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It’s like my newest obsession is my brain saying “we get you want to be with a guy but you can’t cause your gay” and I wouldn’t be with a girl but then I’m scared I’m just repressing it and ya this sucks. Is this even ocd anymore do any of you experience this??
Very time I see a video on Instagram like “my toxic relationship with a narcissist” it trigger me so much ?I don’t want to be a narcissist
Hi, I want to share. Can anyone relate? I think I struggle with pure o, scrupulosity, and HOCD, and I wanna talk about HOCD. That’s the one that’s realllly bothering me lately. Not going into my whole history and experience, but: I’m a guy and I’ve longed for male friendship in my life and brotherhood for a long time. Over the past year and such I’ve gotten very close with a guy, I really do consider him a brother. Just one reason why he reminds me of a literal brother is how physically affectionate he is — big hugger, and we play around and wrestle a lot. We definitely have a bromance haha. But at some point a groinal response was triggered in me — intrusive thoughts have been present about various situations in my life, so I didn’t pay a lot of attention to them, but the groinal response was really concerning. I started checking my body and checking my motives and trying to understand my desires. It’s been really hard, but I can believe that I’m NOT looking for anything romantic or sexual with this friend, it really is just friendship — but now groinal responses when this friend and I touch seem natural...they happen quickly and are full on ? I’m fighting to remember that I’m NOT attracted to him, this is an anxiety thing, and that our bodies respond to “relevant” stimuli whether... we want to or not. A fear that I have is that my groinal response will become noticeable and the dynamic of our brotherly relationship, which I really cherish, will have to change...throw some scrupulousity in there too.... not asking anyone to tell me that my fears won’t come true (reassurance) even though I really wish I could know that, :p
Its like ocd wants us to be misrable and be alone the rest of our lives. Im holding on to hope, but its damn hard because ocd has ruined everything in my life.
Hey guys. I really hope I’m not being a bother. I’m having so much anxiety and stress right now. A little background info: I think I mentioned this before, but there was a plumbing issue at my apartment, and the maintenance guy got soiled toilet water on the tool he used to clean the toilet and brought that tool throughout the apartment and set it outside the apartment. I don’t know exactly where it touched or where water may have flung off of it. I hate going back to my apartment because I haven’t cleaned where it might have touched and can’t clean where he set it outside of the apartment. I tried to not clean for sake of some ERP, but I’m so distressed by it. I’ve been on holiday for a few weeks, but I have to go back soon. It’s to the point where thinking of it makes me nauseous and I feel like I can’t stay there. I think about this almost every moment of every day, so I feel awful. I haven’t been able to enjoy myself. I feel like my apartment is contaminated, and that I can’t escape the contamination even if I were to clean it (but I’ve tried not to even though that sounds gross I’m trying to do ERP but idk if it’s working because someone said I should’ve cleaned it so I’m incredibly stuck). I feel extremely uncomfortable in my apartment and when my family comes to visit me or my friends come over, I feel like I’ve spread it to them. I’m not afraid of getting sick; I’m just afraid of being and spreading contamination. Any tips or advice is greatly appreciated. I’m currently super stressed and anxious and crying writing this out, so I apologize if it doesn’t make sense. I appreciate your responses. Hopefully I’m not a bother. Thank you.
Acceptance has made my condition worse. Has anyone experienced finally giving in & accepting you have a seriously problem has then made my contamination OCD worse than it has ever been before, it’s getting heightened by the day. Have booked into my first OCD specialist session but it’s not for 3 weeks. Every day contaminations happen it can cost me between 6- 12 hours of cleaning each time, I’m so exhausted, so tired of crying and having sore hands from washing them. A huge trigger is flys which I can not control. They just keep getting the house. I can’t touch anything in my own home due to various contaminations.
Has anyone with hocd gotten to a point where they cant even say they are straight anymore? This is super triggering for me as Ive seen a lot of people saying that they know their straight. Like I feel like a liar when I say im straight. I know I dont want to be with a girl or anything but what if I do? What if that is what my future holds?
I need help. Badly. I used to watch young/old porn and before I thought it was weird, not common but it kind of turned me on (probably bc it's also just sex) and I did get off to it. By young/old, I mean to my knowledge, two consenting adults with a large age gap. So both legal, on a site called xvideos and usually it looked professionally done. However I've been scared cause what if the videos I have watched before were bad? Like the girls were not of legal age and I wasn't aware but still, that makes me bad right? I've stopped watching that now because I'm more aware now. However, awhile ago while doing my business (masturbating) and watching porn (i'm stopping now, please don't advise me to stop because I will try now) I came across a young/old, it looks professionally done and usually when it is, all parties involved are of legal age. Anyway I got curious and checked it out, but of course before that I was already doing my business so when I stumbled upon that I was already a bit aroused but I felt like that also kind of turned me on (I usually focus on what they're doing to the woman in videos and I'm assuming cause well, it's sex, it's a natural reaction) so I kind of continued and I did get off but I felt bad cause why would I do that. videos like that are wrong to me if I wasn't so clouded over lust I guess? because to me it feeds the wrong type of fantasy to grown men esp when the girl is labeled as a "teen" (even if they're legal women) I feel bad cause it makes me think I'm a predator or a pedo. i'm a 20 year old female but i feel disgusting for watching that. feeling like i condone to pedophilia but i dont. i hate sexual predators. why do porn ike that exist? am i one of them? help my pocd. I'm starting to spiral down again.
anyone wanna share any things on rocd that they have went through. i’m struggling hard now
So TMI but I need help POCD 20 / f I masturbate right and usually when I do that, I watch porn on xvideos, now I usually watch hetero but I used to watch lesbians and when I was a bit younger, I stumbled upon young/old porn and found it interesting? the dynamic was weird also I would NOT do that ever lol when I see grandpas in person my heart goes "aw" not GILF but idk if i'm turned on cause of the whole concept of if or because well its sex. I find myself usually getting attracted to the girl more and what the other person is doing to the girl anyway. but yeah i used to watch it (not all the time) and usually get off to it sidenote: watch professionally made porn, bc sometimes u cant be too sure of amateur and u may be watching a minor subject themselves into sexual manipulation PLEASE PLEASE be wary of this and report any shady videos u see. but recently ofc i've been more aware as to that's wrong and even labeling the girls (who i'm sure are of legal age hopefully) a "teen" is even more wrong BC I STRONGLY BELIEVE A MINOR shouldnt EVER be with a person of legal age. i'd just assume teen means 18+ but u know there are some sick psychos out there that would imagine it as lower but basically recently i don't really watch those anymore or look it up bc pedos disgust me and i feel like those kinds of videos feed their fantasy. but recently i've come across one (it looked professional and i know professionals usually get legal aged people) that made me curious (thumbnails) and i already watched a porn before and i was aroused ofc but found myself getting off to it a little (but i did reach climax) but also i exited it right away bc ofc it felt wrong even if if were two consenting adults with a large age gap. esp when the girl was labeled "teen" basically i feel wrong for feeling this way and even getting myself off to it (i was already doing my business while browsing for more to watch when i stumbled across that) but i'm morally aware and i dont look it up willingly anyway. but yeah i feel bad bc i feel like im a pedo (even tho i dont AND WILL EVER agree with the idea of a minor + perosn of legal age getting otgether)
Ive been in a relationship for 2 years, this past year i have been more honest with my partner of my disorder, i want to be honest so bad bc i just want to feel free and allow myself vulnerability. I never ever have been able to confess my thoughts to a single soul before this current relationship ship. And for some reason i trust her. But i read things on here about it’s not good to over confess and truth is i still keep Allot from her bc i just can’t bear to know what she’ll think or even if she’d even tell me honestly. When am i over sharing? Bc now i haven’t told my deepest things but i feel like maybe i should back off. She wants to be here for me, she really does but i know that my spirals make her sad and drained. (She has zero mental health issues) i just feel like I’m going to be forever hiding myself from quite literally everyone.. even myself. Any advice?
I had a lesbian porn addiction which is triggering for my hocd. I know plenty of straight women watch lesbian porn yet that doesn't matter to me. I relapsed again tonight this is really embarrassing and tmi sorry. The whole time im watching it I was checking if that was something I'd want to do in real life. Sometimes I could tell I didn't want too cuz it made me uncomfortable to think about other times I couldn't. I hate this! I wish I could just know already.
Convinced I cheated on my boyfriend on NYE. Been crying and stressed all day and confessing to him. I know I wouldn’t ever want to do that, but I drank way to much on nye and can only remember parts of the night. I have always been faithful to my partner but this is a reoccurring ocd theme for me. I had a heart to heart with a friend who’s struggling with their mental health and I remember being like lay down let’s talk about it. We weren’t laying close to each other at all and we’re just chatting, there’s never been anything between us ever. But now I’m convinced I wanted him to lay down because I was being flirtatious or inappropriate. I’m convinced I wanted to kiss him or tried to or did, even though if that had happened surely I would know and would have been extremely upset? I remember other parts of the night and I remember talking to him. He would never do that to my partner anyway, and has not acted weird with me or anything but I just feel so awful. I’m scared it will come out in the future. New Years resolution is to drink way less. Does anyone else feel their medication makes them drunk quicker? Or they get serious anxiety due to memory loss. It’s so hard to know how much is too much cause one minute your fine and the next you don’t remember stuff :(
I’ve been struggling with HOCD since I was 12. I don’t know how the theme came on, one day I just had the random thought “imagine if I was gay lol” and I’ve been obsessing over the theme ever since. It’s ruining my love life and I don’t know what to do, I’m so scared that I’m never going to leave this obsession behind. I grew up very religious and had a few religious themes growing up too, which is kinda were the whole gay thing came from. I’ve had crushes on guys since I was a little girl and I still get crushes on guys but my brain always tries to find evidence that I’m lying to myself and that I’m actually attracted to only women. Whenever I see a girl with similar hobbies and interests as me on the Internet, I stalk her social media until I find out if she’s gay or not because my brain keeps telling me that my hobbies and interests are proof that I’m a lesbian. I stalk forums all night to read about other experiences. I’ve never had a high libido, so when I read about girls instantly getting aroused by men without having some sort of emotional connection - it scares me. I’ve only ever found myself attracted to guys that I feel a connection to. Even in fictional scenarios, it’s the personality that always fuels my attraction. I always thought that women are more aesthetically pleasing than men and my brain also uses that as evidence that I’m lying to myself. Sometimes I lie in bed and force myself to question why I’m attracted to men because compared to women, they just seem boring physically. Like I can understand why someone would lust after a woman they don’t know anything about but I don’t understand how someone could lust after a man they don’t know. I know that this is probably just a mix of society generally portraying women as sex objects and just me being more emotionally driven but the idea still scares me. For the record, I’m an atheist now but years of brainwashing still has hell ingrained as a fear. I’ve wonderif I’m bi a lot because I find women very pretty but I can’t really picture myself in a relationship with a one unless she was really masculine. (The idea of being bi doesn’t scare me that much) Women generally all look kinda the same to me, whereas I’m quite picky with guys if we were judging solely on appearance. I’m not looking for reassurance, I just want someone to relate to. :/ The theme generally fades away whenever I’m dating someone that I really like but the moment problems come up, I start doubting my identity again.
Hello! I don’t mean to ask for reassurance so I’m sorry if it sounds like it. I’ve been fixating a lot about having “crushes” on other people while in a very happy relationship. For example, if I see a certain hairstyle, or clothing style, or body physique, personality trait (ie they’re the “popular person” or they’re super sweet) etc that I find appealing on someone else other than my partner, I tend to get that “swoony” or “crushy” type feeling. The kind of feeling that is like “*sighhhh* ??”. It may be a celebrity or someone I actually know. It’s really upsetting me because I keep worrying that it is “mental cheating”. My partner says it is normal and I did compulse and google, which says it is normal... but I’m so worried that what I’m experiencing is different than what those people are deeming “normal”. It’s driving me crazy because now that’s ALL I notice in other people! I’ve never been the type to look really at anyone else other than my partner so it’s really heart breaking to me. Any advice or similar situations would be super helpful because I feel like I’m going crazy! Thank you!
FUCK I was watching how to know if you’re bisexual and this girl was like I would always find girls really pretty and wanted to be like them but I’m retrospect it’s because I wanted them I’m triggeredddd
Ngl, thinking bout having to come out gives me maaaaaajor anxiety. Makes me feel like im just surpressing this
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