Welcome to
the NOCD Community

hi! my name is vic, its nice to be here with you all today :) i am a 15 year old transgender man. i was diagnosed with ocd at a young age and i am prescribed prozac. i often struggle with instrusive thoughts about worsening relationships with my family due to being uneducated on trans topics yet i cant find it in me to help them understand, so i usually dont bother. i often worry about my mom being upset if i transitioned into a man medically because i was her only ‘daughter’ and i feel like being trans would make me a whole different person in her eyes and even a huge burden, not necessarily financially, just personally. i also struggle with paranoia that people online are out to get me due to my interests or insensitive things ive said in the past unaware of how harmful they can be. i believe i cant really prove that im a good person to people i who arent around me anymore and theres nothing i can do but feel defenseless and vulnerable. i have an extensive past of relationships whether it be friends, family or partners that i couldnt begin to type all out here- which is frustrating. i have visited plenty of psychologists but im unable to tell them my stories due to the fact my mom is always with me and telling them what she knows of me instead of letting me talk, and i know well that if she found out about my past it would stress her out and she would take it out on me the wrong way.

Just a normal day, the sun is shining,the birds are chirping and my step mother just said she plans on leaving my dad and I because i wasn't interested in having a sibling. And now she thinks I hate her. I wish I had never been born. I can't help the feeling that I was a mistake. I feel useless. I'm nothing but a bad luck charm. I have no purpose and I never will I'll probably be homeless in the future. I have no reason to live and no reason to die. I'm just here I just exist. But I'm starting to doubt that I exist. I feel like every thing that is happening to me is all in my head. Like I'm imagining all my problems. I really hate myself. I hate the stupid way my mind works. Can't the ground swallow me Right now? Kinda need someone to talk to

I really need help and I was talking to someone who is trans boy and he was telling me how he found out his trans and he was like I have internalised transphobia and he was like that a few years ago I’m worried because he told me to be open and try things I had a mini panic attack and I’m still scared

My compulsion is seeking reassurance. I go to my husband about every single worry (usually about contamination). It’s ruining my marriage, but I’m struggling so much with this and as hard as I try, I keep running my worries by him. It’s so hard on him and I want to stop this. Can anyone relate / help? Thanks in advance

Does anyone feel like they just don’t know how to think anymore? Like for me I feel like I don’t know how to think anymore. I remember I went 3 months keeping a song in my head 24/7 just so I wouldn’t think of nothing intrusive. I just feel like ever since then I don’t really know how to think anymore the only thing I get anxiety for is when something weird pops up when I want to think of a girl and get anxiety when I mess up. I tell this to my therapist but she doesn’t do anything about it. I really feel my therapist doesn’t listen to me but I have an appointment with her this Friday and hopefully she’ll try to do something with me cuz I’m just kind of tired of reiterating what I get anxiety for and not get treatment for it but we’ll see.

I'm extremely scared. My rocd and hocd are going bonkers and j have no idea how to control them. My hocd is being such a bitch at the atm though. My new obsession is I just see my bf as a friend but I call him my bf because of the heteronormative society and I'm so scared. I don't want girls but my brain gives these images of me being sexual with them and physically I make this disgusted face and I dont want it but then my brain says that was I truly want inside. Each and every moment my thought feels really true and I feel so bad. Hocd has also made me lose my libido and now it's distorting my natural feelings for things. I'm so confused :(

I just had a baby 3 months ago and my OCD and anxiety has flared up pretty bad. I was in therapy, and am on gabapentin and Klonopin. As well as seeing a naturopath, I should add that I’m on L-Thenine and Ashwaganda. My therapist decided that we were not a good fit after a year of treatment yesterday. I’m more of a natural person, I have a hard time with SSRIS and we weren’t seeing eye to eye. I asked to go down to one session a week and then, she decided we weren’t a good fit. Anyways I’m pretty triggered, and just would like some words of wisdom while I wait to find someone else in the interim. I meditate daily, and workout as well. Thanks in advance!

After the caronavirus started every surface seems a threat to me. Even at home, I can not touch door knobs or buttons. I continuously wash hands. Skin on my hands have become very dry and damaged due to continuous washing with soap.

Anyone with religious/faith doubt/spirituality OCD available/want to talk? Struggling with this right now :(

Struggling. Failed to meet the goals I set for this afternoon. So I’m sitting on the couch. Watching the time tick by. I wanted the afternoon to “feel right” and now it doesn’t because I messed up and now nothing “feels right.” And now I’m sitting here, spiraling down this mental landslide of everything I’m doing wrong. What do you do when you feel this way? How do you get yourself to move when this happens?

Is anyone here Muslim? I was raised Muslim but rebelled in college and after that, and turned out to be the complete opposite of a good Muslim girl. I’m American so I guess that also has to do with it. Now at 27 I feel like crap, and I am feeling extra shame about things (real event OCD) because of my upbringing.

For any Christians or believers in God out there who feel hopeless right now, I find that turning to my faith helps me. Before this hit me I haven’t been good with keeping up with my faith but going through tough times like this makes me feel more faithful in God. I’ve recently started to listen to Christian music and praying more and it helps me a ton with feelings of hopelessness. If anyone reading this has any recommendations of music or books or anything please let me know! I’m not trying to preach or force my faith on anyone on here but if you’re not Christian reading this I believe the universe has a plan for you. You were not meant to exist on this planet to simply suffer and die. As hopeless and as you feel right now you will come out of this stronger! I don’t think any of this is triggering but I put a trigger warning on this anyway for anyone with religious ocd on here in case any of it is triggering.

About to start ERP on my own. Any tips? And will it work? I'm in ALOT of distress and is debilitating.

I feel so hopeless right now. I can’t stop crying and I hate my life. I’ve been doing fine but the feeling of it being being true and the feeling of it never going away are over powering

A lot of my OCD is disguised as worrying about real life issues: my job, my relationship (or lack of relationship), dating, my creativity, etc. I have a hard time separating valid concerns from my OCD. The best way I can explain it is take a “normal” worry or something we all have to deal with, but put it on steroids, and then I instantly dive into emotional reasoning and black and white thinking and all sorts of cognitive distortions. A pro/con list or throwing logic at a problem doesn’t work. Does anyone have experience with this? Do you have tips for learning how to differentiate valid concerns from OCD?

I have really terrible relationship OCD. The second I sense something is off, I overthink it until I’m exhausted and then I become uninterested in the relationship. At this point I don’t want to speak to my partner because ok afraid I’ll get triggered further. Any tips, thoughts?

So last night I tried some ERP and tried as hard as I could not to give into the compulsions of my thought, I didnt do well, but I was able to do it for at least a little bit until I fell asleep. Guess what was on my mind as soon as I woke up?! That same obsessive thought. I obviously dont expect things to change overnight, but I feel like I'm never going to catch a break. As much as I try not to give my OCD attention, it always prevails. Has anyone experienced this? Like any "unfinished" thought or obsession always creeps back in? They just seem to always resurface whether I have tried for ten minutes or a day to not give into them. I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts. Thank you!

I'm finding it very hard at the minute in relation to Covid 19. Ocd tells me contamination is everywhere, even just walking past someone in a shop, even they haven't touched me I feel that they have contaminated on me by things shedding from their clothes. If they aren't wearing a mask I feel they have contaminated me by just breathing. I was stripping off my clothes after coming in from outside but I'm tryi g not to do that and I'm finding it very difficult. It very hard at the minute to distinguish what is a rational thing to do and not a safety behaviour. Just in a constant state of worry. Can anyone relate or help in any way?

I just really do not want to be gay. Liking boys makes me happy and I feel good when I like boys. I feel very resistant to treatment because of this. I've tried to come to terms with the fact that I could be gay and it just makes me feel sick and unhappy. And dont get mad at me for saying that. Just because YOU are happy being gay doesn't mean everyone else is. If you were forced to be straight you definitely wouldn't like it, so no comments about being upset with how I feel. My feelings are valid.

I'm being to think my daydreams are odd or a another symptom of OCD In one of my day dreams I was buried alive. Some how I managed to make it out of the grave yard alive but never saw my family again. In a different one I was taken to a summer camp that didn't exist and was surrounded by the ghosts of dead children and abusive teachers And in my Least I tried commiting suicide by jumping of a bridge I survived thanks to surgery but ended up in mental hospital for 6 months. And it's hard to concentrate fully. I really don't know what do because I can't control them. I kinda find them scary. Can someone help me? Or aleast let me know that it isn't just me. Sorry if I post to much.