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the NOCD Community

During the summer I allowed myself to play videogames without necessarily petting my cats to compensate for allowing harm to come to them thinking that whatever happens to them happens, but with what happened in September with the whole me not removing the extinguisher from the closet before going to class and not going back home to fix it, I felt so much guilt that I realized that not deleting my save removes any stake, like I have no reason to be as mindful or careful about removing threats from my cat’s lives, I become lazy. If I have this sword of damocles hovering over my head that it’s gonna get deleted if I’m not being careful around my cats then I’m more mindful and less lazy about it.

I dont understand how others can accept that we have to trust in God but we still arent protected by Him. Not in a black and white way, He shouldnt protect from things you did for yourself. But as i read more and more i start to think that He cant protect us from other people, from physical hurt, from rape, murder, cause all those things happens to christians too. For me a God who throw us here and doesnt protect you from evil, then make you choose either Him or hell... i cant believe in this god... i dont knoe how yall can

Has anyone here dealt with UTIs? I'm honestly so worried about this one in particular. I don't know if it's because of how I got it or if it's because of how long it's been lasting. I've had UTIs in the past but they never lasted as long as this. The way I got this was a very dumb way as well. It was all due to my addiction and I acted so impulsively during all of it. I'm praying that this goes away completely. I'm hoping I never have to deal with this ever again. I got no sleep last night.

I struggle with dermatillomania (skin picking, excoriation disorder) for over a year now I've seen 4 psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, dermatologists... they all say different things to me one even said this is not skin picking she said its just your anxiety😩 another one said it has nothing to do with ocd when I've been struggling with different ocd symptoms since my childhood other say it is a compulsive behavior which I am not able to stop myself no matter how much I try I am not able to control it i need help no one seems to know the right way to help me I am getting worse I started on my legs after I fracture my left foot and now its also my face arms chest shoulders hands it has ruined my life and the best years of my life plus ocd has ensured me ppl are going say how disgusting I look and its just best if Im not seen by no one and isolates me from the world even from family it makes me think how much better It would be if I end my life to end my suffering because this is not living inside a room alone their's no way im gonna go out and let ppl see me NOT looking like this they tell me theirs no cure I have thought to cut off my fingers or every single of my nails but then that will also make me look ugly. I also struggle with body dysformic disorder (BDD) I pick without even knowing that im doing it its automatically bt also if I touch and feel even a tiny bump or extra skin I cannot stop it and I have all mirrors covered because I also pick if i visualize anything on any part of my skin I even removed lights from my bathroom so when I shower and its very painful I don't want to do this I hate it I need help the right help. Im that person if something its not where it's supposed to be im not going to sleep or eat or be comfortable at all until I clean up put things where they belong even the smallest dumbest things its a big deal to me years ago I had managed to beat that obsession i had control of it i would see things and would have that mayor thought to myself "that dosent go there, it needs to be fixed, its wrong, looks bad" bt I was able to let it go whocares its just a pillow or fan facing more to the right or whatever, but now its so bad its even ridiculous and I know so but I just can't stop this its like I know this isn't me but then why can I control it. im so tired very extremely exhausted I want to stop thinking for a bit and rest my brain stop worrying and taking the dumbest things ever so serious for example I get a pimple when is time of the month let it be its normal your hormones will get back to normal it will go away with out having to bleed burn take skin out cause ur dead worry what ppl are going to say and your ocd is saying take that off now it looks horrible its nasty ur ugly if u leave it their... I wish I met someone who knows exactly what I am going through someone who can understand me and all of this.

So I recently had an ultrasound for both my breasts because I was experiencing pain and I have an infected nipple. The doctor of the ultrasound wasn't very concerned, he didn't find anything suspicious just some dense breast tissue which would be normal for my age (23) and 2 small cystes. He told me for safety measures he would recommend coming back in 3-6 months just to make sure norhing changes. I felt very good afterwards and was really proud on how I handled the situation with my health OCD. However a few days after I had to call my regular doctor to discuss these results and she was very nervous and scared me a lot. She told me she would really recommend going back in exactly 3 months because I had Birad score 3 which according to her wasn't very good. I looked this up and birad 3 means that what they found is like 98 percent sure benign but that they will do a check up after a few months to be sure, just like the 1st doctor said. Now I have a hard time because I want to believe the doctor from the ultrasound who actually is specialized in this field but my GP really scared me by being so nervous. I am going back in February but that's still so long... Any tips on how to handle this period of uncertainty?

I have contamination ocd which has also caused me to have an ed due to the fear of using the bathroom. I only partake in so many calories and liquids every two days so I dont have to go as much . I'm usually bed ridden. If I go to the bathroom once I have to wash my hands 12 times- forearms 12 times- back to hands 12 times total if interrupted due to backslash or phantom feels on my face, clothes, legs, shoulders, etc then I need to bleach my skin, change clothes, and repeat until I am satifisied. My spouse does all the chores while giving me food/water. I'm too afraid without me having to go open the cupboards and be contaminated or else I feel I would have to do my routine shower which takes up to 3 hours total using two whole bars of soap for 1 shower. I also use clorax wipes filled with bleach continuously and can go through 1 whole canister a day. I'm struggling to live. I'm afraid to leave the house. I'm afraid to honestly live. I tried every medication available for me imaginable. I just want to live, go to school, go to the store by myself, pet my cats, be comfortable in my own home, and just be normal. I used to be unbelievably gross I honestly don't know what happened to me. I was the sole cleaner and cook and did all the house work but it drastically changed and I started to spiral out of control mentally. My spouse and I are now platonic and I live in a separate room. If I could I would 1000% get brain surgery because I know this is something I cannot obtain just by myself.

Hello, I have hypochondria, gad, ptsd, and panic disorder. For the past 5 months I have been in a deep episode of what I’m hoping is just hypochondria where I’ve fully convinced myself I’m psychotic/developing schizophrenia. This theme has become so debilitating I lost my job and was completely bed bound for a while. Anyway, I have the extreme fear of developing delusions and hallucinations, so I’m constantly on the look out for symptoms like that. For whatever reason I have become extremely sensitive and afraid of anything demonic or horror related, I literally used to be a horror junkie, listen to Marilyn Manson etc. I am literally an atheist, I don’t even believe in the devil or superstitious things like this, but for some reason I have started getting extremely fear inducing demonic type intrusive thoughts, like one night I had the terrifying thought “what if my wife is possessed by a demon and isn’t really my wife” this thought scared the fuck out of me and actually changed my behavior towards my wife and gave me a panic attack, the fear of that later passed, but the uneasy feeling still linger. I’ve been getting all sorts of terrible demonic type intrusive thoughts like that about everybody and random places and even objects and they cause a panic attack everytime I get them, it used to be a panic attack about struggling to fight the urge to believe these thoughts but now I feel like it’s gotten to the point where it just straight up feels like it’s happening and I’m afraid for real and not even questioning the thoughts anymore. I’ve completely stopped listening to any music that references the devil or any type of media that may have dark references, to avoid getting these types of thoughts. When I am not anxious and I take my anxiety medicine (clonazepam) I can laugh these thoughts off and confidently shrug them off as ridiculous, but other times it feels real!Why is this happening to me? Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and do not believe in superstitious things like this, why am I suddenly afraid of things like this? And better yet why do they scare me and “feel real” if I don’t believe them. I feel like I’m fighting for my sanity every single day. I literally dread the anticipation of getting these thoughts. These strange new fears about demonic shit is only solidifying my root fear that I am developing psychosis. Can anyone please help me?

For the past week-ish I have been having a really scary existential crisis that feels like it is stemming from ocd. It started with me being freaking out that i’m going to die one day, then it merge into me being freaked out about what was going to happen after I die (mostly the thought of nothingness). I found some very brief relief in some spiritual beliefs and watching psychic medium readings but then I started think about even bigger and harder to answer questions such as, “if there is a God, who created God?”, “Is the afterlife scary?”, “Could the afterlife end one day?” “What is the point of anything at all?”, “Will the sun exploding destroy whatever afterlife exist?” Really ridiculous questions. I truly believe that there is something after death and something that exists as a life force science cannot explain, but the fact that my mind can’t comprehend or figure it out is really really scary. I feel as if I am going crazy. I have been thinking about nothing but the universe and the meaning behind it all and where it all came from. I can’t enjoy anything anymore. I just want to lay in bed all day and even that is hard. I have been non-stop watching videos about people’s beliefs about this topic trying desperately to find some sort of answer and I am starting to think that may be a compulsion. I am trying my best to remind myself that I when I die I will have all the answers to these questions and I don’t need to worry about this right now because it truly doesn’t affect anything or change anything in my life but it is really hard. I feel as if I have “uncovered” something and my life will never return to normal again. I am terrified that I am going to go crazy or start having hallucinations and that I’ve ruined my life by researching into something so complex and not understandable at all. Any kind of suggestions or anything would be helpful, I hate dealing with this and feeling so crazy and hopeless.

I'm a straight man that suffers from SO-OCD/HOCD. If you have read this and you have the same subset of OCD PLEASE comment. Do you have thoughts about a person on the same gender that says "he is cute" or "he is sexy" or "he is my type",she if youre a woman. I do not like those kinds thoughts, in fact i loathe it, but I have learned not to give those kinds of thoughts power. But i'm just curious about if you have those kind of thoughts I have a girlfriend that I would VERY VERY much want to get married to, but im just afraid that maybe in the end I might end up hurting her because maybe I'm gay. I do want to be gay and I have nothing against gay people, its just I want to have a happy marriage with my girlfriend.

Is it a compulsion to get rid of social media. I feel extremely triggered by social media, even before I had ocd my boyfriend told me to get off tik tok because it was feeding so much bullshit into my head and making me worry about my relationship because there was so many cheating video things on there… I took myself off Facebook when me and bf broke up months ago, we got back together but social media was one of our biggest problems in our relationship so he still chooses to not have me on there which is fine. But I sorta just don’t even see a point in having it? At the same time tho, I don’t want to go on there also because I get triggered easily by things. Was thinking of if I go back on there one day to just make all new accounts for things, if I choose or want it again one day…

it feels like i’m not interested in boys now and that just scares me, like i always have been and wanted their attention but now it feels like i don’t. i just want all of this to be over :(

Crying because I m so super scared of my heart going fast which happens every day with other symptoms and I think I m dying

I've been dealing with this issue for a little over a decade and have been able to in the past overcome it. But, now I feel like I'm repressing my thoughts and feelings. I've always been straight and never once looked at a guy romantically or sexually in my life. My desire for women has completely disappeared and I'm hardly getting any sleep over this. When I picture myself with a guy I don't feel disgusted like I did before; I fear I may have developed an interest in it. My body tells me I have, I look at guys more, my groin tingles intensely. My attention is mainly on a particular part on the guys body and it drives crazy that I notice it and think about it all the time. I don't know if I genuinely am attracted to them or it's just all in my head.I still like women but it feels forced in some regards and I fear it's just denial at this point. I've watched videos and talked with people about this and they tell me it's just in my mind and my OCD is just taking me hostage to my thoughts and feelings. But, it feels different, like I want or enjoy the thoughts and I'm changing or just realizing a new part of myself. But, I'm not happy about it and I just don't want to lose my feelings and attraction toward women. I just need help or guidance in this regard; like I said I've been able to beat it in the past, but now it seems like it's got the best of me.

I feel like my ocd is ruining my relationship. I can’t stop confessing and all it’s doing is making my partner feel differently about me. I wish I could just stop

Kind of a vent, or a dairy entry idk, sorry Tldr; I worked hard to start loving myself. I'm a troubled christian but also crave a relationship. I don't know if I should completly devote myself to be a good christian. I don't want to ever give up my faith Lately I can't help but think about life. My main theme is SOOCD and after months of fighting it I'm much better. But I'm in that weird phase where I'm mostly concerned about how my future relationship will look like. I've never been in a relationship due to my social anxiety and horrible self esteem. I started to fantasize about being with that dream guy, but whenever I think about anything sexual with him it's high anxiety. I had a phase before where I was crying because SOOCD and being scared of being asexual. Now I think it's just my social anxiety, but I also observed that it calms me down when I imagine him and me with wedding rings. I'm a christian, but a horrible one. I sin a lot in my thoughts and start daydreaming whenever I pray. I'm trying to fight it, but it's hard. And I was always looking down on myself because I'm not perfect and that I could do so much better. Lately I was working on myself and I finally started thinking more about myself than others. I wanna do what I wanna do and be myself, no matter what they think. And I think that I don't want to wait until marriage. I'm not sure tho, but I have a strong urge. I feel like if I found the right guy and I would feel super safe and comfortable with him, I would want to have sex. And this drives me crazy lately. If I want to sin, how can I be a christian? How do I give up something that I want, when I was working so hard to learn to do what I want? Why do I have to belittle myself and be humble, when I felt like actual human trash all my life and just started to feel good now? Should I give up all my wants and my human value? I don't want to, but I love God so much I want to be His child. I will never ever give up my faith, but I feel like I'm blasphemous for calling myself a christian. If needed, I can completly devote myself and be a piece of sh** again. But I worked so hard and finally feel good with myself. I feel like if I don't belittle myself and give up everything I'm being blasphemous for even praying or thinking about God. I feel like this may be ocd, but I'm not sure. My ocd likes to jump around and be different types, I literally had half of the existing themes already. I'd appreciate if somebody commented and shared something, I feel awful sitting with this by myself Thank you

when you have what ifs which a a possibility how do i stop doing compulsions because my mind is believing every what if to fit my real event and i don't know how to stop it's causing me misery and i'm not happy it's all my minds consumed with every single day the same what ifs to my real event 😣

I can't live at home because I'm afraid I'll stab the neighbours with a knife. I've spent basically all year in a psychward. I feel suicidal at the moment. I see this therapist and I'm learning some strategies but I'm afraid it's not enough. Please tell me your experiences with harm OCD? Have any of you been able to beat it?

Me and my boyfriend ha been together for 5 months now , I am having a very hard spike of ROCD from thinking he isn’t the one to thinking i actually love someone else , the thing is the thought jump from a theme to another so fast that i can’t process or handle my mind throughout it all i tell him every single thought I don’t want to hurt him or be the person who leaves a scar now the theme revolves around not loving hum and being guilty that I feel like i am using him and i just love the idea that he loves me and that I just don’t want to be alone no more and I don’t feel real love or spark anymore I actually at the very beginning felt extreme safety and comfort now everything is triggering and when I look at him I cry instantly as I fel of how awful I AM TO HURT SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME THIS MUCH !! I do believe I am not obligated to do anything he gives me extreme freedom to choose if i want to leave and he is very open to this so nothing is pressuring me and now I fear it’s me staying only because I am afraid to hurt him and bec of guilt not bec I actually wanna be with him..

Hi there, I am the parent of a 13 yr old daughter with a multi diagnosis. For the last couple of years she has been suffering from a Trichotillomania. Curious: 1) if there is anyone who has this condition also, and what’s been helping you? 2) we are trying to treat one part of her diagnosis (ADHD) and I’m worried that the medication that helps executive functioning skills may increase her hair pulling. She’s currently in CBT and ERT.

I will start off by acknowledging how incredibly lucky I am to be getting married to my partner in the next few months , something I thought of as being an impossible dream to achieve when I first started struggling with my relationship anxiety. I grew up with the idea that love was simply physical attraction and that ‘the spark’ =love. I was never really raised to learn about more important values such as respect , loyalty and commitment unfortunately. I never thought that love could grow overtime or that it doesn’t have to start off with an immediate spark. When I met my partner , though I did definitely find him attractive there wasn’t that initial spark or chemistry upon meeting but I felt incredibly attached to him and cared for him like no other. I really struggled to come to terms with the lack of spark assuming that I was a terrible person for continuing the relationship but I couldn’t bring myself to end it as I do love him. I’m glad I held on cause I’ve learnt so much about relationships and love now and I understand that it doesn’t have to look the same for everyone and that it’s also a choice and a commitment and that I don’t need to feel guilty there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with our relationship it’s what we make it. That being said , during the peak of my ocd , I bumped into a stranger a few times near where I live (we’ve never spoken and I no nothing about him) and I immediately felt a strong attraction and spark, that coupled with the extreme guilt and anxiety , created an obsession for me. I started ruminating and fantasising about what life would be like with this person and I would compare my current relationship to this built up fantasy. To this day I can’t get this made up story line of living and being with this other person out of my head , my ocd has ruminated on this point so much that it almost feels like a real scenario. Because of my strong beliefs that spark =love I have felt so guilty and its made me question if I’m making the wrong choice even though I definitely want to marry my partner. I’ve read for articles explaining marriage I’d difficult and it takes work to stay committed and it’s normal not to feel the spark etc which has helped ground me , but then when I go onto forums the people there say that there marriage is easy and it’s only hard work if you marry the wrong person. So now that’s causing me immense distress because I feel responsible to make sure I’m ready and certain for the marriage so that I can be the dependable and committed partner my fiancée needs. I know that I’ll never end our relationship anyway so all this overthinking is wasted energy but does anyone have any advice?