Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I am about to start my ERP journey and I am so afraid. I have HOCD and I feel of I do the exposures I will end up liking them and and it will turn me into something I know I’m not.

He brought up our sexless life today. He mentioned that because of it and the arguments we have, that he is starting to wonder about other people more “his type”. He also mentioned that he is not that into me. He said that he needed to be honest because he wants things to get better between us and have a healthy sex life. He mentioned couples counseling and other options. I just can’t recover from the things he said since they are directly hurting my self-steam. My ocd is looking at him as if he is the enemy right now.

At 21 I was hospitalized and diagnosed with OCD and put on Zoloft. After that, I had no issues with intrusive thoughts for about 7 years. I didn’t even know erp was a thing. It truly just stopped with meds. Fast forward and I don’t know if the meds stopped working or if it is normal for OCD to remit for years and then reappear for years? I’ve struggled a lot since about 2019. I speak with a psychiatrist on Thursday and meet w an ocd therapist once a week . Has anyone had a similar experience ? I’m trying to understand if this is meds or if this is just how ocd is.

My husband and daughter both catastrophize and I've had a difficult time explaining that my experience is different. But I think I finally figured it out... If you're catastrophizing it's like driving a car with bad alignment. You drift out of your lane, and if you aren't watching for it, you'll end up drifting off the road. But for me, I see the drifting and I over-correct. So now I have to correct back in the other direction. The more I correct, the more I end up fishtailing out of control. In driving if you are fishtailing, you are supposed to stop correcting the car and gently turn into the skid. It seems so backwards, but the car will start driving straight on its own. ERP seems a lot like this. The more you learn to stop overcorrecting, the more you'll find things come back into place. It often feels backwards, but its the only thing that gets me back on track. I'm going this makes sense.

A bit of a private question/vent. Im absolutely terrified that i wont enjoy sex with another man and that i wont like the touch of a man. im quite young and im scared that i’ll be a virgin for a long time because i haven’t even dated anyone before. i’ve liked boys in the past but it never got any further apart from talking stages. Also i see people losing their virginity’s at 16/17/18 and im scared that ill still be a virgin while the rest of my friends will be more experienced and be in relationships. Is this normal to be stressing about at my ages (14)? Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Hey all I was wondering if anyone else’s ocd made them constantly scared/worried in general sometimes for no reason most of the time it’s because I’m scared to go into psychosis or I also have intrusive thoughts about my wife leaving me I also have thoughts about me harming myself and others which completely scares me I’m not sure what to do I have an appointment with a therapist next month but I’m not sure how much longer I can deal with all this

Hi everyone, I just wanted to come on here really quick and talk about an ROCD complication I’ve been mentally battling with. I’m not in a romantic relationship right now, but I’ve liked a guy for almost a year and I still haven’t admitted my feelings for him. A lot has stopped me from doing that, such as having to deal with OCD and having to open up about this aspect of myself one day, feeling as if I’m not good enough for him, afraid to hurt him, afraid of him hurting me or losing love for me for whatever reason, afraid of being manipulated, him not feeling the same way, feeling as if he might take advantage of me and I’ll be fooled, and one of the most triggers I’ve been dealing with is hurting him by cheating on him or ending up feeling something for his best friend. Now mind you, I would never want to be in a relationship with his best friend. He’s much older than me and I don’t see him in that way, but the thing is, his best friend has seen me in that way. His best friend has confessed his feelings for me before and I told him respectfully that I don’t feel the same way and I just see him as a good friend. Well he eventually fell in love with me and I don’t really know how, but he did. And bc of all of this, of course he’s going to go to his best friend and tell him how he’s been feeling about me. I don’t know what they both talk about when it involves me, but since the guy I like knows his friend “was” in love with me or had feelings for me, I feel like he never tried to really express how he truly feels towards me bc maybe he’s being respectful towards his best friend and doesn’t want to break bro code or thinks that I feel the same way towards his best friend, which I get, but it’s unfair bc I never had feelings for his best friend like that. But another thing is, I talk to his best friend more than the guy I like, bc I found it super easy going and fun to talk to his best friend as a friend tho. I would never really overthink about anything when talking to his best friend bc I’ve only seen him as a good friend. With the guy I like, I’ve experienced many times where I’ve had a hard time being myself around him or just even saying any words to him bc I overthink alot bc I like him a lot and I don’t want to appear in any way for him to not like me. I’m always nervous around him and overthink whenever I’m around him bc that’s when my intrusive thoughts kick in, whether it’s related to ROCD or other subtypes I struggle with. And I also hold myself back from connecting with him further bc I’m scared to get close bc of my thoughts I get related to ROCD and my other subtypes and the fears behind them. I’m afraid to find out the truth behind my thoughts and questions relating to these subtypes. So I have stopped myself from potentially getting closer to this guy bc of my thoughts. I hardly text the guy I like bc my thoughts will tell me he will be annoyed to hear from me or that he doesn’t feel the same way and has only faked his interaction with me in person and so on and so forth. I just put myself down so much bc I like him that much and I’m afraid to mess up. Especially after he told me a story 2 months ago or so about how in his most recent relationship, his ex that he was with for years cheated on him with his best friend he had in his life during that time. Completely different best friend then the one he’s best friends with now. Now when he told me this story, my mind didn’t instantly think about his best friend now, the guy that fell in love with me. I didnt think of that at all that day when he was opening up to me about that, but months later, i wondered why he opened up to me about that part of his life? And then I started to think what if he told me about it bc he knows I talk to his best friend often and that his friend “was” in love with me and probably still has feelings for me, so he told me that so I’d know that maybe he’s been holding back also when it comes to me bc he doesn’t want to go through the same thing he experienced with his last relationship, thinking that if we were to ever get together that he’d be afraid of me cheating on him with his best friend. This was the thought process I came up with when trying to figure out why he randomly started to talk to me about his past relationship bc I thought it was random of him to talk to me about it out of nowhere. And I remember him even saying “you don’t have to believe me if you don’t want to” at some point after opening up his heartbreak story, which made me think maybe it was important to him to open up to me about this and believe that everything he went through in that relationship was the truth. That’s why I contemplated why he opened up to me about his past relationship bc it seemed like he wanted me to know for a reason… maybe bc he cares and possibly feels the same way? I don’t know but after I thought maybe he told me bc he might be afraid of me cheating on him with his best friend now, that’s when I started to ruminate on this thought and be extremely worried that I would cheat on him with his best friend if I were to ever get with him. So this is now another thing holding me back from ever admitting my feelings for this guy and starting something with him or even being myself. I’m worried that I will become this possibly that my intrusive thoughts are making me feel and that I will develop feelings for his best friend. So now that I’m worried about this, I’ll have intrusive thoughts about me being with his best friend and I’ll get anxiety and bothered by it and then my brain will start to tell me maybe you actually do like him and want to be with him, and I fight back with them or I’ll continuously question this and I hate it. Bc I never wanted to have these thoughts and lingering questions bc I don’t want it to happen. I wanted the guy I liked all along, not his best friend, and it sucks how his best friend developed strong feelings for me and now it’s messing with me head and making me feel like I would potentially break the guy I like’s heart, cheat on him and be with his best friend. I don’t want that tho!!! But ugh the thoughts won’t leave and I hate it. I’m afraid to get close to start anything with the guy I like bc of all of this. I don’t know what to do… should I just stop feeling anything for the guy I like? I feel like that would be best. I also have the urge to stop talking to his best friend and cut off my friendship with him bc of this. I HATE MY THOUGHTS. SERIOUSLY SCREW ROCD!! Sorry everyone, if you guys could give me your guys honest opinion about all of this and how I should handle the situation, it would really give me some clarity and help me out bc I’m going bonkers over this. Sorry for the long paragraph. I appreciate it!

I feel like it can't really be OCD. Most of my obsessions are real events, not "what if" scenarios. I don't know if I'd even call them intrusive thoughts, they're more like memories of mistakes that I feel haven't been amended. All of my compulsions are mental, ruminating, asking for reassurance, confessing. I just can't help but feel like I'm just guilty for reasonable things. The things I worry about don't seem irrational to me because they are based in reality. Any advice?

Obviously the United States is in a crisis right now with violence. Is it really affecting anyone else? I am obsessing about what causes people to “snap”. I fear others ppls evil can get into others. I honestly just want to cry. I wish I knew for certain evil things wouldn’t happen and that I also would never be able to do something evil. I can’t explain it well. Does anyone else kinda know what I’m talking about?

So my main theme of ocd is SI. The fear of losing control one day due to my moods and end my own world without meaning to. That’s my main theme. Tomorrows my wedding and I’m a mess! I’m so depressed because I’ve yet to find medicine that helps. During rehearsal all I kept thinking of was associating it with death and not happiness. I sent myself into a panic . I feel like I’m never going to recover and going to die and be at fault for it. I feel like a failure as a soon to be wife and current mother as a guilt to these thoughts . I’m so alone in my head .

i feel like i’m going insane. i just relapsed so hard. i haven’t had this bad of tocd or delusional thinking that i’m trans for years but i feel so stressed and terrified tonight. feels like i made no progress and everything was for nothing. this theme originally happened when. i was in high school and i thought i was freee from it but i’m not. i’m m shaking right now i’m so scared and upset i don’t want to be alive anymore if it means i have to deal with this stuff my brain won’t focus on anything else i’m so scared i can’t function at all my chest hurts i can’t breathe

Anyone else experience this? Like it feels real. But like in my gut I am straight, and I know it's OCD because the amount of anxiety I have regarding the intrusive thoughts.

WALL OF TEXT INCOMING (sorry)! Hello, I hope everyone is doing well and are managing their OCD symptoms well. I have a question concerning SO-OCD and ROCD. A little background first: I developed SO-OCD (have been to therapy here at NOCD and therapist says I meet criteria for OCD and SAD so far) I can't really pinpoint when exactly this developed, but it seemed to have happened when I got depressed, lost interest in sex, then convinced myself that I lost interest in sex because I must be gay despite the rational part of my brain knowing that I haven't desired to be with the same-sex before. It spiraled into heavy rumination, obsessive thoughts and then avoidance. My long-term relationship ended (got cheated on) and that sent me down even further. I've always had low self-esteem, but this killed any semblance I had left. I couldn't sleep, had persistent anxiety, and just felt like my brain exploded from the shock of it all. It's been around 2 years since this ramped up, and it has felt like absolute hell on earth. Lately, my SO-OCD seems to not be triggered so heavily (not getting as highly anxious of the thoughts, and have noticed the thoughts slowing down in overall frequency and have been able to dismiss them easier than before), but I think I have started taking a liking to a gal the past few months, but don't trust my sense of feelings anymore. Some examples: 1) I think I have felt butterflies? But not sure if it is or just anxiety. 2) I am terrified of getting intimate or sexual (fear of embarrassment, or perhaps my "member" not working when the time comes) despite thinking about getting intimate with this lady. 3) Doubting that I actually have feelings toward her (thinking that maybe I'm just trying to force the relationship because I don't want the OCD to be true). Has anyone dealt with this with similar themes? It feels like my SO-OCD has kind of merged with ROCD or transitioning from one to the other. I have a tendency now to expect arousal from every close interaction with a potential partner and if it doesn't happen (like if we give each other a hug after work) then I doubt my attraction despite having been aroused simply by touch previously. I know it sounds goofy, but I think about it every-single-time ("welp, i wasnt aroused that time. I must not be attracted to her!"). It's all a lot to handle when trying to navigate a potential relationship and fear I'll never overcome this intense anxiety to sex/intimacy. So I avoid getting too close or putting myself in situations where these things could occur. Thank you if you've made it this far. This was tough to put out there, but I'd love to hear others thoughts. Again, I hope all is well for everyone and stay strong out there.

I feel so paranoid , i was just sitting in my room fine and all of sudden i hear sirens and it doesnt stop for 10 mins. And it turned to my thoughts an paranoia saying “they are looking for you”

I had a mock car crash to inform the dangers of drug use while on the road. It was important for those who are about to go to prom this weekend. I don’t hate driving but no matter what I do i have no control over the situation. Its also triggering because I had a teacher die because of reckless drivers. I have no issues that would even lead me to driving reckless despite my phone “addiction” i still understand the importance of ensuring the lives of others in or outside of the car are safe. Ik I need to drive but I do not want to put myself in a position where I could put my life at risk. You learn your whole life not to do that but driving its excused because its essential. I am so afraid that I might end up moving because of Americas car epidemic. Or im even contemplating wasting my money just to have someone else drive me. But still all the odds I can’t save myself if anything happens. The best bet I have is to get a sturdy car and hope for the best. The last time I attempted to drive my Dad and Sister where in the car and i almost crashed into a semi container parked at my dads job. That made me want to stop all together the car was old and the wheel was so stiff to spin I didn’t know if it was normal or I was just confused. Im an extremely analytical thinker and having OCD is no help with that. When I must learn to drive I will dedicate myself to learning every aspect of the car behaviors and potentially outcomes of behaviors and how I can prevent them to my best ability. For me theres gotta be a situation to problems. But for this the only way to entirely to end it is to reprimand those who don’t follow the rules. Environment is also a issue due to the fear something could happen or i skid down a hill driving through then Appalachians. All of these things are variables that can lead to my death and driving seems like a one way ticket to all of it. I also suffer from chronic headaches causing me to feel sick under stress and with that stress I end up becoming restless. I feel like I won’t and can’t get the possibility to drive for my own safety. Even so I am so scared that I will switch career paths to study the anatomy of a car and the fundamentals of driving to help reduce this whole thing. Driving in the car with someone else for me is no scare as they are responsible individuals. But for me I don’t trust myself and still think that no matter how much I do nothing will work. If were to drive with someone reckless I would be in fear but I cannot imagine doing so as it would ruin my experiences in food all together. This concept of attempting to rid every variable of stressful or anxiety induced situation applies to all aspects of my life and I have no way to stop this thinking. School, hobbies, morality. It feels like its ruining me and I have to live life in my room all day. Even that scares me and I’ll fear eating or even sleeping. Yes there i am afraid of death because everything i did failed. But still with things I had previously stated make me feel odd. Art for example I feel like Im gonna be a failure in art and end up never being successful and gonna die alone and I deserve it because I’ll never not fail. I fear my interest astronomy because what if I died and never got to become one. Or that im not smart enough and can’t do it. Most of this honestly is kinda a failure fear and a mix of others. But right not driving is my obsession and will fk with me until the end of time. I have no access to a counselor despite needing to go to a psychiatrist some day. Idk what type of ocd this may be but i know it has to be in relation to it. Only thing rn keeping me sane is dissociating and my dog dexter <3.

How to stop being afraid of Being Arrested.. And thrown in jail? And never being able to prove my Innocence?

Even when I’m not having Intrusive thoughts sometimes I could look at someone and suddenly get this horrible feeling that I would like the feeling of acting on that intrusive thought about them and it feels so real and then I start imagining things and ruminating to check and it feels like I get shudders and don’t like it but I still don’t believe myself, there also seems to be something connected to vulnerability, when I see someone who seems vulnerable, even someone shorter or old or very young or an animal it feels like the thoughts and feelings coming up and feel like I would ‘like the feeling’ and now I’m worried it feels like I like it because they are weaker than me and I’m evil. I was in a shop today, not thinking about any thoughts and this woman walked past me and she was shorter and older than me and I suddenly got this feeling that I would like the feeling of ‘smothering her’ and then I was thinking why did it feel like that what is that feeling? Is it anxiety that’s making it feel like that? And then I got home and picked up my cat to show him to my mum so she can say hello to him and (my cat only has one eye as well and he’s quite skinny and old) and while holding him all of a sudden I got a feeling like I would like the feeling of smothering him and then i was thinking is it because he’s got one eye and is more vulnerable and then I’m thinking wait why would it feel like I like it because he’s more vulnerable and has one eye? And then I’m worrying and imagining things and today I was getting ready in front of the mirror and suddenly had an intrusive thought about my mum and then started thinking would I actually do that or imagine I did and because before it’s felt like I ‘know how it feels to smother someone and like the feeling of stoping them from breathing by squashing them with the pillow) sorry graphic, I don’t understand why it’s felt like that, but then I started imagining the thoughts about my mum and wondering if it would feel like I like the feeling of doing that and now I’m worrying if that feeling came up again would I actually be evil? Because in those moments it always feels like something bad is about to happen or that I just dodged a bullet? Especially now that these thoughts are backed up with this feeling of ‘liking the feeling of imagining doing that’ it feels so real and I don’t know what to do, I mean jsut last night I was crying because I was thinking about how I’m noticing people around me getting older and worrying about everyone dying and then this morning it feels really real that I would do that and like the feeling of doing that and the other thing is, I know I don’t want to do that but since this feeling came about of liking the feeling im worried that one day in the moment I will actually do it because it will feel like I like the feeling and I won’t be thinking clearly I’m worried I don’t want to be evil but say I’m irrational 😞 when I’m angry I can be a bit irrational and throw things and say horrible things so say I’m not bad but if it’s actually true that I like the feeling of doing that then one day I actually will and then my heads suggesting to me ‘you wouldn’t be able to be around a baby or kid because you like the feeling and would be a danger and might do it since it feels like you like it’ how can I even be thinking that it feels like i ‘like the feeling’ ?? If I’m not bad how is that possible? That I could be the thinking or feeling that way please help

When I was in like 3rd grade I went to a friends house and she turned on lesbian pornography. I then went home and watched it again, and again and again. This being the only pornography I have watched and “got off too”. I have always had heterosexual relationships and crushes since I was a young girl but this pornography addiction I think is what led me to SOOCD. I have always been scared of being gay and I remember telling myself when I was young when I would watch porn that “one day I have to figure this out, why do I watch this if I’m straight” and that was an ongoing question for years but I was always able to move on. So the question has always been there. But I knew I was always different. Now that I’m 20 and I’m more educated on OCD now I notice how I have always suffered from instructive thoughts just could never put a name to it. Thoughts like death, imagining scenarios and having to plan the resolution as if it will actually happen, existing ocd, all of the above. But now my SO ocd has affected every aspect of my life to where it hurts when I wakes up. And I truly question my sexuality despite loving my boyfriend of 4 years. My question is, anyone who has experienced this, how did you recover. From porn addiction and SOOCD. Does anyone have a similar experience? Please share. I feel really alone.

For 13 years, OCD is not just a part of my life; OCD IS my life. I cant work, Im having intrusions all day, anxiety all day, afraid of my own mind, it even caused me chronic fatigue syndrom because I did only sleep a couple of hours for years because of the compulsions I did on repeat every awake hour of every single day, no pause, not even for 5 minutes. Ive had a couple of months where it was better, like I was able to live life a little more and not being tortured 24/7. Sometimes I feel like Im the only one with OCD for so long and the only one on whom OCD has such a big impact... 😔

This may be long so i appreciate anybody that read it. First of all I’m really proud at how little I’ve been posting on here. I feel stronger for resisting this app and that i can pin point the anxiety and ocd voices in my head no matter how real it feels. But then we come back to the realness factor and that it indeed feels sooo real. The physical symptoms are unlike anything I’ve ever felt. So I’m gonna start by saying that my health anxiety/ocd is very much so back. I thought i recovered from the heart disease and brain tumors intrusive thoughts. But let’s just say that they are back and the physical symptoms feel more powerful that ever. I am getting head pains, chest pains, arm pains, stomach pains, feelings of deja vu because I’m scared of having a seizure, dizziness, skin tightness (not really sure how to describe this other than my skin legit feels weird), heart racing/ palpitations etc. and regarding deja vu it is soooo scary like i keep telling myself that it feels like I’ve been in this situation before. so my health anxiety is definitely back in full force and I am convinced of having all these things that feel so real. Next thing is that i still get harm related intrusive thoughts however they aren’t bothering me as much. And i know that it’s a good thing that they aren’t bothering me but it’s scaring me into believing that i want them because they don’t bother me. And this last part is really bothering me. So my nephew literally hasn’t gone to school In 3 weeks. And so yesterday i just straight up said “why don’t you just drop out” and i mean him Not going selfishly irritates me because like what if something is wrong like depression or being bullied. And everytime i try to say something he gets an attitude. And that’s why eventually i just said what i said. And i have been beating myself up about for 2 days. Like I’m regretting my decision of saying that so bad right now. Like im just sick about it. Even though i don’t necessarily see him as depressed i just see him as not liking school. However my anxiety over this has been crazy and i literally had a panic attack last night and my heart was pumping 120. And so this has been bothering me so much. And on a side note my dog almost choked a little bit ago and could hardly breathe and i feel like i didn’t react enough. Like don’t get me wrong I’m freaking out I’m still shaking over what happened but my mind is convincing me i didn’t react enough. I’m going through the ringer 😭😭😭😭😭