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the NOCD Community

I want to find mental peace

What happens if I say or do the 'wrong thing'? Being canceled by culture refers to the somewhat more recent idea that if someone has said or done something offensive or perceived as insensitive or harmful in the past or present that it will be used against them and they will no longer be seen in a positive light. In other words, the idea that their worth and value could be diminished in an instant. The idea is that saying or doing one thing out of step might negate any good you have ever said or done.

This might be an odd one but I have sleep OCD. I went through a period of time where I was barely sleeping from bad panic attacks and now I am so self aware of my sleep. I have to be asleep at a certain time otherwise i will never fall asleep. I count how many hours I get. I take melatonin and hydroxyzine just to make my brain tired. If I can’t get to sleep then I drink alcohol. I’m tired of this cycle, someone pleas help me overcome this. I think about this all day everyday and cry multiple times a day. No one in my family knows but I think my boyfriend is catching on

Does ocd make any of you lie (either to hide ocd or to make your empty life look better), steal ( something small, worth under 10$, because you want or need it but can't afford it at the moment). I've read about these 2 in a book called in translation to English- ocd for dummies. The other two, binge eating and shopping relate to me. I sometimes think I am manic. I don't have money to throw away, but I still buy things I hadn't planned to. Nothing expensive. Just in the food, supplements or basic hygiene and cosmetics department. But a couple of dollars here, a few there and all of a sudden your bill adds up to 50$. Which I can't afford to spend irrationally. Just wanted to see if I am the only one.

Anyone else struggle with decision making? Not even for huge decisions, most of the time it’s stuff I feel like most people wouldn’t ruminate over so much. Especially with decisions that feel more permanent or decisions I feel will effect me for a long time. Context is I’m snap chatting a friend of my ex and I’ve realized it’s better for me to not snapchat him so that I have no ties to my ex like I’m scared my ex will come up in conversation and I don’t want to hear about him. But I’m trying to decide how to stop snapping him without being mean, so I’m trying to respond less and then soon I’ll just leave it on delivered. But then I fear what if he asked me a question/started a conversation and then I never read or read it months later? Leaving things “unfinished” triggers my anxiety, it’s hard to explain. And the irony is I left him on open months ago and didn’t think twice about it. I don’t know why this is making me anxious, it makes no sense. Also I feel like decision making ocd should be a subtype on here anyone else agree?

I was diagnosed with OCD close to a year ago, but have struggled with symptoms my whole life. I have always been a people pleaser, conflict-avoidant, and very much reliant on others for validation. I have struggled with depression and suicidal ideation since I was 16 years old, but at the time I didn’t know anything about OCD. My anxiety has taken on multiple themes, like sexuality, past mistakes, harm, and other unwanted, repetitive thoughts. I’ve experienced multiple episodes of intense anxiety where my body shuts down, doesn’t want to eat, drink water, sleep, or even take care of the most basic hygiene routines. My most recent episode nearly sent me over the edge, and before I knew it I was sobbing on the floor in my living room, holding a knife, wanting to slit my wrists. I found Ibuprofen and wanted to find out how much I needed to make my heart stop. While staying with my sister, I wanted to throw myself over the balcony, hoping the fall would kill me. Not knowing what else to do, I called my sister in tears and told her that I wanted to die. The next day, I was mentally evaluated by mental health professionals. Before my suicidal actions, I met with an ERP and OCD specialist and made plans to begin treatment. I am very fortunate to be in a situation where money is no object, and the cost would be covered. However, after being evaluated, I was told that exposure therapy was not recommended for someone in such a vulnerable place. I was then admitted to a partial-hospitalization program, and began increasing medication with the help of a psychiatrist. I am now on 80 mg of Prozac, 10 mg of Buspar, and 75 mg of Seroquel daily, along with medication to treat my thyroid disorder. Last night, I had a relapse in symptoms, and woke up drenched in sweat, heart pounding, and extremely distressed. Now, I feel depressed and hopeless. I feel like a monster. I feel like a burden to my family. I feel like I really am what I fear most, but the truth is, I don’t want to be bad. I don’t want to hurt people. I just want to be with my family and continue to love them and fear their love. I just want to be happy again. I don’t know what is going to happen from here, but I just needed to write everything down honestly. I wish there was a medication that would literally numb my brain or put me into a vegetative state so that I don’t have to feel anything anymore. I’m exhausted. I wish there was a way to stop existing that wouldn’t break my family’s heart.

The thoughts, images and emotions don’t mean anything. Just IGNORE.

Ironically, fighting them keeps you stuck. Giving up the fight is what gets you better. Share a comment if know what we mean when by OCD quicksand.

We all do things we aren’t proud of, all make big mistakes that help us learn for the future. But can we be forgiven? What mistake is too big? I’m sick of sitting with things I’ve done wrong, sick of feeling like I have to tell everyone about the things I’ve done. But it’s this need to ask people and get reassurance! I made the biggest mistake of my life in December, kne that made me rethink my life and what I was doing. I was in the deepest out of depression and getting drunk was the only thing that made me feel happy, but it came with the consequences of not giving a shit about anyone or anything. But this mistake I feel like I’m past it but I still haven’t been able to forgive myself. I’m not with a guy who makes me so unbelievably happy, but I still think about it. I saw a TikTok of a girl talking about the thing I did, and everyone in the comments was saying how much of a slut that girl must be to do that. I’m not a slut, I didn’t mean to do it, I was drunk and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I owned up to it, I took responsibility and I apologised for my actions. But it’s still hating me like I can’t move past it. Hurts so bad. Just wanna be haply with this guy who I’m falling for madly

Failed A Major Exam for The 6th Consecutive Time, Worst Thing is i didn't fail cause i didn't care i failed cause of my very own Brain.. I just want to Vanis now...

since i was little i had this inate fear of something looming over me. When i was very young it was the possibility of aliens. I was (or more my brain was) obsessed with the idea of aliens coming and destroying everything and everybody I loved. Certain noises would trigger that fear, ex. alarms and certain songs. I would normally have to turn them off before a certain point or else for some reason i would feel as if something terrible would come kill my family. (Keep in mind i’m only in 3rd grade at this point) I grew up from that point with mild symptoms like needing to close drawers and being oddly obsessive over certain little things. Eventually when I was older, I experienced self harm. (EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING) whenever i would harm myself i would feel as if it wasn’t enough, it was even and i did it wrong. This though caused me to harm myself more and more. although i’m not experiencing this anymore I am finally starting to notice OCD like symptoms in my life. for example, i always feel the need to keep my hands perfectly clean right before i sleep or else i feel odd and dirty. this causes me to get up many time in the night to go wash my hands because it’s so easily triggered. (certain textures even thoughts) Things in my room are cluttered, yet organized in a way and when other people move it i feel a sense of distress and dread. I also experience a symptom that i don’t hear being discussed a lot (simply because some may feel a sense of shame from it) but, I experience many involuntary violent ‘visions’ on a daily. sometimes little things that are simply disturbing and sometimes full blown scale thoughts of death and even murder. From that I always feel an extreme sense of guilt and fear that maybe it’s not OCD and maybe I really am just some f-ed up kid that wants to kill. this creates a cycle, whatever voice that is telling me these fears, obsessions, works off itself and sends me into a spiral. Now to any person this sounds like clear signs of OCD and i agree that they are. yet something that has really been bugging me is the ‘so what?’ factor of it. Every story i hear of OCD there’s an issue from it. For example contamination OCD: stopping somebody from having a good relationship with their best friend because they’re afraid of going out. (this is a made up instance of course) I don’t experience a huge ‘consequence’ per say, i haven’t lost any relationships and i still am able to do what I love. But i experience constant internal conflict and dread that it gets exhausting. I am constantly thinking, worrying, and obsessing over everything no matter what! (either it be physical or social affairs) I can’t seem to shut that voice up in my head that is telling me things, making me see things i don’t want to see. another aspect that confuses me very much and i think is the biggest thing that makes me question my ‘OCD’ is the lack of immediate thought triggered anxiety that somebody would experience after NOT doing the act. What I mean by that is i feel a sense of dread, a cool wind blow over my shoulder, and knowledge that in my hearts of hearts that everything is wrong and nothing will be right untill i fix that certain thing. But i never hear that voice that normally speaks to me say it, no, i just feel it and i know. and I think in a sense that’s what’s makes it scarier and that’s what keeps me in the shackles of whatever is causing this. I need help, i don’t know what to do. I’ve tried to tell people but i never manage too. where do i start? Do i even have it? If i was to get a diagnosis what good would that do? and most importantly do i have to live with this? i’m only a teenager, is there medicine that can help? Therapy? anything?

Knowing all of the bad things that happened to you and things you did in the past? I have a lot of trouble lifting myself up knowing that I've just acted out badly in the past and struggle with a really bad addiction I'm trying to overcome. I don't feel like I stand up for myself and I don't feel that confident in who I am because I just worry about all the things that didn't go right, the decisions I regret everyday, and the intrusive thoughts that keep me stuck

I had the worse harm ocd and suicidal ocd couple years ago. And I remember I would get these horrifying thoughts in public that I would immediately wanna go home. Magically it went away after 4 years but during my healing phase I still randomly had those thoughts and it did not bother me so I was like oh my brain now knows. I’m having a horrifying flare up and now these thoughts bother me?? I feel dark and scary. So what if I do ERP and get used to it and think I’m recovered and have another flare up?? How does that make sense

Anyone done ERP and did it help?

Anything for it to never ever come back

I’ve always been the type of person who would say yes to basically everything anyone asked because I know how it feels to be told no. I think this from a very young age is starting to effect me now since I literally don’t have any boundaries with anyone. Especially with my mom. It’s like I have mental boundaries and I get angry at her for crossing them but I’m reality I haven’t actually tried to speak to her about it and just keep it bottled up. So I guess I can say I have invisible boundaries, and feel like I’m not being nice if I tell someone about those boundaries.

Hi everyone, I’ve been on fluvoxamine for two years now and it’s kept me episode free for a pretty long time. However I’ve been isolated a lot more lately and have been spiraling pretty bad. I’m up all night some nights googling/asking my partner for reassurance and giving into all my compulsions and not leaving my house. Do meds usually stop having as much of an effect over time? I have an appointment with my psychiatrist, however it’s not for a few more weeks.

I feel miserable, it’s been a little over a month since my OCD flare up & dissociation. My brain feels like a big mess, I feel good during the day only for an hour and the rest of the day is occupied by me feeling either extremely anxious or hopeless and exhausted. I’m also under stress because i have to start college soon and for that i have to give entrance exams. Also, im leaving school and my friends will probably be going to different cities and just thinking about it makes me so emotional which triggers my existential ocd. I’m also dealing with somatic ocd particularly hyperawareness of my thoughts, thinking about thinking, hyperawareness of presence of consciousness, process of cognition. It’s all so weird and i don’t even fully understand my compulsions or core fears so i don’t know how erp will even work. I’m scared of going to sleep because you have to be alone with ur thoughts & sometimes my ocd latches onto sleep itself. everyday feels so unpredictable & scary. it feels like i’m losing myself everyday. It’s never been this bad.

Hi guys, i started taking zoloft 25 mg, i took my third dose last night. i felt horrible and barely slept. i want to stop taking them so bad cause i feel like crap but would anything happen to me if i just stop taking them after 3 pills? Or maybe I should continue to take them and stick it out :( i just hate the discomfort. can someone share their experience or give some advice

I just feel like I’m gay/bi at this point. I feel completely neutered — I don’t even find males attractive anymore. I don’t get the butterflies or the excitement I used to when I would imagine myself marrying a man or even just by seeing an attractive man. Every female I see I feel anxious and fear I am attracted to them. I feel like my past relationships or crushes were all fake. I try to tell myself that I am gay or bi but I don’t feel anything, not even anxiety anymore.. I don’t even know myself anymore… this theme of ocd is impacting almost everything about myself. Like I won’t even wear GREEN because I’m convinced it’s a “lesbian color” … insane