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the NOCD Community

The depersonalization and existenial ocd is real today. I literally feel so anxious and confused. Life feels fake everything seems fake i get this thought that everyone in world is a product of my own mind and i start to believe it and feels so real... then it attacks my suicidal ocd because i think well if its fake then whats the big deal to kill myself.. i feel like im in a video game or something typing this i think whats the point everyone else is fake anyway. I also get this thought when i dont feel it that im just a robot like blacked out because when i have dpdr im so hyper aware and when i dont have it and am just going about my day im not hyper aware and it scares me... its like im afraid either way...

If you have some kind of OCD like POCD or HOCD, isn't it true that if you have this disorder , you're the opposite of what your ocd tells you? Like if you have POCD thoughts, you're scared that you might turn into a pedophile, but you won't. I'm not trying to look for reassurance, but I want to know more about the disorder I probably have.

I'm suffering from FALSE MEMORY. My greatest fear is to lose my husband and his family that mean the world to me. I have this false memory that I cheated in the past one night my husband was out working. My mind is creating this scenario that does not exist what keeps me calm is knowing that I wouldn't have sex with anyone else for a reason I've only been with 2 people I am 25. Even though alot of people wanted to be with me I was very picky. Anyway its creating a scenario it did not happen like mixing reality and imagination I feel so guilty for no reason and a horrible person I get urges to confess biggest mistake I did yesterday when I confessed I felt weak and I felt I was confessing to something that was nonsense I feel ashamed.

My parents want me to go inpatient again for my ocd binge drinking and depression but I know they won't understand ocd especially not HOCD. And its so hard to talk about sexual intrusive thoughts. I feel like I'm at the end of the road here with no where to turn. I feel hopeless.

Hi guys. I’m trying so hard not to give into a compulsion. But I feel I’m about to. I have cheating ocd so I’m terrified about betraying my loving, understand boyfriend. The other day I randomly remembered about the moment I met my boyfriend and the thought I had. I had the thought that I wasn’t sure or didn’t like his appearance so would just text him the next day and call things off (feeling tremendously guilty even typing that. Yet the moment he kissed me I totally fell for him. I love his appearance, I honestly 110% think he is so great looking. He’s totally my type. However my head is now been saying for days, “because you had that thought, what if you then weren’t 100% faithful in the beginning of the relationship?” And I feel the need to confess this to my boyfriend but I don’t want to hurt his feelings or confidence because I do genuinely think he’s so attractive and good looking and wouldn’t want him thinking otherwise. Yet when I’m with him I feel like I’m hiding something from him and not be truthful.

Can someone help me, please? I’ve been taking huge steps towards recovery and it’s a slow, sometimes frustrating journey, but I’m being able to do more healthy things and I’m cutting out most of my “physical”/tangible compulsions, as instructed by my therapist. I still get intrusive thoughts all the time, and they change during the course of the day/couple of days. My brain always needs something disturbing to figure out, it’s very distressing. My question is this: how can I cut out mental compulsions, such as rumination, when it’s such an automatic response for me? How can I rewire my brain in that sense? Thank you guys!

[Need Help] today for memorial day my family was doing a bbq, and I played some basketball. The ball went right into a door with chipping paint. I do not know for sure if it was lead paint but paint would have to be there for a long time to chip like that. Later I saw my little sister trying to play with it but I urged her not to since shes 7. but behind my back she picked it up and was playing with my dad. I tried to tell my parents what happened but they brushed it off like it's nothing. After she ate something without washing her hands, and she seemed unfocused and irritated for no reason, which are common symptoms of lead poisoning. I'm 13 too, and I touched the ball after because my dad told me to stop acting like a girl and play some basketball. but I took a shower after and washed my hands good after since a good amount of dust went on my clothes. I'm really worried about my future and hers.

Can anyone read my last post? I’m sorry it’s long.

I am having an absolute freak out that I did something terrible awhile back. I want to tell you guys but I’m so afraid you’ll think I’m a monster or did something bad

Are there any Christian moms out there??

There is this time in treatmemt or recovery when you feel less anxious (or depressed if thats an issue) because you are commiting to process doing exposures and its working. But then you start saying "what if I didnt have ocd"? "What if I made it all up"? "What if Im just weak"? Obviously this is just more ocd doubt. But it starts a slippery slope. Amy tips for navigating this fragile part of recovery?

hi so as we know, pocd is one of the most popular types of ocd yet is one of the least talked about. let’s have a conversation in the comments and confide in each other!

It has become so bad Im even scared to think about girls now, cause if i dont get that good feeling. I just feel so empty. I have forgotten how it is to live. I have had this for years, it goes up and down. I just dont need to feel extremly good, I just want a sate of normal, silence in my head. I have becomed obessed with genitals and compare vaginas and penises constantly in my head. I know That i never want to be in That intimate moment with a man, it just feels so wrong for me. When i have been in That moment with girls in the past it has been so nice, but I cant reach That me, the ”real” me.

Ugh I keep overthinking my existence again!!!! I’m just thinking and thinking about being in my body and how weird it all is. I just want to relax :(

Has anyone tries benzos (valium, xanax, or Klonapin) to help quiet their intrusive thoughts? I used to take xanax and now I take valium and it seems to help a ton! Just curious if anyone else has had luck with these? I know they're not specifically for OCD but my doc prescribed them for my anxiety and I am so glad he did.

I have recently been obsessing about going viral online or my friends sending embarrassing/bad videos of me to my employer. I know that this is probably irrational but I’m so scared of becoming infamous.

I am a pastors kid, my parents lives are rooted in ministry and worshipping God. I experienced existential OCD back to the age of 7. I knew something didn’t feel right, but it’s the only thing I knew, I could I believe any different. But I started having real questions and they got mixed with existential obsessions, I got so overwhelmed and was left with extreme anxiety and terror. I remember going to my mom just hugging her as tightly as I could, holding onto her shirt, trying to feel some comfort. But it felt so real, and I thought it was. But anyways, still going through existential obsessions and questions, everyone is telling me “that’s good, that means you care! Keep seeking!” But seeking is what leads me in this cycle. I don’t know what to do. And going to church every single week, is really really hard. I just have to shut down my mind because going to church is the only social thing I have right now. So it helps, but it hurts.

I'm confused and lost I don't know if it's hocd it's been more then a month about obsessing being a lesbian I really don't wanna be a lesbian before hocd I had a lot of gay friends and I was supportive and comfortable around them now I'm not before hocd I used to read romantic novels and enjoy being the girl and falling in love with a guy now I'm scared to read or watch a romantic movie for fear I'll realize I'm a lesbian I've tried to accept that I was a lesbian but ocd is always smarter then it made me think I'll go to hell which is sooo irrational because I can't imagine my self even kissing a girl(while I was writing that my ocd made me think I'm in denjal) I'm so lost tommrow I going to a cbt therapist I'm so scared.

It’s a Saturday night and I’m in bed pretty much hiding under the covers. I’m in a 12 step program and I was supposed to go to a meeting tonight because I have a commitment there and because I was supposed to celebrate two years of sobriety. My anxiety made me unable to do this. Or at least made me feel like I was on able to do this. I recently reconnected with an ax and while we haven’t explicitly talked about the relationship yet, it seems as if that’s the direction it’s heading in. I asked her to come to a barbecue at my family‘s house tomorrow. She said she wants to bring her own car. I immediately thought that this means she was trying to bail on me. And that she was just trying to find an excuse to not have to say no right away to trick me. Then I convinced myself that I’m not going to hear from her tomorrow and I’m going to be stuck in Obsession all day. She also said that she needs her own car because she might leave early to go meet her mom. I have convinced myself she doesn’t want to go in the car with me because she’s afraid she won’t be able to get rid of me and she secretly has a date tomorrow night. I’ve been rolled up in bed and panic and not able to leave the house. I am absolutely terrified that she’s going to bail on me and I am really not looking forward to spending the day tomorrow wondering whether or not she’s going to get back to me. I am diagnosed OCD, and medicated, I’m sober, and I am in therapy. But some shit is just going to be there no matter what. My question is, does this sound like ROCD?