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why do i feel ten times better after having a massive breakdown and feel like my intrusive thoughts have gone down? like i was literally thinking my life is over 1 hour ago and now i’m fine and feel like i can recover from OCD LOL i’m kinda scared now

I am new to OCD and struggle with ROCD and pure O. I know a lot of OCD treatment is about not trying to figure out the thing your OCD wants you to figure out but in this case I feel like I really need to. I dated my ex for over 5 years, with several break ups. When we were together I was often tortured by thoughts and feelings of not wanting to be with her or in the relationship, or at least explore other people. But when we broke up I would agonize over the possibility that I had made a mistake, and even though I wasn't happy in the relationship, maybe if I we could just fix a couple problems or I could fix whatever it was in myself that made me feel not happy in the relationship then it would be fine, so we always got right back together. I thought if I could just date around for a while I could figure out what I want. Well we broke up for 7 months and I hadn't really been feeling like I wanted to get back together but still didn't fully accept that we never would make it work. I had been casually dating around and found out that she had been with the same guy basically the whole time we had been broken up and I panicked and basically ended it with the person I was seeing and asked my ex to get back together. Fast forward a couple months and we broke up again, I found out I have OCD and can't stop thinking about the girl I dated before I got back together with my ex. So basically now I have no fuckin clue what to do, what I want and I'm terrified to keep messing everything up. How do I figure out what feelings are mine, and what is just obsessive fears and thoughts?

Any tips on how I can love myself?

I’ve been debating on it for a while… mainly because of how expensive it is..

I do a lot of compulsions at work and it’s exhausting. I don’t want to call off but I just don’t feel like dealing w my ocd. I know I’m playing safe by calling off. I know erp is important in the journey but today I really just don’t feel like it.

Im posting again cause i feel depressed. I feel angry cause i dont know if these thoughts are ocd thoughts or impulse thoughts. My frustration makes thoughts about harming others or dying cause life s*cks(it tells me that). I cant decide and im having enough... i feel that im denying that im actually suicidal or having harmful thoughts cause im depressed...

Is there a risk of contamination of any sexual disease (HIV, hepatitis) if someone cut himself with a shaver (by accident of course) that has already been used ? (Few weeks ago) I’m so scared but I just don’t know if I have to worry! If someone can tell me, it’s not about reassurance I just don’t know if it’s possible

Hey, I hope you’re doing good! My bf was taking his shower and I’m so dumb I let my shaver in the shower, and he cut himself with it when he wanted to grab the soap! Now I’m so scared of what if I have a disease (hepatitis, HIV or something) and that he will get it ! The last time I used this shaver was the morning before and I heard that viruses as HIV can not stay out of the body.. can someone tell me if I have to worry for him in this case ? Thank you so much

I feel like I’m on the very edge tip toe of a nervous breakdown but there’s no where I can go. If I go to a hospital I’ll loose my job that I so desperately need. Then what life will I have anyway?

So, I wanted to know if, just in case I can't afford the therapy sessions here, is there any way to learn and apply ERP for yourself?

does anyone feel like these past few months feb and march have been HORRIBLE ocd months? i feelnlike maybe for me it’s seasonal or something because i’m just excited for summer

Hey guys! I've had real event OCD for 5 years now—as in debilitating, spends-hours-a-day ruminating OCD. It's not been great, naturally. My themes mainly surround really, really bad things, which, for those of who who have suffered abuse, might be triggering. This is going to be a long post: I'll go over my OCD obsessions, because I've never really told anyone about them; and I'm not looking for reassurance, just trying to get them out. Then I'll ask for help, for those of you who bothered to get through the whole thing. Hopefully someone can help—I am genuinely struggling, getting to the point where life doesn't seem worth living, and I can't imagine going through a whole decade of this. I just can't. My obsessions: 1.) Ruminating over a memory of me "playing doctor" with someone a little younger than me when I was 7-10 (?), who hadn't wanted to at first until I asked her about twice to do it. (This is a lot better; I don't ruminate about it much anymore. She says she's fine and hadn't even remembered it, I know the incident itself is pretty common, my therapist helped me work through it, I know what I did was wrong but also... I was a child, and I can forgive myself. It helps for me to think "it doesn't make you a bad person, it just means that you may have accidentally hurt someone and, thank goodness, you didn't.) 2.) Having bullied people in the past. (I used to joke around like kids do in a mean way, "roasting" and whatnot, which is super stupid now, but I genuinely didn't realize it might hurt people's feelings, and never stopped to think about it. I stopped when I was about 13 but I worry that I may have hurt people before that; I never targeted people, never picked on anything personal, and usually people would do the same back, but I also remember a few isolated incidents where I wasn't the nicest. Part of this is normal elementary / middle school stupidity, and I've learned to accept this. I've learned to accept the uncertainty of not knowing if I've hurt someone in general. I'm learning to be a nicer person.) 3.) Having done inappropriate stuff around family, including my 7-year-old sister. (Around 13-15, I used to keep my hand under my shirt when relaxing, or sometimes even inside my pants, resting on my thigh, uncomfortably close to my genitals. It was never sexual, but I started to worry that maybe it was. I began to remember an incident where I might have done something like stroke the top of my breast or my nipple in a seductive manner, pretended someone was running a finger up my body and over my breast, or accidentally pressed on a private part in a manner that felt good and, without thinking, done it again. I don't really have any memories of these, except for one probably-false memory about the stroking thing, but it's possible, considering how close my hand was in both cases to a private part, and how little understanding I had at the time of what was inappropriate / what wasn't. Then I started to spin out and wonder if I'd done worse things, which I can't even repeat. This one is still really hard to deal with; it's my current obsession.) 4.) Wondering if I'd sexually harassed someone. (I made really stupid dirty jokes in high school, usually around my friends, and nobody ever seemed uncomfortable save for my friends, once or twice, telling me to "tone it down" or "stop", which I always did. I asked all of them if they were uncomfortable with me making those jokes, they all said no and told me to stop overthinking. But I began to wonder if I'd ever made other people uncomfortable and sexually harassed them. I made so many of these jokes—ugh, I know—that I can't even pinpoint anyone. Everyone made those jokes, including me, and far as I know, I haven't made anyone feel weird, but there's always the chance, isn't there? I also have gotten over this for the most part.) As you can tell, most of these are sexual; it's because I was (and still am) a huge support of the #MeToo movement, and I am staunchly against rapists, sex offenders, etc. which my OCD picked on. The worst obsession is probably the third one, because a.) I have vague (?) proof that I might have done something wrong (it's pretty obvious that I might have accidentally pressed someplace that, uh, feels good, and that if I'd done that I might have done it again without thinking; I also have the vague maybe-false memory of doing something seductive / sexual involving my breasts, maybe around my entire family, though not involving them, obviously). I understand these things probably aren't a big deal (the first one is accidental; it's not like I'm masturbating around my family, and the second one is inappropriate, as I'm essentially dragging a light finger up / around my bare breast, but again I don't think it's anything I can get arrested for, and I genuinely hadn't considered it wrong.) But my OCD keeps dredging them up, over and over again, maybe because I can't see anyone with these exact obsessions, so it makes it feel even lonelier, and even more harsh. Plus this culture of cracking down on sex offenders (which is ENTIRELY understandable, and absolutely crucial, don't get me wrong, but shitty for my OCD) makes it so that I worry constantly people will hate me for what I've done. I know that I've made mistakes, inappropriate ones, but I genuinely didn't understand. Nothing is helping, no compulsions, nothing. I've tried therapy; didn't help. Admittedly this wasn't originally an OCD therapist, but she had good knowledge of OCD, and I can't get another one for at least 3 - 4 years. I am on medication, and it worked amazingly for a few months, and then stopped working. Nothing, not even raising the dose, is helping. I honestly don't know what to do. I cannot resist my compulsions; they are too strong. It's ruining me. I have tried pushing them to the end of the day, but then I'll feel fine for one day, remember my fears at night, and then wake up entirely frozen with fear and anxiety. I need someone's help. I really would appreciate it. Is there anyone who has had similar obsessions to me, particularly like number 3, who'd be willing to share? Is there anyone who can give tips that really help with the terrible compulsions? Anything that I haven't heard before, preferably? Any one of the three would suffice. I'd love someone to share their experience with sexual past events and OCD, but if you're uncomfortable telling me what happened, the other two would be great too. Thank you so much to everyone! I really hope everything works out for you guys—it helps me sometimes to think "if other people went through the same thing as me, would they care?" and reading through your posts, I can promise you all that you're all great people, incredible people, who deserve all the good in the world. But I am so lonely, so if someone could tell me the same about me, that would be great. Thanks again!

Feeling like ROCD is really affecting me more these days. I can’t be intimate with my partner, is just like something is not letting me, I don’t want him to think I dont want him, or something. But it makes me anxious most of the time, like a voice in my head saying oh that’s because you dont like him, want him, or have desire to so these things. My most recent and annoying intrusive thought it’s whenever we not speaking or he’s working etc, i get this thought that i dont feel anxious and feel peace when we not talking, and then as soon as we start talking im anxious and worrying. It’s super annoying, and it’s really debilitating because i start thinking what if this means we have to break up.

I want you to read this, ad I too struggle with real event (and a little bit of false memory) I know a lot of you who are going to be reading this have probably done something during your yougner years (chuldhood/Teen) that you absolutely hate yourself for doing. Maybe it was something like saying something online and worrying about getting canceled, doing something sexual with your peers for siblings, worrying about harming someone, and s lot of other things. When we remember these things we feel immense guilt, shame, sadness, grief, and embarrassment. We will try to seek out answers to see where we are on the morality scale, to reassure ourselves that we aren't bad people. I want to let you know right now that the fact that you are feeling all these negative things relating to your rea event/false memory ocd proves that you really aren't a bad person who would do these things intentionally. I know it's hard to move past these thoughts; I'm still not completely over mines, but what helps is this: How would you respond if this was a friend that you had, who had these similar obsessions? Would you try and show them compassion, and tell them that they were young and didn't know the weight of their actions, let alone what they meant, or would you shame them and make them feel like crap? I know which one you all would pick🙃 Although real event isn't as easy to deal with as false memory, because these things actually happened, you also need to remember that OCD doesn't xare about the context of the event; It doesn't care about your circumstances, age,mindset, or struggles during this time period. So it's just as irrational as another theme nit because it's fake, but because how it views these event. My advice to people struggling with this, is to really look at it from a different perspective with the help of CBT. CBT is the nest thing that Helps PureO and all of its subtypes, mostly because these are covert compulsions rather than physical ones, so re-wireing your congenital bias towards these thoughts helps. An example of CBT looks like this: Write own your intrusive thougt(s): "You are attracted to kids" Challenge the intrusive thougt(s): "Well, that's what you think, but I'm not engaging" Then, replace it with a neutral statement(s): "I know who I am and I'm not going to let you ruin that" Now a lot of you think this is a form of reassurance, but I have reasons as to why it's not: 1: if this was reassurance then I would have said "no I'm not, I am not attracted to kids" I said "well, that's what you think, but I'm not engaging" Saying that you won't engage isn't reassurance, plus the second statement tells ICD that I'm not going to defend myself because I know who I am, therefore OCD is a waste of time. This means that you are acknowledging OCD, but not trying to figure out anything. Another thing that helps os journaling. When you journal, it can really help pit things into perspective and see your thoughts and feelings, AND your memories for what they are: fitments of the mind. Your memories might have emotional weight to them, and cause a lot of pain, but they didn't have this much weight 3 hours ago, right? Why is that? Is it because you were living in the NOW instead of the PAST? YES!! That's is correct!! When you live in the past, the feelings from.t eh past also come along with it. It's not wonder you are feeling like you can't move on! Ever since I started showing symptoms of OCD, my real event memories have been showing up a lot, mostly to try and and support thr other Pure O subsets. My last piece of advice is to really look for a community of perole with the same issues, not for reassurance, but for support! I hope this post helps someone, because these things helped me🥰 💖💫✨️

It’s one of my friend’s 21st birthdays and she’s really excited to go out to the bars finally as it’s been something we’ve waited so long for. I’m so nervous to go out as I’ve been in the midst of a massive OCD relapse and this would be my first time drinking since going back on meds and starting therapy. I’m on the up and have had some really good months and prior to this relapse, where I would enjoy going out once a month ish and it’s something that I value and don’t want to avoid forever. I know that my fear of drinking is rooted purely in how loud my thoughts will be tomorrow, but I don’t want to let my OCD win and take away moments with my friends that I value. Feeling so conflicted, any advice on how to handle the feelings tomorrow or just navigate this in general? (Helpful things only please)

HELP!! Does anyone have any tips for intrusive thoughts I have been having some really bad ones lately.

I’m really struggling with spending any time alone at the minute. I don’t want to become reliant on my partner being around all the time and want to be able to feel okay in my own company. I used to absolutely love my own company and now I really dread it and feel so anxious. Any body been through this and have any tips for me? It seems really difficult to sit with it and try not to do mental compulsions

I have not held a job in nearly a year now. Not since my son came home from the hospital. Something makes me unable to be away from my house and not feel overwhelmed by the anxiety it causes. I am exhausted and tired and more stressed than ever. My husband has started verbally abusing me and making me feel like everything is always my fault. If he loses something I am the first to be blamed for it and he doesnt let up until it's found. If I am the one to find it it fuels him more to tell me how I am a thief and a liar when I haven't done anything wrong. I have started to question my value as a person and I have a pain in my chest that leaves me feeling suffocated and unable to function. I spend so much of my time defending myself and feeling unsure whether or not I should defe d myself at all. I'm losing my mind. I finally found a new job and yesterday when I got to work I had a message from my husband saying that I stole his medication and I had such a horrible panic attack that I passed out in my car. I woke up and was almost two hours late for work so then I freaked out and I was too afraid to go inside to work. I called the HR department and explained everything going on so I have to see a doctor and get their paperwork turned back in before I can return to my job. I'm worried that even if I do get the forms filled out that I still will lose my job. I am so worried. Rent hasn't been paid yet this month and I have been so stressed out that I have virtually shut down altogether. I have no motivation to do anything and I am having to watch my little boy suffer through all the fighting and all the crying. I actually chopped off my own hair this afternoon. I was fed up and I don't know why I did it but my husband was recording my panic attacks and getting a video of me freaking out made it obvious to me that he doesn't care about me anymore other than as something to entertain himself when he is bored. He has become someone I can't trust and it gets tiring having to protect myself and who I am at all times. I don't know how to get out of this situation because I have literally no money and I have no friends in this town. I guess I'm just looking to feel accepted somewhere. I feel like a failure and a let down. I feel like something is seriously wrong with me.

I was so stupid as a teenager. Never had bad intentions though and never will I just didn’t know what I know now. I have heard people say that at a young age your adult mindset or brain hasn’t fully developed for you to understand yet but I still feel so upset, regretful, angry at myself and I self sabotage myself everyday because I feel like I don’t deserve love, happiness, good things in life like opportunities or to have fun with my family on occasions or vacations. I feel like my birthday is just another day and I don’t want anyone to get me anything or celebrate it. I feel like I will never get married or have a family because I feel like I don’t deserve it. I even feel like I don’t deserve to live. I don’t understand why I didn’t know better when I should have. It’s not like I knew and did it anyways. I literally had no clue. Never crossed my mind. And I should have know. I’m being honest I’m not trying to make excuses I’m literally being so for real. I just want to be free, if deserving of such. I hate myself. I was so so stupid as a teenager. I get I was going but part of me absolutely does not understand why I didn’t know better when I should of 💔

So, my 12 year old son has had issues with ocd and anxiety over the years. He’s been in therapy and started Prozac a year ago. He’s been doing amazing, between maturing and medicine he’s no longer anxious over everything. He does however come and confess nonsense to me. Typical things that a 12 year old would do that just aren’t that big of a deal, but as a parent I have to fuss at him for. Mostly things that happen at school. He’s a really good kid and doesn’t get in trouble, but when he tells me it’s not like he’s just talking about his day, he’s telling me because he’s anxious. He told me that his day will be ruined if he doesn’t “confess” and he feels instant relief when he tells me. I have ocd as well, and am pretty knowledgeable about it. I know he has to quit the compulsions, but how do I get him to stop when I want him to come and talk to me when he’s upset or to just tell me about his day. I just feel like it’s a tough situation because I want open communication, but don’t want to keep him stuck. He only tells me these things. my husband is great and will definitely talk to him if it’s a genuine concern, but if he’s just confessing he said a bad word in front of friends or cut in line somewhere he will tell him to knock it off. Can anyone offer any advice on what I can say or do to get him to stop telling me things that really aren’t that big of a deal, but still have him comfortable telling me things. We have a great relationship, so I’m really struggling with what to do here. Thanks!