Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Suicidal OCD I went to a psychiatrist today because I was fed up of how bad my Suicidal OCD was getting. I have been suffering so much just trying to figure out whether I’m actually suicidal or just having intrusive thoughts that make me REALLY feel like I want to die (which in turn makes my anxiety extremely high). I feel like I just want to die and am hopeless that I’ll get better. The psychiatrist assured me that it was an obsession but for some reason, I feel like I didn’t give him enough information for him to find out whether I am truly suicidal or just dealing with intrusive thoughts. I also struggle so much in the mornings because I feel complete hopeless and that life is meaningless. I just don’t feel like Suicidal OCD can get you to the point where you feel completely hopeless and lack of interest and just make you want to stay in bed ruminating and suffering all day.

Yay! Another acronym! What should you do when you get an intrusive thought? ACCEPT it! - AGREE with the possibility it could be true. "maybe it could happen" or "uh, huh, it's possible". - CALL ITS BLUFF by doing a behavioral experiment. "I'm going to touch that toilet anyway, OCD. Go ahead and prove that I'll die before tomorrow comes around" - Boost your CONFIDENCE. "I have coped with hard things before and can do it again". "That would suck, but I'd find a way to be ok" - Add an EMOJI ? Emojis are so popular because they are pictoral gestures. Gestures and body language are an enormous part of how we communicate. Adding an eyeroll ? or shrug ?‍♀️ can go a long way towards changing the attitude you respond to the thought with. - PAUSE and PUT IT OFF aka POSTPONE. "I'll cross that bridge when I get to it". "if it's still a problem tomorrow, I'll reconsider what to do then". "I'll think about this later" (ps, you can totally just keep delaying indefinitely) - And finally, TRANSITION to another TOPIC. "Right now I'm going to keep doing my homework". "I'd rather continue a conversation with my friend about his vacation". "I'm more interested in noticing the nature as I walk rather than ruminating. Look! A cool mushroom!" - I've ? starred the AGREE and TRANSITION because those are the most important bits. As long as you start by agreeing with the possibility and end with transitioning to another topic, you can sandwich in any of the other strategies that suit your needs in the moment. - Did you like this? Is there something you think I should change or add? Is it something you can use? Tell me all about it in the comments! I love hearing your perspective. -

Hello, I have posted before regarding my 13 year old daughter and wondered if anyone else had the same triggers, hers is mental contamination. She doesn’t like bogies, snot , anyone touching their nose, Nose breathing - can’t stand near her pass her things, have to look away when she comes I. Same room so don’t nose breathe near her, She has done a week of Skype sort of intense therapy/ she has done some ERP - went into her sisters Room, Opened cupboard doors, touched things, Went into her room without washing her feet, Touched her remote Control but won’t try anything more and to even get her to repeat these things over again she says I am nagging and all I want to do is talk about ocd, she can be very Bulshy and repeats what I say is a sarcastic way - I’m finding it hard at the Moment to figure out what is her being scared of doing things, or is she is just being a teenager and a bit lazy, and when she speaks to Me Like rubbish - I try not to retaliate as she gets stress and panicky and then it goes on and on but she doesn’t even clear up the mess around the only sofa she will sit on and no one else is allowed over ther or in that area incase we nose breath or something falls out of our Nose. She Knows what she needs to do but when I suggest anything she says oh you were proud of me yesterday when I did. That now you aren’t and you just want more All the time / I don’t care about me I just want her not to lose anymore of her life to this horrid bully- it is like we are the contaminated horrible ones and not the ocd! Any help would be greatly received thankyou

HOCD I don’t if I have habituated to the thoughts these says but the thought in my head of doing anything gay doesn’t cause me any disgust or dislike or make my stomach turn and feel like it’s the opposite. It doesn’t excite me in terms of arousal or an erection. My therapist says this is called conditioning and habituation but with out that level of dissatisfaction I feel like it’s the opposite yeah I can do it. So ultimately can Hocd people realise they are Gay and just in denial. Can anyone relate. I feel like i don’t do any reassurance that I am straight because all I think of his gay acts 24/7 trying to find some level of dislike. I have been diagnosed with OCD but I thought this meant I wasn’t Gay like people with PoCD and harm ocd mean ls they aren’t killers or P...

I thought it might be helpful to share my story of POCD, and how there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I began this obsession in the middle of high school, due to a variety of stressors and past experiences. The thought of being aroused by children was so revolving that it took over my life, silently. I thought it would go away on its own, but it never left. At the worst point, I spent probably 8-9 hours a day obsessing. This went on for years, untreated, and, I became very depressed and felt so lonely. I started seeing a therapist, but they only saw the depression and not what caused it. I eventually was hospitalized for a while for the depression. I had considered that I might have OCD before, but since my rituals were mostly genital checking and avoidance, not something like hand-washing, I didn’t think it was OCD. But finally, my therapist suggested that we use an OCD framework. I saw an OCD specialist, and although I still thought I was a pedophile, I tried ERP and Lexapro. Now, I spend very little time daily, or even weekly, on my POCD, and I usually only do checking if reminded. It took nearly a year and a half from my diagnosis to get to this point, but I have slowly turned my life around and have reclaimed my life from that specific obsession. The biggest thing for me was learned to overcoming the stigma of my thoughts. The first step is being able to say your obsession, as terrible as it may be. Even writing down ”the P word” over and over is a huge step. You’re not evil, you’re not a bad person, and with hard work, you’ll get your life back.

Hi everyone. I’m currently struggling with my ROCD. I get really caught up in social media and I have this idea in my head that if my boyfriend likes other girls pictures I feel like he doesn’t actually love me and would rather be with other woman. It’s made me really upset and it’s starting arguments. I don’t know if breaking up with him is irrational for me to do. I don’t know if it’s my ocd or my insecurities. Or if it’s my ocd heightening my insecurities. Either way. I’m really struggling. Every person that has confessed their love for me romantically, I’ve struggled to truly believe them bc my thoughts tell me that they could be lying and they don’t love me as much as they say they do... any advice or opinions?

How can I help people on this app and write helpful posts without reassuring them? I always feel that I reassure people by accident and actually end up obviously harming instead of helping. :( some of you guys on here are such good advice givers, I want to be aswell.

It seems that My anxiety seems to spike at night when I am trying to relax/fall asleep. Images flash in my mind and thoughts are cranked up to max volume. My heart pounds as my body increases in temperature and I feel like im losing it. Groin responses happen in the instant an image flashes in my mind and a rush of anxiety/panic quickly follow suit. These terrorizing feelings only make it feel like my POCD is not POCD. “You like this taboo”, “you’re attracted to kids”. “Now you cant stop thinking about it”. It just feels Like im the exception. Im trying to ignore or not give much reaction to the thoughts but it seems to only be getting harder. I find myself desperately googling at times(yes i know thats bad) to find someone’s situation who matches mine to the t only to read something that triggers me even more and worsens the OCD. “Well thats them but what about you,huh”. “Maybe youve been like this all along”. Now I am still in bed wanting to not go into work. My head hurts. New thoughts come in daily.

There was a post about pedophilia OCD recently that understandably upset many community members. Let's use this as an opportunity to educate ourselves. First, I'm going to talk about intrusive thoughts in general, and then POCD specifically. I'll end with some links with more detailed information. To ensure that the conflict on the board fizzles out instead of this post fueling the flames, commenting on this post will be turned off. Let’s talk intrusive thoughts for a minute... a big misconception is that people with ocd are likely to act on an intrusive thought, like having sex with a child, harming themselves, or running over a pedestrian. If the thought is OCD though, they are less likely to do that thing compared to anyone else. The two people in my drawing could have a dream with the exact same plot, a clown coming to their birthday party, but for one person it is a nightmare and another it is a fantasy. And we have no problem telling the difference because their emotional responses are totally different. People with intrusive thoughts as part of OCD experience them like nightmares that they hate and want to get rid of at all costs, not fantasies that give them pleasure to think about. In pedophilia OCD, a person has unwanted, upsetting thoughts about sexual interactions with children. These are like nightmares. For a someone with actual pedophilia, thoughts about sex with children are fantasies. People with pocd engage in compulsions, avoidance, and reassurance seeking in response to their obsessions that interferes with their functioning. Recover from POCD is possible. Exposure and Response Prevention is still the gold standard treatment. The aim of therapy is not to get rid of thoughts, it's to reduce the negative emotional response to them and to improve functioning by reducing compulsions, avoidance, and reassurance seeking. Note: reducing emotional discomfort does not mean making the thoughts enjoyable. It means making them boring- neither pleasant or unpleasant. Here is a link to a longer article about POCD: https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/am-i-a-monster-an-overview-of-common-features-typical-course-shame-and-treatment-of-pedophilia-ocd-pocd/ And a link to a video about POCD by NOCD advocate Chrissie Hodges: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cDCn93bP8ks

I’m tripping bc I was having intrusive thoughts about my sexual orientation again just popping up and taunting me , I was going to grab my charger and I remember an intrusive thought popping up but also a thought about loving my boyfriend passing then my mind said “ew no” Like really loud I even made a face, then I was panicking and was perplexed , because I’m certain that was for the intrusive thought and not for that, I would never say ew to him, he’s my boyfriend & he makes me happy. But ofc that feeds the intrusive thoughts perfectly and now I’m sitting here just crying because that’s just unfair ofc my mind is here doubting which was it for, “why would you say that if you’re attracted to him” but I remember there being an intrusive while I was grabbing my charger I’m sure I reacted to that and my mind is here taunting me calling that “proof” and it just makes me cry because I love my boyfriend so much, I’m attracted to men I’m straight and I’ve always been, and I don’t want this making me feel like I’m being someone I’m Not with him or that I fake love him because that’s not the case, plus this has always been who I am, I miss him more than ever because of this quarantine and I was crying so much when that happened I’m just like why why then ? I just know there was an intrusive thought in play... what do I do? ? I am almost certain it had to be because of the intrusive thought, I’ll usually shake my head whenever something incorrect passes my mind, there have been some slip ups that I’ve gotten over but this one I care about and is affecting me. Also please do not assume that I am gay because i can assure you that I’m not! These thoughts torture me and put me at my worst. I need help with coping with this and feeling better with myself and my relationship! Please

I’m struggling today. Everything’s coming at me all at once. My rocd peaked into my dreams again so I woke up anxious and then my hocd came in and now it’s like hocd is attaching to incest ocd?! Like what the hell is this?! I can’t stop connecting it to my mom and I want to vomit but at the same time it “turns me on” which makes me even more nauseous & she always moans which makes everything worse & makes me uncomfortable, this happened to the point where I was like why doesn’t it bother me about my dad or brother (my dad doesn’t live with us parents are divorced but my brother does) why my mom?? They’re both disgusting but just the fact that my moms female makes me even more nervous!! & it even brought my brothers gf into the picture as if I want her when I DONT. My mind is all over the place and whenever this happens my tocd comes into play also and I just want to cry. I can never catch a break. I hate my brain. I feel like I’m living a lie towards my boyfriend. I feel like I’m living a whole different life and it makes me feel guilty and shameful. I hate this.

What compulsions do people have that they need to stop?

Does anyone else make necklaces to mark a new beginning as a compulsion? I only realized this week that what I have is probably ocd. It's taken over my life and I'm exhausted and I've cut off all contact with friends and family and my thoughts and days are on a loop And I'm broke with no job and I want my LIFE back SO So So desperately. Daily I I 4, 6, 8 hours a day on whittling a button or rock into the perfect rose pendant, or melting a tiny piece of glass into the perfect heart pendant, (while I can say I have gotten pretty good at carving tiny things out of found material, and even though I make probably 2 ot 4 a day, I can't seem to hold onto any of them after I use them because I either lose them, throw the last one away at the start of a new one, or overwork them to death. I used to buy necklaces for this purpose and I spent way too much money on them because when the last one didnt work (which was every day or multiple times a day), the next one had to be more special, made with more valuable materials if it was going to work like the last one didnt. But as my ocd progressed and started taking up a disproportionate amount of my time....

To our POCD sufferers: You're welcome here. I'm so sorry if any of you saw that other incredibly ignorant post and were hurt by it. I'm not a mod but I know and have seen since I got here that you're heard and valued and totally welcome here. Your suffering is valid, you don't deserve any of the stigma you feel whatsoever, and you're not going to have to face that kind of treatment everywhere outside of OCD communities. They were a *particularly* ignorant person. You'll be able to share your stories over time with people you trust, anyone who loves you will put in the effort to understand, and in the meantime we are all here for you.

Ok so I saw this boy on Instagram he's 5 months younger then me we are both 15 and im getting anxious that I might turn into a pedophile just because he's 5 months younger then me now I'm absolutely terrified

I struggle with HOCD & ROCD. Growing up, I was crazy about guys! In fact, I always prioritized my crushes. Like I cared about my friends but I guess it’s the way movies portrayed love. I was crazy for my Prince Charming. Then... high school happened. First relationship & suddenly bam, HOCD hit me. It went away cuz I started getting busy but once I fell in love again, HOCD & ROCD came back. Anyway, part of growing I guess I am realizing value of different relationships but... now I feel like I don’t know different forms of love. Only understand romantic because that’s what I valued before so caring for someone else besides my boyfriend like friends of stranger feels weird... more like I don’t know love in other way I guess besides romantic. As if other relations were just there... now I feel like I am caring deeper for others and I am not used to it. Idk how to explain but I wanna see if someone else has gone through similar experience.

constantly asking myself if i really have ocd, or if it’s denial. but at this point, it doesn’t matter. my guilt will just consume me anyway, no matter what it is. shame will take its place, the intrusive thoughts will linger. i believe time heals. but time cant heal shame. what if i’ve really become what i’m most scared to be? what if i always was? the guilt from the past will always bring back the same thought: “you are a monster. look what you’ve done. you’re in denial. it’s not ocd. why do you even apart of the community. you’re fake. denial. denial. denial.” i await the day pure happiness comes. the day i wake up and feel alive. the day i forgive myself for everything. the day i realize who i am. i pray i am not what i fear. though, i live with the uncertainty. this era in my life, if i ever overcome it, will always be remembered. it hurts to think about. one day having to share this horrible story. will i have to share why i felt the guilt? or will i keep it locked up forever? what will make me feel better? patience. praying for peace. let the day come.

What’s a good way to get your family (more) informed about OCD? My family knew I had some issues with anxiety but they were also aware I was struggling with intrusive obsessive suicidal thoughts. When I got diagnosed with OCD I told them and they weren’t sure how to take it. I mostly try to talk to my mom about it even more so since she’s a physician but she never really liked studying the psychological aspects of health back in school and she isn’t in that field now so it’s basically new to her. When I suspected I had OCD I was the one to do all the research in looking for a specialist in OCD on my own and didn’t official say anything until I was diagnosed. That’s when she was “like what? You never dealt with this. I think you’re just searching for something to grab into and say that’s what you have and that’s why you keep jumping from therapist to therapist. I don’t know how this would have shown up now unless you’re not telling me something” (insinuating that I took drugs or did bad happened to cause this mental breakdown etc.) I was surprised this came out especially since I knew it had to be more than anxiety due to having constant intrusive obsessive thoughts for months, and switched from my first therapist (who focused on mainly anxiety and depression) to my current one (who is an OCD specialist). I think she wasn’t sure what to think because this was someone close to her saying they were diagnosed with a mental illness for the first time. I have been able to have moments where we could talk about how I was doing, but it was done after I was at my limit and in tears. I still don’t think she gets it very well. My dad is a whole other thing. I’m pretty sure he has some sort of anxiety disorder of his own but he’s the type to never admit that or get help, just have those around him face his behaviors. But he loves us a lot and cares. But when I have been at my worst he never seems to see it and will just ask “you doing good? Yeah you’re doing good!” Then go off and do something. And when I mentioned my OCD diagnosis to him he said he thinks he might be “a little OCD” himself because he has to have certain things in order and be neat. My brother is the type to pretend nothing is going on. I’ll be having a meltdown in my head and he’s just vibing. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing because him continuing to live as if everything is normal and fine helps me to chill out. But when I do talk to him about it he gets a little quiet and just listens. I get nervous then about scaring him or that he’ll think he has an unstable sister. I would just like to inform them that HEY I have OCD. I’m not making this up. I’m not doing this for attention because why would I want to live in mental torment for attention. Here’s some info on what OCD is, etc. I know we shouldn’t define ourselves by our disorders, but it is a big thing in my life so I want to be informed and have my family/support system at least get more knowledge so they know how it is. That it doesn’t just go away over night. That when I mentioned having a hard day yesterday and you get frustrated asking “still today?” the next day that that’s a thing. Any thoughts/experience/anything?

Who struggles with feeling motivated/positive desire for the future? I have wanted to be a lawyer since I was a young teenager, but my mental health took so many dips in the last years of school I didn't achieve grades that reflected my true potential. I've been floating about directionless, fighting in my mind constantly with my thoughts for about 4 years. I decided I'd enrol in an online home school programme to get the qualifications I need to go pursue my goals. But I'm struggling to find that fire inside me to achieve anything, I feel first of all that there is no way in hell I will be able to achieve this goal. It's so upsetting, I have the academic ability and if I work on it I know I can, but my focus is always wavering and combined with a lack of self esteem, it's a struggle. I am falling behind with my courses I've enrolled in and I want nothing more than to achieve the dreams I had for myself. To make myself and my parents proud of me.

Currently worried that I purposefully put cups of laundry detergent over my dried clothes. I really don't know if I did or not. My anxiety is super high right now. I really want to go back and rinse them, but I'm trying not to. It's been a few hours though and my anxiety is staying at a 8/10. This really sucks. My body is super stressed out.