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Or how you realized you have hocd

Hi guys. I am really struggling and not in a good place. I need help. I don’t know what else to do. Please help. I have these two false memories I can’t get out of my mind. They are both from nights I was drinking. One of them popped up two days after the night I drank and the other one popped up the next morning. I had one single thought that I cheated and boom. That thought has stuck with me ever since. Both nights I was alone with a boy in a room, not in a weird way. On one of the nights, my friends fell asleep and a guy was in the room. It was one of my friends boyfriends. They fell asleep and he was just watching tv. I even remember the show he was watching and I recall exchanging a few words then he went upstairs. There were parts in between all of these I can’t exactly remember and those are the gaps that have caused me to feel insane. I keep saying “what if “ and I can’t get it out of my head. It has me questioning every interaction I have with my friend and him. If he acts weird, I think “oh he just confirmed it. I deff did something” or even if she is slow texting me back I think “she knows” even though I know deep down I did not do anything. It’s like I’m ignoring the fact that I know nothing happened but still feeling guilty and trying to look for clues from them to verify if I did do something bad. I feel insane because it’s like I know I didn’t do anything but at the same time, how do I truly know? It’s taken over my life and I am constantly trying to find reassurance to ease my mind. I find me texting them to see if they are gonna act “weird”. It’s so strange and i feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t know what to do. The other situation is similar. I was alone with someone while drunk because my friend passed out but I remember almost everything but stuck on the “what if” please help me. I know deep down I’m innocent but I keep convincing myself I cheated and did something bad.

Why is ocd making me afraid at the fact I have two eyes. It’s literally completely normal! I can’t stop being scared of what being a human means. I feel like I keep trying to find someone to relate to but no one has had the same thought/fear. Ocd is so mean so so mean. I just keep getting these intrusive thoughts of our biology and our existence. It keeps asking me all these things and I seriously cannot handle it anymore. It makes me feel so weird, crazy, and anxious. It’s so unsettling it makes me want to throw up. At this point I’m doing all this research to just try and figure out what this means about me and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know it’s it’s dpdr , philosophical ocd, etc. I’m so upset because it makes me feel like I’m an alien or something. I don’t know what’s wrong. I just want to stop having these thoughts and stop fixating on how we work as humans. I saw someone say that they have fixated on the thought of having thoughts and it made me feel a bit better but idk what to do anymore. How can I possibly be afraid of my own existence and my own being.

Yup. God I freaking hate them. I went to go give my little brother my aunt's dog and I purposely put them on the side of them because I was going to put the dog on them but then my mind was like haha you want to put it SPECIFICALLY IN A CERTAIN AREA and it was like giving me an urge to do that and do something else which I won't do but my freaking god I hate these urges. They scare the living heck out of me but it REALLY feels like I "want" to do them. Like I'm ok with it and I feel so alone in it :( Its like I really have to hold myself back not to do things (which I won't trust me) but its a feeling like that. Idk its a really scary one and honestly I don't even want to continue trying in life if thats all my mind will do towards people. Also because of that my mind instantly snapped to my early days of POCD where I was carrying a baby and had an urge I believe ? I honestly don't even know but its like well look at how easy you could've done those things maybe in the past you actually acted upon the intrusive thoughts with the baby but you didn't see it as anything bad because of your reckless behavior and moved on so you don't know if you've done it or not. Idk these urges are kind of scaring me again haha It just feels like I want to act on them and theres little nothing and hell not even myself to stop me :( Hope everyone is having a great day !

The other day I had heard of a family member being SA’ and now I got these memories I think the memories I don’t know that I did something to a child and I was sick to my absolute stomach I am freaking the F out I haven’t been able to calm down for a long time how would I know if these are memories are just thoughts When it’s so vivid

I am 36 years old with no history of mental illness. I had a stressful event at work about 6 months ago and slowly started getting intrusive thoughts about harming myself or my kids, but am at a point where it’s all I can think about. I was diagnosed with OCD officially this week. I’m distraught and finding it hard to cope since. I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before. I just started ERP therapy. I am hoping it helps but am terrified that it won’t. I just want my old self back! Please, if there is anyone out there who has gone through a similar situation, what helped you continue to function? Will I get to a point that I can function without being tormented by my thoughts?

Currently with a girl I love or at least I feel I do / anyone know how to deal with the anxiety of feeling like you will get intrusive thoughts / images around your partner ? And how to deal with those thank you

ROCD is so weird. It always comes out when I’m stressed or even sometimes for no reason at all. I might be losing my job and all of a sudden I’m feeling guilty over questioning my relationship the way I have with ROCD. I lean on him and need him and love him so much but then the ROCD comes and makes question if I even know what real feelings are. It’s like ROCD wants me to be isolated and alone. I want my boyfriend. He still makes me laugh and smile and he still gets me aroused. It ebbs and flows as we’ve been together almost five years. But he is the one healthy person I’ve had in my life and it’s like ocd is like nope, you need to be alone. I can’t stand it. I’m already dealing with existential ocd, pure ocd, suicidal ocd, ROCD can you please leave me alone? Damn

I'm not sure where to confide to talk about this as this is a current stressor. I've been dealing with constant worrying and intrusive thoughts for months, rumination, checking, etc now.The current one started to gradually develop in the past few weeks, where I fear checking out other guys. I'm in a relationship with an amazing and beautiful guy, and both of us are very loyal. He's very big on loyalty and checking out people, and I never did at all, and I still don't. However it became a constant worry of "do I check people out? What if I check someone out?? Will I do that?" And I notice it begin to actively obsessively tru and avoid something I already don't do to make sure I don't it. So now i began to get the intrusive thought question of "does that guy look good, I bet you find him attractive and you don't want to admit it, I bet you think he looks better, what if I look even though I know I won't cause I have no interest". I begin to feel nauseous or uncomfortable with even acknowledging a random guy's presence, and even if I glance at them as I often do with strangers (not out of attractiveness, just observing people) I get this rush of fear as I worry of "did I just check this person out??" It was mild at first, then I noticed because I started having the thought and fear so much my brain was already used to it where I could look at a guy and my brain auto registered the intrusive thought for it without it no longer showing up. So I now get the rush of anxiety and nauseous feeling. I blocked a friend I knew since middle school cause he posted shirtless pics and I never been attracted to them or found them hot (still don't, my brain just messes with me) but for the sake of not triggering my anxiety I blocked him. It got worse this week, where I stare at a guy that triggered that anxious response out of making sure I don't find them attractive. I feel the impulse to look at them after I look away in fear of never confirming that I wasn't attracted to them, cause I'm afraid to be left with the "was I? Why did I look? Am I checking people out? Am I horrible??" Looking leaves me distressed and sick. School started and this happening a bit more, and in general with guys too. For example I wouldn't bat an eye to the guys I knew from last year or a celeb, but now I'm forcing myself to stare at them and analyze them to make sure I don't find them attractive, even though I never did. I cry a lot cause of it, feel unwell, sad, guilty as if I do this with the intent to legit check them out even though I don't. It branched out into random small anxiety about "what if I am being unloyal now?? Does my boyfriend look good??" But this type of one doesn't get the chance to worry me like the reast cause it quickly goes away cause I'm immediately reminded with how beautiful he is inside and out. haven't mentioned this intrusive thought to my boyfriend compared to others I've shared as I don't know how to word it best to not worry him yet. I love him, and I hate when I get the intrusive question of "does he look better, you're getting anxious to answer that means your prefer the other person". It feels pretty up there with second in line with my brief POCD being first. I don't want the guys to think at school I'm checking them out or I have a thing for them, or for people to think I'm trying to chest on my bf. It's hard to explain the auto repsonse I get of anxiety and checking by looking at them. But I know it's just my brain and anxiety trying to mess with me, but can't help but worry often especially cause something like this means a lot to me and him. I used to be able to say "oh looks decent/not bad" when I saw a celeb, or friend, or once in a blue moon any strangers. I didn't think much about this way, since my boyfriend said in a way he does the same (not in a "oh he's hot/attractive" way but a "you don't look bad, but you can't be considered good because my boyfriend immediately takes that spot". Even typing this I get the intrusive worry of "what if I'm lying what if I'm not being honest what if I'm forcing myself", even though my boyfriend is the most glorious guy to ever lay eyes on. I stared at his photos in awe and taking in how gorgeous he is to me all the time (one point I went through my entire photo album of him in amazement- I still do this, I did this today seeing him). I notice I can only effortlessly do this without worry when I'm in a good mood. I know I haven't lost attraction to him one bit, but this intrusive has been bothering me for some weeks as it quite distressing to acknowledge another guy forcefully out of anxiety. As with other random intrusive thoughts I have, they die out eventually but probably will come back. I love my boyfriend, when my friends talk about how other guys are, I don't respond as it's not in me to do that and still isn't. Out of anxiety it's just never been a thing for me. In anxiety, it became so stressful to deal with.

I feel weird bc there’s this show call who we are we are and there’s this boy who’s the main character and I first thought was that he was cute but then it said in the show that he was a fresh man I was like oh shittt omg I feel so weird bc now he could be younger than I thought and I’m abt to turn 20 in February😭 but then I was just thinking that he looks young but not that young, and I looked up the shows cast to see how old he is and I figured out we’re literally the same age I’m just a couple months older than him but the show was made in 2020 and he was 17 and I was 17 too but I haven’t watched the show til now 😭 I just don’t know if that’s okay tho ughhhh

I understand when you have OCD you're supposed to respond to worries you experience with "maybe it will happen" or "I don't know if that will happen." To me, that doesn't seem to work when I am experiencing something that's real. Something that isn't an abstract thought, it's something that's actually occurring. My wife and I just bought a house, I'm in my first job as a teacher in a district where I have to drive 45 minutes each way to get there every day and it's brutal when I get there compared to anything I've experienced (rough area). My wife and I are also having some marital problems, she told me that needing excessive emotional support from her the 6+ years we've been together has bred resentment in her and she's questioning "us" a bit as a result. I don't know how I'm supposed to look at those very real very terrifying situations and just ignore them and refocus. That seems to only apply to mental hypotheticals

I am new to OCD with one child—and had one harm intrusion and then some very light pediophilia OCD kinds of energy of, course all unwanted because that’s how this whole thing works and its like separate from me but a part of me like a parasite; in short, like OCD!…I’m learning to put all of this under OCD‘s watch and separate OCD from me and it’s a wonderful thing to do but it’s very hard with the pediophilia OCD thing because of the fear and phobia, love for our children. We just want everything to be free and natural and NORMAL all around which means ME and my internal experience (my thoughts). Instead I feel like walking on eggshells in my head. so if anyone has experience with that I would appreciate your comment it seems like such a taboo thing to talk about but it’s so real because it’s all about what we fear and about what our dumb OCD puts in our brain to confuse us and make us miserable. I really could use some help because I just feel so exhausted refereeing OCD from me and back again I’d love to know how to do this more easily w/out draining myself of my lifeforce!!!

Honestly I’m just over this. I remember having feelings for boys when younger but now I’m convinced that was all a lie. My mind makes me think my social anxiety/awkwardness was me just actually being attracted to girls when I’ve never thought of them in that way. Sometimes it’s not even thoughts anymore it’s intrusive feelings/emotions. I can’t even go see my friends without feeling like I’m suppressing feelings and it’s not even good feelings it’s out of fear. I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I have a boyfriend who I love and have spurts where I do feel in love with him but they don’t last for very long. I don’t wanna leave him we worked too hard to come back to each other and this is all because of one grade that caused my depressive episode that made me lose my sense of purpose and feelings. I don’t wanna be gay I’ve always wanted a husband and my own kids but now I feel like I’ll never have that. None of this is fair at all. I just wanna be straight and normal again I’ve even had clarity moments that tell me I’m straight and then I feel normal but then the thoughts take over and I don’t even know what’s real anymore

I just want to feel the same with my boyfriend that I used too. I just randomly woke up with this one day and it’s tormented me ever since. I just want to be able to be happy again. I miss my life before all this. I just want to be with my boyfriend and not have thoughts like “what if I don’t love him” “what if we have to break up” “what if we never feel the same again” or constantly feeling the need to see if it still feels “right” when we kiss or cuddle. Or sometimes I’ll want to surprise my boyfriend with small gifts to just show how much I love him, but my heads like “you’re just doing this to convince yourself you still love him”. I just miss everything the way it was before this. Will i ever get to just love him and not have thoughts like this again???? I feel so lost. I just wish my life wasn’t like this, it’s made me cut myself off from everyone. And of course right when I start to feel better, my head just convinces me that it is only getting better because I now realized I don’t want to be with him. I just wish this never would have happened to me. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t want to have to lose him because my ocd is telling me it’s the only way the thoughts will go away.

I can’t look at quotes or sayings that are self positive I avoid them (not as a compulsion I guess) because I feel as though they don’t apply to me or I don’t deserve what they say. Like for example “You are worthy and loved.” But I feel like I’m not worth it at all and I don’t deserve love. Or when people say that I’m pretty or a good person I turn it down because I don’t deserve for them to say those nice things because of what haunts me everyday. I don’t even think it’s ocd. I don’t know

Hey guys! So I have ROCD, and have been in a loving, healthy 7 month relationship with my boyfriend. But now we are having slightly a love language crash and I’m not really sure how to communicate this (or not) with my boyfriend, so I’m looking for some advice. So basically, last week, I accomplished something super exciting related to my job. The day this happened I was out of town, but we called each other and he was super excited for me, and we yelled excitedly with each other (lol). Since the specific thing that happened is something can be watched, him and his family had a little watch party and celebrated me. It was super sweet, and he posted me on his social media, etc. But now that I’m back in town, we were making plans for when to see each other this weekend, and I was hoping he’d take me out to dinner to celebrate. But last night, we were talking about our plans, and he goes, “I can’t wait for our night-in this Friday!” And my OCD ran with it. Initially, I didn’t feel much of anything about it, but then I just felt bummed and anxious that he hadn’t planned anything to celebrate me. So later that night we called each other, and we were talking about plans, and I told him “I was actually wondering if we could celebrate this weekend.” And he goes, “omg yes let’s do it!” And we went on to planning. So it’s not an issue of he doesn’t want to or anything, but I think it just didn’t cross his mind perhaps? But anyway, I guess I felt a little bummed in this, and I’m not sure if I need to address it, and how to. Previously, for my birthday, I had noticed that all he was planning was going to my parent’s celebration for me. And honestly, i kind of wanted him to celebrate me separately. So, a week before, I asked him if we could do something just us, and he excitedly agreed and followed through my request. I was hoping that with this, he would see i really like dinners / celebrations, nothing extravagant, but something just us. And I think since I never outwardly communicated it, it just slipped his mind. But I guess I wanted to ask, am I being too hard on him? If not, how can I address this gently? Any advice appreciated! Thank y’all <3

After going 2 weeks now with none to limited intrusive thoughts it feels amazing. But at the same time almost foreign like it’s odd not to be obsessing like it’s hard to get adjusted back and like you worry if and when they’ll come back.

1. Who I am is based on what I choose moment to moment, and only speaks for that moment. No experience from the past and none in the future can determine who I am, much less the ephemeral experience of a thought. 2. There’s nothing to gain by thinking my identity is fixed or by trying to lock it in at all. In fact, the majority of my identity will be a frequently fluctuating thing. And that’s good. It means I’m never stale. 3. People do not robotically become the content of their minds. Our emotions and neural pathways can definitely influence our actions but brain activity alone does not autonomously build lives with thought. We don’t “attract” our life. I spent so much time wanting that to be true for the sheer power of being able to hand taylor my life, while simultaneously being horrified if it were true because I had never had control over my thoughts the way that I wanted to. Ever. I’ve also never met anyone who has. Don’t waste any more life trying to insert happy thoughts and discard unhappy thoughts hoping for an outcome. They are insignificant, do not energize them. 4. Accept that you don’t control your thoughts. You don’t even choose so many of the thoughts you have, they just occur to you. And many of those thoughts can be very unfair and/or unrealistic. They aren’t coming from some hidden identity you’ve been cursed with. They aren’t punishments. They come from what you value and what you fear. Consequently, your fears are also based on what you value. They’re the anti-values. That’s why you’re afraid of them. Otherwise they would just be more values, not fears. 5. It is not helpful to use thoughts to try and approve or disapprove of life. We are already valid as a life, proven by the fact that we exist. Our natural impulse is to validate life on the whole, that’s why we care about how our life goes and how our life affects the lives of others. We want to approve of life and we want it to approve of us. It must do, because we are here. Thoughts did not do that. 6. Everyone wants to know who they really are and to know that who they are is good, worthy, lovable, etc. When you’re a kid there’s almost too many identities to choose from, and according to a lot of folks you can definitely choose “wrong.” So of course we fear what we may become. But who says we aren’t already lovable, worthy, and good? Intrinsically. Often, we say it to ourselves. With OCD we say that to ourselves in the form of intrusive thoughts, doubts, and fears about what kind of person we are and what kind of life we are living. We often have a clear understanding of what we value, but an unclear view of ourselves. So we fear that lack of certainty. Make peace with what you cannot know. If you can accept yourself, as vague an idea as you may have of that self, you can still lead a goal oriented, value based life, full of questions you no longer need the answers to. 7. It’s ok to not be okay. Don’t make things worse on yourself when it’s hard by thinking you should not be feeling any particular mood. Admit your struggle and have compassion for it. It’s only a display of your dynamism. Love this part of you too. 8. Everyone is going through similar things. Even the most put together non-OCD people have something that plagues them with doubt and fear. Even the ones who manage it extremely well and have minimized it’s effect on their daily life. There is something or there will be soon enough. Difficulties and challenges are not indicative of life’s flaws (or yours) they’re built-in growth stimulators if we let them be. But even if we don’t, nothing lasts forever and stays the same. Hope this helps someone other than me! 😁

After many many subtypes, I managed to come up with a mix of sleep anxiety an OCD. Instead of fearing I will harm someone or not loving my wife or whatever thought, I go like ''What if that thought ruins my sleep?" I've developed several fears concerning my sleep: Fear of being buried alive, fear of dying in sleep, fear of being punished by God with insomnia and lately, having fatal insomnia. The problem is that I'm two completely different persons when I do or do not sleep. As I sleep night after night, my anxiety decreases to the point I feel 98% recovered - just to lose a night of sleep and go back at square one. Over the last 4 months I would go like ''sleep for 8 nights- lose a night- sleep again-repeat". I managed to get 40 consecutive days without losing a night. I was so, so fine. Last night, I didn't sleep for a minute. I'm desperate, as if all my progress was lost, and fearing I will never sleep again. I dont know what to do, or what even to expose myself to :(

i have undiagnosed ocd but i suffer with it daily and im super sure that i have it, for reasons i can't really go to a doctor to see if i really have it. and i was having an obsessive thought while scrolling on tiktok and i thought of scrolling through the ocd tag to feel like im not alone and this is normal and im fine. but then i just see these people describing their habits and like i have some habits, but im not clean or organized, i dont have habits that really go the "extra mile" i guess, like opening and closing a door over and over again, putting on and taking off my slippers because it doesnt feel right. i just usually try to ignore when i open a door and its not right if it does, and with the slippers i would just adjust them till they feel good. i dont keep things in order and my room is very messy, i dont care about folding things neatly or making sure theres not a speck on my plate after eating. i also have never thrown up yet because of ocd but i have gotten nauseous. i feel like i cant relate at all sometimes. i make myself think of like what if i am really faking it, what if its just a phase or something. i have obsessions and i have compulsions, but i just... i dont know. I keep thinking i dont have it, even tho i obsess over things like harm ocd and pocd, and i scratch and pull my skin to get over it, i literally destroyed the case of the phone im typing on by pulling the rubber covering on it all the time as a compulsion. but i still feel like im not real. Im either a fake or its just not serious i guess for me. yk i feel like no one in my life thinks i have it either. maybe their right tho i am more of a younger person, but i think i had it when i was a small child too, but i could just be imagining things or not remembering correctly, i was also pretty lonely as a child which is apparently linked to ocd. i have consciously been dealing with it for 2 years but is that enough? does it count as ocd only when your an adult? does ocd develop over time as you get older?