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Wow the human mind is a trip. My ocd never ceases to amaze me! It always finds new ways to get under my skin and trick me. I was doing so well. And then the worst thing ever happened.😔 My ocd is centered around “molesting” my daughter. It creeps in during every diaper change, every time I’m playing with her, bathing her, being affectionate with her. Any interaction with her really. Through nocd erp and medication I have been doing so much better and able to lean into all of these activities with open arms and accept the uncertainties and just focus on loving my baby. Friday night I was bathing my daughter after I had a glass or two of wine. My parents were right next to me as I was doing it, just on the couch over next to the kitchen where I was washing her in her bath in the sink. I had finished washing her everywhere except her butt and privates, which I usually avoid altogether or do very quickly. My nocd therapist tells me to make sure I’m not moving quickly through these washes. To do them very thoroughly and slowly and deliberately and to not mentally review anything. Despite his advice it’s still very hard for me sometimes to resist the compulsion of avoidance or moving very quickly. That night I felt avoidant and scared to wash her butt at first, but then the liquid courage came in because of the few glasses of wine I had. I thought okay, here goes, go all in, don’t be shy, wash her! And as I was doing it, I had the thought of “use this as an opportunity to get all of your sinister desires out of your system, think about all of the times you had a groinal and had the ‘urge’ to touch her there, this is your chance” ...and I continued to wash her. It was only 3 swipes of my hand total to her butt area. After that, I couldn’t muster up the courage to wash her vagina 😔 I avoided it all together. But I feel so guilty for continuing to wash her there. I feel like that disgusting thought motivated me to continue the action. I feel like i ran with the thought and almost agreed with it. I feel like it was the motivator and the intention behind my touching her there. Because I was kind of tipsy it is all a blur to me now. And not to mention Ive replayed it close to a million times in my mind. The whole interaction lasted for less than 2 seconds and like I said, my parents were there and it was no different than any other bath, just my stupid fucking BRAIN misfired. I hate how it does this. When I take two steps forward it’s like 10 steps back. I feel now like my worst fear has come true and like I have touched my daughter inappropriately for my own sexual gratification. It treads on such a thin line when the thoughts are mixed with an action. Because then it’s not “just a thought” anymore. I’m in so much distress. Not looking for reassurance. Just wanted to share and potentially commiserate with someone who might be able to relate or who has gone through something similar. Any words of wisdom and kindness would be greatly appreciated.

My partner had a panic about stuff today and i questioned myself saying can I deal with this forever 😞 the thing is I was happy last night spending time with him.. I am starting to believe I am not in love with him anymore that i am just forcing myself.. I don’t even feel forced that’s the thing... I know I love him a lot but i am scared it is truly me... 😞

hey guys, not really ocd related but i need some advice :/ so since my ocd started this summer i kinda stopped talking to ppl and making plans. and during the summer it was ok because i was away so it made sense. but since i jane back in september, i still haven’t really talked to people and made plans. especially with my best friend. i’m not mad at her or anything, but it’s a mix of being introverted, anxious, and she recently came out as bi, so being around her triggers me when she talks about it. about a month ago she confronted me abt it and said she was upset that i wasn’t making an effort to be her friend anymore, and so then i hung out w her that day. but i haven’t rly talked to her since. it’s been a month since i saw her last, and more since i last texted her. i feel so bad about it. i want to talk to her again. and her birthday is at the end of the month so i want to be able to talk to her then. ig i’m not sure how to go about reconnecting since it’s been so long. if y’all have any tips that would be greatly appreciated.

It be cool if we say where we are from caus wwe all from everywhere globaly on this app and thats awesowme. Yeah annonymous fine jut country wise say hey reppin new york etc why cause we sick we aint supoorse to have fun

Please god. I don’t want to be gay. I don’t want to be bisexual. These thoughts are making me think and feel like I enjoy them when I don’t. I don’t want this man. I DONT WANT THIS. Please god help me.

trying to resist the urge to confess on quora

I’m still doing ERP, and when the thoughts come in I try to ignore it. But now it’s feels like the thoughts are natural and the HOCD is trying to make me like it. No anxiety too. Fuck me.

I feel like I have so much wisdom to share after these past 3 years of struggle and transformation, but I don’t have anyone to share this with. I promised myself after I recover from ocd, I would help people in their healing, but now I’ve decided I want to do that now instead of waiting since that time may not be any time soon. Anyone want my snap. Don’t have many friends who understand. Maybe we can help each other.

May Jesus give you rest. Call on his name and lay down for a moment and practice a deep breathing meditation. Breathe in for 4 seconds and let out. Tense all your muscles and then release them. Say as you feel exactly with no filter and ask Him for grace to ride the wave of distress you are currently feeling. He knows you all too well and knows what you need if you just ask and ask for patience to endure and be sustained. Know that you need to be practical as well to aid your health and cannot rely on prayer to become compulsion, say the prayers and let it be, see it as a practice in faith and uncertainty to sustain you in the long term. Uncertainty is uncomfortable but it is needed to let the anxiety lose its hold on the mind. Perhaps try to call a loved one and even better visit them and greet them with love and then ask to speak about your struggles. This allows rapport to be built and not a dependence on the person and joy for future visits! Take a walk or jog and you’ll be amazed at the endorphins released as you listen to a credible science based proven self help podcast or calm playlist. The lump in your bottom throat or the acid reflux, the tight chest feeling, sweaty palms, stomach distress, the pounding heart, panicked running of your feet are all physiological and can make you feel uneasy but it will pass if you just ground yourself for a moment and let it “float”. Your amygdala (brain part responsible for fear and danger) is the main culprit causing a false alarm for danger that you’re experiencing. It’s great how aware our minds can be but let’s not let it become too sensitive to stimulation. By “float” imagine the thoughts (the obsessions) in your head racing by very fast like arrows. You get so caught up trying to avoid the arrows (compulsions to alleviate stress) that you end up losing sight that you were never in danger. The arrows must fly by and be gone for if you pay attention to much to your thoughts and engage compulsions to alleviate your stress the more the fear will hit the bullseye. Be still and know you are safe and all will pass. OCD is a loop that needs to be disrupted and redirected imagine it like a toy stuck walking into a wall and the focus needs to be then redirected to a new direction, new behavior and new beliefs. By constantly giving the OCD what it wants it only gets hungrier and hungrier like bully. OCD is incredibly diverse as you know, so imagine the stress you feel or the “impending doom” to be like an ocean wave coming at you and you’ve yet to get on your surfboard. The wave crashes and tosses you about but you are not drowned but perplexed more so. But eventually the wave passes and the sun warms your skin and gives you peace as you float on the surface. I wrote this post as a form of encouragement and personal experience with OCD for many years now (approx 17 years) that I have struggled seemingly alone but never truly alone. Christ will give you hope to be sustained and I believe He has told me to share his message with others and the world. Emotions are good but they cannot be the basis for your life decisions and well being because emotions change very quickly to be unproductive and misinterpreted. May God bless you and keep you all in His love. I know I will be praying for you all for I know what it’s like. 😊 You will be strong and prosperous. Look up the verse on the Bible Jeremiah 29:11 ( hint: your creator loves you more than you can fathom and accepts you in all your circumstances and condition) he will be with you forever. God love you all

Is anyone struggling with Halloween at all if you have Harm OCD? Would watching horror films be a form of ERP to help face this fear head-on? The past 20 years, I couldn’t watch these films, but since the past 2 months of dealing with some OCD on steroids harm ocd out of nowhere, I want to face it head-on but smart at the same time.

I'm struggling really bad with ocd that people don't like me or want to get rid of me. Im not working right now because I just got out of mental hospital and then from there I had to go to a hospital for an allergic reaction I had to one of the psych medications I was given (Trileptal). Then not only that but I can't work right now because I told my parents on my POCD. And other forms of OCD and they're sending me off to California where they will accept my insurance and they will give me the treatment I need for my OCD. I liked this place in Houston, but it was $7000 a week and $28000 for 4 week treatment due to them not accepting insurance. Which I'm not rich so I'm grateful California is going to be able to help me. I'm just nervous on coming back because I'm going to have to find a new job and a job where I like what I do for a living, because I didn't like my job before and it made me more depressed. I hate myself sometimes because I feel I'm always having to include myself and always try to fit in with others. And not only that but my family says I can't be around them until I get the help I need which I am and I have to work hard everyday on not relapsing with anxiety and depression and self isolating like I did before. I'm also finally making freinds and about to hang out with some girls I went to rehab with but I don't know if I can trust them due to me being burnt by so many other freindships or left behind. I also struggle alot with co dependency and abandonment issues due to my mom leaving me while being an addict. But she's been recovered for about 5 years and I feel like I try to depend on her sometimes due to that little teenage girl that stayed frozen in time but she's recovered and moving on in her life and I need to do the same as an adult. Also I did nursing for 2 years and even took a couple of college credit classes but didn't complete the ones having to do with nursing. Anyways I also realised I dont want to persue nursing anymore especially since there are so many other job options in the Dallas metropolitan area. But I like talking to others and helping them since I'm an empath and it gets me outside of myself. So I think I want to go back to school to finish my basics and maybe be a counselor and help others that struggle like me.

I think I’m having ocd about recovery because I’m relapsing n my mind goes to well you should just give up bc I had to stop school couldn’t concentrate but know it was best decision I’m struggling with self compassion

POCD am I really becoming a monster? I’ve been dealing with POCD for months now I saw a video about accepting my unwanted thoughts then boom I felt like I enjoyed them even though I dont want to I guess to much expose may lead to be taking this obsession the wrong way? So um I have a bad porn addiction I’m into milfs usually when those unwanted thoughts pop up I try to find another porn video one time I was watching a porn and when I reached climax a shit load of unwanted thoughts popped up and it felt like I wanted them I felt nothing at the end no guilt, back then I’d feel guilty so I tried again to make sure that it was those thoughts and I’m not tweaking so it happens again at the end I was depressed knowing I don’t feel bad anymore so I tried self harm to feel better because I just don’t want to be a P now I feel like I am one and I made myself into and I don’t want to am I one?

I’m feeling kind of hopeless. I don’t really think there’s an ERP that can help with my situation. I want to get better but I’m unsure how to get better. Because of this it makes it really hard for me to go to sleep and get off my bed to do anything anymore. I feel like the only thing I can do is take my medication and just do meditation and that’s about it. Nothing really else I can do.

I’m still getting memories of erections from the past before I knew I had HOCD. I’m still concerned that these erections mean I’m gay or bisexual when I don’t want to be. I’ve only had crushes and fantasies on women. Yet these past erections are scaring me

Argh! two full days of non stop overthinking a decision. back and forth, pros and cons, do it, don't do it. you'll regret it if you do. you'll regret it if you don't. I cannot make up my mind. I have to be 100% certain that if I do it I won't regret it because there is no undoing it. once its done its done for good.

Struggling with POCD help I’ve been struggling with unwanted thoughts and images for a long time 2 days ago I the thoughts got worse and worse till the point I wanted to self harm. I’m assisted to porn and I tried watching it the thoughts got in the way and I organismed to the thoughts I felt bad really bad I wanted to self harm. Later that day I saw a video the accept theses thoughts and let them go it was about ocd I tried that and now I feel like I’m enjoying them and I’m scared of become or being a P I want theses thoughts out of my head I don’t wanna hurt anyone nor do I wanna be attracted to children idk what to any advice?

Can ocd make you not feel right even when your feeling normal? Like I felt semi normal today and I started to think what If this means I want to do these bad things that I’m thinking about and get I get all anxious, I also have headaches all the time now and I just wanna sleep now. I can’t stand these thoughts and now I feel like I’m a schizophrenic and on top of that I have had harm ocd too. Sometimes I question if I even have ocd and what if these is like another mental illness, my harm theme makes me feel so fucked up and I find myself always saying “no no no I don’t wanna do those things” or “ why would I even think that I love my mom so much”. I don’t even feel like myself anymore and I’m just so tired now.

I’m a be honest I have an issue with people who are coming on here as therapists but are acting like people with real problems with their OCD. Like I get it it’s comforting to know someone else is dealing with the same issue as you and your not some weirdo all alone with this issue. These in my opinions are also compulsions cuz we’re looking for some sort of reassurance that we aren’t alone. Being alone is ok. Having OCD is ok. Someone who suffers from OCD who isn’t a therapist can be strong mentally and still suffer like me. Just cuz I have a strong sense of OCD does not mean I’m strong willed enough to get out of my head without actually a therapist going through the steps with me to get out of my head. I have shaken at public places but my thought isn’t to give up after the fact that I was shaking like I was having a seizure my thought after that is to get mad and do it again. That’s my reaction. My reaction is to do it again and again until I stop shaking. If I don’t agree with something that isn’t acceptable to me I do it again. For instance my therapist in January of 2019 did some sort of therapy to see the core of my beliefs I haven’t been told what it’s actually been called but anyways I got out of my head about a certain topic and it made me confused but I myself was the one that said something in my head that got me back in my head and have anxiety. Up until May of 2020 I had always relied on agreeing with my thoughts to lower my anxiety and thoughts but ever since May of 2020 I had no longer agree with thoughts and let the thoughts come I do sometimes get myself caught in controlled thinking but for the most part I let my thoughts come and go on their own. Last week I meditated and after the meditation my mind and anxiety had lowered to the point that I was accepting that I was gay and instead of doing what I did last time and all the other times of me saying something in my head I stood my ground and let my mind for however long it can last being out of my head and not having anxiety and it lasted for a minute to where my mind was like wait.. that means I’ll have to start liking guys and and sucking dick and was feeling gross not to the point that it was horrible but just gross to where my face was making gross expressions and I found myself having anxiety again and the words dude/dick coming out and again I did not do anything to get myself anxiety after the fact. The reason I got anxiety again cuz there is no reassurance or basis of me ever having been gay which is why I got back to having anxiety cuz my mind couldn’t on its own find something strong enough to keep me believing I was gay there just wasn’t strong enough evidence to keep me out of my mind believing I was gay. Which is why I have been adamant to my therapist’s to throw everything and anything and let’s see what happens since I have now for 5 months not been in a agreeing mode and I just let the thoughts come. I have been constantly underestimated by my therapists and it sucks cuz I know my heart I know my will power I know how hard I work to be me again and what I would do to get better to start living the life I want. I need a therapist who matches my mental strength and is willing to throw the kitchen sink at me cuz I can take it. The flow of tears that have happened twice in the past 2 yrs was of me finding out that having a child or children is something close to my heart and when I was at the OCD gamechangers event when the host Chrissy Hodges started to cry about how debilitating her HOCD was I felt the same flow of tears as me learning I wanted kids. I won’t be defeated and I need a therapist to understand that.

Please tell me what was your experience with SSRI's? Did it help you ? What was the side effects? How long does side effects last? Does it help with day to day stress?