Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Tips on how to not let the intrusive thoughts ruin me

Hi! I have a really hard time traveling. I feel like everything is dirty or can never be cleaned enough. Fabric Furniture is the worst for me! I much rather stay home and relax than travel. The problem is that my family loves to travel. They feel like I can never live a normal life because of uncomfortable I am in hotels or rental houses. I normally try and bring as much of my own stuff as I can but sometimes I still cannot relax. I end up ruminating on all the things that need to be cleaned in the room. Which leads to a fight with my family because they see it as perfectionism. We are currently on a trip and the rental house is not as brand new in the pictures. The pictures are your typical ones where they do make it look better than it is. Some of the furniture is different than the pictures and the walls are all scuffed up. Is it wrong to expect it to be pretty much what is pictured? Does anyone have any tips to try to not fixate on how dirty traveling can be? Or explaining to others how it affects you without seeming like you are complaining?

So I’ve recently began dating someone and we’ve been in a relationship for almost 5 months. At the beginning of the relationship it was amazing and I’d also started tapering off medication. Shortly after though I felt the urge to confess to him about all of my past partners in terms of who I was sexually active with because before he and I entered a relationship he was not the only person I’d been involved with.I would only feel relief after telling him all details regarding these circumstances only for about a day later something else would feel just as urgent for me to tell him. I started connecting these things to other subtypes I’ve experienced and I was very depressed and so was he. There was an instance where I saw him check out another girl and I at this point was avoiding looking at men as a compulsion bcs my boyfriend has been cheated on twice before and it is the center of my subtype (have i or will i cheat on him) and after catching him do that I checked another guy out and afterwards felt very guilty for doing. Suddenly i statted mentally receiving and came up with a story from remembering a time he double texted me and I got very anxious thinking he was cheating on me and so I started to wonder what if I flirted with someone at school and started reviewing my memories , texts with my friends and him to try and “jog” my memory , wanting to go through my own phone to see if I’d done anything. I obsessed for weeks over this. Shortly after I traveled to Mexico City for a wedding and my bf was constant in reminding me “don’t forget about me or don’t cheat on me” when I got the wedding we were assigned seats and I was sat at a table with people my age , one of which was a guy I found attractive this was for obvious reasons very triggering. I promised my bf to no drinking alcohol also bcs I dding want anything to happen. I knew the boy sitting next to me bcs his parents are friends with mine and this was our first time meeting and we were all talking , I felt like I needed to talk to everyone else though about similar topics bcs I ddint want to seem like i onky wanted to get to know him and not everyone else bcs i found him attractive , I also made sure to tell the table I did have a bf. I danced at the dance floor and did enjoy myself though I found myself having these thoughts of wanting to be single and having this feeling of wanting this boy to find me attractive and I wasn’t at first super distressed by this until I got back to the table with my parents and avoided this boy bcs I fekt like I’d just done something really bad , I have since then been mentally reviewing the wedding and wishing I’d never gone bcs now I feek guilty and like I’ve cheated and keep asking my mom for reassurance and wanted to tell myself that it’s ocd but I feel like I’m using it as an excuse , any help ?? I also will get false memory ocd of me doing something like only dancing with him instead of in a group and why did I sing this song a certain way around him and also that I did dance moves in front of other people and not just him. I don’t know what to do or how to do exposure for this.

I cant tell if this is OCD or not. Im a teenager right now and Ive been dealing with stuff like this since I can remember, so around 3 years old. Something I do a lot is repeat something exactly 4 times to protect myself from getting hurt (Ex. Ill hit the volume button on my phone 4 times or something will happen). I also will accidentally touch something with one of my fingers so then I have to even it out by touching it with all of my fingers. I have thoughts like “If you dont do *something* a certain amount of times then *something* will happen to someone”. These are some of the more mild thoughts I get, but they do get pretty violent. But I never feel right and I always feel uneven and I cant tell if this is normal or not. Most of the time I cant even go a few minutes without having to do something (that can potentially harm me) in fear that something will happen. Almost every week i unintentionally come up with a new thing I have to do repeatedly and now my mind feels so full with stuff I have to do or itll have a certain outcome. I cant say more because now I feel like if I say it, it will happen. I cant use any negative words cuz i feel like something will happen. If I need to explain more in depth I will, but can someone please tell me if I should get help for this? Because it is REALLY impacting my life and I feel like im constantly trying to hide from my thoughts and its all of the time i cant take it anymore

I started doing ERP and I absolutely hate it! It feels like I actually like and want the thoughts 😭

Therapy be the cause of my ocd and desire for perfectionism? So I have posted a lot of questions on here since I've been a member but this is probably the biggest question I have asked To be as brief as I can be about this prior to me starting talking therapy at the start of 2020 I was a very functional person who went to the gym 4-5 days per week and went to work. The only flaw that I felt I really had was that every 2-3 months I would go out drinking and get extremely drunk to the point of blacking out. I wouldnt touch a single alcoholic drink for 2-3 months but then I would go crazy for 1 or sometimes 2 nights but then go back to not a single drink for 2-3 months. This prompted my mother to start suggesting to me that I have some talk therapy and there were a few occasions that she told me quite angrily that I had to go to counselling. I felt like this was an over reaction and I need to add here that even though I got very drunk I never hurt anyone or anything like that I remember those moments I felt very attacked and judged especially as my mother is also someone who occasionally gets black out drunk. Eventually after a few years of being told every few months that I should have some counselling I gave in but I seriously feel that this set off a perfectionism drive in me and was a big cause in my ocd. I think drinking he way that I did probably was a coping mechanism of some sort but I don't feel like it effected my life negatively enough for me to do something about it because I never did it regularly enough Basically before agreeing to talk therapy I was functional, going to work and mostly happy without any ruminations or compulsions Since going to talk therapy at the start of 2020 I'm non functional, haven't worked for 4 years now, have Preety much stopped exercising and my whole day is spent ruminating and doing compulsions

How do you know if its rocd or not? Or if you’re just finding excuses for being a terrible person

Haven’t been like this in a little while. I’m feeling super anxious and jittery and I can’t get rid of the feeling. I’m trying to sit with it and let it naturally subside but it won’t. I think it’s because I’m nervous of going into work tm because of the last two shifts I had weren’t great and I have that in my mind. Idk just needed to vent and I love any advice.

i have a lot of issues with thinking i am romantically / sexually attracted ti every guy i am around whether or not i think theyre cute i convince myself i do and every tingle or anything i feel i convince myself its a crush. and ofc some of that is due to rocd but i fear that some of it is genuine / natural and smt im meant to feel as if im meant to be with them. and when ppl say any intrusive crush is due to ocd i question whether its an ocd crush or if its intrusive bcs i dont like the idea but its still inevitable and smt my heart is meant to gravitate towards which i don't want. anyway i have that w one of my bf's friends bcs they already make jokes abt me flirting w that friend and its made me question a lot od things like if him and i ever hang out alone or he picks me up even tho its all respectful to my bf i wonder if i secretly try to take advantage of my bfs absence to enjoy the attention of being w the guy alone. sometimes i wonder if im standing too close to him or closer than i would stand if my bf were there with me or if im being touchy or anything. and i think this guy is not bad looking and i try to give myself icks bcs i used to be sure i wasnt attracted to him but recently ive been unsure and i alwags have this feeling of trying to be everyones closest friend even w guys like him or feeling happy when they ask me for help w smt or come to pick me up or things likr that alone sometimes in a friend way sometimes idk if thats normal or romantic etc or emotional cheating. and today he wanted my help covering his tattoos with makeup and i tried to make him do it himself so i wouldnt touch him and the whole time i was trying to be super cautious not to do anything that wld give off the wrong impression and i told my bf everything right after abt what happened but there were some points where i wld have to help blend in the makeup w my brushes and on his biceps so i had to get a little closer and i stood a little close to help direct him thru the makeup so he could do most of it w his own hands but im super scared / stressed now that i took advantage of my bf not being there and that i blended the makeup and stuff too closely and i wonder if i wouldnt do that if he was there w me even tho i feel like i would but it wld make him uncomfortable idk i tried my best to be respectful but at the same time im scared i didn't and i feel like i emotionally cheated and i am super scared also bcs this is the guy i question having a crush on so idk if i took advantage of my bfs absence or not i need advice

Hi, I'm Alexander   I want to start off by saying 2 things: 1. I am so proud that you are still here, fighting your war, pushing day by day. You are loved, and you are not alone. 2. I find humor helps me feel better about my OCD, as it kinda takes the wind out of its sail, so I hope I do not offend anyone with the silly jokes I make. If anyone takes offense, please let me know, and I will revise my post.   I was diagnosed with OCD in February of 2020, roughly 4 weeks before the world stood still due to COVID. At the time, my obsession was Harm OCD, but as time has gone by, I have acquired additional subtypes, almost like I am collecting Pokemon (gotta catch 'em all, right?). Over time, I have battled with HOCD, Pedophilia OCD, Real Event OCD, Incest OCD (it's not even a defined subtype yet, I'm just a hipster like that), and few others when I have the free time. My go to compulsions were rationalization (which only made things worse) and avoidance (watching Bob's Burgers and playing Rocket League). I started therapy at NOCD early January after a very rough holiday season, with many panic attacks, crying episodes, and generally wishing I was never born. My therapist, Andrew, has been such a gift in my life, treating me with care and compassion that my OCD makes me feel I am not worthy of. Together, we have identified that the core fear my OCD feeds on is abandonment; I am afraid that if I am the person my OCD wants me to think I am, that my friends and family will abandon me. When it came time to start (E)xposure (R)esponse (P)revention, I'm not going to lie, I was terrified. The first few sessions left me in quite a mess (to be fair, I definitely underestimated my response to my exposures, my bad Andrew, that's on me). Session after session it has gotten easier to face my triggers. I learned to steer away from my compulsions, and to process the triggering obsession like the trauma it is. I have been given the OCD Conqueror badge for my progress, and I appreciate the sentiment of it, however, I'm sorry NOCD, I think it gives the wrong idea. Conquering implies a set-in-stone victory, but that isn't what OCD is. OCD is a lifetime war, and a new battle starts every day. Somedays OCD beats me up pretty bad, but with the help I am getting, I am happy to say that most days I kick OCDs ass, sorry for cussing, brother ---^. I know that OCD is cyclic, and days might come where it battles with everything it has, but I'll be better equipped for it this time around. To those who are in active therapy, don't forget to tell your therapists that you appreciate them; without them, there would be no NOCD for us! Show them the same compassion, reassurance, and love they show us! To those who are unsure or scared of therapy, remember, "courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it" -Mark Twain

My thoughts about a brain tumor started to become a thing about 9 months ago. At first they were horrible but I've been able to control them ever since. Ever since spring break started a couple of days ago, thoughts about a brain tumor have been debilitating and they are so real I'm convinced I'm dying. My mind kept telling me I was worthless anyway, and finding belong so I all makes sense and all the symptoms make sense too. I can't go to the doctor because I'm in another state and I don't know what to do. I also ran out of medication a couple of days ago and I won't be able to get more until April 9th. So it might be that but I'm convinced I'm dying.

I have all of these and im just asking because I always thought nobody would ever understand how much is constantly going on in my head all at once, all the time, everyday. Sometimes there's so much in my head i feel suicidal purely out of wanting a break from so much constantly going on, feeling like it's never going to stop and I can't handle it, and that nobody gets it or ever will. Like there's so many different layers of thoughts and anxieties that connect to triggering each other every day all the time that I don't want to have to even try to navigate any of it anymore... Does anyone else feel this way...

Ok so I am getting married next year. My fiancé and I have been living together for a long time. I honestly am so worried about getting married to him, because of my most disturbing thoughts about my physical attraction to him. This thought originally came up when confronting the major life decision of moving in together, and it hasn’t stopped since. I feel sick, because a lot of times these thoughts and disturbances come up when I see him and actually don’t feel attraction to him. Almost every day I have these thoughts and think that I am hurting him by marrying him. On the other hand, I don’t want to deprive myself of something that I’ve always wanted, and I don’t want to be alone. Both of these fears seem like OCD, so it seems like the universe isn’t telling me the right decision to make. Help?

Any advice on how to deal with the feelings of guilt that comes with ocd thoughts? I think my biggest trigger is feeling anxious (heart racing, throat knotted, drop in my stomach) so I start thinking back to things that made me anxious before and see if they still make me feel that anxiety if that makes sense. It’s like I try to tie an anxious thought to the feeling for the feeling to make sense to me. I am trying to just let the feeling be but it’s so hard especially bc I start feeling guilty when my boyfriend is around and telling me how much he loves me. I just feel like I’m holding something in that is going to break our relationship and hurt him which is my biggest fear. I also have a hard time with past memories that seem like proof that all of my thoughts are actually true and not ocd so it is so hard. If anyone relates or has any advice at all please lmk. I’m not sure why these past two weeks have been so hard for me

Idk if anybody is religious but yesterday I was so distraught and suicidal and I pray to God to give me a reason to continue and beat OCD. I called suicide hotline and it sort of help. It's really hard to talk to a stranger what you're go through, especially when you comes to OCD. I made a call to an ocd therapist through this app and that helped. It wasnt until after hours later that I told my brother why I've become distant and I told him how I was feeling suicidal and I promise that I will go on anti-depressants. I just wanted to say that idk what's gonna happen in the future and idk if I'm able to fight ocd or seek recovery.

Is it normal/ok to think your partner is weird? I keep thinking it and I keep panicking and feeling like I don’t like him and need to leave. I’m starting to worry that maybe he’s just too weird, or maybe a “little off” and crazy. It’s so frustrating.

Im so tired from seeing & feeling from men’s pov , i really dont want to be a man , im really into men but hocd and tocd keep convincing me im not

Fucking help, please. How do you shut off these intrusive harm ocd thoughts?

I don’t know what to say. I feel a bit lost to be honest with my thoughts. They feel so real, they actually hurt so much. Why do I find myself comparing to my boyfriends and my friends? I’m not them, they got nothing to deal with me. It’s just that I feel the need to prove I have it worse, and to do that is to partake in actual harm. I have been feeling really low lately, honestly I feel like I’m losing it. It’s a scary feelings to think unaliving myself may be an option for me but I don’t want to do that. In all the hardships in life, there is so good in there. I have my boyfriend , I got good grades, I have a good home life I guess, I have friends and other amazing things too. It sad to say but I kinda need some comfort to know I’ll be fine. I feel like I’m at the end of my ropes right now. When people tell me their struggles I compare them to my own. When people give me advice, I overthink it. When I have something hope it gets torn apart. My heart hurts a lot. I feel like even if I do pass I’ll just be another number, like a casualty and no one would care. But that’s not true, people do care about me enough that they want me to live. I’m just so tired of feeling this way. I need help. But I feel like I don’t? God fucking damn it leave me the hell alone. I didn’t do nothing at all. I’m a good person I have morals and I have everything that is fit for me. But why go for everything I care about huh? Let me heal in peace. I can’t even pick up a fucking pencil with other thinking about whenever I could draw good, or even take a breather. it’s disabling its fucked and it’s hurts. Leave me alone. I’m too young to bear this pain. Living isn’t supposed to be a chore. It supposed to be something to look toward to the happy things in life. I fear I’d slip one day and do something awful to myself. It takes more than two painkiller to kill you right? I won’t do anything bad. Maybe I shouldn’t consider this though. I feel like I’ve reach pure insanity with my mental health. Maybe I am depressed or something. God I need help. But why do people try to even help me? Why do they care? I feel myself switching. I’m trying my best to not believe anything my thoughts are telling me. I feel so awful to the point I feel happy. What type of sick shit is this? I do care. But at the same time I feel nothing. This is terrifying and torturous. Please help me. What is this?

Hi! I am a Christian who is about to get married. According to my religious beliefs, I believe that if you get married, you cannot marry again except for instances of infidelity or death. I was in a play in college where my character married another character, and so I am obsessed with the idea that I actually got married to the other actor, and therefore have no (religious) right to be married. It is really ruining everything surrounding my upcoming marriage and making me feel extremely distressed, anxious, and hopeless. My friend recommended this app!