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the NOCD Community

How bad can hocd get if you keep giving yourself reassurance and checking all the time?

If I let the anxiety run its course, I'm supposed to feel relief right? But if I'm compulsing I also feel a form of release, do they feel different?

Is it possible to experience arousal to an intrusive image during sex? It’s so hard cuz I always get nervous having sex because the intrusive images will be there so I try to not think about it but then it pops in and then I feel arousal to it. Why does this happen sometimes? It really feels like I’m turning into what I fear? It’s so real.

Does anyone feel guilty after therapy? I know I have experienced guilt after my therapy session and start obsessing on if I was talking too much or if I said something wrong? Does anyone feel embarrassed sometimes when they share what their OCD makes them do with compulsions? I know logically that there is nothing wrong with sharing in therapy, or being open and honest to receive help, but sometimes my OCD makes me question it and doubt myself, and I wanted to see if anyone could relate?

I keep having intrusive thoughts about my partners past. He has said he has never cheated. I believe him but feel like I need 100% proof to back it up. I'm also worried about finding out he has cheated in his past. I have snooped in the past and found no evidence of him cheating, so is it irrational that I'm still obsessed by it? (My ex cheated)

Can sometimes your OCD not make you feel anxious? But the thoughts are just there in the back of your head.. and you aren’t yourself atall but just sitting allowing these thoughts to take over you. I wake up in the morning nearly having a panic attack and try and distract myself from the intrusive thoughts but they seem to be just there in the back of my head and because they’re not causing me any anxiety/stress at that present moment, it makes me think is this the person I am? Do I want these thoughts?

I need therapy. I don’t want the ocd making me obsess about the issues in my relationship… 😞 I am scared I actually want out… how I’ve been acting towards him… it’s becoming difficult to function… I want this to be ROCD so freaking badly!! I love him a lot I cried before I left for work… 😭 I talked to myself how I hate that I constantly obsessed about our issues non stop and that we are trying to make things easier than they are now… my brain talks back and I said if it wasn’t for u I wouldn’t be constantly questioning shit all the time and that I could actually try to find a way to fix things… i know alot of couples fix bigger issues than I am going thru. That’s why I want to stay. I want us to work on our mental state… 😞 bc on both end they are bad… my friend said to both of us that your mental states are stopping you both from living a life and you both need help. I just want to love him.. that all I want bc we really are good together. That’s one thing I know for sure. He’s my baby.. 😢 I just… I just want us both to be happy

Can anyone relate to this?: I wanted to fix my OCD (aggressive and sexual) by turning to spirituality and spiritual teachings (A Course in Miracles). Now the OCD uses the spiritual content to torture me with existential thoughts and worries all day, for example: „the world is an illusion“ or „you’re just dreaming this — you have to ‚wake up‘“. Problem is that these ocd thoughts are backed up by the spiritual literature. I don’t know what to believe in anymore and if I try to figure that out, I’m back in the ocd cycle again.

I’ve been struggling a lot with reducing my porn consumption, I just feel horrible while watching it and get a lot of terrible intrusive thoughts while watching it, it’s horrible. I just saw a video talking about Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder and I was wondering if this could be related to OCD? I’m no therapist, I’m studying psychology but I’m no where near qualified to even joke about that, but I’ve heard a lot of people saying that porn addiction isn’t real and that it’s more of how you view porn that brings in the shame, but as a teenager, when I didn’t really feel shame from watching porn, I still watched it a lot and hated the intrusive thoughts that came with it. I don’t know, a lot of my sexual behavior does feel compulsive as if if I’m using it as a compulsion to reduce anxiety, or at least as an outlet of stress, but I just feel worse after, and it goes into my POCD as well since I’m horrified of possibly seeing anything illegal on accident. It’s terrible, I just want to stop, I feel gross and just want to see people that I might find attractive and not have these gross thoughts

I often find myself obsessing over my relationship and trying to work out if my partner is genuine and trustworthy. We have been together for 4 years and since we decided we would look for a house I have started obsessing over the relationship again (I had the same about 6 months to a year) We have a generally good relationship and I feel most the time I am right to trust him. However then I'll get caught up on a spiral of over thinking if he's right for me, if we have the same values and he's trustworthy. I often want to snoop in his past, to check he's never cheated and to get an insight into him. He has told me his relationship history, and I believe him, its just I feel I need 100% evidence that he's telling the truth to be as to let it go. There are also things that trouble me from his past, but I don't know If they are valid or I'm seeing threats that aren't there. (I have never found cheating evidence, but worry if i did find out, how would I react?- can't dump him for cheating on an ex, but it would ruin my trust in him) These things are: He met past girlfriends at work He has flirted on social media (3 times over 10 years) We met online I worry he would do the same now, as I worry this is just what he does, so would do the same now. He argues he wouldn't and its a totally different situation as was single then and is in a relationship now. He said before it didn't matter if he flirted with a girl as he wasn't hurting anyone, so it shouldn't matter and his trustworthiness shouldn't be judged on how/ where he met past girlfriends. Am I obsessing over nothing or his is past an area of concern? Early on when he told me about his past relationships I researched them on Facebook and started comparing myself to them and basically interrogated him over his exes. A few months later I asked him if he ever went out with another girl- he said no. I later found out he spoke to her on IG and they went on a date (6 months before meeting me). He said he lied because he didn't want to be interrogated over a date when he was single. But I took it as he was untrustworthy and dishonest. Does this point to him being untrustworthy or did I drive him to lie through be previous irrational behaviour? I also often feel like I need to ask him if he's cheating on me (my ex cheated on me and manipulated me for a year). Or other repeated questions such as 'why did you lie about going on thar date' 'do you still flirt with girls online' etc. Basically I feel like I need to snoop to get 100% evidence that I am right to trust him. Is this normal? How can I accept what he's said as the truth without evidence? Are his past behaviours concerning, or am I overthinking them and creating problems that aren't there? Could I have caused egg shells where he is uncomfortable to talk about certain things, so would be more likely to lie- or am I making excuses up for him and hes just a liar?

I been depressed cuz of a lot of health issues I have and I went to a ENT the other day cause I might have acid reflux. I don’t have heartburn or burning or acid taste. But doctor said you have it with those symptoms, I only have dry cough, burping a lot and feeling something stuck in throat. But it’s like this all day. I had bad Dry coughs as times.. but now it’s just suddenly there all the time. Can anxiety cause this? Can it be something else? I set my GI doctor this week too see if that is it.

Hi everyone, I am currently waiting for a NOCD therapist since I am in NV and there are none available at this time. I would really like some feedback, suggestions and guidance if possible. I’m not even totally sure what I am experiencing is ocd or not. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder three years ago and I do have a lot of guilt, rumination and reassurance seeking behaviors (asking family members, my partners, and googling nonstop). As well as other obsessions like double checking to make sure the pothole I drove over wasn’t actually a person, constantly checking if things I say are dishonest in any way, checking alarms, locks etc. Ever since my relationship ended after my senior year of high-school relationships have a been a source of anxiety. It wasn’t until five years later that I found someone I connected with off the bat. The dating phase was mostly smooth but as soon as the prospect of making a commitment came up that’s when all of the anxiety came. I was constantly praying, ruminating and asking others to make sure the relationship was right. I made a promise to God after my last relationship that I would not date anyone unless I knew they were the one I was to marry. I decided to say yes to being his girlfriend, and boom my anxiety was off the wall. I felt fine with him but away from him my anxiety was so bad. Finally the anxiety got so bad that I felt I had to break up with him. Only two months later I was in tears realizing that I missed him and five months later we ended up getting back together. We are approaching a year of being back together and as we started planning the one year anniversary the anxiety is back and the feelings of avoidance, and I feel even numb and unattracted to him. I’ve been googling a lot again and asking my mom for advice. I always have always had this feeling or maybe fear that God is telling me to leave my relationship even though I really don’t want to. He is such a great guy and I feel so safe and comfortable with him. He is my best friend. the anxiety around this is so great I no longer can go to church without having an anxiety attack. I have also felt this back when I made a choice with my career and although in hindsight I see it was a good choice, the whole time I had this intense anxiety that I wasn’t following Gods plan or something. I was so confused. Does anyone know where I can start? Or can anyone relate? Finding a therapist who understands has felt like such a challenge and especially finding an affordable one. I have taken a course about erp online and I kind of know what it is now but have a hard time applying it. Feeling so lost, depressed and hopeless. Any advice would be much appreciated.

It just sucks when you are able to go about your day, actually improving, and then suddenly youll just get a spike. Just had a "what would others think if I had more things that I've done that I'm not telling them because I'm not able to remember them" So now my mind is trying to look for everything that I've done from small to major because I'm also afraid there will be something I haven't remembered and suddenly I'll get remember it later and it will be horrible :( I honestly already know all my real events lmao I've always had. Its just that OCD latched on very heavily to them as it changed theme but at the same time I know I should just keep going on with my day. But damn the "I'm not telling them everything" "What if they find out and leave me and hate me" :( it sucks but whatever. I'm eating pozole ! Have you guys had it ? Also tomorrow I'll be working on my halloween costume/cosplay :) I'm going to be Hange from Attack on Titan ! What will you guys be dressed up as ? 🫂💕

Anyone else’s life like totally in shambles? I spend most of my time watching tv because it is distracting. I sleep a lot because I don’t want to get out of bed. When I do, I use food as motivation. I can hardly take a shower because I don’t have the tv (distraction) in my shower. It feels like I pretty much only work, and I don’t take pride in my work. I have driving compulsions. I ruminate a lot. I get overwhelmed by my house being in disarray, and I have a hard time thinking about others/maintaining relationships. I don’t talk to anyone about my problems, really, because I feel like they don’t care or wouldn’t understand. My mom used to be the one that I talked to, but she died like 3-4 years ago. I thought I’d be back to “normal” after 3 years. It’s been so long since I’ve had a good hug/snuggle session. Someone tried to give me a hand-hug the other day and I made it so awkward and even sexual 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’ve never been in a relationship and I keep having thoughts like, “all the good ones are taken.” I feel alone. My only hope is Jesus, it’s just hard right now. I have been putting off a confession too, which has made me feel worse.

Session 5, I believe. It was all over the place, we went through an exposure. It was fine. But we got to talking about many different things, & idk I wouldn’t stop talking like I was just constantly like “confessing” & thats a theme with ocd I believe. We didn’t have time for another exposure but my therapist made sure to call me after his next session bcuz it ended on a wild note where I was uncomfortable, but we had a lot of fun earlier talking about my triggers & his story. So idk it feels like I’ve gone through every emotion & I’m on this mid type feeling. He just wants me to focus on accepting uncertainty during this work week & not trying to solve these unacceptable thoughts I have. Very hard. But he will be available to me as much as he can be within reason to reach out to via the app this week so thats good. Anyone else’s experience you can comment about as I’m curious, like more long term experiences? Thank U all.

***TW Mentions verbal abuse and suicidal thoughts*** I really need help. Not entirely OCD related but this community is all I have right now………. I’m 23 stuck at home with my mom and grandma and I think my moms toxic. She says some really horrible things to me all the time and I honestly think she hates me. She’s never really been motherly to me at all. My whole life she’s belittled me and talked to me like I was a dog. Still does to this day depending on whose around and the day I guess. I don’t know what to do because I can’t afford to move out. I’m in college and I’m working part time. I can’t take it anymore. Even my grandma sees it because she talks to her like that too. Even the other day my mom got mad and threatened to hit me and has a few times since I was little even though she never has she definitely has hurt me verbally. I don’t know if it would even be considered abuse. Would this be abusive behavior? I just don’t know what to do anymore. I want to give up and my suicidal thoughts are so much worse right me because of not only the worst themes I have (real event and pocd) but also because of the fighting in my family. I can’t take it anymore. I feel like my mom hates me and doesn’t want me around. I want so much to be able to leave and never look back but I can’t do that to my grandma and I would be afraid I would be so guilt tripped and stopped by my mom. I feel like I don’t even deserve to be happy or alive because of my past (real event ocd) and other things but this on top of all that makes it so much worse

I went to a club with my friends, i was anxious because I'm not going out at all since hocd started and I knew there were also lesbians in this club. I felt no attraction to guys at all, even when they were really hot, but I noticed girls a lot and I don't know if I liked them or not I'm so confused. Also a guy tried to flirt with me but I was really uncomfortable, while when a really beautiful girl talked to me I felt an "happy feeling", I felt this way in the past too but I thought it was because I admired their beauty but now I really don't know. I just want to like guys again.

has anyone on here been on antidepressants or any anti-anxiety meds and if so, how has it helped you?

I know that one of the things they do is like animal cruelty and that really disturbs me. I fear I might have done something when I was a child and I just don't remember it. A memory popped up right now. I remeber once when I was really really young a snake appeared in my street. Everybody around went to see it, I think it was kinda small I don't remember that well, the only thing I remember is that I think I was riding my bike and a man killed the snake and to make sure it was dead I I rode the bike over it. Does that make me a psychopath??? I never hurted any animal and I never wanted to. When I was young I even wanted to be a veterinary. But does this makes me be a psychopath??!??!

For obsessions and fears about loving a close to my boyfriend person? While I know how much I love him, everyday or month a different obsession. And awaysbthe same fear. That this time is different and this is gonna stick with me forever. Any erp method I could use?