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Most of the time my thoughts don't come as a "what if". It comes as a fact a lot of the time. Like for example "I want so do so and so". Does anyone else get them in this way?

Ok so I'm having a full blown panic attack, I feel like im in denial and the thoughts are true. I don't want them to be true and im panicking so much I feel like I cant breathe or think and I have a knot in my throat like I want to cry. I don't want the thoughts to be true. I feel like screaming

Please someone tell me if my boyfriend was trying to hurt me. Basically one time my boyfriend asked me if it was okay to record an intimate moment. I said yes as I genuinely wanted to be able to do so. I have anxiety around intimacy which he knows about. Anyways during the video I turn my head away at one point to say, “I’m shy” but I’m smiling. In the video, while he’s doing something for me and we’re both standing; I stop making out with him and he stops what he’s doing and I say “I’m shy bc of the camera” but I’m smiling and I’m still maintaining body contact. He kisses me again so again I say, “I’m embarrassed bc of the camera” but I say it in a baby voice like “I’m embawwsed bc of the camera” (I understand it’s cringey). Again I’m still smiling during this and I noticed that I slightly pushed against his wrist that was near my area for like a second. Literally a second and it’s a very slight movement. He smiles back at me and smirks and says “and”, which is something he says when he knows I’m insecure. Like if I say “what if I smell bad” or “I’m embarrassed of my shape” he’ll say “and?” And usually that’s followed by “i don’t care, I love you the way you are”. Anyways after I say that he goes back to what we were doing and I hesitate for a second before I kiss him back and put my arms around his neck. Does this sound like he hurt me ?? I don’t remember consciously pushing against his wrist at all; I didn’t even notice until I watched the video after this fear came up. and even watching back the video I didn’t realize I was saying I was shy so much. I know I was a little anxious of the camera but I don’t remember wanting to actively stop in that moment at all. I have no memory of feeling ignored or violated; I feel like maybe I wanted him to stop the camera but he didn’t get my hint which I can understand because I was smiling at him and speaking in our baby voice so I pushed on because at the time I didn’t know how to be vocal and clear about my needs. I know for sure if I had said, “hey can we turn it off” or “hey I’m not comfortable” he would’ve checked up on me. He always does. I really need help.

I have bad harm ocd for 4 years now. It feels like I am too far gone. That the thoughts have changed me and there’s no coming back. I am so scared because I feel like a shell of who I used to be. Now it just feels like harm is my destiny and I’ll never be able to snap out of it. I feel like I’m living a lie. And now I’ve met someone I really like, it just feels all the more real. I wish I never had these harm thoughts.

I don’t know why but I feel like death is coming for me , I was struggling with death ocd / anxiety and still am for the past 4 months. and something is just telling me “ it’s coming soon” and I’m only 15 like I don’t understand. and my mind like told me I wouldn’t make it to my birthday and it’s in 3 months. ir just sucks idk how to help or understand these feelings it just feels like my time is limited

Can someone pls give me some advice on this.. if its ocd at all.. I dont know where to start but i feel like i dont have ocd to begin with now and i have started therapy and i am feeling numb to maybe everything rn.. i feel stuck so i like a guy or idk we were a thing and now idk where we stand so i have been feeling lost with that and questioning every single thought related to that so idk if thats rocd and then it came to also feeling so depressed that if i was looking at suicidal videos i felt like that could be okay? Why? Idk? Like i was not even scared and earlier i was scared i searched about ideation and ocd but now i dont and that also doesn’t scare me then came the hocd which was my first ever to begin with like i have weird random pop up thoughts that feel so so real and so utterly true like not even anxious about any of it and i dont understand how to deal with it? Like i am not asking for help or reassurance and its making me question the entirety of having ocd to begin with.. and then comes my belief in god and how that is also making me feel all sorts of thing like i question everything from if i take this action will i be reprimanded and if a certain thing is from god or devil and what happens if i give in to the temptation? Will something happen? So i have been going through a lot and i have had 3 therapy sessions my therapist hasn’t mentioned ocd yet and i feel like what if i dont have it and she tells me whatever and everything that felt like ocd in the last few years was just denial? And now suddenly i feel like an imposter in myself.. i have been feeling anxious and depressed and tears just fall out without any notice it feels too much to take at this point i feel theres no point it feels hopeless and worthless and then sometimes the health anxiety hits and you are all together feeling like what happened to me? I need to check the symptoms.. it feels all too much at the same time and earlier i used to do compulsions maybe and now i feel like i dont my only thing to do is if i dont write my thoughts down i feel something in the gut and i just need to write it wherever i may be run from the shower if it takes so and not always do i post them or ask for reassurance or engage in any other compulsion which makes me question having ocd to begin with and even my therapist hasnt said anything about that and i keep seeing all this and all these thoughts with other people as well and they dont make it a big deal or just dont have ocd and deal with it? Whats with me maybe i too dont have ocd and just out of habit do all this the other day i had a sexual ocd kinda thought about body movements of the same sex and how it made me physically feel and i was okay and not anxious and like i was thinking why wasn’t i anxious but that could be just out of habit and denial and not accepting the truth? Like I don’t understand what do i do? I haven’t been diagnosed yet? I dont know if i need medication i dont know if i can handle that? I dont know if in need of being diagnosed with ocd i tell my therapist my symptoms in a particular twisted way cause thats how i think of it? Cause i am scared otherwise and like i have been struggling for more than 3 years now but decided the therapy only after this guy situation so maybe it was never ocd and this guy and my abandonment issues made me take therapy and its actually not ocd and all the above in my life is either denial that i am or just anxiety but not ocd? I feel very confused about my reactions to these intrusive thoughts as well like am i okay with them or are they not intrusive at all just normal thoughts that i normally need to deal with and like with rocd or health its more anxiety and not intrusive so what does one do in that case like thats not intrusive so if its not intrusive normal thoughts cause anxiety and not ocd so maybe its not ocd right? And like even while writing this i feel nothing i feel numb what does one do? I am starting to question the entirety of ocd and my definition of it and what it actually is? I am making it up all in my head..the compulsions and reassurance seeking is also making me question ocd? If I don’t ask for enough do i have it? If i do erp and i am okay with those intrusive thoughts then maybe i never had ocd and that could be a fact.. i feel like i am living a lie and i need some help pls if someone could..

Hi, new to here. Does anyone here from suffer from ROCD? I havent been diagnosed but ive been recently reading about it & believe I may have been suffering with this for almost 10 years with my partner!!!

I am about to start my ERP journey and I am so afraid. I have HOCD and I feel of I do the exposures I will end up liking them and and it will turn me into something I know I’m not.

He brought up our sexless life today. He mentioned that because of it and the arguments we have, that he is starting to wonder about other people more “his type”. He also mentioned that he is not that into me. He said that he needed to be honest because he wants things to get better between us and have a healthy sex life. He mentioned couples counseling and other options. I just can’t recover from the things he said since they are directly hurting my self-steam. My ocd is looking at him as if he is the enemy right now.

At 21 I was hospitalized and diagnosed with OCD and put on Zoloft. After that, I had no issues with intrusive thoughts for about 7 years. I didn’t even know erp was a thing. It truly just stopped with meds. Fast forward and I don’t know if the meds stopped working or if it is normal for OCD to remit for years and then reappear for years? I’ve struggled a lot since about 2019. I speak with a psychiatrist on Thursday and meet w an ocd therapist once a week . Has anyone had a similar experience ? I’m trying to understand if this is meds or if this is just how ocd is.

My husband and daughter both catastrophize and I've had a difficult time explaining that my experience is different. But I think I finally figured it out... If you're catastrophizing it's like driving a car with bad alignment. You drift out of your lane, and if you aren't watching for it, you'll end up drifting off the road. But for me, I see the drifting and I over-correct. So now I have to correct back in the other direction. The more I correct, the more I end up fishtailing out of control. In driving if you are fishtailing, you are supposed to stop correcting the car and gently turn into the skid. It seems so backwards, but the car will start driving straight on its own. ERP seems a lot like this. The more you learn to stop overcorrecting, the more you'll find things come back into place. It often feels backwards, but its the only thing that gets me back on track. I'm going this makes sense.

A bit of a private question/vent. Im absolutely terrified that i wont enjoy sex with another man and that i wont like the touch of a man. im quite young and im scared that i’ll be a virgin for a long time because i haven’t even dated anyone before. i’ve liked boys in the past but it never got any further apart from talking stages. Also i see people losing their virginity’s at 16/17/18 and im scared that ill still be a virgin while the rest of my friends will be more experienced and be in relationships. Is this normal to be stressing about at my ages (14)? Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Hey all I was wondering if anyone else’s ocd made them constantly scared/worried in general sometimes for no reason most of the time it’s because I’m scared to go into psychosis or I also have intrusive thoughts about my wife leaving me I also have thoughts about me harming myself and others which completely scares me I’m not sure what to do I have an appointment with a therapist next month but I’m not sure how much longer I can deal with all this

Hi everyone, I just wanted to come on here really quick and talk about an ROCD complication I’ve been mentally battling with. I’m not in a romantic relationship right now, but I’ve liked a guy for almost a year and I still haven’t admitted my feelings for him. A lot has stopped me from doing that, such as having to deal with OCD and having to open up about this aspect of myself one day, feeling as if I’m not good enough for him, afraid to hurt him, afraid of him hurting me or losing love for me for whatever reason, afraid of being manipulated, him not feeling the same way, feeling as if he might take advantage of me and I’ll be fooled, and one of the most triggers I’ve been dealing with is hurting him by cheating on him or ending up feeling something for his best friend. Now mind you, I would never want to be in a relationship with his best friend. He’s much older than me and I don’t see him in that way, but the thing is, his best friend has seen me in that way. His best friend has confessed his feelings for me before and I told him respectfully that I don’t feel the same way and I just see him as a good friend. Well he eventually fell in love with me and I don’t really know how, but he did. And bc of all of this, of course he’s going to go to his best friend and tell him how he’s been feeling about me. I don’t know what they both talk about when it involves me, but since the guy I like knows his friend “was” in love with me or had feelings for me, I feel like he never tried to really express how he truly feels towards me bc maybe he’s being respectful towards his best friend and doesn’t want to break bro code or thinks that I feel the same way towards his best friend, which I get, but it’s unfair bc I never had feelings for his best friend like that. But another thing is, I talk to his best friend more than the guy I like, bc I found it super easy going and fun to talk to his best friend as a friend tho. I would never really overthink about anything when talking to his best friend bc I’ve only seen him as a good friend. With the guy I like, I’ve experienced many times where I’ve had a hard time being myself around him or just even saying any words to him bc I overthink alot bc I like him a lot and I don’t want to appear in any way for him to not like me. I’m always nervous around him and overthink whenever I’m around him bc that’s when my intrusive thoughts kick in, whether it’s related to ROCD or other subtypes I struggle with. And I also hold myself back from connecting with him further bc I’m scared to get close bc of my thoughts I get related to ROCD and my other subtypes and the fears behind them. I’m afraid to find out the truth behind my thoughts and questions relating to these subtypes. So I have stopped myself from potentially getting closer to this guy bc of my thoughts. I hardly text the guy I like bc my thoughts will tell me he will be annoyed to hear from me or that he doesn’t feel the same way and has only faked his interaction with me in person and so on and so forth. I just put myself down so much bc I like him that much and I’m afraid to mess up. Especially after he told me a story 2 months ago or so about how in his most recent relationship, his ex that he was with for years cheated on him with his best friend he had in his life during that time. Completely different best friend then the one he’s best friends with now. Now when he told me this story, my mind didn’t instantly think about his best friend now, the guy that fell in love with me. I didnt think of that at all that day when he was opening up to me about that, but months later, i wondered why he opened up to me about that part of his life? And then I started to think what if he told me about it bc he knows I talk to his best friend often and that his friend “was” in love with me and probably still has feelings for me, so he told me that so I’d know that maybe he’s been holding back also when it comes to me bc he doesn’t want to go through the same thing he experienced with his last relationship, thinking that if we were to ever get together that he’d be afraid of me cheating on him with his best friend. This was the thought process I came up with when trying to figure out why he randomly started to talk to me about his past relationship bc I thought it was random of him to talk to me about it out of nowhere. And I remember him even saying “you don’t have to believe me if you don’t want to” at some point after opening up his heartbreak story, which made me think maybe it was important to him to open up to me about this and believe that everything he went through in that relationship was the truth. That’s why I contemplated why he opened up to me about his past relationship bc it seemed like he wanted me to know for a reason… maybe bc he cares and possibly feels the same way? I don’t know but after I thought maybe he told me bc he might be afraid of me cheating on him with his best friend now, that’s when I started to ruminate on this thought and be extremely worried that I would cheat on him with his best friend if I were to ever get with him. So this is now another thing holding me back from ever admitting my feelings for this guy and starting something with him or even being myself. I’m worried that I will become this possibly that my intrusive thoughts are making me feel and that I will develop feelings for his best friend. So now that I’m worried about this, I’ll have intrusive thoughts about me being with his best friend and I’ll get anxiety and bothered by it and then my brain will start to tell me maybe you actually do like him and want to be with him, and I fight back with them or I’ll continuously question this and I hate it. Bc I never wanted to have these thoughts and lingering questions bc I don’t want it to happen. I wanted the guy I liked all along, not his best friend, and it sucks how his best friend developed strong feelings for me and now it’s messing with me head and making me feel like I would potentially break the guy I like’s heart, cheat on him and be with his best friend. I don’t want that tho!!! But ugh the thoughts won’t leave and I hate it. I’m afraid to get close to start anything with the guy I like bc of all of this. I don’t know what to do… should I just stop feeling anything for the guy I like? I feel like that would be best. I also have the urge to stop talking to his best friend and cut off my friendship with him bc of this. I HATE MY THOUGHTS. SERIOUSLY SCREW ROCD!! Sorry everyone, if you guys could give me your guys honest opinion about all of this and how I should handle the situation, it would really give me some clarity and help me out bc I’m going bonkers over this. Sorry for the long paragraph. I appreciate it!

I feel like it can't really be OCD. Most of my obsessions are real events, not "what if" scenarios. I don't know if I'd even call them intrusive thoughts, they're more like memories of mistakes that I feel haven't been amended. All of my compulsions are mental, ruminating, asking for reassurance, confessing. I just can't help but feel like I'm just guilty for reasonable things. The things I worry about don't seem irrational to me because they are based in reality. Any advice?

Obviously the United States is in a crisis right now with violence. Is it really affecting anyone else? I am obsessing about what causes people to “snap”. I fear others ppls evil can get into others. I honestly just want to cry. I wish I knew for certain evil things wouldn’t happen and that I also would never be able to do something evil. I can’t explain it well. Does anyone else kinda know what I’m talking about?

So my main theme of ocd is SI. The fear of losing control one day due to my moods and end my own world without meaning to. That’s my main theme. Tomorrows my wedding and I’m a mess! I’m so depressed because I’ve yet to find medicine that helps. During rehearsal all I kept thinking of was associating it with death and not happiness. I sent myself into a panic . I feel like I’m never going to recover and going to die and be at fault for it. I feel like a failure as a soon to be wife and current mother as a guilt to these thoughts . I’m so alone in my head .

i feel like i’m going insane. i just relapsed so hard. i haven’t had this bad of tocd or delusional thinking that i’m trans for years but i feel so stressed and terrified tonight. feels like i made no progress and everything was for nothing. this theme originally happened when. i was in high school and i thought i was freee from it but i’m not. i’m m shaking right now i’m so scared and upset i don’t want to be alive anymore if it means i have to deal with this stuff my brain won’t focus on anything else i’m so scared i can’t function at all my chest hurts i can’t breathe

Anyone else experience this? Like it feels real. But like in my gut I am straight, and I know it's OCD because the amount of anxiety I have regarding the intrusive thoughts.

WALL OF TEXT INCOMING (sorry)! Hello, I hope everyone is doing well and are managing their OCD symptoms well. I have a question concerning SO-OCD and ROCD. A little background first: I developed SO-OCD (have been to therapy here at NOCD and therapist says I meet criteria for OCD and SAD so far) I can't really pinpoint when exactly this developed, but it seemed to have happened when I got depressed, lost interest in sex, then convinced myself that I lost interest in sex because I must be gay despite the rational part of my brain knowing that I haven't desired to be with the same-sex before. It spiraled into heavy rumination, obsessive thoughts and then avoidance. My long-term relationship ended (got cheated on) and that sent me down even further. I've always had low self-esteem, but this killed any semblance I had left. I couldn't sleep, had persistent anxiety, and just felt like my brain exploded from the shock of it all. It's been around 2 years since this ramped up, and it has felt like absolute hell on earth. Lately, my SO-OCD seems to not be triggered so heavily (not getting as highly anxious of the thoughts, and have noticed the thoughts slowing down in overall frequency and have been able to dismiss them easier than before), but I think I have started taking a liking to a gal the past few months, but don't trust my sense of feelings anymore. Some examples: 1) I think I have felt butterflies? But not sure if it is or just anxiety. 2) I am terrified of getting intimate or sexual (fear of embarrassment, or perhaps my "member" not working when the time comes) despite thinking about getting intimate with this lady. 3) Doubting that I actually have feelings toward her (thinking that maybe I'm just trying to force the relationship because I don't want the OCD to be true). Has anyone dealt with this with similar themes? It feels like my SO-OCD has kind of merged with ROCD or transitioning from one to the other. I have a tendency now to expect arousal from every close interaction with a potential partner and if it doesn't happen (like if we give each other a hug after work) then I doubt my attraction despite having been aroused simply by touch previously. I know it sounds goofy, but I think about it every-single-time ("welp, i wasnt aroused that time. I must not be attracted to her!"). It's all a lot to handle when trying to navigate a potential relationship and fear I'll never overcome this intense anxiety to sex/intimacy. So I avoid getting too close or putting myself in situations where these things could occur. Thank you if you've made it this far. This was tough to put out there, but I'd love to hear others thoughts. Again, I hope all is well for everyone and stay strong out there.