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I wish I had OCD so bad so that none of my feelings were my true feelings and so that none of my thoughts were my true thoughts. My therapist thinks it’s OCD, but I know it’s not. Anxiety? Not there. Compulsions? Not there. Intrusive thoughts? No, because there is a natural progression of thoughts. They don’t just pop out of nowhere. I honestly can’t handle the way I apparently feel. I can’t handle knowing that I don’t love anyone and never have. I can’t handle that I have this supportive and loving family who I just want around because I need them to love ME. I can’t handle that I’m this selfish person who has pushed her mother into a depressive episode because her own daughter doesn’t love her. I don’t want to leave, because I don’t know how to live my life without my family. And if I’ve never loved anyone, I never will love anyone. And what is life without love? I can’t handle all of this guilt, but letting go of it leads to me leaving my family and they don’t deserve that!!! What did they do to deserve a daughter who doesn’t love them and who leaves them because...well I don’t even really know why exactly. I’m just someone who lacks the ability to love, but needs everyone to love ME. I can’t handle that. It’s too sad. I want to go back to when I was ignorant to this. I don’t think I can live like this. And I’m sorry for posting on an ocd forum about it, but no one understands.

okay just got a memory that's caused guilt and I'm really tempted to hurt myself

I've been writing a lot here, but as long as it doesn't bother anyone it helps me a little, kinda like journaling my process. I've been stuck with my abuser because of lockdown, and my triggers are when i hear sounds or just anything related to it. I have been trying to expose myself to the constant noises, like i will hear footsteps and doors all the time and i think i need to get used to it. But as this is my biggest trigger it's difficult. If i hear other people it literally doesn't bother me at all...but i'm stuck with this high difficulty level. Today it was bad so i put on headphone with music, i really just had to escape because i couldn't handle it anymore. But right then, they turned on their aroma diffusor which they haven't used in years and i felt like i had no escape from the sensory triggers, it got so bad i ran outside. I know that i can do this, i HAVE to, but sometimes i feel like i have no place to retreat to when it gets this bad and i can't control this at all. I need to take some breaths inbetween and i can't do it, going through endless anxiety spikes. I'll try to think of something and try again tomorrow.

I need sleeping pills, lots of them

Anyone else get really ashamed and guilty and just overall begin to feel dirty after watching certain porn? :/ It’s nothing illegal it’s just taboo and feels wrong. But I can’t always climax off vanilla stuff anymore (which scares me a lot). I think I’m just going to stop watching it entirely.

Anyone had any success with natural supplements/diet changes during their recovery? I know its not the resolution, but just curious about anything to take the edge off a little and light your spirits when it really gets you down. Thanks!

I have major depression related to my ocd and a book/show I read. It really fucked me up and it’s been a year and even the mention of it ruins my mood. I know it’s ocd because I think about it constantly and avoid it at all costs. Any help would be appreciated. I started writing the name which is huge but I don’t know what else to do. Watching the show is not an option at the moment, I’m way too emotionally exhausted. I just want help. I’m drowning in my depression and anxiety

Does anyone else struggle with craving validation? I sometimes look at it as though it’s a compulsion. I just wanna be content with myself, I’m sick of feeling the need to impress everyone. But when I do, it feels good so I keep going. Similar to how reassurance feels good so I keep seeking it.

I wish I knew the reason I have OCD. Is this a defense mechanism from something that happened in my life and it’s my brains messed up way of trying to protect me? I know a lot of mental disorders are. This isn’t reassurance or anything it helps me to know the reason behind stuff. But I guess we may never know.

Ok but seriously this time it feels like I’m in denial. The thoughts and feelings I’m getting right now seem so natural to me like they happen automatically. I don’t even feel bothered by them anymore it’s like I’ve just realised I’m actually bi/ lesbian but I just don’t want to be. I’d rather have the panic and the anxiety and the disgust over this feeling of truth. I saw a post explaining hocd and the caption said something about it only being hocd if you’re bothered about these thoughts all the time and I’m not getting them as regularly anymore and they don’t really trigger me. It feels so so so real.

here’s my latest thought. “you don’t have ocd. you just latched onto that so you can hide the fact your actually gay. You are gay. your lying to everybody” ^^ feels so real. i just can’t

I'm struggling terribly please if anyone has any words of guidance. I've had a breakdown these past few months and my suffering of harm ocd has gone through the roof. I am also feared to death of bring schizophrenic and I'm worried that what I have thought are "intrusive thoughts" for all these years have actually been me hearing voices. my harm ocd has always been centred around my little girl. my intrusive thoughts are mainly images in my head but otherwise they can present like a sentence beginning with I or you. does anyone else intrusive thoughts come across as a sentence that it feels like your saying in your head.

Sorry maybe TMI :/ I’m worried I have a porn addiction. I find myself to ‘crave’ watching it at times and feeling happy (for like 5 seconds) after doing so. And then super guilty and gross, especially because there’s still stigma about girls watching porn. Anyway, I took a shift to a more ethical porn site run by women like a month ago... but it just doesn’t give me that same kick. So I guess I’ve just stopped watching it so much. Back in the day, on the original mainstream site I watched it on, I’d probably go on it like 5 times a week (ish). The guilt is what stops be going back to the old website and stuff I watched there but that doesn’t mean I don’t still want to. On the whole though, I hate that I feel this craving feeling and I’m scared I’m therefore a porn addict. I don’t want to stunt my sexual development and become completely reliant on porn. I find I CAN ignore the feeling when my brain tells me to watch it, especially due to the guilt. But it’s not super easy and I do sometimes really just want to.

I watch a TV series called Orphan Black. I have been worrying that this is not a good show to watch due to being a Christian. But I am unsure if its OCD or its the truth! I have Prayed, I've asked reassurance from my husband.. I want to keep watching it but I'm worried that the only reason I want to is because it is the world darkness in it that is looming me in. I know this will soundly like nonsense to anyone who is not a Christian. But those who are, we are to honour God with our lifestyle. Ughhh idk what to do. And yes I know this is a reassurance method by asking you guys on nocd. Lol... 🙄🤔

I really think this isn’t OCD. I haven’t gotten into relationships because I found them stressful, even though I wanted them, it’s always been easier for me to make close connections with female friends, whom I love a lot, and I’m very comfortable with them. I was extremely jealous at how they were able to talk to guys so easily whereas I always had an anxiety attack over it, or felt like I was forcing myself to be attracted to random people. I didn’t want to get married and found the thought of living alone, maybe with friends, a lot more enjoyable. I can’t imagine myself in a long term relationship with men at all. I had crushes on guys. I wasn’t boy crazy but I did notice them all the time. I had butterflies around 1 girl I thought was cool in middle school, and have admired women for being pretty, but I’ve never wanted to date them, and I never thought about them after. There was one girl in high school that I thought was super smart and I wanted to be her friend but I got this thought of ‘omg what if I have a crush on her?’ in high school and for a while I thought I did but I was honestly uncomfortable at the thought. I never thought I was a lesbian, for a while I thought I was bi, but I never wanted a relationship with women, and honestly I’ve doubted how attracted to them I was, because I just didn’t feel comfortable at the thought of doing anything with them. I could admire them but that’s about it. The thought made me uncomfortable. I’ve never fantasized about relationships with women, always about men. I’ve never even watched lesbian porn. What if I’m just a lesbian and I can’t admit it??

Whenever I hang out with my brother I fear I have a crush on him. My brothers always been very cool and popular and he isn’t bad looking. My brain always jumps me by saying that if he wasn’t my brother I would have a crush on him which is terrifying.

Hello everyone I would like to ask a few questions that are really troubling me I don’t want this to be seen as me asking for reassurance but at the same time there is a few thing I want to ask to see if anyone else is experiencing what I am going through. I’ve been battling what I believe to be hocd for around three months now and well my path to recovery seemed to be going in the right direction I’ve been doing gradual exposures such a looking at attractive men online sitting with that anxiety and bring it down I’ve also been doing a guided visual exposure around the same topic which has been helping slightly. My problem is I still can see these attractive men and find them attractive though I have to admit not sexually I’ve never had an erection while seeing the individual but I can find them attractive to look at if that makes sense? This is a problem as it links to my lack of attraction of women anymore which I used to have fully. Though I girl I know recently sent me a picture (which I admit I didn’t ask for) and I was able to get a 75% erection instantly but it quickly fell. This leave me in a depressed back and forth I can’t currently see my self getting a girlfriend again and even if I did I fear I would be secretly lying to myself and being unable to satisfy. I feel sick and my mind keeps telling me I’m going to be in this loop of sadness until my mind convinced me I’m actually gay and have to live that life. Does anyone have anything that I can use to help myself or calm myself. All responses welcome.

So there's one thing that always makes me feel insecure, spiral, and doubt pretty often aside from intrusive thoughts. And that thing is masturbation. I know people don't like to talk about it even though so many people and mammals do it themselves. I know it's not something people expect to hold dialogues on but it's something that's bothering me lately. This has always been something that I wasn't bothered by in the past. When I first discovered it, there were many ways on how I did it. Some were better than others, and I never felt bad about doing it because I always felt it was good that I found a way to make my body feel good whenever I wanted to. But now, in beginning to become really insecure about it, shameful, guilty, and disappointed when I do it, but at the same time there's something inside the way I feel that only wishes to do it whenever I'm aroused or when I want to feel better at a time where I'm not. I confuse anxiety with arousal, my thoughts are all over the place, and I get stressed. Sometimes, I just want to wind down and hope that I can take a break from those kind of things. And masturbating was one of the most common ways for me to do that ever since I was about 14. When I was younger, I never had any bad feelings towards it and I never judged myself for doing it, but now I do. Either when I'm in the middle of doing it or after doing it, my mind stats to really shut me down with thoughts I don't like but I try to ignore them and focus on how good it can make me feel. Even after it's over, that's when the thoughts like to try it's best to cloud into my judgement and make me feel horrible about myself. Is this a form of checking OCD? Is this a compulsion I shouldn't be doing? Is this avoidance in the sense that I shouldn't do it and sit with the stress, the discomfort, and the negative feelings even when I can subside it? This is something I used to have no problems with until I started to overthink the things I masturbated too or things that were uncalled for and very inappropriate and showed up at a bad place in the wrong time which has happened.. Does anyone have any advice? I guess my intrusive thoughts have also made this challenging for me

I breathe and my brain goes: “You should stop. You don’t deserve to be alive. Die.” I don’t know what to do I’m genuinely tired of my thoughts and the pain. I want to stop existing.

it's kind of ironic that in order for ocd to get better you have to believe that the thoghts could be true