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the NOCD Community

Okay well I’m a 15 year old boy from Connecticut and I’m not really sure if I have ocd. I think I have pure o and harm ocd but I’ve had other themes before hand, back in January I had sexual orientation intrusive thoughts and I would always think to myself no I know I’m not gay and stuff but now it’s moved onto a different theme. It’s not about harming others, it started off of me getting a disturbing image of me doing something horrible to my mother, ever since then all Ive had on my mind is how I don’t wanna do those horrible things and how I’m not a bad person and how I’m a good person and how I’ve never been a violent person and I’ve always been a nice kid. The thoughts bring great distress and I literally have headaches because of this. It’s always on my mind and I literally feel like I’m dangerous and I feel like one day I’m gonna loose control and do these horrible things. Or I’ll blow a feeling of anxiety completely out of proportion, I’ll start thinking does this feeling mean I want to do something bad? Of course I haven’t done anything horrible and I plan on not doing it because I genuinely have no desire to act on these thoughts what so ever but I need an idea of what is going on cuz I am scared that I will do something bad. And I’m scared that I am a murderer and I’m scared that I will hurt someone even though I really don’t want too. I’m nervous around sharp objects and nervous around family members. Please help me out because I am seriously scared.

Saw a psychiatrist today and was prescribed meds for my ocd. I’m super nervous and still contemplating picking them up from the pharmacy. I want to get better but I’ve always been afraid to take meds. I’d rather go a natural route. Anyone deciding no meds and actually improving just with therapy and ERP?

There was a time in my life when the thought of not constantly distracting myself was terrifying. Being alone with my thoughts, without anything else to preoccupy me, seemed like an impossible task. It’s something I truly hadn’t done for most of my adult life. Today, I went to a local nature reserve in the woods and meditated alone. Not only was it not difficult to be with my thoughts, it was nice practicing being in the present moment as fully as I could. Although my mind did drift often, I didn’t interpret that as some failure to “do it right”. It just simply was my experience, and rather than dive headlong into a narrative about how that made me a failure, or weird, or not “normal”, I just noted it and brought myself back to the present over and over again. After all, even distraction and the monkey mind is an experience to observe mindfully. Now, I’m no special case nor is there anything remarkable about me. Like everyone else, I can be prone to some negative emotions and experiences (ruminating, judging, isolating, annoyance). And it isn’t like I’ve achieved some transcendent state of zen beyond the travails of life’s mundane and more serious concerns. I’ve just received the right treatment, with the right people, and had the good luck and fortune to be able to work through it with their help. I say this to hopefully convey how fundamentally your life can shift in a span of time you wouldn’t have conceived possible. Imagine a future where the thoughts don’t bother you. In fact, it doesn’t matter if they’re there or not because you’ve cultivated an entirely different relationship to your thoughts. You’ve been through the worst this disorder can throw at you, and not only did you survive, you had the audacity to demand more from your life. Not only can this possibility come true, it might even be likely to happen. Why can’t it be you? Truly? Will a spike come sometime later in my life? Maybe. Will I have bad days? I’m sure. But I know now that nothing, even our deepest suffering, is never forever. And with the right help, and the right focus, you can always begin again. If you’ve not started treatment and you’re hesitant or afraid, just know we’ve all been there. If you’re in treatment or have started and not seeing the progress you’d like, keep going. If you recovered but became complacent in your equanimity, then refocus on living a life of wellness. Most of all, wherever you are on the journey, know that every present moment is a fresh start. Maybe your moment won’t be alone in the woods with your thoughts. It might be something else. But that moment is waiting on you.

at this point i actually feel sexually attracted to girls it feels like i actually want to date them and have sex with them and i don’t want to but i’m scared what if i’m in denial i really don’t want to be gay i miss how my life was before all of this ugh i just want to cry my eyes out

How can i be constanly thinking of men. I just dont get this. I feel like if i go ok im gay its not going to change anything because its not what i want and i dont want the thoughts to be there ?😞

i can’t think of a reason to live anymore

I am so afraid that because people often treat me a little different because I choose not to cuss or say dirty jokes or anything that I will decide to go completely against my beliefs and do something wrong to prove I'm not a "goody two shoes" it makes me so sad and makes me anxious when I do homework or crafts and things I usually enjoy because those are things responsible or childish people do. I can't handle this. I want to do my hw and embroidery anr play board games with my family but then I think that those things aren't what college students do. Those things are lame or childish. I just want to live how I want without getting anxious. How do I get this to stop? Is this OCD? Anxiety? Am I changing my beleifs? 😞

Today I'm trying my hardest to just feel joy and be grateful for all that I have but my thoughts keep coming back. One in particular that is about my niece. I would never do anything to her but my thoughts make me question myself. I hate these thoughts and groinal response. I don't want this anymore I just want to be free. Am I a bad person? I try to be around friends and listen to music but my mind just keeps going back to what I fear most. I never went to a therapist before so I've never been fully diagnosed but I am for certain that this is not me. I know I'm a good person and my thoughts and false feelings are not what I want. If it's OCD it sucks and my heart goes to everyone who's going through this. I want help I want to talk to someone but I'm scared of getting judged. My mom doesn't think I need help or medication but at this point I don't think I have a choice. I just want to feel better and enjoy the life God gave me.

How do I know if it’s ROCD or if I’m just unhappy with my boyfriend? I love him but I haven’t felt happy for a while now and I do have ROCD and so I’m not sure how to tell which is which. Any advice?

Please I don't want to be a monster or horrible person. I don't want to lose my mind

oh and this is really important! can someone explain to me how what accepting uncertainty for rocd is?? like it sounds like you don't really love them and i get sad :(( when i do :((

I'm having a annoying time with one of my obsessions as it deals with race. I'm thinking that a certain race is bad because of the history associated with them. It's just intrusive thoughts mostly.

So I’m new to this ocd stuff and I feel so alone and like a bad crazy person. I live in constant fear that I’m gonna end up doing something bad when I don’t want to. How do I stop this vicious cycle, my head aches from all the stress and I’m so tired physically and mentally. I just don’t wanna do anything bad I would hate to do that. Pls help me out idk what to do my life is sucking rn and I just want it to get better. I’m nervous around my family and knifes and I can’t enjoy my time with them and it’s pissing me off. Only time these thoughts are gone is when I’m sleeping. Pls pls help me :(

I'm afraid to order a video game console because when I get it, I worry that I'll need to smear soap across it's screen in order to do therapy properly. And because I feel like I'll need to do that, I'll start to wonder if I actually have smeared soap across the screen. Basically I fear that if I buy a video game console, I'll need to smear soap across it. If I don't, I won't be doing ERP therapy properly. I'm in a lot of distress, not over a video game console, but just what I'm supposed to do therapy wise if I were to order one. I know it sounds like first world problems and it really is, but it's not just a video game console, it's everything. If something bothers me, I automatically feel like I need to expose myself to it until it no longer bothers me anymore.

Am I the only one who feels everything in life is just so dumb? Like I just don’t feel the way I used to feel about things anymore and just don’t give a shit about nothing anymore. I mean I just want therapy to see what I like and what gives me meaning in life cuz I’m pretty sure the therapist I saw today thinks I have some intent to end my life and hurt others but I’m like and?.. is that a bad thing? It’s not like I care about anything anymore. Everything I do is just pointless don’t see how me thinking about ending my life is any different than how I feel about life. I mean it’s not like any therapist I’ve met care enough to show me what I actually care about anymore or what gives me meaning in my life. I try to meet with therapists to show me what I care about but they end up not responding to my emails or return one email and not get in contact with me so it makes me just not give a shit if nobody else does.

Does anyone have any comorbidity including bipolar disorder or depression? How can you differentiate the depression caused by OCD from potentially another issue entirely?

I made a huge mistake in the past. Going into it I didn't know at the time how bad the mistake was until a long time later. I so badly wish I could go back and fix it and change it. I hate myself and I feel like I deserve to die. I talked to my parents about it and they told me that I need to just let it go and stop beating myself up and that I've punished myself enough but I can't seem to shake it off and move on. I'm a Christian so I do believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins but why do I feel so bad. I feel so guilty. I would NEVER make the same mistake again knowing what I know now. Do I deserve a second chance? Is it possible that OCD can make it worse than it actually is? I need help 😭

ASAP I need to talk to someone

Hello, I have recently been having intrusive sexual thoughts over children. It all started when I looked at my 9 year old sister and I felt like I looked at her in a creepy way because I glanced at her butt. Then the intrusive thoughts came and I couldn’t stop wondering why I did that. Was I a pedophile? Was I attracted to kids? And after trying to figure out why I did that, the awful images came. Anytime I see a kid now I get awful sexual images in my mind. I know it’s OCD because I have every symptom for it. But it’s worse now that I’m obsessing over a real life event that happened with my little sister. We would try and pinch each other’s butts and say, “I squished your toosh!” I’m terrified because maybe I should be worried about this. What if I was in appropriately touching a child? Is this just my OCD talking? I’m so scared. I feel like it’s nothing to worry about because I never had any sexual intent. And while I did start it, I never forced or coerced her into it. I love her so so much and I could never ever harm her. But I’m worried that I did. I feel so disgusted and scared writing this. I’m just curious if others have had a similar situation and if so how they’ve combated it.

I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m failing school because all I have on my mind is ocd and ocd thoughts. I’ll I think is “what If I’m a murderer” “what If I hurt someone” “no no no I don’t wanna do those things I really don’t”. I feel like it’s getting worse I can’t focus on school anymore and I’m gonna fail this quarter. I wake up and I just wanna sleep because I keep having these thoughts, I’ve been getting nightmares too and I just feel so hopeless and I’m always so anxious about being a bad person. Please help me out here