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Have anyone tried erp for soocd? How does it look like? I heard that it's about not caring or exposing yourself to the trigger or many other things. I'm a little confursed now how it all works

My OCD has ruined my life so far. I am only 24 years old but it has completely overwhelmed me. Various treatments, medication, nothing works. It has robbed me of seeing my loved ones, family, friends, cost me a relationship, jobs, seeing my grandmother before she died. I am so tired of being a prisoner in my own head.

I haven’t been in here for a while. Thought to use this again. I have now 12 diagnoses and after so many therapists, specialists, doctors/psychologists/psychiatrists etc the ones that I have a hard time stopping the compulsions for (checking mainly) is due to PTSD. It is trauma response. Some of my OCD compulsions are better and some came back worse like dream journaling. I can’t enjoy anything I love because it becomes my source of obsession or anxiety. I got rid of one compulsion but then have something new. I know I’m going to forget something and that’s still my fear. My insomnia is better at times and I’m not on meds. I’m trying to get into a residential or an IOP but I’m getting denied and regular therapists are denying to see me because of my severity. A while back I had severe contamination fear where it took me 8hrs to clean a bathroom and 3hrs to shower. And I would shower after using the bathroom every time. I would use Lysol wipes on my body. I was scared of my own bodily fluids like my tears. So after being exhausted from doing compulsions and not remembering and having to redo I would cry and that in itself was my fear. After working intensively with a specialist I got it under control though now I need to shower before and after I go out. I’m scared that what I had to do to function and survive back then would come back to haunt me only because it was due to trauma. I’m scared people would judge me and ridicule and call me crazy without understanding why. I don’t think it’s any of their business to know and it’s my private life. No one wants their private life to be exposed. I left where I was because my roommate was disgusting. He was found unconscious actually because he wouldn’t clean up after the cats and himself, flues all over and let the cats relieve themselves on and under his bed. He deceived me about the place and so I had to leave. I stayed with my friend for a while and found another place. One of my roommates is a total sweetheart. It’s like living at the sanctuary again. The other is horrible. She’s almost 50 and doesn’t wash her hands after using the toilet and then touches things. One of the cats here is immuno-compromised and has kidney disease. She doesn’t care. She is a hypocrite because she’s always talking about being considerate to others. One day one of my cats went up to her and rubbed his eyes, cheek, mouth, body all over her legs and hand. She just came out of the bathroom. She picked him up and brought him to me. She doesn’t see that she is a walking germ spreader. I couldn’t wash him with soap and water-hates it so much he scratched me. He groomed himself and so did my other cat. Now my anxiety is sky high. It was already bad where I am spraying myself with a disinfectant (safe for people and animals and yes I made sure many times with the manufacturer and many different vets and vet techs). I don’t even feel clean after doing laundry and showering. All the hard work I’ve put into was for nothing. I’m not taking showers every bathroom though I limit to using it twice a day. And I’m not using Lysol wipes because of my cats. Plus it made me bleed. Im scared to touch anything she touched so I’d clean and keep my room clean but now that she touched my cat… and yes both of my cats stay in my room. He ran out. I don’t know how to stop this compulsion. The vets and vet techs (I’ve spoken to at least 10 different people) all said cats getting sick from people is a very low risk. Highly unlikely but like any contamination fear and asking your doctor, it’s still not good enough. I’m really scared that they will get sick due to my negligence and have to see them suffer and the treatment would cost so much I can’t afford them. I bottle fed one and the other adopted from being abandoned again. They are my emotional support animals and don’t want them to suffer. They are my lifeline and keeping me in check. I’m paranoid about people and scared that off I can’t care for them due to my health or being gone that someone would take them and they would abuse or neglect or not take both or days are numbered. I’m too attached to them and I want them with me for a long time. I know the inevitable will come but not in the near future. And for this I do not want to gamble or risk their health. But what if I’m making their life worse but they don’t have a say or choice in the matter because they don’t know any better and possibly a better life. I luckily have some resources for veterinary care but still not everything is affordable. And better sage than sorry. I’m thinking of getting insurance for them. When children get sick parents don’t hesitate to go to the dr because their health is more important and not money. I want that for my cats too. I wrote a lot and I know I’ve forgotten some stuff. That alone is making me anxious. She actually used the bathroom as I typed this and she just came out. She flushed and opened the door right away. Did not hear any water from the sink. If something is confusing please ask. Why do people think that’s acceptable. Then again why do people wear shoes inside the house. But seriously she is so gross and I’m stuck here. Can’t even go out because she threatened to harm my cats and likely she would given how she’s crazy. I’m their first line of defense and I have no where to go. Oh and I’m sick too.

Since my recent flare up, I feel like i'm now i'm now obsessing over OCD. I open Youtube to look up videos about how to live with it, I open NOCD almost immediately after waking up, I'm downloading books recommended, saving podcast episodes, joining online suport groups. I didn't notice it before but it almost feels counter productive? But I also do want to recover I don't even know what to even ground myself to at this point

So I’m 33 diagnosed with ocd at 20 but had it since about 17 or 18.. I’m older now a little wiser of my disorder but I’ve always wondered after going weeks or days feeling fine completely forgetting about the waves or spikes were even there and the obsessive fear or doubts existed . Why is it they always randomly come back.. if we’re fine for those few days or weeks not even worrying not even freaked out not even realizing we have this disorder why do the waves or intrusive thoughts that get us in our spirals in the first place come back randomly? I’ve always wondered why that is ? For example I suffer from harm ocd soocd.. and relationship ocd.. when I’m not obsessing I know who I am what I love what I cherish what I like.. for those couple weeks I feel my absolute self not a care in the world for the shit I went through weeks ago or even days ago when dealing with the disorder.. so why does it always come back when things are great for that certain amount of time ?

I always feel like I should tell my mom about my intrusive thoughts. It’s constantly in my head but I don’t really want to as I feel she won’t get it and it may be a compulsion to want to tell her. Has anyone experienced this?

I'm really afraid that one day my traumatizing exposure to adult content is going to ruin my life. I'm already convinced that it has because of how addicted I became and how it escalated. I was never worried about the things I worry about now before being exposed to this. I seriously feel like this stuff has messed up my life and it kept me from growing out of my teens normally. I have very low self esteem, low self confidence and respect, and I'm constantly worried and depressed about the past. It's so dark and it's disgusting and I can't do anything about it now. Very few people know about how I'm suffering with this but they don't know the details. I know I'm not what my OCD tells me I am and I know that porn has fucked up my mind and my well being but I also fear that these actions are going to mess things up for me in the future

I've noticed myself becoming so hypervigilant and on the look out for triggers or anything that could possibly trigger me. Sometimes when walking on rhe streets I'd always see things that trigger me (e.g. rainbow or women dressed like tomboy, avoiding circles or spheres) and sometimes because I get so hypervigilant I might have the same anxious reaction to the opposite sex (which is what I was always attracted to) and then it leads to a spiral of 'wait why did I react anxious or feel anxiety when seeing that guy or seeing something that looked like a p***is). For example, today i was in the kitchen and was feeling super hypervigilant when picking up bowls or any utensils that in my head were sphere shaped or in some crazy way resembled a woman's chest area (i can't even say the word sometimes). My mum was holding a chilli (which could potentially or in my head be associated with a male private part) but because I was so hyperaware before, I had the same anxious reaction to when I turned and saw the chilli. And that made me question myself even more like 'what if i don't want to be with a man? Or what if this meant that i was gay/bi?' Also with checking sometimes are people sometimes unable to imagine? (Like checking if feeling aroused by imagining a woman naked) - sometimes it works to imagine it and i feel nausea but there are times where i can't imagine it and it scares me like what if it's true or i liked it this whole time?

Is it worth scheduling a free call with somebody on here? I see a therapist and have a psychiatrist but have been really struggling lately and just trying to find new things that work. I’ve been on here for a bit and it has been so helpful to hear everybody’s stories and to know that I’m not alone, but just trying to do more to get this pain in the ass under control so I can enjoy life! I’m on medicine and I talk to my therapist monthly but I just feel like I need to do soemtjing else because I am just at a breaking point right now and am so frustrated.

Anyone here struggle with intense, intrusive thoughts and is also a Christian? It’s been so hard to believe that God can forgive me for the thoughts that I have been dealing with specifically related to causing harm to those I love, myself and even total strangers, and as a follower of Jesus I’ve wondered so many times how on earth could I possibly have thoughts like this? It terrifies me

I recently told my fiance what has been going on with me since it just started to occur and I couldn't stop myself from crying and hiding it. I currently have been having intrusive thoughts like POCD becuase of something I watched on TV. And now I am having regrets on telling him becuase I am scared he might tell someone and my life will change I never wanted these thoughts in the first place I don't want to be seen as a pedo for something I didn't do or can control yet mentally....I'm scared he might use it against me now it's making it worse and idk what to do I love him so much but I keep thinking he will tell his family since they are so close....he told me he wouldn't but it just keeps bothering me I love his family I don't want them to think differently of me....what do I do?

Lately I’ve been actively trying to adjust the way I see my anxiety, and the way I respond to it. Some days I get unlucky and it’s just day, sitting in my chest all day, I don’t know the specific reason most of the time, and usually when this happens I get so angry that it won’t go away, I end up spiraling trying to figure out why it’s there, and I end up having more anxiety about how frustrated I am that I’m having anxiety. So, recently I decided to treat my hard anxiety days like I would any lifelong physical illness. For example: I have IBS and days where I have pain most of the day while it is frustrating, I just acknowledge its presence and be gentle with myself in the ways I need to, but for the most part I go about my day, so I’ve started treating my anxiety this way, instead of lingering on why it’s there and why I can’t shake it completely, I just go “oh, I guess todays a flare up, that sucks” and just do what I can that day and allow it to coexist. I think we forget a lot of mental illnesses (if not all) are lifelong in some capacity, and that like physical illnesses they come and go and we have bad days, weeks, months, and than good ones again. I’m not saying physical illnesses are easier to deal with of course, but we tend to be kinder to ourselves about their validity and learn to coexist with them, when mental illnesses are the same. I’m nowhere near perfect at this method yet, but it’s helped tremendously, I’ve started wanting to actually go out and do things even when I don’t feel great, because I’ve decided it can be present but so can I. Just thought I’d share this perspective shift in case it might work for others like it has myself ❤️

I have ocd but my house is always messy I can’t seem to clean it and when I try it’s like I can’t do it right and I can’t get things organized the way they need to be and I obsess over it constantly thinking it can be better so I give up and then I stress and get depressed over it but I don’t know what to do

sometimes it feels like if i talk about my ocd stuff to my therapist especially about when it was at its worst then i get stuck on how bad it was and scared it will get that bad again and then it scares me it could happen now right when ive been feeling better than i have in a long time like honestly on my drive home i was like oh god and i have to just go maybe you will maybe you wont i also think my ocd gets worse when i pms so thats a factor but yeah the fear of ocd taking me down again becomes its own theme and then its like your mind starts thinking of thoughts it hasnt in a long time on purpose or something very annoying

Please, this isn't for anyone under 18, don't read. At the beginning of 2021 I remember I was still relatively new with OCD and just like now I was struggling with my porn addiction back then but it was a one of the first moments where I knew I had a problem with it. I was looking for porn that focused on my fetish with I'm not bothered by but I wanted something more from it and escalated by searching for something taboo with it included. I don't know why but I typed "lil sis" for it and I'm assuming the main focus for it was incest taboo which still makes me sick either way. After finishing I just closed the tabs and ended up crying so hard because it feels like the addiction completely took over and changed me and it made me a terrible person from there on out. I'm remembering this moment from two years ago and I'm remembering all of the other regrettable, horrible videos I've had no problem seeing through escalation and it's making me very depressed, in physical pain, and no motivation to do anything. All I've been doing to pass the time this week is looking through forums to see if anyone is trying to get through similar things. I've found posts that helped but it didn't help in the long run as I'm still doing the searching. I just feel disgusting. I know that this addiction is messing up my life and I can't even move past this because now my intrusive thoughts are saying I'm a complete pedophile for this and that it wasn't POCD since i acted on this even though I don't believe that was the reason. For the record, I didn't find anything bad while searching that. I didn't even really watch a full video. Porn just continues to make me feel like an absolute terrible human being. Whether it's not knowing the age of women in it, women looking younger than I want them to be, making sure that they're adults by either actively searching with "adult woman" in the titles or them being a lot more older than I am, ruminating about the bad things I've seen with cartoons, anime, and unfortunately real videos of other teens that were not meant to be pornographic when I was a young teen, I just hate myself so much for going through with this. I can't get over it. I just want to get help physically and mentally but I can't ever bring myself to speak up about this to my parent.

I've been at this a long time. I often wonder if it's no longer OCD (I know, doubting). I feel like every thought and conversation in my head that is Harm related or evil in nature, has been and just is the new normal. I'll give you examples. I can't even speak to or even hear from my loved ones around me without having an initial vile thought. I can be speaking to my own mother or father, they can be talking about whatever, and my response to then in my head is a vile harm or sexual thought. This is almost all the time. When that doesn't happen, it's because I'm breathing and trying to suppress my thoughts. It's basically my nature to have the terrible and I mean GRAPHIC terrible thoughts first;then replace after with something or ignore after. But it's almost always there. It's like having a snarky evil response ready all times. I can be speaking with my angel of a mom like I was just minutes ago, and can have a very violent in my head towards her and it's usually never a "what if" or "even I wish" it's more like" I'm going to ____" and I have a vivid imagination so much of that response seems down right crazy. It doesn't help that when I'm in panic mode like now, I have very little sleep and everything irritates me and I feel like more thoughts come on but wonder if it's real anger and desires or not? I love my family very much. But I don't want to come off as someone that wouldn't hurt a fly. I'm a regular guy. I have my faults and can be quick to frustration or not always be so nice in general. I know many of the community members here are sweet and probably more caring an individual than I. So that of course adds to my doubts. Maybe I'm just a piece of trash that is evil or had become that way over time. This started 9 years ago. Never really goes away and of course I've become depressed and bitter by it and my overall station in life because of it over time. I just worry I don't have OCD or that becauss I've purposely checked and created too many compulsions (my own failed ERP) over time in so many ways, that not my mind can never be fixed or at peace. That this will always be how I think and whatever good nature I have in me, will now always be secondary or hidden by this monster. I'm sorry if this triggers anyone in anyway. Not sure anyone can relate. Just needed to get this off my chest somehow because I'm in a desperate and emotional place right now.

My thoughts started about 4 days ago when I saw Law and Order I have always been sensitive about certain things but I wanted to watch something with my Fiance since he is into that show. What triggered me was it was a scene were a old man was taking advantage of children just because he was rich in a poor neighborhood. It seemed like no one wanted to help put him away they seems almost ok with it becuase he provided for the community. After seeing that my mind started to think of the things happening to those children and I started to put myself in those situations and my mind would just keep going and knowing I have never had those thoughts before now there just stuck in my head and I just can't get rid of them...I don't want to be like this I just want to be normal again the guilt of having those thoughts are eating at me I just want to hid...

I’ve been dating this guy since February and we became official in April. Until yesterday I’ve always felt respected by him. But I think the past week he’s been kind of acting out of character/talking to me like how he talks to his friends. Last night he was showing me a video and I didn’t understand it at first and he goes “are you slow? How do you not get it?” Like am I just being sensitive or is that disrespectful because it really hurt my feelings and I told him in the moment and I think he wasn’t expecting me to cry and say I might go home because it really hurt me (I use to be sped in school so it’s a touchy subject for me too). I need help am I just crazy like I can’t shake this anxiety

I'm not sure if this is me or to class it as sensorimotor OCD ? As I had this issue years and it comes and goes but my fear never happens and this time it's stayed since my last relapse even my dpdr from 2021. But I always get this feeling like I need to pee but it will be a drop and I will keep peeing as it feels urgent and that I need too asap ! I have been doing erp not using the toilet all the time learning control to hold but it's always this feeling it has got alot better but Its horrible and ruins my life!! I even put a nappy as a pad as I feel like I can only not need one if I do a complusion I don't pee in it tho it's just there and my bladder feels calm it only happens outside

Everytime i listen to someones harm ocd story they always say they would avoid knifes or avoid driving or avoid being around certain people/places objects to MAKE SURE this intrusive obsession does not happen! I don’t avoid!! I still have to be around my animal, i still cook with knifes even though it really feels like im about to do it! I still keep the things in my house that im thinking of using for harm ( objects ect) I really dont understand why im not avoiding these things to make sure it doesn’t happen if i get the feeling or truly believe i could do it im about to do it! Please advice i just feel like i must deep down want to do it if im not preventing it from happening in anyway! I feel like i have no compulsions so this cant be ocd