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the NOCD Community

how do you all deal with the stress of a job + having ocd? what are things that help you manage? i feel like my brain is screaming 24/7 bc of all the stress & i truly don’t know if i can keep this up

i have physically challenging ocd, whereas soon as i get up in the morning or anytime i overstimulate my body by doing excessive movements of odd physical activity such as jumping on one leg, doing things with my eyes shut to make it more challenging, balancing on one leg (i focus mostly on my left leg since it’s my non dominant leg) and all while doing this counting to a certain number, right now it’s 19 , but it’ll go in sequences throughout the day any where from counting | 13,14,15 | 17,18,19 | 30,40,50 | 69,77,79 | 87,88,89 | 97,98,99 | those all separately but in threes, 0-100 and every number in between, and many more all over the place, i stretch or burn myself out to a very extreme extent and i don’t stop until my muscles in a certain area feel as though they are going to give out from the immense excruciating pain which leads me to intense crying pain some of the time, it has gotten better in terms of the crying with medicine. i don’t consider it hurting myself because its internal muscle tearing which builds muscle just like a workout in a way and makes me sweat most of the time. i cant bring myself to do a “normal” workout because that’s all i did in the past but it’s not as effective, but it’s ruining my mental health. it’s keeping me in some what shape of some sort and i’m not sure why r where it came from or how. i’m scared of gaining weight of any sort but i’m not scared of food or eating i even have trouble overeating sometimes then not eating the next day for a long while, sorta like fasting but not with the right foods, i still eat a ton of fruit, meat and occasional vegetables just don’t drink enough water and a lot of juice n lemonade usually but not ever pop. i just find this all so embarrassing especially with my social anxiety. i don’t ever do this around other people but i’ve caught myself in public or other peoples houses doing this when no one’s around and i hate myself deeply for it. my mind keeps me from ever talking about this to any family because they judge me all the time for every little thing. only my boyfriend knows and i’m beyond grateful for him and all the support he’s given me. this is all beyond debilitating and keeps me from doing every day normal tasks and routines and going out or doing anything even remotely productive as well as keeps me from having a job. like anything n anyone i have good days and bad days so sometimes i’m more normal in a sense and others i’m completely spastic, compulsive, impulsive. i’ve never heard of anyone who goes through this same detriment that i feel as well, is there anyone out there?

While I was pregnant with my first child, an intrusive thought struck me—what if I somehow molest my baby before I give birth? I tried to brush it off, but OCD was a step ahead: Even if I didn’t, what if I tell someone that I did? What if I’m institutionalized? My days were filled with fear and panic, and it felt like there was nowhere to turn—who would understand? Like many others who have these thoughts, I felt like I was the only one experiencing them. That’s what makes certain themes of OCD so hard for people to talk about—our intrusive thoughts feel so horrible and shameful that it seems like no one could ever understand. The truth is that taboo and disturbing themes of OCD are more common than people think, and there is a community of people who understand you. Read more about OCD themes that people struggle to talk about, and how opening up to others who understand can help anyone find relief.

May be too much info but every time I go #2 (which is not often and is another problem) I feel the need to not sit/lay anywhere so as to not contaminate anything. I wait at least an hour to then clean the restroom. Clean and mop the floor I’ve walked on. Spray the carpet I’ve walked on. Then check myself again. Then shower. But showering takes me at least 30 min. I shower, then I also clean the shower and shower myself again. Then once I’m out of the shower I go into the tub and wash my hands and feet. It’s too stressful. It takes too much time away from my kids. I feel like such a failure. And I know this is not normal. I have to keep reminding myself that other people don’t do this after using the restroom, but here I am. Then I feel so disgusted with myself.

I just can't learn from mistakes and take lessons.... This has been many times i have repeated the same mistakes again and again only to say that i won't commit this mistake next time.... And then I'm in the same cycle again.... I mean how the hell i rectify myself.... And i have this another problem that is i just can't break my habits.... I just can't get rid of my bad habits.... I just don't know anymore how to deal with myself..

My OCD got really bad to the point I stopped working for a year. I slowly got back into work and now I’m in a full time admin job 2 years later. It started off fine but now I’ve reached the 6 month park I’m overthinking everything. Checking things I’ve done. Have I done this right? Have I done this wrong. Im asking for reassurance. I even broke down the other day at work in front of a colleague of mine because I’d been filling out a from wrong. The thing is, I’m not making excuses. But this particular type of admin work I’ve never done before - so it’s all new. I was trained by one person who’s told me before that she’s had to train herself. That’s not to say the mistakes I make are because of her teaching, more so because I’ve never done this line of work before. Im worried I’ll go back to how I used to. This is a good paying job and I’m anxious and worried I’ll become sick again to the point of having to go off of work. Does this happen to anyone else/ how are they dealing with it.

What if I am just too afraid to admit I’m unhappy with my partner… 😭 What if we are better off apart?.. 💔 What if everything my brain told me was true… and I just don’t want it to be..? 😰 I am awake overthinking my relationship.. what if I am just afraid to start over when I still love my partner… What if I’ve been in denial this whole time…. What if my happy moments were lies… 💔

I work for Warner Bros. Discovery and I got laid off as a result of the recent merger between Warner Media and Discovery. Just two days ago I was prepping to get promoted and now my boss was blind-sighted and had to lay off most of my team. We luckily have until end of January plus a severance package but it still is upsetting. I had a full on panic attack and cried hysterically on the zoom call and my boss and HR tried to do breathing exercises with me. I wasted money on take out and alcohol today because I’m so angry. On top of all the personal and financial problems in my life, this doesn’t help.

What would mild autism and extreme OCD feel like combined? If you were to have them.

Finally I'm almost done with my costume. Honestly it kinda looks ugly :/ but theres not much I can do now. Just gotta keep going. Of course OCD has to change. I have real events with false memories and today I questioned if I had done more things in my past that I feel horrible about. I decided to check/ruminate or I guess me and my mind decided to and I believe my mind created a false memory. I know I shouldn't have but its too late now. I freaked myself out because I don't know if its real or fake. It seems like a remembrance and it would feel even more believable because its something so easily to do :/ The me before seems like the person who could've done it in a sense. Trust me I want to forget the false memory and honestly move on, but idk theres something inside me thats like saying no don't move on, you did this, and I honestly feel sickened by it. Now its just a game of did I do it ? Or didn't I ? Did I do something similar to it ? Why did I "remember" and suddenly get a spike feeling like that memory was real and I was remembering. I got a spike feeling towards my real event, this spike feeling could be the same thing. (Even though the real event I did remember before but it never gave me extreme guilt but eh) Ugh... I know ruminating and checking can make memories even more real and vivid but then thats even scarier cause that gets you questioning more 😵‍💫😵‍💫. I hate also that I could have potentially had the same feelings and reactions before to my false memories, but like always whenever things change and you get a spike its like a different feeling. Its like nope this is it, this is the "real" memory. Do any of you guys get like that with false memories ? Maybe I'm not describing it well, but its like you know youve dealt with a false memory before and the feelings you had with it, your mind creates a new scenario I guess days after, you keep ruminating and you get a spike, or an immediate spike and its like oh god this is real. It feels real. The other thing was for sure false but this ? Yeah this might be the real memory now... UUGHH. Its just so annoying. I just wanted to vent mainly about false memories. One of the worst things also with False Memory is because of how awful they are, they are something that will always be in the back of our heads. Its a thought that has already been produced and it will "stay" with you in a sense of its a thought you will always remember. God I wish I can go back in time. Whatever I needed to let my frustrations out. I was dumb to check again, I should have known I'm not ok and I never will be "ok" in a sense of OCD will always be with me. I need to learn to live with it and that will hopefully help me. The what ifs are something that always gets us and trust me again when I say I'm trying not to think of the what ifs but its like my mind deep down inside is saying it. I guess its just scared and I'm trying not to be scared. Whatever again. Hopefully tomorrow is a new day :) Sucks whenever I have these days I just don't want to continue anything. I was supposed to shower but I can't. I really can't get up and do it. I just wanna lay down and idk honestly. How was your guys day ? List the good things that happened ! 🫂💕

Because you CANT STOP RUMINATING. I’m really trying the non engagement responses but my head physically hurts :( feels like my brain is just looping !!

I've been a musician for 13 years now, and I have had some incredible moments with it as well as trauma too. My OCD has gotten so intense lately, especially while I'm with my band, that I feel like my only option is to stop doing it for a while. It feels like when I make any progress with it, I take 2 steps backwards. When I'm around them, I can't stop obsessing about how much better looking, smarter, and cooler they are than me. Those things may sound silly, but I truly get engulfed by the pain of OCD in those moments. I just don't know what to do. I know music is an important part of my life, but maybe it's too much for me right now? Especially with all of the other change going on in my life.

I’m starting to think I have rocd, either that or something els like commitment issues or it could be both? Anyway, I enjoy telling my friends I love them, because I do I really treasure my friends- however I don’t enjoy telling my boyfriend it, it feels forced or fake? Does it sound like rocd or something els? Or just a me thing? I’m just curious because I want to help myself, some people with rocd have said (on this app previously) they relate to other things I’ve said, so that’s why I’m curious if I have rocd or if it’s something different- sorry if it’s confusing but can anyone tell me if they relate to that, maybe it’s the person..idk! My head feels messy so I’m sorry if it doesn’t make sense, I’m just trying to figure out what’s wrong

I hate to say this but I want my anxiety back the severe one… I want my feelings back! I want to love him like before!!! I want my relationship back to normal again!! 😭😭😭💔💔💔💔 I don’t wanna say goodbye!! I don’t wanna end it!!! Please this can’t be me!!! I don’t want my life to change without him!!

Hi Everyone. As someone that doesn't have OCD... I am struggling to come to terms with elements of my partners OCD intrusive thoughts. I feel really terrible as I feel like I am being selfish for taking some of these thoughts personally... But at the same I can't help it. I don't know everything about my partners struggles with OCD, but I do know parts. It is really starting to affect how I interact with oir relationship - and I really don't want it to. Whilst the word crisis seems very severe... I feel it is relevant here. Because I feel like even the smallest OCD appearance is starting to upset me. The main OCD thoughts that I can't seem to see past, are constant thoughts about an ex love interest of his. Whilst I truly understand that these thoughta are not his own, I also really hate that they impact how he is with me. I don't think he realises how much he is impacted when the thoughts appear, and I try so hard to ignore the outward impact of his internal OCD, but at the same time... It is getting harder and harder to do so. Is there any key advice anyone has that might help me to lessen the effect my partners OCD has on me? Am I a terrible person for even allowing myself to feel terrible when I know he will feel much worse than I do about it? X

1st thing is- can ocd make it seem like you are forcing yourself to think of your intrusive thoughts? For example the last few days I’ve been okay if you will. And then once or a twice a day i have a moment where it will be like I’m fine, but then me and my brain will say why are we thinking positively we are supposed to be thinking about xyz (Dahmer in my case). And it doesn’t feel like ocd brain it feels like it’s actually me. Can anyone relate? I know it’s reassurance but i just don’t want to be crazy. Like and it feels like I’m trying to trigger myself or something. Like i have to cook hamburger at work and looking at the raw meat usually doesn’t bother me at all and then my brain was like why aren’t you triggered it should remind you of Dahmer. 2nd thing is- how can you tell if the workforce you work at is bad for your mental health. Like I’ve never struggled mentally before so now im just trying to learn why it happened to me out of the blue. I like my job and i love to cook but the people are super toxic. So it’s not the job it’s mainly the people and how hard i work. But like when people say “this isn’t good for my mental health” its just really confusing because im struggling to figure out what that even means. I don’t anyway i just feel a lot of different things but little all at once. Like i am struggling with 100 different things but i hardly feel anything. Like i hardly have any anxiety towards my intrusive thoughts and it’s scary. I just feel numb like i feel no emotion or something. I know this is reassurance seeking but i just need to know that im not crazy.

Can ROCD really make you stop loving your partner…? I am so depressed right now… before I left from work I cuddled with him bc i miss being close to him… He said I love you to me and I felt so much guilt bc I didn’t feel the same way at that moment… I still love him. But i felt like a lier… my partner and I share a room at my family’s home.. so I have to cry in the bathroom since I have alone time there.. I am just sticking with the idea that I don’t love him right now…. B/c I can’t fight back anymore… my brain is worn out i can feel it…. I didn’t wanna stop cuddling with him… 💔 It’s like our emotional connection is gone and that the 12 years we had together never happened… 😞 I wanna talk to him about this bc it’s becoming concerning but I know he will say I still need to get help..: like many of you will probably say… I obsessively though of his flaws… I don’t wanna leave him… We both don’t know what to do… he knows we live in an unhealthy environment…. That we need to get out but he and I don’t know what work we could do to get out… we don’t wanna find another job that’s retail bc we already have one….. We’re both very depressed..: why couldn’t I stop loving my family… I don’t even like being near them as it is… they’ve done a lot of damage to me mentally…. My partner doesn’t understand how I am even related to them. My partner’s mental health is bad too but he knows how to control it but he still needs help. He said my mental health is a lot worse than his and I need to be treated quickly before it’s too late…

No one who cares No one who understands No one who shows up No one who listens I have no one… Not even on a post venting to the world… I have no one…

so i need advice because i genuinely am not sure what is the healthiest thing to do. my partner knows i have ocd and knows a little about the specific themes i struggle with. but there’s a lot i haven’t told them because i’m scared to open up about it and/or because i think it’ll negatively impact their own mental health. how much of my ocd should i tell them about? do i carry on keeping most of it to myself, protecting their feelings and mine but bottling up all my problems? or do i lay it all out, helping them understand me better and finally giving myself an outlet but potentially hurting them? or something in between? i would ask a therapist if i had one but that’s not a possibility for me at the moment so if any of you have advice then i would really appreciate it

How do you make a jar of muddy water clear? Do you stir it? Do you shake it? Do you add something to it? No matter which action you take, the water remains muddy. The only thing you can do is to let the water sit long enough for the mud to settle at the bottom. In other words, the only thing you can do is ... nothing. The same is true of the human mind. There's no way you can think about things to make your mind calm down. The mind only works in one direction: more thinking. Whatever thought, problem or strategy you throw at it, the mind will always think about it more. As such, trying to think your way out of overthinking (or fear, anxiety or stress) is the psychological equivalent of trying to clear muddy water by stirring or shaking it. All you can really do is leave the mind alone and it will clear all by itself. Clarity is the mind's default state. When we don't interfere with our mind, it returns to clarity, automatically and effortlessly. Of course, not interfering is easier said than done. We often feel that we have to keep stirring the water for fear of something terrible happening. We tend to want to analyse, fix, or cope with whatever problem we are faced with. Yet this only makes the problem worse, because all our efforts only result in more thinking, rather than less. What underpins this behaviour is fear - fear of a negative outcome. We are so afraid of failing, being rejected or being alone that our mind compulsively tries to analyse, fix or cope with the problem. Yet it is not the situation or circumstance that causes the overthinking - it is our fear of the negative outcome. Of course, our fear isn't real. It is a fabrication of our mind that we create when we use our incredible creative powers to imagine a negative, scary future. Yet just as our fear isn't real (although the experience of it is very real), the negative future isn't real either. All that is really happening is that we are creating an imaginary future which makes us uncomfortable and afraid and pushes our mind into overdrive. So how can we help our mind not get tangled up in its own spiderweb? In my experience, there are two ways: The first is to simply sit with the idea of the negative consequence that you fear (being alone, failing, being rejected, going broke, etc) until you become emotionally okay with it. Most of what we fear is a fear of the unknown. The idea of a particular negative outcome feels so bad or uncomfortable that we do our best to never think about it. As a result, again, we try to avoid, analyse, solve or cope with the problem. We don’t want to think about failure or going broke. Yet whatever solution we come up with and whatever action we take, they are grounded in the fear of the negative outcome happening. As a result, we continue being driven by fear. And we keep overthinking. Yet if we sit with our fear and explore it until we become okay with it, the fear loses its power over us. Instead of being yanked forward by fear, we can approach life from a place of freedom, joy, curiosity and love. This allows our mind to naturally settle because we’ve neutralized the fear that was causing our anxiety and overthinking in the first place. The second way - and this is what I prefer - is to simply understand the mechanism that creates our experience of reality. When we see that all fear is just mental energy and not the result of the outside world with its circumstances, events and people, it no longer makes sense to analyse, fix, avoid or cope with it. When we learn to see that we are only ever living in the feeling of our thinking and not the feeling of our circumstances, our life transforms: We become free to simply float with the ebb and flow of our mental energy. When our mind overthinks, we sit back and enjoy the show. When we feel afraid, we allow that feeling fully without getting caught up in its story. When we are irritated, we feel the incredible power of the feeling without lashing out at others. We become more human because we allow more of ourselves. We can end the tyranny of trying to limit, control and deny ourselves who we really are. All this is possible when we realize THAT we are thinking, rather than focusing on WHAT we are thinking about. We can let our mind do what it does without us getting in the middle of it. We know that no emotion can actually hurt us, no matter how strong or negative. This allows us to feel all of it, to end the life of trying to avoid, hide from, and attempt to fix feelings of discomfort and fear. And when we stop trying to control the mind (which we can’t control anyway), we allow it to return to calmness and clarity every time it gets caught up in too much thinking. Just like a jar of muddy water - when we let it be, calmness and clarity returns, naturally and effortlessly. By Antti Vanhanen