffer from OCD, we get so crippled in fear we avoid anything and everything that has to deal with the thought. It’s not fair 😕

Here’s my story. I have always been a girl that didn’t get aroused by male’s body, rather i always found it to be special, i appreciated it, and since i can draw, i always draw it.I loved to draw it.I found my bf then and stopped with it, i thought that i should.I have a wandering eye, even when i am with my bf i looked at everyone and everything around me, i have never felt anything by doing this, it is just that i am curious person, but mind you..i never felt anything.I love my bf so much, i had my eyes only for him and still have.I have always been overthinking (DOES HE LOVE ME? DOES HE DREAM ABOUT HIS EX?WHAT IF HE STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR HER?WHAT GOES THROUGH HIS MIND WHEN HE SEES A FEMALE?..and soo on and soo on..) . I remember having intrusive thoughts even before this period now, it was just that i didn’t pay that much attention to it and they weren’t so often.Then i found myself in quorantine overthinking about men..this was ongoing for a month period..i found them to be these perverts that want to smash every girl they see, and then..i found myself distancing from my man, and more closing into my mind that was going crazy.One day i came home from my bf’s place and was thinking wow it was a great time he is wonderful etc..and grabbed my phone to watch yt, i saw this host , some guy, and i felt this weird arousal..mind you a don’t care about men, or at least i didn’t care until then..i remember being in shock to find this weird feeling experiencing it for the first time..crying in disbelief what a horrible person I am.And since then this feeling never went away, it just got worse.I cannot see a male’s hand , hair, even when a male passes by like a flash in front of me i still feel it.Bonus, i get these thoughts about men , dreams , i am battling with this for months, i cannot even sit next to my brother, i get horrible thoughts, then it is destroying my relationship.I wonder if i even love my man.. I get this arousing feeling even by hearing a male’s voice, or seeing a male’s body even when it is covered, or just by hearing triggering words that i find nonsense to be a trigger to feel this arousing feeling, but i still do feel it.I cannot even cry anymore i just let it be ..it still is shocking for me whenever i feel it but i just let it be cuz i cannot fight and reason every thought and image...

How do I stop giving meaning to my OCD? Any advice? 🥺

Has anyone told their s/o about their soocd or rocd? I don't really want to tell my boyfriend details about what I struggle with because I don't want him to feel insecure or inadequate but I also know he is curious about what I mean when I have OCD because he knows I'm not a very organized/clean person which most people think OCD is. We are open with me taking health and I don't want to withhold how I feel but I can't outright tell him my struggles. Any advice?

Okay so I just had A HUGE ACCIDENTAL exposure and omg it freaked me out so much. It was something that I never wanted to look at because of my thoughts. I just wanted to start crying but I’m scared and I hated it so much. But what is worse is that I think I got a groinal response and that freaked me out more. I checked and It didn’t look like anything happened down there but I’m doubting that so much. Because even the slightest change or growth down there scares me and makes me worry. But I just wanted to start crying right then and there. I started to sweat as well, at least I think, i wasn’t focused to much on that. But I feel like this is so much proof my thoughts are real and I hate it so much. When will this end. I feel like I cant enjoy life with groinal responses I got with this exposure and past exposures.

I'm struggling very badly with my various subtypes of OCD (somatic OCD, perfectionism OCD, slight and occasional harm OCD, order and symmetry OCD and pure OCD) Can anyone help/got suggestions for these following episodes: Fixating on a certain tasks example turning my lamp on but for years I've always done a cleaning hands ritual before I felt like I could turn the lamp because I feel like I'm going to contaminate the switch by touching it without washing my hands first.. Each time I wash my hands it a WHOLE exhausting thing but for the past 48 hours I've been forcing myself to just extremely quick pump some hand wash ony hands and spud up my hands (not in a compulsion type of way) then rinsing my hands followed by drying them (not in a ritual type way) which has been SUPER alien to me but been SUPER proud as for the past 24ish hours when I've washed my hands I've not counted.. SUPER PROUD of that.. My issue is the horrible feeling of doubt, thinking that something bad (anything could pop into my head) but it's usually like close people to me will find out of about past things I've done that I'd like to forget hence losing those people in my life due to disappointment/disrespect and also think of news headlines about murders and it's almost like I put myself in place of the person that was murdered and imagine the fear they went through.. By doing the ritual of washing my hands before turning the lamp in feel like everything will be ok.. I know it's irrational but in that moment I feel like 'oh if there's a chance I can stop a situation arising by doing compulsions/rituals why wouldn't you'.. I suppose this is all about what ERP does by teaching you that it's ok to sit with you anxiety but it's so difficult when your spiralling into a panic.. My situation is made 100% times worse as where I leave I share my entrance to my flat with a cocaine dealer and he makes constant noise and having parties (breaking covid guidelines in the UK) and I think 'if you do this (ritual) that amount of times, it's going to be a quite undisturbed evening.. I can't control everything and I know that but it's the horrible feeling when you feel that doing rituals will in someway shape or form help the situation.. Especially when you start getting into a situation where you feel like your spiralling with your panic and getting palpitations.. Can anybody suggest an exercise to help deal with these type of situations.. Apologies about the length of this post, it's very hard to describe plus I can get fixate on if I've typed out a word wrongly, I hate the number three but sometime I'll type of a word wrongly once, twice and then three that's when I'll panic.. My number I prefer is four I don't want to count but it's been happening for so that it's all automatic like you doing alot of things in auto pilot mode..

tw inc*st ocd, compulsions, mention of s*ic*de okay ive had enough this is too overwhelming. you can punch me kick me in the face kill me spit on me my brain is so sure that i am my thoughts right now. i think im becoming delusional. i know the basis of the thought is NOT factual but that's it my brain has come up with so many weird alternatives that could all be possible given that EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE. i know for a fact that im not crushing on that family member but my brain is convinced i have some hidden suppressed sexual desire that just doesn't take the form of a regular crush due to the fact that it's abnormal and unconventional. groinals and false feelings of attraction just reinforce this confusion. i opened an incognito tab, took 3 different paraphilia tests which all told me im not paraphilic, looked up questions about inc*st on quora, drew all of my attention on the said family member to check for sensations and feelings etc. i try to think of men im actually attracted to and how my feelings compare to what im experiencing regarding my intrusive thoughts to make sense of this but it doesn't help. im literally all full of reassurance but nothing works. IT FEELS SO REAL. back then i was mostly bothered by the presence of the thoughts now i am just straight up questioning whether it is true. i don't want it to be true. but i can't control my desires or my libido. maybe this is just who i am and I'll have to accept it. i don't even know why i am saying all this when there is no valid evidence that my thoughts are ego-syntonic. when i first got the thoughts i was so overwhelmed and lost i told myself that I would kms if they turn out to be true because i don't want to be a deviant. im only a teenager and ive never had any weird sexual behaviors but this is making me question everything. it's like i know the thought ain't true but maybe it is in a different context?? i genuinely feel delusional and im constantly anxious and restless. it's like there's something at the back of my head telling me it's true it's true and i can't shake it away. ive been overthinking my compulsions and assumed im just faking them to pass as a person with ocd. the urges and feelings feel so real but i freaking despise them. but maybe im just a lost cause. im literally losing insight of everything and i don't know what to do.

I got really triggered the other day because I saw someone say they used to “scream and not be able to calm down” from their OCD and I’m in no way trying to talk bad about that person cause idk what all they were going through, but for some reason that triggered the idea of my thoughts taking over me and possibly doing what my thoughts are about since my thoughts are about harming myself.. cause if you can’t get your mind to calm down then what are you supposed to do? :/ I’m just SO tired of this taking over my life

I’m having a panic attack how can I make it go away someone please help

Two days ago I was hospitalized for a panic attack and now I’m sober (TW: panic attacks, alcoholism, eating disorders) I’d been relying on alcohol for a while to self medicate my somatic OCD, dysphasia, and swallow anxiety. I’ve also been using it to cope with working odd hours from home and living with my parents. Two days I began to experience some mild alcohol withdrawals (shakes, nausea, dehydration) after having drank a lot and eaten very little the previous day. It wasn’t anything unbearable, until I came on with a sudden bout of nausea and went to my bed to lay down. My heart began racing and felt like I was going to die. I called my boyfriend to tell him what was happening and asked him to call me in a few hours to check on me (my parents whom I live with are out of town so I was by myself). I’ve worked in rehab so I know that alchohol withdrawals went deadly, but can cause seizures in extreme cases. I also recently had a family friend die in her sleep from complication from alcoholism and an eating disorder. I then began having a full blown panic attack and felt like I was going to die. I dialed 911 and the paramedics came. They looked at my heart rate and asked me questions and assured me I was only experiencing a panic attack. I declined to go to hospital and they left once my boyfriend arrived to make sure I wasn’t alone. After about a half an hour, I still couldn’t bring myself out of the panic. I was shaking, crying, my vision became blurry, and I could barely swallow any water. My boyfriend drove me to ER because I still felt like I was going to die. They put be on IV fluids for the dehydration and some meds (Ativan) to bring down my panic and anxiety. When the doctor examined me he reassured me my alcohol dependence and physical health were no where near the levels that would be considered deadly, and what I was experiencing was just a panic attack exasperated by mild withdrawals and dehydration. He gave me a short term prescription for Xanax and some referrals to addiction counselors. Since leaving the hospital, I haven’t drank at all and have only been using the Xanax (not abusing it or driving after taking it) and marijuana in the form of vape pens and THC gummies. I also take sertraline (Zoloft) daily and have been taking SSRIs for years. I’m scared of the idea of becoming completely alcohol free, at least until 1) I’m no longer taking Xanax, and 2) lowered my alcohol tolerance to avoid experiencing withdrawals or over drinking again. Has anyone else dealt with sobriety or other forms of addictions? I feel really scared moving forward rn.

Any paroxetine users out there???

I would really appreciate some responses! This is hard I am having ROCD I guess and I am constantly comparing my relationship and overall life and happiness to others. I always see people on social media trying to better themselves and I have no motivation b/c I am so depressed. My job is meh I don’t exercise don’t see friends much. I wonder if I moved to a different state if I’d be happier and if my problems would be solved but I don’t want to go alone where I don’t know anyone. I Google mental health disorders sometimes and articled about relationships I am scared I lost the ability to love and I’ll get abandoned because of OCD & my anxiety. I am scared this was all triggered bc I am ready to move in now and my boyfriend is not. I just want certainty and all these doubts to go away. Also my therapist on this app if I message her I am scared I don’t have ocd etc she will just be like you’re right, what if you don’t? Is she just not trying to give reassurance? I am confused about the concept of sitting in doubt and uncertainty it seems impossible. Why would my mind target the person who usually gives me the most comfort? Is it not meant to be? :(

Hey everyone! Any advice on how to stop confessing? Really struggling to battle the intense urgency and panic to confess every white lie, thought or comment I’ve ever said to my boyfriend. Some date back years and they’re always trivial things but it’s horrible for my boyfriend and myself! I get a very small amount of relief but sit anxiously until the next thing comes into my head! Any thought processes or techniques to use would be so helpful. Thank you xx

My OCD story - you are not alone Today my husband and I went to see my psychologist and showed him a diagram to help explain it better. I think this helped. I did feel very vulnerable afterwards because I did think he would reject me afterwards. How could he not? After our session I went to speak to my husband and I said that I felt like I had lied about my ocd for the entirety of our relationship. He said I hadn’t lied but couldn’t tell him and who can blame me. I can’t tell you how accepted that made me feel. Later on today I was walking around home bargains and it felt like a received a universal truth. I suffer from intrusive thoughts: I have always suffered from intrusive thoughts. As a teenager I would pray every night that my family would be kept “happy, safe and healthy” and if I didn’t do it right or felt like I didn’t mean it, I would have to do it again until it felt right. I remember the first time it really escalated. I was in a nightclub in Sheffield and all of a sudden nothing felt real. I didn’t feel real. I felt in a goldfish bowl and I never recovered from that moment. From then on I felt I had to check if everything around me felt “real” enough continually. This ran side by side with deep fear something would happen to my parents now I wasn’t living at home. I would ring every day without fail, sometimes a couple of times a day. If the conversation or if our goodbye wasn’t done just right then that was it - I didn’t appreciate them enough and so they were going to die and it was my fault. This coupled with intrusive thoughts of “you keep thinking about their death, you must secretly want it” which I would perform rituals of praying as I have done before in order to “neutralise” that irrational and intrusive thought. The intrusive thoughts told me that after the death of my brother that I wanted my parents to die too and that was soul destroying. This continued until 2010.. Early 2010 I got engaged. Within 4 weeks of this an intrusive thought came into my mind: “What if I don’t love him?” “What if he’s wrong for me?” “How do I know if we will be together forever?” Cue praying rituals again, severe panic attacks, 2 stone weight loss and suicidal thoughts.. Sadly through no fault of our own the relationship wasn’t solid enough to survive that. May 2011 I moved home and the intrusive thoughts quietened for a few months until my ex got in contact and I began to get low level anxiety that he was in contact as was a “threat” to this new life I had created. So I began logging into his social media to see if was in a relationship or seeing anyone to check there was no “threat” I was genuinely relieved when I would see he had a girlfriend and even when he got engaged and married. I had met someone and the guilt lifted when I knew he was happy. But then the guilt shifted to what I had done. Logging in maybe once every 3 months turned into every day - frantically checking that there was so sign that I’d logged in. I didn’t feel safe for the day until I knew this. As soon as I had kids and had the extra stress this became unmanageable. After 18 months or so of doing this I finally bit the bullet and changed his password in the hope that now this meant I couldn’t check anymore and I would be free of intrusive thoughts. Not so, it then went to other social media sites to rid myself of the anxiety.....now I’m at the stage where my intrusive thoughts tell me I have to check every single website and phone number I use and this is where I am at now. But what is different today is that I am truly beginning to believe myself when I say they are intrusive thoughts...before I was convinced they weren’t intrusive thoughts but my real desires and felt a deep sense of shame. I hope that by writing this I can look back on it and remind myself - my intrusive thoughts are not important.

I just had this breakdown because of my thoughts. I kept getting the thoughts and images and kept yelling in my head “stop thinking about this” or “no I’m not this or that” or “no I don’t have this or that.” But I took a shower hoping that it would help me but at the beginning of my shower but it was the same way. THEN ON TOP OF ME STARTING TO CRY, I KEPT GETTING GROINAL RESPONSES 🙄. But I just kept crying and wishing it would all end. I hate ocd so much :/

People who have difficulty completing tasks due to OCD or a combo of OCD and ADHD, and who are used to using OCD anxiety to make themselves do things, how do you stop and what do you replace it with?