Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Does anyone have any tips on harm ocd? How to deal with it and how to stop thinking about it on purpose? Anything helps

For sperm ocd for me it invokes the fear of getting pregnant but you know how ocd is what you value and ect I can’t figure out how this theme is a value or why it’s like and ocd theme for me?

I’ve been with my bf for 8 months and really love him. Recently though my ROCD has been insane. I can’t stop thinking about breaking up with him and have this feeling that he isn’t the one for me. But when I’m with him the feeling subsides and I feel happy most of the time (no relationship is perfect). I’ve had moments of such intense dread and anxiety from this I just want to blurt out and say I want to break up when I don’t even. It’s almost like I feel there will be huge sense of relief once I do..it’s the worst at night. But then I think about not having him in my life and it feels even more dreadful . And even if I am having some real doubts that aren’t anxiety it is not at all close to the point of a break up convo. Does anyone have any good exercises or suggestions to make this stop?

Hi all, I am looking for suggestions, tips, and experiences with what works in terms of graded exposure for relationship OCD. I've suffered with OCD for I think around two years now (prior to this I had anxiety but not OCD, this was triggered by surgery and long years of being unwell and other things happening in life), but it went undiagnosed until around 9-12 months ago. This is when the theme of my anxiety and intrusive thoughts turned from my health to my relationship with my partner and to a certain extent others around me as well. Even though we've been together happily married for 10 years, having to rely on someone to help you when you are so sick, combined with covid and lockdowns, and death and illness in the family was a perfect storm of triggers for me. Even so, I have improved quite a lot because I was also diagnosed with severe depression around the same time, and that and my anxiety levels have improved. A lot of this is no doubt that I was doing a PhD while all of this was going on and have begun to heal from too. But I also think I managed to improve using a mindfulness approach to triggers (accepting but not engaging as much as possible). But I do believe that to improve further I need to begin some graded exposure therapy with my psychologist. The trouble I have, is, I get very confused about my triggers, although there are some definite themes I do not know how to write these down to begin a graded exposure, because they are thoughts I have, a line in a movie I watch, something my partner says etc. But I'm to the point now where these triggers are not so strong all of the time and it almost feels like a "mood" when I'm more susceptible to the trigger. Other days those things don't trigger but something else might. It feels like the less thought I give them, the better I get so starting this therapy feels counter intuitive to me. Is anyone willing to share examples of the kinds of triggers they started with? Or help as to how to start? Any help or advice would be appreciated.

… su*cidal, is it betraying their trust if you talk to someone about what they’ve been going through because you want to get advice from them on what to do. One of my friends has been saying he’s wanting to die. He’s not actually going to do it as he’s clarified but I just panicked so much these past few days and my mind kept waiting for the worst news. And my ocd has been affecting me a whole lot more than it has recently. Is it betraying a friend if I only talked to one of my other close friends who I trust with this info because I’m trying to help my friend and also I was spiraling in sadness as well…?

I don’t want to offend or trigger anyone! I just feel like I need talk about this. if anyone relates to this let me know!! At this point I don’t have a lot of anxiety about my sexuality anymore and it’s kinda scaring me. i really doubt i am a lesbian because i absolutely love my boyfriend, and i don’t find any relativity in the label lesbian. like it’s hard to explain, but i just get a feeling around each label. i feel like i am straight, but like some kind of fluidity. but i feel like bisexuality is so open and fluid that i like could possibly be? i have no idea. i also don’t know if my OCD is making it so i believe that i’m bisexual even though i’ve never questioned it before?? I don’t think i would mind being bisexual, but it’s still a little weird to me. but even then i could not see myself dating women lol. i love men. so maybe i’m bisexual but with a big preference to men? I really find comfort in the fact and idea that i love men and are drawn to men. i am however VERY uncomfortable with the idea of being with a woman. i mean even if my friends who are girls try to hold my hands i get uncomfy and grossed out lol. I DON’T KNOWWWW

Trying to deal with coming out or not because I don’t know if it’s real. My anxiety tells me I am. It feels like my gut is trying to tell me yes you are. I’ve had small bouts of questioning for the past 10 years, but was always primarily attracted to men. Over the last 2 years though my attraction to women has surfaced more than it ever has. It’s really annoying. I have no problem with homosexuality - I just don’t want to be gay. I really don’t. I’m trying to ask myself why but it’s really hard to answer and I’m afraid to answer it. I think it would disappoint my father but he would still love me. But I also just don’t want to be different. I just really want to be heterosexual and sure of it. It’s really annoying ugh.

I have been feeling like I can’t breathe since the middle of the day because my brain started saying I don’t know my authentic self and if I don’t know my authentic self then maybe I’m gay. I come from a religious home and don’t know anyone else who experience this and that’s why my brain keeps saying maybe it’s not ocd

i see a lot of the discussion around ROCD being about intrusive thoughts about being attracted to others, and being afraid that you are i loyal to your partner. I definitely feel that brunt of it but way more i feel the opposite end of it, I have horrible vivid images of my boyfriend just happening to see an attractive girl and in his mind even for a second, being attracted to her. it hurts so bad and i don’t get how people are able to exist in relationships knowing their partners find others attractive. and then i feel just such a huge amount of guilt for being so insecure. there’s also thoughts about past e experiences with him that come up as a way of trying to defend or validate my anxieties despite him being a great match for me overall. over the summer i accidentally stumbled upon a girls photo in a bikini who goes to our school and his name was under it saying he liked it. i seriously cannot even describe the nausea and utter disgust and disappointment i felt and still continue to feel from it. i have cried about it to him several times looking for an answer why and he can’t give it to me. it’s just debilitating. i’ll be doing anything and a vivid image and flashback to seeing it overcomes me or a vivid image of seeing him look at a hypothetical attractive girl in my mind comes up and i just want to break it off just to get rid of that hurt. i could go on about this because it hurts so so so bad to think about again and again. and i can’t bring it up to him anymore. i feel utterly alone.

So, how do you tell the difference between groinal responses and actual sexual arousal? Is what I experience arousal or a normal groinal response when I see or visualize teenagers or otherwise (yes, I know)? P.S. Please don't hide this post. 😅

I have struggled for two years and the whole time I thought i was insane and no one else could ever understand but recently i was told how common this is can someone please tell me some of the things you do because of ocd to help me hopefully not feel as insane I’m just tired of feeling alone in this.

I’m talking to someone and I really like him so far even though we just started talking but now I’m worried about what if it all goes well and I don’t deserve to be with anyone or I don’t deserve to be loved because of my past and the stupid things I did as a teenager. I know this probably sounds dumb but I feel like I don’t deserve to be with anyone because if they knew how dumb I used to be they would never want to talk to me or be with me (not necessarily be with me yet we just started talking but you know what I mean)…I’m just sad now 💔

i can’t even be happy about anything. i wake up ocd attacks, i do anything boom there it is. i can’t even sleep and when i do sleep i try to sleep for as long as possible to escape reality and my thoughts. the thoughts about my mom make me upset the most I can’t even be around her. it’s turned into disgusting detailed dreams that feel real. sometimes i feel anxiety or distress but it just happens so much im desensitized to all of this. POCD is still there but i can’t seem to heal from it cause whenever i do it just says “if u wanted to or tried to u could be a p***, anyone is capable of anything” and it scares me. idk what to do anymore. it all feels real and my life has gone down hill. im locked in my room all day i don’t go out, or see family. i feel like i have no control over myself or certainty about anything. i want to give up.

I have been having homicidal thoughts for over two months now and I can’t get rid of them. The thoughts are all brought on purposefully but I can’t stop thinking about them. It’s like I’ll be having peace and then I’ll think about them on purpose. I can’t label them as just thoughts for some reason and I feel like I actually want to act on them. It makes me so angry and I feel like if I just act on them they will go away except I know it’s wrong and I know it will put me in jail. But my urges feel so real and I just want to think like a normal person again. I want to be able to enjoy hanging out with my girlfriend again and my mom without having the thoughts of stabbing them to death or killing them. I feel like I’ll never get better and that I’m going to act out soon. I just want to be normal, idk what to do anymore. I felt like I was getting better and then these last 3 days have been awful. Idk how I’ll ever stop thinking about the thoughts on purpose. Can anyone relate to this or am I actually losing it??

My intrusive thoughts make me feel so evil. I know they are not real but I feel so alone. I know that none of my friends and family would truly understand my thoughts. I feel so wrong all the time as I if I don’t deserve any love and help. I don’t know how much longer I could live like this. This all started a little over 2 weeks ago. I started spiraling but now I feel out of control. Like my brain is having its own party while I’m locked inside of a cage. Any words of encouragement? I don’t understand I used to have a normal life doing what I wanted and thinking freely and then all of a sudden my mind started spiraling. Has this happened to anyone ? Does anyone understand?

Can all the people that feel like their theme is a truth let me know I’m not alone. I’d appreciate that a lot. I’m really struggling Just feels like it’s the truth and I’m doing everything in my power to ‘deny’ or ‘suppress’ it. Best wishes to all 🤍

Hello! I've been struggling with my anxiety lately to the point where I'm often unable to feed myself enough - then I cycle through being exhausted and unable to think/focus on work, and then more anxious. Does anyone have any strategies? Does trying to eat something small bit by bit help? I'm having a tough time even doing that ...

Hey all! Months since my last post. Recovery isn't linear, lovelies, but life gets better than it feels right now. That much I can promise. OCD is different now. The thoughts don't make me want to die, they don't make it impossible to function. On good days, they just annoy me. On bad days, they make me hate myself. Here's my biggest issue: I really miss sexual attraction to men. Like, a lot. I used to feel it, I know I did. I remember it (so F right off, false memory OCD). I was "boy crazy." Now, more often than not, I feel little or no sexual attraction for men. Even my own fiance, which frightens me. I feel lots of romantic attraction to my man, but no sexual urge. Attempting to feel sexual attraction to men feels like trying to squeeze something out of an empty tube of toothpaste. I'm really getting depressed about it. Meanwhile, I can look at any woman and feel *something.* If feels like with every relapse, that aspect gets worse. All the testing attraction and experimenting with sexual preferences before I knew I had HOCD has given me some sort of Real Event bs and made it impossible to tell false attraction from real. I have started to think I might be a "late bloomer lesbian," but then I remember how intensely I used to feel about my favorite actors and think about how the writer of that cursed master doc eventually came out as bisexual and has been in a happy relationship with a man for a while. I don't want to be gay. Not because women aren't beautiful, but because I have no interest in dating a woman or having a relationship with one. I love my man, I like my life the way it is. I want the 2.5 kids white picket fence sort of life with my future husband. But also, I just want to feel sexual attraction again, the real kind. I don't even know what that is, or how to begin finding it again. Does anyone have any ideas, solutions, etc. for feeling whole again, sexually? I haven't found anything that makes this better. My attraction comes back every once in a blue moon and then dies completely.

At the start i only had intrusive thoughts of my family dying then it started also telling me that i will lose myself and ill turn into someone Else and now ocd is telling me that i am giving away my soul when i do anything and i am not even religious i cant do anything even the most Basic everyday things cause alot of stress i have been tormented by a though and i couldnt sleep Last night when i finally could fall a sleep at 11 am but the moment i woke up it started botherin me again what should i do? I am starting to have proplems knowing whats real or not.

I am so hyperfixtated on my heart and feel every sensation in my chest and arms. Normally i remind myself that younger people don’t typically have heart attacks. But then i remind myself that I’m not 15 anymore I’m about to be 21. And I’m getting older and anything can happen to people in there 20’s. Ever since the football game last night (see last post) i am completely a wreck. My family ordered pizza and I’m scared to eat it because i know pizza is greasy and full of sodium which isn’t good for heart health. But at the same time i have to eat it so i don’t seem out of character in front of my family. I’m also overweight which i know is not good for your heart. I keep reminding myself that i do not eat that bad. We don’t have pizza that often and i eat a lot of broccoli and stuff like that. And i keep telling myself that people eat fast food literally every day where i do not. I’m also home alone with just my mom quite a bit and if i were to need cpr I’m not sure if she would be able to do it fully so now that Is in the back of my mind about what if something just happens 😔