Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Schiz-OCD issues: So for the past day or so I have felt like I'm on autopilot but even that feels weird to me. Like how do I even know what to do on autopilot? Where is the autopilot even coming from? Are these my own thoughts? Are they coming from somewhere else? Where else would they be coming from? What if I have a split personality? How can I know this is me? I googled some of these and came up on thought insertion and now I'm freaking out that I am having a psychotic break or something.

TW for mentions of illnesses, death, and attempted suicide I really, really really need help. I have a history of OCD with intrusive thoughts about my loved ones dying. I used to think, as a child, that my parents had actually died and no one could convince me otherwise. I called them repeatedly and they could basically never leave the house without me being worried sick. Lately I've been terrified because of this feeling of impending doom and the clear sensation that my dad will die sometime this year. I'm so terrified, I've been scared that saying it will make it real so I'vee been avoiding it as much as I can but something happened now and I dont know what to do. What really scares me is that a couple years ago I had this feeling, I told my therapist and a few days later she had a stroke. She survived and I'm still in her care to this day but it still happened. The same thing happened when I had the distinct underlying feeling that one day eventually I'd wake up after my brother had gone out at night, and find out he never came back. It did happen, and he was injured during a failed suicide attempt, no matter how many times I kept trying to convince myself it was just me being irrational. I'm aware of how irrational this sounds, I really do know but after that I dont know how to convince myself that it's only a thought and doesn't mean anything. I'm scared that my thoughts will reinforce future events, that this feeling means that it will really happen. I am so terrified of this I really really need help I dont know what to do anymore. My dad is a lifelong smoker and since he had the flu la month ago, he's been coughing very often even if the other symptoms are gone, but he won't stop smoking. Actually he's been smoking more than usual for the past months because he and my mom broke up. He refuses to see a doctor and doesn't care enough to stop smoking, he made this very clear. Multiple times in the past months I've had episodes of really bad intrusive thoughts about him dying soon and spent a lot of time researching symptoms. I'm really worried because I keep seeing hints of it everywhere. Many small things keep happeningg, one of my episodes were caused by randomly seeing someone mention cardiopulmonary diseases and it sent me into a hours long crisis during which I couldn't hold back from performing several compulsions like going into his room to check his breathing while he slept. I couldn't stop thinking that me seeing that thing was not a coincidence. It hit me again last night and now I'm scared again because my mom and I were watching a show together, and we usually watch 3-4 episodes every night. Tonight on the second episode there was a man dying of lung cancer and he and his wife hadn't told their son at all. After that episode she said she had to go to the bathroom and I'm paranoid that she might have gone because she was crying and afterwards she said "I think I'm tired of watching for today", with a really weird expression. I'm terrified that it's because the episode reminded her of my dad and maybe they're hiding something from me, maybe he has an illness and they're not telling me. I have to go ask her if she's ok and why was she tired of watching, if something upset her even if I really really really dont want to do it but I'll have to I'm scared im so so so so so scared and I dont know what to do with all of this. It doesn't help that I've been dealing with derealization for a few months now, and it's been really bad. I'm so scared and anyone is going to think I'm stupid for this I'm so scared I can't talk about it with anyone because I'm terrified that saying it will reinforce it. What should I do? Please help

So my health/contamination OCD has been really bad lately, and I’ve realised that I’m not only afraid of physical illness (cancer, kidney stones, heart attacks, etc...) but I’m also afraid of getting other mental health disorders too, and I thought that I was the only one that done so but it turns out that I’m not? A lot of my health/contamination OCD comes from what I’ve seen other people go through in the past: I’m constantly checking for pains around my kidney area, whenever I get a chest pain I check for signs of a heart attack, and so on. But I’ve realised that my brain latches onto other people’s mental health disorders too and tries to convince me that I have them, or that I should have them. More specifically, because of thing I’ve seen others experience in the past (I won’t go into detail because it’s personal), I’m so afraid of schizophrenia. Not as a mental illness itself but the thought that I will get it/I will have it. I always hate saying this because I know it sounds incredibly selfish and absurd, but once I know a lot about an illness (physical or mental), my brain will just latch onto it and try to convince me that I have it, and when I tell myself that I don’t, my brain will THEN say that being “psychosomatic” is a thing and that if I think about it too much then I will get it. My brain will take all the symptoms of this one illness and analyse it, making everything I experience an entire clusterf*ck of “it could be x” or “what if it’s y?” or “what if you were experiencing z right now?” I think what I’d like to hear is other people’s experiences who relate to what I say, especially the “afraid of getting other mental health disorders” side of things, because I never really come across others who do the same thing. Thank you!!

I can get behind the idea that arousal doesn’t mean much... our bodies can get excited for all sorts of reasons that don’t mean we’re sexually attracted to X. Sometimes when I’m aroused I also feel the arousal as a sensation in my chest/lower body... I’m wondering if that sensation DOES denote actual sexual desire. It feels more personal than a groinal response reacting. But, perhaps “arousal” refers to more than a groinal response, after all? Sensations might also be part of the random physiological nature of arousal, which can be expedited by stress or fear of anxiety. I’m concerned about accidentally using people in my life for sexual gratification... who gets to decide if a desire is sexual or not? I don’t want to engage with X sexually... but if my body (groinal reaction & upper body) is aroused by a “harmless” action...even a harmless, fun action, I wonder if engaging in that harmless action for mutual, innocent fun, would actually be... gratifying myself? I don’t want to do that...that seems like it may be immoral.

guys did anyone try medication for ocd?does it work and are the side affects dangerous or does it cause depression?

Anyone else with HOCD feel like they need to be bi to fit in

My brain is killing me? I need a therapist in my life.?People help me people.I live in a remote place in India andWE DONT HAVE THERAPISTS HERE.Help before i kill myself bc my mind is telling me so.

I am not sure how to explain my situation alot of you probably gonna think I am crazy, I feel the same way. But I cant stop obsessing about my finances I keep opening new bank accounts, investment accounts, and credit card accounts then keep closing them because my mind keeps telling me it's not good enough. Like I probably opened 21 new credit card accounts last few years and closed almost all of them. This is what happens in my mind, I open new credit card/Account then my mind tells me this is not good enough I am missing out on rewards or that card has this fee so I need to close it, then I close the account and I open another one cycle again. It's like there is this voice in my head keeps repeating what if that is better, I should open that account. Because of this I made alot of financial mistakes its driving me nuts. It's like fear of missing out but with OCD. My brain works like this with everything I obsess about everything my brain wants everything to be perfect. This is why I hate choices, if I have to choose between things I go crazy. Somedays I will spend all day obsessing about it. I am just tired I feel like I am wasting my life. Any tips? I just want clear head and do fun things maybe start a business but it's really hard when all my focus is spent on obsessing. I know what I am doing is stupid but I just cant help it. it's like I am a puppet and someone is controlling me. I told no one about this I feel like no one will understand me plus I feel embarrassed. Sorry about the grammar English isnt my first language.

I hope this doesn’t come off as reassurance, but I’m in need of some positive thoughts. I’m in the middle of ERP where I touched my hair on something where I know a dirty toilet snake had been and I’m resisting for 2 hours (I have to anyways since maintenance has to come fix something unrelated so I can’t shower now or while they’re fixing it). I feel so contaminated and gross right now. Any positivity is much appreciated.

starting cbt soon!! any tips??

I feel like I’m going crazy again. I moved to a new state so that means new doc/therapist. Since I’ve moved here about 4 months ago I’ve been dealing with terrible episodes and I’m just miserable. I haven’t been on medication and recently i decided to try it again. About 2 weeks ago i called around to see if they take my insurance and the ppl that did either aren’t taking new patients or they’re way too far for me to travel as i have no car and I’m very very low on cash bc my mental hasn’t been able to get a new job bc I’m terrified. I made an appointment but they didn’t have anything till later this month and I’ve been trying to be positive but I just keep having this obsession that i NEED the medicine and i dc if it will make me a zombie and emotionless bc that’s just how miserable i am. Im crying uncontrollably because my thoughts won’t chill out. I don’t know what to do in the meantime & i can’t afford to commit myself . If anyone has anyways to cope while I’m waiting to see a doctor I’d really be grateful. I feel like my brain is going to explode.

anyone with POCD, what is your POCD like? the topics etc

I’m afraid that one day I will get pleasure from the idea of being bisexual. I feel like it’s inevitable that I come out. I don’t like girls and I never have, but what the fuck? What is this? I am so scared that I feel joy when I think about being bisexual. I am terrified. What if this is just internalized homophobia? I am alone. I am the outlier. I’m sure I don’t have ocd. I’ve made this all up to cover up my sexuality.

Odd question: has anybody tried any sort of ahem ~non regulated~ drug in an attempt to treat OCD (They aren’t legal in my state)? Y’know things you’d find in a garden....weeds....mushrooms. I’d like to know what people’s experiences are because most prescribed medications are super harsh and some “garden variety” substances actually seem like very natural remedies to anxiety/ depression. I’m thinking they could possibly alleviate OCD too?

Does anyone suffer from "what if "OCD? Like what if I did something harmful in the past to a person and don't remember it?

Hi everyone, really needing some support and advice. I have recently had a melt down after reading a horrifying story in the paper.it was about a child being raped and murdered. I was feeling anxious before I read it but after reading it I got a horrifying feeling of anxiety and started to think what if something happens to my kids, which quickly turned into what if I hurt them etc and that was it, my head went into overdrive, I focused it on my youngest who is two. I was worried to change her nappy, bath her etc and I actually begged my a Auntie to take me to the hospital to be sectioned as I thought what the hell is going on in my head!! I have read other threads which have helped and talked with others who have been here too. This has been going on since Feb last year, and I honestly feel. Like my brain is fried, its a constant intrusive loop day in day out about all this nonsense and I honestly feel I can't take anymore. I have tried self help. I am currently taking 40mg of citalapram and after a long long wait I will be starting CBT on Thursday 9th my daughters 3rd birthday. I have two older children and never experienced anything like this. I'm so lost in my thoughts please help

So worried that I seem like a lesbian. so incredibly worried because I have amazing gaydar, and that seems like a trait a lesbian would have.

Anyone struggling with Emetophobia OCD? (Fear of vomiting) it's taken over my entire life, I cannot eat out of fear of vomiting, I cant stop washing my hands and disinfecting everything so that I dont get sick. I'm so tired of feeling this way

Can someone please give me some advice I’m so scared I’m going to kill someone. These thoughts pop up while I’m walking past old people’s houses or just at random times. Please someone help

I’m doing better on reading forums and reddit. But I’m really scared I’ll realize I’m bisexual or lesbian. I know there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just it’s all going against what I believe in. It’s all telling me different. I hate this. I don’t want to date a girl or do anything sexual with a girl. Yet it’s telling me I don’t know for sure and I hate it. Anyone else just feel hopeless in what they thought their sexuality is?! I just feel bi and in denial at this point. I don’t want any of this. Am I alone?