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For almost two months… After the first month I saw a vast improvement. My mind more calm, not bogged down and sad. But then now, even after my period, my mind is very rapid and stress and the ocd is sharper and more harsh again… wow🙄

Hello everyone, I was wondering if a therapist or anyone who is an OCD professional can read my post & PLEASE give me some closure about this!🙃🙂 I numbered my questions due to this long post. I have two main thoughts that scare me. I am afraid of not remembering if I did something that would be dangerous or harmful towards myself and I also worry about this specific event happening or being true/real. The context of the way I believe I had hurt or endangered myself is always the same. Only the details of what would have hurt me differ from time to time. I also have hit and run OCD that is also related yo harm OCD and false memory OCD. I always, or almost, have the same thoughts and am afraid of the same things. For example, every time I hit a pothole, I get triggered. 1. My question is the following : knowing I always or almost have the same two troubling and disturbing thoughts about these two events that bring me great distress, is it possible to associate that any kind of thought, image, feeling or urge to compulse related to any of these thoughts is therefore certainly related to my OCD? I ask this because I often have thoughts about past events that pop up that I worry about (not knowing how I acted, if this or this happened, if I did this to myself, etc). I also frequently have triggers and thoughts related to the two subjects I mentioned. Basically, if I know it would be right to tell myself that these thoughts automatically fall into the OCD category and that they therefore have no importance and that I shouldn’t even worry about them, the context or any relation to that, my life would be so much better. I know I must accept the fact that obsessions will occur and that I have to learn to recognize them and not feed them but I would still love your feedback. 2. Is there a neurological finding that explains that any idea having to do with the subject of the same obsession should be treated as fake, unreal? I would believe so. The brain is fascinating and can be controlled by our thoughts, that I know. I also know practicing neuroplasticity can help. 3. Can I also automatically treat these symptoms as OCD? : If I am uncertain about something happening, if I do not remember some parts of the way it happened, if I am afraid of a thought but not assured it happened or not assured it is clear in my memory, for example not knowing if it did or did not do something , if an event happened or not and that i have mental compulsions afterwards to seek logical reassurance. THANK YOU SO, SO MUCH. Sending healing vibes and much love. Stay strong. We’ve got this! ♥️

ever since i started college i have been feeling so depressed, i always fail my exams because my OCD wants me to be perfect in every way but I always end up making some sort of clumsy mistake and I end up repeating that mental compulsion again, it’s like its hard to face that uncertainty, i have been always trying and i ended up failing miserably so because of it i couldn’t start any new task like studying or cleaning because it did not feel ‘right’ so now I have failed my finals and I feel extremely bad to my parents because they spent so much of their money on my education and I just acted like it was nothing. I am 18, i don’t want my 20s to get ruined because of some mental health disorder… i have told my parents i have OCD but they think i’m lying and they think i’m just plain stupid so i can’t get therapy right now because its too expensive. Nothing in my life has been good, studies, relationships with family and friends, intellect, low self esteem, boring personality, i just feel like i was destined to suffer so i really feel like killing myself some day since all i do is just make people suffer by existing I also have ADHD that makes it hard for me to focus on one thing, however, i can tackle that and focus on a particular thing for long but i also suffer from stuttering which makes me so mad because i do want to talk with people but stuttering doesn’t let me fully talk properly and i just don’t talk at all and avoid new people i seriously don’t know what to do, my parents are considering to get me out from college, should i continue or should i leave?

How do people deal with fear of failure or intrusive thoughts that they will fail? They’re getting me down at the moment but I don’t want to give up on self improvement and dream realisation because my thoughts have convinced me I will fail.

i’ve been with the same therapist for about a year and half now and we’ve built such a close relationship and she knows everything about me. she said shes leaving NOCD in a few weeks and i don’t know what to do. i can either stop therapy or get a new therapist. neither of those options sound good to me. she knows everything and i don’t feel like talking to anyone new but i’m so upset that i can’t have her anymore. what do you guys recommend doing in this scenario. i’m so heartbroken and really don’t wanna talk to anyone else (especially cause i hate change!) pls help

I just wanted to post a picture and show my progress with therapy on here. This may seem small but it is something that has been a huge struggle for me for years. I’ve struggled with skin picking, and I now know that my skin picking is the worst when my OCD is at its worst. The top picture is how awful my skin picking was in December, and the bottom picture is what my hands look like now. My hands haven’t looked this healthy for at least 6+ years. I’m sure they will probably be red for a while and possibly scar, but it’s okay. Small wins, but I’m so happy about this 🥹

I’m really frustrated with myself because I’m having OCD over an intimate encounter I had with my fiancé the other day. I’ll start by saving that I have been assaulted and my boundaries have not been respected in past relationships. My fiancé is wonderful and so good about consent and just making sure I’m happy. Earlier in our relationship, we talked about how he would take extra care to make sure I was happy and on board with what was happening in an intimate encounter, and I would make sure to tell him if I ever felt uncomfortable. The other day, I asked him to use a restraint on me which we’ve used before and he was careful as usual in putting it on me, but he didn’t ask if it was too tight. It wasn’t too tight but my brain still went, “Why didn’t he check to see if it was too tight?” I felt silly and didn’t say anything about it until later, and my fiancé apologized and said because we’d use this kind of restraint before and it was pretty easy to operate, he felt confident in his ability to do it correctly without it being too tight on me. He also said that I can tell him if something is too tight, and that he trusts me to do this. I feel completely safe with him but my OCD tends to latch onto my fears - one of which is being assaulted and abused again - not by my fiancé specifically but just in general - and it feels like there’s an unnecessary alarm going off in my head being like, “The fact that he didn’t ask you if it was too tight is bad! This is bad - it is a warning sign! Danger!” I’m trying to not feel too guilty about it because I have been through a lot in my past relationships and I am not my thoughts, but it’s hard. And annoying. I feel like it’s such a niche type of OCD and sometimes I wonder if anyone gets where I am coming from or would have advice for dealing with this.

Because of my contamination OCD, I felt annoyed with people not caring about the covid-rules back than, feeling like they were only caring about themselves. It made me angry, because I did everything for years and still did to make sure nobody could get sick/infected with anything. Was this my OCD talking and getting annoyed with people? I know my fear of making other people sick was OCD and I was exaggerating, but still I could also feel like others were selfish and irresponsible for not doing anything to prevent others. I hated myself for feeling annoyed with them and never made this clear to anyone. Is this my OCD? Do other people feel annoyed with people for not taking responsibilities and risking harm for others?

How many people feel like they do better on meds and who feels like it doesn't help much?

I'm struggling so much and I need HELP and I wish I could get it I've been in the hospital many times because I didn't wanna be here anymore with this OCD taking over my life and the TIME it's taking AWAY from my LIFE it's been hours and hours days and days and days and the TRAUMA it's brought into my LIFE I'm so sick from this I need help and more time then just 10-12 days not a holding cell I wish I could go to the hospital in Wisconsin or Boston to get the REAL help..😔 I'm so lost with my OCD the checking and rechecking and rechecking and then I'll take Xanax or Ativan to try stop the anxiety and then it can make me feel worse at times I'm just so lost I want the COMPULSIONS to STOP it's hours, days weeks that have been taken away from me and my loved ones and my relationships they're all being slowly deteriorated turning into dust I'm in quicksand and I can't get out I'm just not functioning like a normal person at ALL.. I suffer with autoimmune diseases as well and I truly believe that they can trigger my mental health issues as well as PTSD and I also believe that drug addictions can happen to someone when you have an OCD and you're trying to find a way to fix one thing and then your creating another MONSTER in the end this can happen most definitely.. 😔 And as well as environmental things which can trigger many and people can trigger as well whether it be mentally, physically or situations they can trigger someone like the thought that you're GOOD ENOUGH for anyone especially those you care for in your LIFE I've been in the hospital eight times and I believe they're HOLDING CELLS yeah they might work for some and maybe they get you into a long term program for some people who are fortunate enough but for me I wasn't fortunate enough like so many others who aren't I was rejected at a time when I really needed the HELP and I felt this wasn't right just because I didn't have the right insurance or because my OCD wasn't the RIGHT OCD for me my OCD is cutting my hair and they wanted to qualify it as body dysmorphia which is absurd OCD is OCD whether it's rumidating thoughts or are you doing a compulsion which also has rumidating thoughts involved there's something else underlining behind it whether it's a physical illness that can trigger it or people in your life or horrible things that have happened throughout your life whatever the case may be PTSD or an overload of STRESS feelings of worthlessness not being able to take care of everybody in the WORLD that you care for feeling like you're an empath and everything that you come across your FEELING and it's too much to take from the WORLD and your not coping with how to deal with it and being able to just let go..😔 I'm an extrovert person and some people would think WOW you're so outgoing you're so easy to talk to why would you suffer with anxiety or depression or anything like that it's funny if you're an introvert and you're more closed in people are more apt to think aw that person's sad something's wrong with that person we should feel sorry for them they need help but when you're an outgoing person it's funny people don't seem to think that way unfortunately for people who are extroverts with free spirit outgoing personalities it's not always so easy for those who are this way to be accepted in the WORLD it's not that easy it's hard for people who are introverts and it's hard for people who are extroverts free spirits the WORLD doesn't always accept those who are different than the norm.. I suffer with OCD and in my eyes any form of repetitiveness that takes YOU away from your LIFE is an OCD and the mental health industry NEEDS to see it that way.. 👍🏻👍🏻 One of the hospitals I stayed in they wanted me to speak there about my LIFE and what they could do to make things better there because it was a horrible place to stay in like so many a lot of these hospitals have to CHANGE the way they format their SURROUNDINGS for those who are staying there because really truly a lot of these places are one step away from looking like a PRISON.. I never did speak there but I should of this industry the mental health industry has to CHANGE I'd make t-shirts for everyone to wear and it would say TRANSPARENCY so much NEEDS to be DONE and everyone NEEDS to do a part.. I'm a FREE SPIRIT and when I was in the hospital many people would say why are YOU here YOU don't look like YOU belong here isn't that funny but yet I was in the hospital eight times I wasn't fortunate enough to go into a hospital where I could stay for 30 60 or 90 days like they give to drug addicted people and that's not OKAY I think we need to look at OCD as no different than an ADDICTION and there needs to be more places for people to go to where they can stay for 30-90 days to get the RIGHT kind of HELP it's just not RIGHT.. FUNNY we have ALL kinds of stores on every corner but yet ALL the money that the government said they would put into MENTAL HEALTH where is it and other people have talked about putting together good mental health programs too but WHERE are they for those who are truly suffering and that don't have a giant pocketbook of money to put themselves into a program it's just fair and it's NOT ENOUGH we need a mental health store on every corner for ALL and hospitals or maybe not call them hospitals I don't know facilities for ALL those that need the HELP and longer than 10-12 days for those that NEED it so badly but don't have the MEANS we need more places and programs and there's just not enough..😔🌈 And we also need to start bringing back therapy one-on-one or group therapy where people are actually getting together in-person for me I don't do well with talking to people on a computer when it comes to therapy I truly believe one-on-one talking to somebody face to face even if it's just like sitting outside on a beautiful day whatever the case may be we NEED to start bringing that back because for many you'll find that they're not getting the therapy because it's hard for them to do it that way .. There's just so many things that NEED to CHANGE in this industry and boy do I have a lot of ideas but and I'm not an expert but what I am an expert on is what I've seen and experienced and more has to be DONE that's all I can say and I just wish I could get the HELP I really do I really wish I could qualify to get the HELP because I'm emotionally, physically and mentally spent it's slowly killing me and I feel like my LIFE is being robbed from me for SURE 😔 I really believe that for those who are living with OCD and they don't talk about it are suffering dearly but for me I actually don't have a problem with talking to anybody about it which is strange maybe but for me I'm actually comfortable with telling people what I am dealing with because I'm looking for help at times I guess when I'm really bad just ANYBODY who will LISTEN and HEAR me and sometimes it's NOT about getting the help from that person I think I'm just sharing because I care for others and I believe there are many people who are suffering and when you talk about what you're dealing with sometimes you'll find that maybe there's somebody else that dealing with something similar and they've never expressed how they're feeling and now they're able to open up a little bit and it's kinda like networking too you just NEVER know who you might encounter and so sometimes talking about your mental health issues can HELP someone else and yourself too I believe this.. I'm a very open person but yet I'm not getting the HELP I need and I believe we're ALL connected and we need to HELP each other we really do even those who are so sick that have done horrendous things if only those kids that have done those terrible things if only we could have reached into their psyche and stopped something inside them really I truly believe we ALL can do our part when it comes to this.. 🌈 Just like people will say they have diabetes or some other type of physical illnesse like I went through breast cancer in 2016 and I shared that with people and people were open to listen and maybe share their stories but when you talk about your mental health yeah oh boy the STIGMA of mental health it's so horrible it really is they look at it like "Oh just be HAPPY you alive it could be worse" or Oh just STOP doing that don't do that ANYMORE" and then I tell them there are WORSE things in LIFE than DEATH so people need to STOP using DEATH as way to tell someone to get WELL....😵‍💫 This is a problem so much NEEDS to be done in the mental health industry to educate everyone there truly needs to be a universal program for everyone to take and especially mandatory for parents as well.. You know it's so sad it's just so sad and I'm in tears thinking about this many just don't get it and sometimes I think they want to and yet everybody will tell YOU they're going through something and that's how they look at it we're ALL going through something so GET OVER IT this is so SAD really yeah many people go through things but it's ALL about how you're able to cope and go through it and if it's physically mentally emotionally taking over your LIFE then it's not OKAY so yes there are some people that can just go through things differently than others and that's just a fact but mental health still has to be considered MENTAL HEALTH and NOT looked at as if it's NOTHING and to STOP saying to those who are mentally hurting JUST GET OVER IT!! And then there are a LOT of people out there that are just NOT experienced with OCD when it comes to therapy in the mental health industry which is crazy because OCD has become a GIANT in the mental health industry now and yet it's so SMALL on the radar when it comes to those who are educated in knowing how to really HELP those in NEED it's really a SHAME and it's truly TIME things need to CHANGE and I just PRAY that it gets better because this is not OKAY.. Our county and the mental health industry has to START creating something out there because there are so many PEOPLE who are SICK in the WORLD and when you see schools being shot up and ALL these things happening in the WORLD and stores being shot up the mental health industry NEEDS to be taken seriously it REALLY does and it's not OKAY we ALL can HELP we really can if we really try and we really CARE and how can you NOT CARE with so much sadness in the WORLD from so many who are mentally not WELL 😥 #TRANSPARENCY #WE ALL CAN DO OUR PART AND CARE 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

My anxiety is soooo bad I felt nauseous and like I could faint it’s been like this all morning, I’m in a bad spiral I feel horrible

I’m so terrified because when I was a teenager I used to have a embarrassing and weird tickling fetish. No idea where it came from but it started around age 15 to maybe 19. I don’t have it anymore and I absolutely regret it 100% because of “self time” being involved. The fetish was the only thing I ever was part of mentally I never ever had any other intentions. Never. I used to go on ifunny and that’s where I would find artwork I guess related to the fetish. I stopped going to ifunny and around age 19 or something I went back and I remember the people in the artwork or whatnot would come across as being younger and I would skip them and try to find more “appropriate” I guess I don’t even know how to explain this but I know it’s something other people may have struggled with as well and I hold a lot of regret and shame even though I had literally no bad intentions whatsoever it was for a stupid fetish but the ocd has attached to it for many years now and it scares me to death what it tries to convince me is real when I pray to God it is not. I feel so terrible for that time I went back to ifunny but I remember I got uncomfortable and got rid of the app. I never had bad intentions and I know that for sure. I just feel so incredibly horrible all time time about what I didn’t know when I was younger and I should have. Not long after everything I developed ocd and the worst theme I’ve ever dealt with is POCD and also real event too. My self esteem is shot. There’s nothing that makes me feel alive anymore because I absolutely cannot stand myself. I’ve wanted to give up countless times. I have so much fear all the time. I’m going on vacation this weekend with my family and I feel like I don’t deserve to go or have fun. My birthday is next weekend and it’s just another day for me and I tell people not to get me anything because I feel as I don’t deserve it or anything joyful or happy. I don’t know what to do. This is embarrassing to talk about but it’s what I’m dealing with and I hate it with a passion of how stupid I was when I was younger. I’m almost 24. I can’t even move on with my life because I feel like I don’t deserve to 💔

Please forgive me for being a broken record! I start with a new therapist on Friday so hopefully I won’t be repeating myself so much to you guys lol. I feel stuck in my marriage. Just unhappy you know. Gonna look into the marriage counseling today. We’re best friends so that’s good, but I just feel sad. We’ve been married a year and deep down, a lot of the time, I have just felt stuck. If we were dating we would’ve separated a long long time ago, but I feel like that option is gone now.

My biggest obsession at the moment is that I am not going to get better, or, am I going to get better. My therapist is making me say a script to myself about not get better and never being well again, losing my family and suffering for the rest of my life. I am so scared I am doing it wrong. I don't stop worrying about getting better all day long, it goes round and round in my head. I am full of anxiety and pain. I am apparently supposed to really believe that I might not ever get better...but I can't MAKE myself believe that. I still hope to get better....is that wrong? Is that not doing erp right. What if I can't get the erp done correctly??? I feel like my therapist and I are just going round in circles as I am not grasping it properly

ROCD, depression and excessive guilt are consuming me

Does accepting the feelings such as anxiety and the discomforts is part of the recovery? I'm trying to work on this, to work on my ability to tolerate the discomfort even though it's so hard it feels like I want to escape my own body, my question is, can we human beings tolerate such discomfort? I know it sounds like a reassurance question but it's not, I want to know if I have the ability to tolerate discomfort no matter how hard it is in order to boost my confidence and head towards recovery.

Hi guys, I am struggling so much right now. I have had pretty constant panic anxiety the past week or so (and before that as well), in relation to leaving my husband. I love him but my body feels so exhausted from constantly feeling like someone is holding a gun to my head. I have had anxiety about various aspects connected to our relationship like intimacy, life choices etc. But this "high alert" anxiety feels different and I just feel so torn as to what to do. I wish I could figure out a way to be in this relationship without feeling so much anxiety inside. I feel like I "need to make a decision" and just "listen to myself" but I dont want to hurt him as that is such a big fear of mine. But I also dont want to continue to suffer from this anxiety. I feel like I made a decision to stay in the relationship and felt better for a week but then I felt triggered and am back in this stressed state. I dont see my compulsions besides I guess being stuck in this limbo mindset. Its hard to capture everything in one post but my anxiety is related to what I actually want with my life and that leaving my partner is what I actually want. I couldnt think of a better partner to have though which is why this all feels so distressing and catastrophic. At the same time being single and the freedom from triggers it would seemingly give me feels so tempting. This is so hard and I dont know what to do! Any advice?

I'm not sure if this needs a trigger warning but there are mentions of sexual intrusive thoughts, OCD surrounding Covid and I mention some compulsions I had to do. Idk if anyone relates to this, but I often have a hard time explaining what OCD is, and what my personal experience with OCD is to loved ones. Like last night for example, I was suffering really bad from (TW) sexual intrusive thoughts surrounding incest. I can explain and share this with people that also suffer from OCD, but even my closest friends who have known about my disorder and certain fears for years and years won't hear about this. So if I call them for help I usually just say something in the likes of: 'Oh yeah my OCD is just being a bitch.' or 'I'm just feeling anxious.' Even explaining how compulsions work and that I have to do them is shitty, I mean how do you explain that if I don't knock a certain way on my fucking desk that I will get a fucking cold or something (random example so that I don't trigger anyone). A couple of weeks ago (TW surrounding Covid) my dad got Covid and I was terrified that I might get it too. A close friend of mine that doesn't know a lot about OCD and how it works for me asked how I was doing and I told him honestly that I was afraid of getting Covid and how it was affecting my OCD. But, I didn't quite know how to explain it, I didn't know how to tell him that I slept with my cushions in a certain way, that I used the cups at work in a certain way and all that other OCD shit to not get Covid, knowing that that is not how the world works. I don't know if anyone relates to this, but if anyone does and wants to share their experience/tips about the having to explain OCD to loved ones (that are neurotypical or are neurodivergent but don't suffer from OCD or symptoms of OCD), please share.

I'm pretty elevated now as I recently learned one of my OCD fears is true. I worry about ocean contamination, particularly human feces being present, now after learning that several of the beaches are contaminated with enterococcus (a bacteria found in human & animal feces) on the island where I live. I never knew about this before this year as I receive water quality reports now from an NGO I'm following. When taking something out of my closet, I came across a beach lounge chair that I used at a beach last year that I recall had murky water. I started doing some digging on the internet and while some articles said that beach is highly contaminated, when I looked at the NGO's website with month by month published data, the contamination levels show they are low for most of the year. From July 2022- March 2023 the contamination level was only high in January and medium level in September 2022. All the other months show low contamination. The data doesn't go as far back as when I was at that beach, May 1, 2022, but it dates back at least to July and since the contamination level was low then I have some peace of mind. I still want to clean but not even sure what to do. I can't put a chair in the washing machine, obviously. I have Clorox Clinical spray, which is hospital level disinfectant and meant to be used on hard and soft surfaces so I'm thinking to spray the chair and whatever in the closet the chair touched. I don't know if this is really going to help since bacteria doesn't stay in 1 place. So if there was any contamination, the bacteria would have already traveled everywhere I took my chair, gone through my closet and even died. I have many of my clean clothes hung in the closet as well as my hamper with laundry. I can't practically go and wash all my clothes again and I think discarding things like the chair and my hamper would be super wasteful and cause me to feel guilty for being wasteful. The chair looks to be in perfectly fine condition and there are no major stains, no soiled marks whatsoever. So I feel discarding the chair would be wrong. I'm not sure what to do. I have a bottle of Clorox Clinical, hospital level disinfectant. I could spray it on the surfaces (chair, hamper, wall and other things the chair touched) and allow them to air dry as the instructions say. Or maybe I should do nothing. Maybe I have to accept there might have been enterococci, albeit a low, safe level according to the health department, on my belongings but that bacteria is long dead and gone. I guess beyond that I have to sit with the anxiety about contamination having been in my closet. I guess I can be somewhat reassured as the data shows low contamination at the questionable beach and that it's been 11 months since I went to this beach and never got sick, further reassuring a low contamination level. I'm really struggling, unsure what to do. I feel like these are my options: 1) accept the situation as is and just sit with the anxiety, accepting the possibility that enterococci was possibly on my belongings though unsure but rationally would be dead and gone by now, thus proving to not be a risk 2) try to do some cleaning with disinfectant although I feel it's futile from a rational perspective at this point since bacteria travels and doesn't stay on the same surfaces it first comes into contact with.

I won’t lie, my dental hygiene has definitely taken a big hit since I spiralled since last year. I’ve definitely improved since then but I haven’t been consistent enough to make a huge difference. It sucks as it’s difficult and often times it makes me feel really depressed about it. But knowing that I’ve made a difference even if it hasn’t shown enough has been consolatory in a way. I’ve still got a long way to go, but always wishing and hoping for the best.