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the NOCD Community

Hey, how is everyone doing tonight? I’m feeling pretty anxious, but would love to hear from y’all?

Debating on seeing a psychiatrist for medication. Does medication help you guys for OCD? Or at least help the depression and anxiety that comes with OCD? Thanks! 🫶🏼

No matter what your OCD says, don’t give into it. If you give it an inch, it absolutely WILL take 10 miles. Here’s the question you must ask yourself: Do you combat your OCD and it’s whining by NOT doing what it wants even though it’s really hard, or do you give in an continually make it worse for yourself until you’re in really deep, no matter what? That’s up to you, but I’ve been recovered for nearly 4 years because I NEVER, no matter what, give into my OCD. Do not give into your OCD, in any way, shape, or form. Temporary relief is NOT part of the recovery or healing process.

Some of my very initial thoughts when i first start dating my girlfriend (my first girlfriend and serious relationship) i had this fear that id end up having a crush on someone else. starting with a job i got in august, i was scared i was going to have a crush on one of the girls at my work. before my girlfriend, i would always be crushing on someone, fantasizing about them and whatnot. I was doing really good and i even thought to myself “wow you haven’t had a crush on anyone, good job”. then my rocd hits 3 weeks ago, really hard. causing me extreme anxiety, nearly breaking up with my girlfriend, unable to think of anything else and it hurt a lot. the thoughts died down thankfully in this past week, and i was so grateful about it. now my brain is trying to form a crush on my coworker, whom i have no interest in. she is a cool person and i would love to be her friend but my brain is starting to romanticize her i think. it’s very frustrating because i believe it’s a false crush but i know that if i was not with my girlfriend, my brain would obsess over my coworker and it would be like any of my typical crushes i had before. I don’t know what to do about it. i have even considered transferring to get away from my coworker. i live in fear that the more i’m around her, the more my brain will start to romanticize her. i don’t want to like anyone other than my girlfriend but this is my new fear. liking someone else while being in a loving and healthy relationship. anyone have tips?

I get so depressed sometimes when I’m in the app because I presume that most people on here may not be recovered. If I was recovered, I probably would not even be on this app. But, still, are there any happy ocd stories? You know, to give the rest of us some hope ?

Hi fellow (pure)OCD sufferers. I had a pretty big relapse in my OCD since summer last year. Cause most likely rapid weight loss via sport paired with very high level of stress (sysadmin). I switched back from luvox to zoloft wich i took for like 8 years when first OCD started 10 years ago. I started in Nov to titerat zoloft. Reached 100mg in Dec. Stayed there until new Year. And than upped to 150mg at kid of january. 2 Weeks later upped to 200mg. And now i am like 3 weeks on max dose. A few question i would like to ask you: 1. The zoloft journey is weird. I have a week where i fell great. Than two where its worse again. A constant up and down. After increase to 200mg i had the worst week so far. Which got better now. This leads me to the conclusion that i am turning on the right knob. Serotonin. Cant remember if it was the same last time. Anyone knows this? 2. Anyone had issues going on zoloft (or other ssri) again after taken it before? 3. The 8 years i took zoloft (150mg) i also took Seroquel XR 50mg with it and i was very good at the time. Only had a couple small relapses at high stress times (like examen...) which subsided fast enough. My thinking know is that i should ad an AP again but dont want Seroquel cause of sedation and weightgain. My Psych recommanded small dose of Risperidone or Wellbutrin what do you think?

Honestly I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle or as if I’m pretending to want to get better or to not want to be evil. I just feel disturbed and I don’t know what to do, I don’t know if I’m deliberate imagining the thoughts because I get some kind of sick indulgent out of it since it feels like I like the feeling of doing that action when I imagine it or whether I’m jsut highly traumatised by it and maybe it’s the adrenaline making it feel like I like the feeling when I don’t. It’s so scary I think this is the worst type of intrusive thought I have about suffocation it’s so disgusting, with the thoughts involving sharp object I instantly know I hate it but with this it’s like I can’t explain it but it makes me unsure I’m so scared

Moved back in August and have no excuse. Watching everyone around me move on and I am stuck here. So mentally ill that no career path sounds worth it. Tormented constantly with thoughts about my loved ones dying and yet I waste our time together by letting them down. I feel like I can't ever undo the past year and there's so much guilt. I feel so bad for my parents. I feel like they've lost all respect for me. I was always unusually smart, the oldest of two girls, and I grew up to be completely incompetent. I can't even send an email. I have applied to a few jobs since I got here, I talked a lot about going back to school in January because they wanted me to, but I never follow through. Time is just moving so fast. My mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer and has had 2 surgeries and starts radiation in a few days. My childhood dog I love more than anything is dying before my eyes. I try to be as helpful as I can to my parents, I'd do anything they asked. I try so hard to help that I think they're tired of me. But I'm also too anxious to even leave my room until mid afternoon because I feel embarrassed that they even have to see me like this. I usually go to my partner's as soon as possible every day and stay there as late as possible and try not to to think. But I also feel guilty every second I'm away. I can't have fun because I should be doing so much more, and I've been avoiding moving on with my life every day for years. But I don't want to get a minimum wage job. I don't know what I'd go back to school for. I don't know what I want at all. I don't understand how anyone is functional and responsible when there is so much pain. I can't make any commitments because I don't know who I am. I have been hurting so long, I've wasted so much of my life. I just never thought I'd still be here. I didn't make any plans.

Does anyone have very bad driving anxiety. I do. I didn’t get my drivers license Until I was 23 my mom made me. I know I’m a good driver but my OCD tricks me into saying you hit this, or that. And I always have these rituals and compulsions such as driving back to the area where I thought something might have happened, seeking reassurance, or if I’m thinking in my head about what I need to do when I’m getting home from work or wherever I’m driving back from like I’ll say to myself what I’m going to dinner, or I have to do laundry when I get home. I’m still paying attention to the road. My OCD tricks me and says you weren’t paying attention to the road what of something happened.

Just spent waaaay too much time on google. So much time that I went through literally all the articles that covered my question. Just haven’t gone through all the Reddit conversations. No more for today 🤦🏻‍♀️

I've been having SOOCD attacks/triggers for the past three weeks I always thought I'm a straight female, I've never been in a relationship and never had male friends I know it won't kill me if I'm bi, but I'm really scared of completly losing attraction to men I know I'm still attracted to men when I have moments of clarity, but sometimes I feel like I'm not "attracted enough" and experience false reactions/memories I've always had dreams of having a husband and it hurts so much to think that I could never achieve this When these OCD attacks started I completly isolated myself from my friends, because I'm morbidly afraid that I may fall in love with one of my close female friends When I have my moments of clarity, I know that I'm not attracted to them, but these moments of clarity are very brief I'm deeply scared of getting too close to my friends and I keep on making plans for a "new life" without them Because my OCD tells me that I'll break these friendships if I don't talk to them everyday It triggers a terrible panic attack whenerher I try to talk to them and I keep thinking about this failed attempt for the rest of my day My hobby is art and when all of this started I wasn't able to write/draw anything Whenerher I see any motif of love (no matter if straight or gay, my reaction is the same) or want to continue/start drawing something about love I get a panic attack I used to imagine love scenes with characters all the time, I absolutely loved it it was my thing and made me sooo happy Can I ever go back to how it was before? Can I get back to my friends without fear? Can I ever create art about love without feeling pain? I just keep crying all day and can't move out of bed How do I help myself?

i feel like my life is ruined from this crap, i will never enjoy a happy moment because of this, i can’t go through every day with this on my shoulders anymore, my mum says things will get better and that i’m only 17 but she doesn’t understand what goes through my head, i don’t have the courage to tell her she won’t understand and will never think of me the same. she says it will get better but it won’t, my life is ruined, obsessions seem to real i think i’m faking it. i’m so alone and scared and there’s no way out.

Does anyone else have weird periods where they become obsessed with certain people in their life? I’ve had this a couple of times in the last 2 years and recently with my colleague. We get along really well and I think of him as a good friend, but recently i’ve become weirdly obsessed. I’m thinking constantly about posting things to impress him, speaking to him, wondering what he’s doing. I’ve never found him attractive before but all of a sudden i’m thinking about him sexually. He’s actually the opposite of the type of person I would go for and I am in a relationship with someone (3 years strong). It’s to the extent i’ll want to post things on instagram to try and make him think i’m cool (cringe) and want to get to know me more. He’s also been with his girlfriend for 6/7 years and i’m not jealous so it’s not a physical crush, it’s an obsession. It’s overwhelming. I’ve had this before with a colleague who also had a partner and I think it targets people that do because they are less of a threat to my ROCD (I have the excuse they are also in a relationship). I’ve started having dreams about him and thinking about him constantly or what he would think about this/ would he find this funny. I want to be best friends with him and spend loads of time with him. Last night when I was having sex with my partner he was coming into my head a lot, which was irritating. In my experience this disappears after 6 months or so, but it’s annoying me. Weirdly it’s not that triggering for me at the moment but i’m worried it will become so. Has anyone had this and have any tips? I feel so weird and strange for having this, and I genuinely really like him as a person so don’t want to sabotage it for myself by having to distance myself because i’m scared.

I don’t have anxiety but the thought of leaving my gf, me cheating on her , me getting attracted to other girls gets me angry. When I get all these thoughts, I hit myself, scratch, punch, pull my skin , hit my hand on the wall. Can this still be rocd or am I in the wrong relationship cuz this doesn’t feel like ocd. I have had hocd in the past and this is not that stressing as compared to hocd. I wanna love my gf a lot

When was the last time I had a day where I didnt have to mentally torture myself to make sure I wasn't what I feared most. It has stolen so much from me and it is as if I am no longer able to live. It is always back to this problem. I genuinely despise myself.

anybody ever still feel a guilty feeling in ur chest kinda like anxiety even if u didn’t do anything wrong? i told the truth to my bf about smthng and my brain keeps making me feel like i lied even though i haven’t. im honest with him about everything, but my brain is telling me the only way to get relief is to admit to lying but i didn’t lie so it wouldn’t even make me feel better at all. i was uncertain about a message i had sent to someone and my brain is saying i lied to him bc im uncertain but i told him i was uncertain. my brain is always making me feel guilt and shame and ive felt like this before and it passed but this feels like it’s never going to go away and i see him in 2 hours and im scared im gonna ruin it

I’m obsessing over every past bad decision or every stupid thing I did as a kid or teenager. I have this terrifying fear that mistakes are going to come back and haunt me and ruin my life. Anyone have any encouraging words?

Hello, does anyone ever get stuck in the same unwanted thoughts/memories, over & over again? What do you do to stop it? There is a stressful event from my past that happened about 8 years ago. It was a huge argument with work friends. I don’t think I ever totally got over it, but I eventually left that job & I had gotten past it for the most part. I had moved on with my life & had stopped thinking about it constantly. I have always been a very guilt ridden person, thinking I have done something wrong, over analyzing myself, thinking I should have handled things differently/better, thinking everything is always my fault in some way. I recently had a lot of stress come up in my life (normal life things) & I was just finding it hard to cope & I started obsessing (again as if I hadn’t obsessed enough at the time it happened) about this stressful event that happened 8 years ago. I think stressful things trigger my ocd. I have dealt with being a germaphobe & checking things (that doors are locked, coffee pot is off, etc). But now I think my ocd is that I have been thinking about this event from 8 years ago, nearly non-stop, feeling super guilty about it, thinking it was all my fault (when I don’t truly believe it was all my fault, there were many people involved & everyone was kind of in the wrong in different ways). I am also analyzing the way I dealt with it at that time & shaming myself for not being stronger & for allowing it to break me down the way it did. Then going back to trying to figure the whole event out again (after all these years) & why things happened the way they did. It was a very stressful & confusing event to begin with & I couldn’t figure it out then & I can’t now. But I feel like it’s also a big need for me to be accepted & loved. I care too much about what people think. But I also can’t stand the thought of hurting someone’s feelings & I think in this situation I did. But I apologized at that time for my part in the situation & the person accepted my apology, but I always obsess over if she actually did & I guess it’s part of my perfectionism ocd. Like I feel like I’m not allowed to make mistakes or like I’m not worthy of forgiveness or I’m a horrible person for making a mistake. But then I also felt very betrayed by another friend that was involved in this issue that was not honest about her part in this problem. So I took all that it mean it was all my fault & I was the problem. I don’t think it’s really fair, but I come down on myself so much about it & I simply cannot get it out of my head. I also struggle with how this event made me feel afterwards (like I was worthless, a horrible person, then I was so depressed & anxious because of it & that makes me feel guilty because it made me feel like I was a horrible mother to my children, etc., I just started spiraling.). The other people involved never took any accountability for how they acted in the situation. I really would have loved it we could have all gotten together & said exactly what happened & everyone took their own part in it (so that there would be no lies or blaming) & we could have healed from it. But instead I was the only one that apologized for my part in it & I didn’t speak for anyone else or blame anyone else because if they didn’t want to come forward to explain/apologize for their part in it I wasn’t going to make them. I made a mistake & I acted in a way that I’m not proud of, but I admitted it & apologized for it. So why should I have to live with this guilt forever & replaying it over & over again in my head. Thinking I’m a horrible person. I think about it when I get up to go to the bathroom during the night, I think about when I wake up, it lingers in my head all day. I have a very full life with a family & a great job, etc. so it makes me feel guilty like I’m not appreciative of what I have enough to stop this from taking away from my amazing family. My top priority in life is my family. They mean the world to me & I sometimes feel like a failure to them or if I really loved them, I wouldn’t let this bother me the way it does, like I care more about the what those people that were involved in this situation 8 years ago think of me. It’s so stupid because it couldn’t be further from the truth. I love my family more than anything. I’m so sorry for the super long post. I just needed to get some of this out of my head. If anyone has any advice or suggestions, please reply. Thank you.

Had for ocd for years about loyalty towards my gf would feel awful if I thought bad off my gf and thinking other girls r goood looking missing my ex ect but now I’m almost better and now don’t avoid looking at girls which I did for a year I find my self wanting to look at girls and get an overwhelming attraction feeling that I don’t get towards my gf? I find every girl attractive now and feel awful like I’m better off alone as I feel Numb a lot towards my gf but thY would be because of all the trauma towards her from ocd. Any one else struggling with this ? We have been together almost 24/7 for 2 years is this normal the lack of attraction ?

I think I want to leave Christianity. I can’t stand the mental pain and screaming of my head or God telling me everything I love and enjoy in my life is a sin. I can’t look at my friends who are LGBTQ+, Muslim, Jewish, atheist etc. without my head or God telling me they are going to hell. I can’t live in the fear of sin and I can’t listen to my music anymore, watch movies, spend time with my loving amazing husband without my God or OCD saying those things are wrong. I don’t want to believe my husband is spiritually wrong for me but I just feel like God won’t leave me alone until I do what he wants and he won’t let me even do ERP. Religion seems to make everything worse. It used to be a major core of my life. Please don’t tell me to pray about it either.