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How can I do erp for my relationship ocd? The break up urges are insane and it is breaking my heart because I love my partner so much 😞

First things first and that is thanking God, my family, my support system, my NOCD therapist, Paulina, the NOCD community, and Mr. Stephen Smith. Honestly, 2-3 years ago I was a "mess". I was scared, in the dark, confused, felt alone, and didn't know what was going on with me. I lost track of time whenever I hit rock bottom but I know the start of the break up with my ex fiancé was what kickstarted me hitting rock bottom 3-ish years ago. I felt horrible because I could see the hurt in my loved ones eyes that wanted to help me but didn't know how. I'm honestly so grateful that God blessed me with my mom and dad and surrounded me with loving people. Without God and my support system, I don't know if I would be where I am today. My mom invited me to this recovery program that is centered around Christ. It's a bit focused on drugs and alcohol but you can still apply some of the faith lessons to your life. That program was where I accepted Christ into my life and where my journey with God began. I truly believe God has always been working in my life giving me the courage and strength to continue living. To help me rest on the days OCD is too much for me. Of course I have to thank Paulina for being the true definition of what a therapist should be. As you all know, OCD is scary. People often misdiagnose us, or don't understand how hard it can be. From the first session with Paulina two years ago, I felt a sign of relief. I feel understood. She has challenged me to do things I would've never had the power to do on my own. I truly wish all therapist had the passion and drive she has to help those with OCD. Then, Mr. Stephen Smith who happens to be the CEO of NOCD. I have no doubt in my mind God worked in his heart to get me back into NOCD. A little over a year and a half ago I tuned 26 and fell off my parents insurance. Which meant I could no longer see Paulina. I was very upset because at that point n time I was 6 months in and felt I as finally improving. I spent a year trying to find insurance that were affordable, or accepted. All failed. It was around this past April I had given up. But NOCD made a post with howie Mandell and I shared how lcd changed my life and next thing you know I'm back with Paulina. I truly cannot thank NOCD and everyone who makes NOCD possible for saving mine and countless other lives. Receiving this badge brought tears to my eyes. It's almost unbelievable. Seeing this, I was like wait....I've done all of this? I really came this far? I'm not one to boast and I always feel like there's so much more for me to do and overcome that I often look past what I've gone through to get where I am today. Honestly, receiving this badge gives me a little anxiety because idk...I don't truly feel I've conquered OCD. But I also am hard on myself. I have to remind myself that the goal of OCD recovery isn't to see how many days we go without triggers, or intrusive thoughts. I know that recovery is based on us taking the power from the OCD by living our life. Being an OCD Conqueror doesn't mean I'm OCD free. In fact, just remember today I faced harm OCD at the gym. I have to remind myself what recovery of OCD truly means. That recovering from OCD is taking our life back. I know there's still going to be triggers that lie ahead of me and hard times to overcome. But I know I have my tools, NOCD, and my support system to see me through. Guys, I promise you it gets better. I know it's not easy. In fact, September I was under constant attack by POCD but I am still here. Continuing on with my day. I still struggle, so I don't want it seeming like you have to be perfect or "symptom free" to conquer OCD. Step by step is all we can do. Continuing therapy and ERP. Resisting to urge to give into the compulsions. Because that's what breaks the repetitive cycle and drains the power from the OCD. I pray we all continue to gain our power and confidence back that the OCD took from us. Thank you all for making this environment feel safe and easy to share. I know that I am never alone as I have God and a community of individuals who can understand each others pain. 💚

I came to work and everything was good, i was happy and suddenly a huge ocd attack got me, it feels like how i felt when i couldnt handle ocd and those thoughts like how i handled the situation is back even that i went through this before... idk why but now i cant move on, somehow my reaction is still so much focused on thw ocd and i start to get angry cause i cant focus on something else and i feel worse. Maybe im tired and thats why i got hit by ocd, idk but what i always hate that no mather how many times i watch a video or use that in my life, i still forget how to react and then im like this... im trying not to make it worse but its really strong and i get anxious cause i didnt felt this almost a year...

I habe the feeling that Ill never improve. But not because of my ocd but because of my morals. I suffer from horrible thoughts sometimes and I always fear that i enjoy them especially if they are sexual. I dont want to habe these thoughts. But its so difficult to live with someone and your thoughts always tell you you are just exploiting her for her body which I dont want to. But at the same time I admit that I find her attractive.

I spend most of my waking time resting my groinal reaction and making sure I cringe at what my obsession is. I’ll look at photos, read things online, etc… I’ll have a groinal response, but I will also cringe and shudder every time. This isn’t enough though. I keep doing it, and have to repeat it because I keep getting groinal responses/erections. Mentally, I’m pretty sure I’m disgusted and repulsed. But physically, I keep having reactions. I’m just scared because if the groinal responses mean it’s true, I can’t go on. I just can’t. I would refuse to be a person who was “okay” with something like that. Can anybody relate?

I am really struggling right now with harm OCD urges. It feels like I either 1. Have to 2. Want to or 3. Am going to do the harm thought. I start panicking and it feels like I am going to do it. My arms tingle, I freak out and then it feels like there’s no choice and I get even more terrified. I don’t know what to do because it feels so real like it’s going to or has to happen. I’m not sure where this is coming from but it feels like it’s not OCD. Any advice would be great.

Any recommendations on how to stop skin picking? :(

I was more social in highschool but i made the mistake of taking off college and work to babysit my niece and nephew and it really took a toll on me i ended up being a homebody for 3 years now , I’ve disconnected with my friends , except one . We literally hangout every single day but only if we’re smoking getting high to escape. I dont have relationships with my family really, like i live with my mom, dad , and two sisters but i dont tell them anything about my life cause i feel they will think im overreacting or “ it will be okay just throw yourself back out there” and just not understand how hard it really is . I dont talk to the family outside of my household because talking to people is really awkward to me and thats how i lost my friends , i cant seem to keep conversations going and cant keep an relationship. I feel as if i have to know what to say and think about what to say when talking to somebody cause im scared of just looking stupid . I know sounds dumb right ? Me being shy and having anxiety and depression has missed me so many opportunities in life and i feel like im just wasting my days being sad over life and how im feeling and the thoughts racing through my brain constantly. I literally think about past events and future and even have conversations in my head that hasn’t happen so i can be prepared. Literally dont know why im like that lol. My head sucks. Im very insecure which makes it even harder on me i hate the way i look and don’t believe what anybody says but compliments feel nice. I hate my mind and always thinking negative thoughts on a daily basics. I hate where im at in life literally doing nothing with my life . Like i WANT better i NEED better but i just cant 😭 i will literally get soo damn sad going to a grocery store or even out to eat or doing anything dealing with people other than the people i live in the same house with or the one friend i see everyday. I know i need therapy but im not sure how to say everything like i even prepared for that and had conversations with a therapist in my head lol but i just cant find myself to go get help and im mentally and emotionally drained. … i really just think i made this post to vent or meet someone that mighttt be the same lol idk . Just wanted to write it out and let some people see it since i cant vent …..

I don’t know whether i have false memory ocd etc. I use to have OCD when I was growing up but then I thought I left it behind however I had one night very intoxicated and I don’t know if I’ve committed an awful crime, I have not officially got a diagnosis so don’t know if what my brain is telling me is true, what do you all suggest I’m waiting for a referral to see a therapist

my muscles keep twitching. i don’t really exercise a lot anymore— i used to until the anxiety came. i’m scared. i kept looking up tiktoks on ALS and MND (something which i SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE.) i know it can be due to vitamin deficiencies (i’m taking daily supplements), stress (if i’m not having a full on panic attack then i’m convinced i’m not stressed), and lack of sleep/dehydration (probably the cause). i’m scared. so so scared.

Hi. I wake up very anxious, i feel disconnected from the world so now i know it’s not only from my bf so it kind of calms me down to know it’s not him, but i also feel so convinced i want it to stop, im scared i dont want to break up, but it feels like it’s going to happen, or that is time because its been 2 yrs. Please help, how can i manage this when i feel disturbed and very convinced like we not connected, and many more things that are hard for me like intimacy, im always in my head. Please any advice

i don't know who i am. trauma and bad choices. being exposed to things as a kid. developing an addiction. I'm not happy with who i was. now i don't know what i am. i have thoughts and feelings and they are processed. i have a face and a voice and i seem to fit in sometimes. but i don't fit in anywhere. i don't know if I'm really there. I'm kind of just along for the ride. my eyes are seeing things and the information is being relayed to me. what is me. who is me. how many of me are there inside my shell. how many masks do i have. what am i. who's emotions are i feeling. who's thoughts am i having. am i good or bad. do i exist at all. am i a ghost. am i a mannequin. am i a puppet. am i an actor. what are my motives. what is my goal. who controls me. it hurts. help.

[MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions of diseases, self h@rm, and su1c1dality] i’ll start by saying this has been the hardest three months of my life. i’ve had OCD symptoms since i was 12, but they’ve only gotten completely debilitating 3 months ago, when my geneticist looked at my eczema (that runs in my family) and said “this doesn’t look like eczema. this looks abnormal, and more like psoriasis.” so, i went to google, and looked up every type of dermatitis there was. and the only type that actually looked like mine was a type of precancer called large plaque parapsoriasis. and my entire life flipped upside down. first, it was parapsoriasis. then, i spiraled. i started looking up every ache and pain in my body. every bump, every muscle cramp, everything. “just to make sure.” and lo and behold, every single symptom had a reason behind it that was my worst fear. back pain? cancer. leg pain? cancer. sweaty at night? cancer. headache? cancer. dizziness upon standing? cancer. i thought i was losing my mind. i could no longer sleep at night— every time i nearly fell asleep, i woke myself back up. “what if this is the last time you ever fall asleep?” and then… that thought spiraled to other things. “what if this is the last time you ever open the fridge?” “what if this is the last time you ever watch TV?” “what if this is the last time you ever hug your mother?” i became frozen with fear. i began to confuse my worries for intuition, and the thoughts started to become more and more sure. i isolated myself entirely from the outside world, and trapped inside my home is where the compulsions began. i began praying every morning after waking up, and every night before going to bed (i’m agnostic). i began repeating in my head “i do not have cancer, i do not have cancer” at least 10 times each hour… and then it became 10 times each minute. i began trying to find evidence to prove to my brain that i don’t have cancer. i even went through a phase of being afraid of bone cancer, so i’d stop my foot against the floor/bang my arm again the wall with ALL MY MIGHT to see if it fractures or breaks, and when it didn’t, i’d say “could someone with bone cancer do THAT?” it was irrational, but i was desperate— i couldn’t sleep, i couldn’t eat, i was full of dread every waking moment, despite my health getting better and better at every doctors appointment i went to. “they must be missing something… a diagnosis is just a professional opinion, after all.” then… it got better, but it also got worse. my doctor listened to me talk about my horrible health anxiety and said “this is not living. this is no way to live.” and then started me on Lexapro. i made improvements instantly, but they didn’t completely take away the problem— they just stopped the stomach pain that comes with my constant panic attacks. they didn’t stop the obsessive thoughts… those got worse. every tiktok, youtube video, instagram post, song, etc that i got shown on my fyp that had to do with nursing, sickness, hospice care, or anything like that suddenly became a “sign”. a sign from god that i was dying. and that’s where i am now. terrified. tired. depressed. lonely. irritable. trying to pick up the exhausted pieces of the mostly happy person i once was. i’m so tired. i’m going to a psychiatrist in November to be assessed for OCD, as my mom, a few of my mom’s friends (who are all diagnosed with OCD), and my doctor all think i have it. and after joining this community… i finally think they might be right. i’m surprised i’m still here with these symptoms, there were times when i just wanted to give up. if i get diagnosed with OCD, i want to fund research into it someday so that way we can figure out what causes it and catch it early, so nobody ever suffers like i am again. sorry for completely venting here… i hope this didn’t trigger anybody…

I feel so weird for noticing certain body parts in kids like whyyy and I just notice it and sometimes it feels like I look bc I’m curious or want to :/ but idk bc I do that bc I feel like I’m trying to figure out something but idk I’m scared 😭 like it feels like an urge to want to like look at them :(, idk I just see it now and especially if their built a certain way which I fucking hate but it feels like I’m a true p :( does this happen to anyone? Idk what to do or idk

I am a feeling who is currently in a relationship with the literal love of my life. But a year and a half ago I had a same sex dream which was really hard and depressing to understand but I forgot about it for MONTHS until 2 months ago I had another and I started to spiral about it and obsess over it and the meanings and the whys and what ifs. Keep in mind I’ve never ever seen girls like that and have never been with a girl or seen a girl in any way, I’ve always been attracted to men my whole life. But these dreams have caused me to convince myself I’m not straight and now my anxiety is too severe and I’m in a depressive state of mind. I have been diagnosed with OCD of two kinds. I now wake up with severe anxiety and throw up bile cause I instantly have thoughts, specifically intrusive thoughts. I’ve lost an excessive amount of weight because of this and it’s affected the way I feel about my relationship and how I see it. I feel like this is a never ending cycle for me and I will never get past this. It’s to the point I’m suicidal cause I hate these dreams and intrusive thoughts. Along with my relationship I think we don’t belong or that I’m too complicated for him. There’s just so much on my mind and I feel like I’m not me anymore. I feel lost and hopeless, someone please help.

Has any one here ever gotten the groinal response. It makes everything so much more confusing.

i have been seriously thinking about asking my doctor to stop taking SSRI, it helped me a lot but at same time it feels weird, sad stuff wont make me cry anymore like movies or stuff, and it makes me feels weird, ik my ocd will probbly get worse but i think it is the better path to me :/ i dunno.. anyways, while i used sertraline i gathered some tools against my harm ocd and i have been seriously thinking about fighting it without meds, but with pure erp, what should i do?

How do you practice to be more present, not spend too much time thinking you will break up, or dont see a future together, and what has helped you during intimacy, for me its really hard like i never want ti even talk about it, i get very anxious, and start thinking that must mean something, but i know i want to be with my partner.

my ocd started in the age of 12-13 years.it’s the age then children are developing their own view on world, the age then they are turning to teenagers and start to think on their own, become a person with its own needs and opinion. but it became impossible to grow up then you are living in survival mode. when my peers were learning how to fight for themselves, i was learning how to hate myself , how to be afraid of myself and how to sabotage everything i was trying to do. ocd not only took a lot of years and possibilities from me but also took my right to have time and possibility for growing up. in a month i’m turning 26 years, but i don’t know how to fight for myself, i feel like all bad things people tell or do to me are deserved. so what now?.. i really try hard to learn this “language of living in society” but when you’re doing it at my age, it doesn’t help a lot. i feel like an alien who doesn’t understand earth human race. i’m afraid of this world and so so tired

I’m curious to know what everyone’s compulsions are. Some of mine are picking my nails, and my skin