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I talked to my therapist abt Harm OCD thoughts but I don’t think she completely understands OCD and thought I enjoyed my thoughts. I tried to clarify but I’m scared she’s going to call someone and think I’m a bad person

So can someone clear this up for me? So basically my harm thoughts around about smothering someone with a pillow and it got to the point where I deliberately imagined smothering someone with a pillow and in that moment I got bad anxiety but the thought was so vivid like it felt like I knew what it felt like to do that and that when I imagined it I ‘liked the feeling of doing that’ I don’t know how I came to feeling like that but now I’m just believing all the time that I like the feeling of squashing someone with a pillow and stopping them from breathing and it feels so real. So today I was alone with my brother and I hadn’t really had any intrusive thoughts today I’ve been ignoring it and I made myself some food and I came to sit down (my bro was playing his guitar) and I went to sit down at the table and I thought nah I’m not comfortable so I went to sit on my couch and I noticed there was a pillow in front of me and then the unease starts kicking in, suddenly My mind is trying to imagine those thoughts about my brother and I haven’t let them come but it feels like I really want to think about it and I don’t know why, I keep thinking that if I imagine it, it’s going to again feel like I ‘like the feeling of doing that’ and I don’t know if the reason I’m trying to have the thoughts is because I’m trying to test myself or if I’m actually bad and like imagining doing that since when I do imagine it I get this mild anxious feeling and it feels like I have to think about or that I like the feeling of doing that and I don’t know what to do, ik worried what if I’m frustrated and the reason why when I imagine it it feels like ‘I like the feeling of doing that’ is because it gives me a relief doing that because it felt like an urge for so long and now I actually want to and like doing that? It’s really scary I don’t even know what to make of myself anymore, the thoughts are desperate to come in like my mind wants to imagine that, but i don’t know if it’s trying to test myself because I got uneasy as soon as I saw the pillow, but it really feels like I like the feeling of doing that and I want to and im worried I wish this would go

Has anyone found any supplements to be helpful for their OCD? I am on medication but I also take Zinc, Vitamin D and CBD oil. I have tried Magnesium and Ashwaghanda but didn't think they helped much.

I have other mental disorders I have struggled pretty in debt for many years of my life like major depression and severe social anxiety being the first one. What I know so far I haven’t been properly diagnosed but denied that I could ever have ocd for years but now it’s comes to my attention the severe anxiety and the compulsions I give into from my harm ocd I’m constantly anxious of accidental hurting either from me or someone end up getting hurt or sick. It’s been spiraling out of control over the past week since I started this new medication and i know it could be the medication that is amplifying my ocd or an ocd induced medication which I have researched can happen. Its very scary and very disturbing and you just want to lock yourself away i been unemployed for many many many months 9+ from poor mental health caused by marriage separation. I ruminate on the thoughts of “am I crazy?” “Or am I insane?” And my compulsions begin doing research and going on the internet to search if I really am” to have the proof it’s very debilitating especially with the negative images/obsessions that come to mind. But on a positive note I can say that we have to remind our selves that these intrusive thoughts and obsessions are just are worst fears or the worst things you can imagine possible. The mind is a creative space. so we obsess anxiously to get away from the thoughts/images. With the compulsions and that can be constant researching or constant reassurance to make sure your “not a bad person” but we must know that the more we fear the more the cycle won’t stop, now the question is how do we break that cycle ? I’ve learned so far by practicing what feels like a safety net whatever it may be listening to relaxing music, hobbies etc or even spirituality can be a safety net if it applies to you. most of all something that can require your full attention and focus this Will make your mind not have any time to ruminate on the intrusive thoughts that cause intense anxiety. I hope this helps I still struggle and been struggling roughly for the past week so I’m no expert this is what I learned so far and I’ll try to practice what I preach to the best of my ability. We’re in this together. Ocd fighters.

How do you know when it’s time to stop sessions? I’m an idiot and had to cancel an appointment last minute. I’ll take full responsibility, but in my mind it would be a standard missed appointment fee like any doctor. I really can’t afford to pay a full session fee without insurance and continue therapy. the fee is almost 6 therapy sessions. I’m freaking out because I’m already on a budget. I’m wondering if I could get by with stopping. Or quit for a month and come back? I do OK. I’m just wondering when a person is able to stop doing therapy. My child is also in treatment and because of the budget I need to prioritize him since he’s more important to me than my own health. Has anyone successfully stopped seeing a therapist and continued to do ERP on their own?

I keep getting false memories of my theme. I know I did the things, but it now it feels like I liked the thing I did, and using it against me. When I literally haven't thought about the event in over 15 years or something.

My OCD doesn't even feel like OCD. It feels like i'm lying to myself and blaming it on OCD. I always ruminate and try and think back on the events that happened and these images pop into my head and these will be the last memory I have of it. It becomes false memory's. It feels real but not at the same time and I can't differentiate the two. I need help. I want to take my brain out of my head because it's just a constant battle in my head.

Trigger Warning:: Tested positive for Covid 12/29.. I have had severe panic around the clock since.. I have a fear of developing psychosis. It’s crippling me… I read about it on google and I can’t stop thinking about it and obsessing over it.. I finally tested negative today.. I’m absolutely terrified of it.. scared to sleep scared to be be awake.. could anyone give me some good advice to help me.. I’m on high alert for any symptom I may feel..

Just constantly thinking that as long as I think about those thought I will get that feeling of ‘liking the feeling of doing that horrible thing’ and will want to or act on it. So it feels like the thing protecting me from being evil is me not thinking about the thoughts so now I’m constantly living on edge in case I do dwell on the thoughts and I seem to think that if I were to be alone I would suddenly be bad or my head imagined these situations where I would be bad, like recently I made a friend abroad and I was imagining meeting them and then my head just wonders off into thinking oh and then you were alone somewhere and you acted on the thought and killed a cat and it’s like then I start feeling like I’m actually bad and can’t be trusted and can’t be alone because it feels so real like the other day I had a suffocation thought about my cat when I was alone and I got that same feeling of ‘I like the feeling of doing that’ and it felt like it was actually about to happen and that I wanted to because I ‘liked the feeling of doing that’ and I just don’t know what to do with myself I do know that the only time I feel happy is when I’m not having these thoughts like when I forget about them and stop ruminanti g I feel so much happier but as soon as they come I’m convinced I liked the feeling of imaging doing that and want to but it’s still a stressful experience but I don’t even know it because it’s so deceiving I’m pretty sure it’s the anxiety that is making me feeling like I like the feeling of doing that or want to and it’s just awful because even when I forget about it my mind wants to think about it because I’ve been believing it and keep wondering if it’s true

Does anyone just get a single intrusive thought that lasts for weeks or even months. I’m struggling with one now and it’s awful it’s about one of my family members and its so uncomfortable to have in my mind. I’m very close with this person so it’s just hard and I feel so guilty.

I've relapsed badly leading upto the festivities of Christmas probably because of many things piling up but one is definitely my recent results from my ultrasound. Yes a big ovarian cyst 😪. As if weight gain from previous anti-depressants, and ocd alone is unfair & exhausting. I'm waiting for another scan soon to see the size etc of the cyst. It's not cancer which is a huge relief but I'm at the point where I struggle with the blood of periods, the pain, changing my sanitary towel & showering. I've never been the maternal type, I'm hoping for a hysterectomy but I will not enjoy the aftercare process and staying in hospital. Sharing toilets, showers (probably wont be allowed to shower as you can't get the stitches wet-so wipes only), possibly having to walk around with no undergarments. The thought makes me sick but it's something I will sacrifice to feel somewhat "normal" for me. Doubt the surgeons will listen to me because of my ocd but I'll try to convince them. I just feel the demons in my head are getting the better of me, I'm losing time with no progress & angry that there's no cure yet for ocd! Why should the best therapy cost when diseases come free!? Therapy should be essential, a necessity not a luxury, many of us just can't access that as we cannot even work as the ocd consumes. The word "managing" is becoming numb to my head. Any thoughts, similar experiences, please be kind I'm not in a situation to argue. Thank you in advance 🥲.

i genuinely don’t know anyone else who has ocd like me! nobody i know can relate to my ocd. not just my specific subtypes and/or triggers, but ocd in general. i know that there likely are friends of mine who have ocd but just don’t share about it. it is just very very lonely and frustrating and embarrassing to look “crazy” all the time.

Does anyone else throws away their clothes because you think they are contaminated, and washing them up wouldn't help?

Hey guys Sorry if this is an obvious question but I’m really not doing great at the moment. Is someone able to explain exactly what HOCD is and possibly how to tell if I have it? Here’s a little about me. I have thoughts I don’t like/ don’t want to like. Throughout the day. Everyday. That although my head tries to convince me I like it, it causes extreme anxiety and distress. I would say more than often they are intrusive. Often I ask for reassurance that I have OCD from people close to me because although I have been somewhat diagnosed. I still struggle to believe it. My other side effects: * near enough complete loss of attraction * ‘proof’ that haunts me from my past * complete loss of libido Any support here would be greatly appreciated. All the best 💚

Hi everyone, just hoping to find someone in the same boat. I wanted to ask if anyone felt the same way. I feel like im actively holding myself back and telling myself to not harm other people or myself. I feel like i’m just holding it off as long as I can till the day that I won’t care anymore and act out my thoughts. I just feel like these thoughts would ultimately happen and I’m just trying to make myself not do them at the moment. Does anyone feel the same way?🥲 Hoping I’m not the only one.

Anyone feel like they are sociopaths/psychopaths because they have this subtype of OCD? do you feel that subtypes like harm OCD were created to just cover for being either one of those antisocial disorders? I’m exhausted been dealing with this for 15 years. I look back to when I was younger I was a happy kid. I don’t know how I got here. I was bullied by classmates in middle school. High school I wasn’t popular. I tried to fit in, I tried buying my friends thinking they would like me more. As I got older I realized they were losers and there was nothing wrong with me. I never did drugs or get drunk. I tried marijuana because of peer pressure had bad reaction so I never did it again. It just drives me up a wall why am I like this?

Hello I am new to this application. I am 34 years old and I’m not sure if I have OCD but I’ve noticed that the last two weeks I have been having these horrible thoughts I can’t believe I am having them. It makes me so sad and scared and I can’t seem to stop crying. I’m going on week two feeling this way and can’t seem to get myself out of it. How can I possibly have thoughts about harming my child? They are the precious gift from God. They’re my flesh and bone how can I?? The anxiety I get every day has turned into having it all day and night, just the thought of How I can could possibly think of such thing, now followed by depression and lack of sleep. I have never had this problem ever up until now. I can’t even watch any crime shows or the news because it spikes my anxiety. I can’t even look at anything like knives, guns because it causes me major distress.

It started at 14 had it for a year. It stopped when I got a bf. And then we broke up and I have it again at 16. I feel like it can’t be true.

Feeling really alone. I feel like I’ve burned out my friends with my OCD so now when I have even a non OCD issue come up, they’re already starting off on an annoyed foot. Just feeling really alone and sad right now. My grandma was my best friend and she died in 2021 and I just have felt lost since. Like no one left on this earth really loves me

Hello, My name is Rebecca. I have had OCD since I was 15, but was not diagnosed until I was 26 by a psychiatrist. I have experienced Relationship OCD, Religious OCD, POCD, SO-OCD, Transgender OCD and Harm OCD. I do also identify with Pure O OCD. With the different themes over the years, I always experience the same feelings: a heavy chest, unsettled stomach and of course guilt and doubt. I have been managing quite well for the last 2 years with the help of 4 steps that I have obtained through the book Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz. So, I am writing this because I have been experiencing a bit of a lapse. Now, it’s not quite a theme. I recently got back from a vacation from Disneyworld with my mother and daughter. We really enjoyed ourselves and decided to go back again next year. So, I have been excited planning and thinking about Disney a lot. About 4 days ago I had a thought that my thinking about Disney was my OCD. So, of course it scared me and I got the usual feelings and now I don’t even want to think about Disney, watch Disney+ or see anything Disney. It scares me and I have guilt. I also feel upset about it because we had such a good time, and had good memories. Now my OCD is ruining it! I know it’s not a bad thing to be excited about planning a vacation and thinking about Disney! But, my OCD is telling me different. It’s so random and I am kinda struggling with how to cope with this! Thank you, Rebecca