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Hi everyone, I am having a really bad day struggling with HOCD. A little bit amount me is I am a 22 year old woman. Since the pandemic began my HOCD has been consistent as well as Trans OCD has developed. I also just want to say half my friends are part of the LGBTQ+ community and I love them dearly. What I am struggling with today is, currently I am living at home. A huge fear I have with the HOCD is if I were gay then I would have to come out to my family and what if they didn’t love me, specifically my mom. All day I’ve been around her and battling in my head to ask her if she would still love me if I was gay or if I was trans. I am 99% sure rationally she would still love me but it’s a huge fear I have. To lose my family’s support of me. I have a fear she would be disappointed in me if I was. I am also on my third week taking Prozac and am experiencing a large amount of panic. The weather is also super gloomy today by where I am which has impacted my mood. I’m just trying to tell myself the thoughts are only temporary. I guess I’m just looking for some support from people who know this feeling. Thanks for reading.

I just had my last cup of regular coffee. My body just can’t deal with caffeine induced anxiety anymore. I really wish I could have been one of those ppl that can handle regular coffee but I can’t. I feel like a complete failure. I also know that stopping caffeine will be so much better for me in the long run. I told my family I don’t want to go for Easter. I’m having awful intrusive thoughts about having a panic attack and ruining their time. I just want to have time to myself to try to get better

Do you ever feel like you’re going through your day with no intrusive thoughts and then suddenly your brain goes “see you weren’t thinking about that at all” and then that triggers you to think about the thoughts? I feel like that’s the story of my life rn🥺

does anyone else feel like they know they’re denying the truth??

Anyone else get excited before going on vacation, then when you get to your destination your ocd/anxiety flares up? So unfair, it’s like the fun then gets sucked out of your trip and you won’t be fine again until you return home

Sometimes I feel like I have some kind of sexual disorder or something with the amount of sexually-intrusive/taboo thoughts that can pop up at anytime even though I have no plans or have ever had such desires to act out upon them

lately i’ve been comparing myself a lot to my friend and i find myself always falling short. i’m now at the point where i literally can’t think of one good quality in myself. she’s just really amazing? like good at everything kinda person. she’s one of the smartest girls, she’s funny, she’s confident, she’s a good friend etc. she has a solid family, a big house and good opportunities. beyond that she’s also quite mature / serious (when need be) and so she’s always taken seriously for her struggles. like she’s not the kind of person who would ever exaggerate or be showing it off for attention. i’ve always struggled with my self esteem but i still thought i was smart and stuff. it’s just, when i compare myself to her, i have no defining quality. like i’m just a watered down version. there’s nothing that makes me ‘me’. the only positive is probably my people pleasing tendencies (where i can see people’s needs well) and i guess my care for people but it’s not that she lacks those. she just doesn’t have to people please. and with my struggles too, i always worry she thinks i’m being dramatic. or over exaggerating, so i don’t even wanna confide in her anymore. and also, with this is particular, i can’t confide in her. all in all i’m just feeling so poor about myself. like i’m not good enough and never will be when she’s so great. i wish i had something about me that could make me feel special but there isn’t anything. all of this has been making me cry a lot lately. like i don’t wanna be myself anymore.

Anyone with Religious OCD want to chat? (First time on here)

Can anyone talk? Please?

Just wondering if stopping masterbation is another compulsion I have, I don’t want to do it cause it will trigger the thoughts and I’ve tried to do it before and it just made my thoughts worse so I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to do it because of my thoughts but I don’t want to never masterbate again because that means ocd is winning by controlling me. What do I do? I’m just so confused about if I’m doing things wrong or if stopping usual behaviour is making my ocd worse. Also does anyone feel like they have completely lost their sex drive or don’t even feel attracted to the people you used to be attracted to before the intrusive thoughts? I feel like I’m not attracted to men anymore and I don’t know why. It really scares me because I get thoughts like what if I’m really starting to become a p? Sometimes I feel like the ocd is changing who I am and I don’t feel like myself anymore, I haven’t feel like my true self ever since these thoughts started. Just want to know if anyone has had similar experiences.

Most of the time a feeling/thought goes through my body and mind, I try to figure it out what they mean, and they I write them on my phone’s notes. Idk if that’s a compulsion? I do it so I don’t forget what to tell to my therapist later, but I never use them when I am in actual therapy. But I like writing my thoughts so I am more clear about what goes through my mind.

Just finished another session with my CBT therapist and when I was telling him that my head felt like it was telling me that I didn’t like my partner and that my partner wasn’t my type, he triggered me by asking, “so he’s not your type?” He further said that maybe you see your partner as a really good friend than romantically... but I KNOW that my partner and I meet each other’s romantic needs. But I was still triggered regardless and am now questioning everything again. And it just felt like my thoughts were true all over again. I couldn't help, but feel this huge drop in my chest and like my breathing getting shallow - some of my typical anxious reactions. But it's making me convinced that I really don't like my partner and can't seem to pinpoint why I remember liking him and my mind is convincing me that I’m only in it for the things he does and says, which isn’t even often. Makes me thinks we can only be friends and not the lovers we are now. And quite frankly, my mind is a shitshow and I don’t know what’s right or not. What a freaking struggle bus.

i honestly think i should wait for my ocd to get better before i experiment because right now it feels like a compulsion and i read a story on here that this girl waited before she experimented.

So I feel like my ocd is taking over. I’m having intrusive thoughts specifically about my husband and now I’m scared to be around him. What do I do 😞

Lately my OCD hasn't been satisfied with just HOCD, now its trying to make me feel and think that I'm Trans and I'm terrified I don't know what to do, I do MMA and I find it very hard to let my hair grow long because I really like Pixie cuts and now my OCD is trying to say "Hey, these things aren't very feminine, are you sure you're a girl?" And its giving me a lot of anxiety, any tips on how to deal with this?

Hi everyone I'm morgan I'm 26 I just noticed some OCD tendacies in 2017. I'm not 100% sure if it is OCD but I've been seeing a therepist for two months now and I'm about to get a phycatrist and hopefully be on the road of better lifestyle. I often think negative thoughts and they will circulate in my mind until I create a panic, I'll cry not eat or sleep due to the anxiety of these thoughts a few traumas brought these out because before 2017 I was a care free teen with nothing going on then mother hood came and I had to grow up fast forward to 2020 this pandemic has taken a toll on us all I'm sure but for my mental health ..it's gotten worse Here's a few of my thoughts that's pop up One time in 2017 I watched lesbian porn and thought omg I must be gay ? I started questioning everything in my life my character my family I would just have thoughts like " I'm gay your gay " in my head I finally set those free when I started not to care to put a label on it .. 2018 I got pregnant and lost my grandparents to a house fire the day my son was born ..I surpsingly dealt with everything well I was on sertaline 25 mg and learned to cope and move on with life. Fast forward to 2019 I was doing okay no intrusive thoughts that through me into a panic ...along came 2020 wich Sucked . The pandemic hit and I was isolated and alone well I felt that way anyways I started getting stressed out with the kids I thought " omg I'm gonna kill these damn kids today " wich ovb I wouldn't I love my babies so much but that thought scared me into a panic and that's all I thought about over and over I finally got out of that...weeks later I had a dream my daughter was playing with my boobs in my sleep ...I woke up and said that was weird does this mean I'm a child diddle So now guess what? That thought started appearing and circulating until I went into a panic I started picturing kids naked wich was just so weird because I'm not like that what so ever ....a few weeks later the word "rape" popped up into my head and I started repeating over and over again and putting peoples names after it...this scared me but I know its just a thought...anyways whenever me and my partner have sex now all I can think about is that word or random baked bodies popping into my head some I don't even find attractive and it feels like I'm going down a rabbit hole of intrusive thoughts...I want to learn to get better I've been going to therepy seeking help the last 10 weeks and I've been a lab rat to different medications since December first lexapro and now sertaline wich the 25 was working and they bumped me up to 50 but the 50 didn't agree with me so im back on the 25 mg ...anyone taking anything for OCD that's helping? Anyone have any ideas to help me ? I'm curious I'm sorry this is long.

I really often have had those dreams where I somehow engage in something bad, like almost cheating with another person, but then I suddenly remember that Oh My God! I have my boyfriend. And I reject everyone else, not letting myself do the wrong thing (and I didn't even want to, it's not like forbidding something I wanted.) It's just like I forget about my relationship for a short time and then suddenly it hits me, and I feel fear that I am going to loose him because I almost was engaged in this bad thing, though it would have been an accident. What does this mean

Hi everybody, I want to apologize in advance for the long post. I’m new here and, to be honest, I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD or been in therapy at all, but I’m going through a very difficult time and am in search of answers. If it’s alright I’d like to start with some background. I remember as a child experiencing intense, recurring anxiety on several occasions. I spent a summer with my grandmother and had moments of total panic when I didn’t know where she was. I’d come downstairs, wouldn’t be able to find her (inevitably she was outside or in the garden), and I was convinced something horrible had happened to her until I was able to find her. A few years later I had an episode where I began to focus intensely on my breathing and convinced myself I wasn’t able to breathe properly. These episodes also recurred from time to time. In college I began a long battle with hypochondriasis, and would obsess over the feeling that I had cancer or other chronic illnesses. These episodes would leave me completely panic-stricken and depressed for weeks, unable to think about anything other than my fear of being gravely ill and not knowing it. Reassurance-seeking would always leave me feeling like I had more unanswered questions, and I began to recognize in myself a real fear of situations where I would not be in control. For a long time I accepted these episodes as intermittent interruptions in my life, but I find myself unable to do that now. Earlier this year I began to notice my anxiety and looping thoughts worsening. I would be driving, hit a bump in the road, and convince myself that I had hit and killed someone. Once the feeling was so unshakeable that I actually turned around, re-tracing my path to check that there was no one hurt lying in the road. Currently I’m in a very distressing cycle of intrusive sexual thoughts that seem to be triggered by specific types of movement, touch, and even by opening my mouth to eat or drink—anything that feels like it could possibly be part of an intimate experience. Along with this—and please tell me if you’ve experienced this—I find myself having obsessive thoughts about obsessive thoughts themselves: fear they will recur at the worst possible moments or that they will continue happening the exact same way, with the same frequency, for the rest of my life. I am weighing different therapy options currently, and really would love to hear from other people who understand what I’m going through or who might be able to offer some hope. I feel alone and unable to speak openly about what I’m going through with the people close to me.

my parents still treat me like a child i’m almost 18 . my parents have never liked my boyfriend from the beginning . we broke up for some time and for back together recently and i kept it from my parents bc of how they reacted when we first dated . our relationship has been great but i hate being home and he has always noticed that there were bad vibes in the house so he would come over but he never looked happy and i wasn’t happy either . we would have to stay on the couch and were not allowed to even touch each other . when i go to his house i can do whatever we can cook we can have fun . my mom said that i can go to his house once a week for 2 - 3 hours but i’m almost 18 and i’ve had those rules for years . she said if i want to be treated like an adult i have to act like one so i’m trying to show out , wash my clothes and such . i’m so annoyed . it makes me want to move out . bc they’ve been like that when i had friends too . i’m tired . i’m so tired

HAVE I DONE SOMETHING MORALLY WRONG ? Okay so what happened Is I was on a website on Meghan Markie and there was this innapropriate add of a naked woman without the details .i looked , went “oh shit “ and clicked out immediately. Then I had this thought “she was hot though” and a groinal . Then I was like “the face looked kinda youngish” , OH SHIT IS IT CP DID I LOOK AT CP? and then intrusive pictures of her and groinals . So I checked to make sure it’s not CP . And I found another add but it was on the bottom so idk if it’s the same woman . I mainly saw the body didn’t even get a good look at her face so idk if it’s her real face or just a mental image of her . I checked the website and the woman on the add was an adult but what if it was a different add ? I didn’t get a good look at the face !! It was kinda round . Woman can have a round face but so can 17 year olds ! Was she legal ? I’m so scared it was CP? She could be 18 she wasn’t obviously a minor or teen . Idk I’m very scared that she was a minor