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Out of curiosity, why do you think people with OCD don’t see an ERP Therapist?

Due to guilt and I guess other factors at play (like thinking about getting having another baby in the future) I have reduced my sertraline from 75mg to 50mg. Although I took medication while being pregnant with my daughter and now while breastfeeding her and although I was told it’s safe, I’m still feeling so much guilt and constantly questioning the what if there’s that one in a million, hundred thousand, hundred chance my daughter can get something or would develop differently because of medication…I feel selfish 😥😥😥 However, now I don’t know if it is a combination of reducing medication and being on my period and also starting online school while being a stay at home mom that I feel like I’m losing my sanity. I don’t know if it’s a good idea to reduce medication…like is it period or reducing medication or both. Truth now I can not differentiate myself from ocd 😞 I have been thinking whether I have borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder but I’ve been obsessing over it. At some points I’m relieved when I think I don’t have narcissistic personality disorder because it feels like a death sentence. In fact, I hear all the stories of adults who went under narcissistic abuse as kids and it breaks my heart and I become so fearful, it’s my biggest fear for my daughter to go through abuse. I would never ever want my daughter to go through the abuse I had to go through from my mom (diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia that she didn’t treat). I’m obsessing whether I’m a narcissist I’m scared, I don’t want to be, I want to be a great mom to my daughter, be present emotionally, and in every aspect of her life. I read the symptoms and I’m like omg I do that but sometimes I don’t and I freak out. Ex: being jealous of other people I feel the need to overly analyze every action around my daughter. For example if someone compliments my daughter I have to think twice on how to reply so I don’t sound narcissistic. Or if I took too long to pick her up because I was busy I would think “wow did I do that because I didn’t think her needs were as important.” I have to think about the things I say and do for my daughter. I have to think like ten times before I do anything for her… When it comes to borderline personality disorder, it truly feels like I mark a few things. I get intense feeling of abandonment, feeling things tenfold, more than I should, when something bad happens (it could be the least personal thing like a random small business going out of business and my heart breaks - like I think about what that family could lose and what if they are homeless and suffer)….I make up scenarios in my head and wallow in it. I have felt intense anger, in fact today I went to a few appointments and bleed through my pants and then I got home and bled through my other pair of pants and my patience just ran so so low. I raised my voice in annoyance to my daughter and I feel like a monster. This is also affecting my relationship with my husband (her father). It’s putting a toll between us. My constant quick to anger, intense annoyance at him, when things are going bad, I sometimes feel like I don’t have control of my emotions. I don’t know what to do. I do know that I want to be better, let go of these intense feelings of abandonment because literally everything starts when I feel the closest sign of “abandonment” that’s not even real. I don’t want to hurt anyone emotionally. I ask myself why can’t I just be a normal healthy human being. I know this is long post but I’m pouring my heart out here because I don’t know who to go to. If you read this thank you for your time and if you believe in God and prayer please pray for my family. I know prayer doesn’t solve everything but it brings comfort and gives a sense of direction —— hopefully that wasn’t a compulsion…ugh 😂🙏🏽💗

Has anyone had this type of ocd where you wonder if you r word your partner and if your partner r word you ? IVe been obsessing what if I r word my partner and I’ll think of moments wondering would that be considered r word and now it’s about what If my partner r word me and it’ll bring up moments and I wonder if that’s considered r word 😢😢😢😢😢😢this is the worst . Just wondering if I can message someone about it as well . And I’m scared to even talk about this bc someone might tell me it is r word . But someone might tell me it’s not . Idk . But I love my bf 😢😢 the fact that my mind has took it this far . Idk what to do anymore . Ima just vent cause I need to get this off my chest : a moment that popped up into my head is one day we were doing it and he’s always wanted to try a position that I wasn’t comfortable trying and I didn’t want to try it but this day he was convincing me to try it and I didn’t want to . I kept telling him that but I ended up giving in and tried it and I didn’t like it lol. But there’s also moments attached to that moment . Like before the moment I explained . Ima just say what position he w acted to try so it can make more sense but he wanted to try anal. So I have these moments o remember - like he stuck his thing in my butt and then I can see he kinda pushing it in even i vocally didn’t want to . But he didn’t put it all the way it but was I guess attempting to . But the thing is I’m not 100 percent sure he did this . Part of me feels like it but idk . But the part where he convinced me happened and I agreed to try it

I confessed my real events to the people I was afraid of confessing them to. They forgave me, but now my mind has come up with new issues, ie. "You forgot this one thing and you for sure need to let them know that, too." Or making me feel guilty for telling them in the first place too. The point is, even if I think something will settle it once and for all, it won't. Thats what OCD does, puts you on the endless quest for closure. And I should've known that based on everything I read. I thought it was the courageous thing to do though since I was so scared. But now it's REALLY time to learn ERP methods and how to treat the root issue. My life has had constant evidence of OCD and telling any more details to the same people would not only feel unnecessary but bringing up a past wound again. Until I address the root this will not solve by simply relying on telling other people and thinking that's the solution. I have a new perspective on guilt. It's only useful if you need to heal damage, but irrational if it only affects you to bring unnecessary damage to others who were unaffected. I've always felt unnecessarily guilty about everything in my life, so of course OCD latches onto this. Right now, insurance isn't an option and I can't afford to pay further uninsured for treatment on this platform. However my therapist provided me some resources before therapy ceased, including a book titled Needing to Know for Sure which has essentially flawless reviews. I believe I can still overcome this on my own with the proper tools, and/or perhaps find different therapy that will accept the insurance my school provides. Don't lose hope! Through this all I've realized how pervasive this disease is. It will literally doubt who you know you are and make you think you're the worst person ever. Just because you feel the distress and guilt, its not telling of actual actions you need to take. It's the mental illness making you feel these things. It says YOUR mistakes are unacceptable then accepts everyone else. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. But I'm not remaining here forever. I know I am a good person put on this world for a purpose, and OCD is trying to weigh me down on the past that doesn't even exist instead of me being proactive and making the changes that I was put here to make NOW.

Tw: Wrote in detail and a little Obssessions specific, if you take over other's obsessions then please be careful Hey everyone, hope y'all are doing alright. So I have had relationship OCD for quite a while and in fact one of my first OCD subtypes. And I've a boyfriend who I've been with for some time now and I really love him but, the Obssessions and concerns that I might not actually love him are returning (they were with my last boyfriend almsot two years ago, and it was a bad experience) however Currently with him I'm happy, but yesterday this Obssession got highly triggered, I'll say it in a little detail. So it was a voting time for my boyfriend at our college ( nothing important) and it's been going on for some time probably some weeks and, since we were both busy we hardly got to meet each other in the last few weeks because we lived a little far too. So, I voted for him only half of the days ( the voting was supposed to happen everyday, online) and I forgot most of the days...but I really was just too much engaged with myself, I've felt so much happier after so much, I was able to enjoy the slightest things...and spend my time on studies and doing things I love and There were some inner strees going in my life too...which I don't want to pressurize him about, when he's already so much stressed with studies. But now that It finally came to me that the voting is over and I didn't paid attention to it when it was going on, I feel terrible because of it. And I keep thinking whether I really love him or not, or maybe I'm just using him just because he makes me happy...he really does but what's the point if I don't even care about him and support him? As much as I don't want to believe it, I don't know what to do! At this point it doesn't even matter to be that my rocd Relapsed but instead I really am just stuck on those thoughts...like what if it really is real?Any help would be appreciated.

i messed up i went on google after WEEKS of not going bc i remembered something from the past and got triggered and googled and i got even more triggered after going on Quora. I don’t know why i did i knew i shouldn’t have but i have nobody to talk to rn. i’m spiraling so bad rn i’m so triggered idk what to do. please help.

I feel extremely detached and emotionless from reality, my head feels like its in a different space than everyone else. Forget rational thinking, i cant even think simple stuff, all my brain is thinking about is that Im trans and a girl and need to transition above all else and only then I will start to recover. How can I come back to reality? My perceptions feels very altered, i cant tell right from wrong, true from false regarding anything. I dont know what happened to my identity i grew up with, it feels *completely gone*. I feel like my mind is of a 5 y.o in a 23 y.o adult body, like my understanding/perception of the world and things is starting all over again. Im trying really hard to explain that last point correctly but if someone gets it please talk to me, im feeling low as hell.

I just started college Monday and now all of a sudden the ocd voices are so much louder saying that because of how dumb I was when I was younger and what I didn’t know better at the time and the reason I absolutely hate myself has resurfaced and I’m so anxious again and the “what if” thoughts are in my head saying I don’t deserve good things, happiness, success or to even be here. I hate when it gets like this because it usually takes a week or so to calm down. I can’t get like that again. I want to do good in school and heal but I feel as though I just don’t deserve to. That I don’t deserve to move forward even though I’ve never had bad intentions. Never. I was a stupid teenager who didn’t know what I was getting into and if I would of known then what I know now, it wouldn’t even be a problem. I hate myself for being so stupid back then. I’m 23 now and no matter who I have talked to whether it was my mom who knows everything and still tells me to move forward and forgive myself and then my therapist said the same thing. You’d think after a professional telling me it would of gotten better. Nope. It’s still there. Haunting me every single day. I don’t know what to do anymore. I wish I could go back and change everything 💔

Maybe I'm doing too much but my mind has been so freaking mean to people, especially my friends. Like they deserve bad things happening to them and my mind feels happy. I can't tell if these thoughts are mine or not cause they feel like my normal train of thoughts. I feel so saddened and honestly sickened by what it has been saying and its like I will have a mean thought that seems normal to my mind and a second right after I feel immense guilt and hate myself and I deserve nothing.... Just needed to vent again but idk if these are even intrusive thoughts at this point and I'm just a terrible person and going back to how horrible I treated people :(

Im getting overwhelmed by the complexity of everything in this world. Its giving me so much anxiety and depressive feelings that I cant understand how things are built and work, it makes me feel really stupid and helpless. Idk if im mentally backwards or what but im struggling to comprehend words. One example ill give is, how are wrappers made? How do letters appear on covers of objects, like books or bottles etc. It goes even further like how do people figure out how to do stuff? How do they make the right decision? How do they even know what to do? When i try to think about them my mind cant even begin to think. Like i have to google everything and even then comprehension and capacity to think is poor as fuck. Does any of this make sense? What am I dealing with? Sorry the post is very vague, if anyone wants to add similar experience please do

People, I need your help. I don’t understand social cues very well so I need to plan what next steps to take. I work with two guys who we’ll call Mike and Tim. So “Mike” asked me on a date and I said yes. Problem is I have feelings for “Tim” and he has a girlfriend, so I figured: Mike is a great guy and Tim is in a committed relationship, so why not go out with Mike. I got to know him for a few days but I wasn’t feeling any chemistry. My feelings were for Tim still and it’s been that way for a while. Mike messaged me today asking when I wanted to go out with him. I told him I wanted to talk to him instead-in person-so I can break the news. We work together on August 27 so I’m going to tell him then…but his birthday is September 2 and I already agreed to go to the party. So the question is did I do the wrong thing and regardless should i go to the party???

Hey all, I was wondering on what it looks like to you to accept your anxiety and let the intrusive thoughts flow? I’ve heard this a lot but to me this prolongs my anxiety. For context I’m struggling with intrusive thoughts of beastiality and wanting to go watch it and it’s giving me high anxiety, I’m trying to accept it but I feel like it’s prolonging the anxiety.

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 13…… I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 13 when these real events happened and now I'm 20... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 13 at the time… now I’m 20… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 13….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 13 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15… and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 and I get intrusive thoughts of people calling me a P and a chomo and me getting arrested… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo… the real events happened only 3 times and I really didn’t know how horrible it was… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… I don’t want to ever be attracted to or harm kids in any way… 😭😭😭 It’s making me feel like I know I’m a P or a chomo when I don't ever want to ever be those things… I perform avoidance compulsions all the time and I don’t want to be anywhere around kids… even accidentally standing next to one makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable and anxious… it’s making me feel like that I know I’m what my POCD and real events OCD are telling me even when a former ocd psychiatrist has told me that the real events don’t make me a P or a chomo… In addition it’s making me feel like I’m what my ocd tells me that I am… I didn’t know how horrible the real events were at the time when I was 13… I really didn’t… my POCD and real events OCD keeps calling me a P and a Chomo for what happened when I was 13 when I didn’t know what any of that stuff was… I truly didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 13… I really didn’t… It’s making me think I am a rapist because of the real events too… my POCD just keeps telling me that I’m a P or a chomo or in worst case a child r*pist when I don’t ever want to ever be those things in any way 😭😭😭 it’s giving me intrusive thoughts about more details of the real events and this feeling in my head that hurts… I don’t ever want to ever be a p or a chomo in any way… I don’t ever want to harm anyone, especially children… I don’t ever want to ever be anything my intrusive thoughts tell me I am… Part 2. I am awake in the late night as I type all of this out.. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for the past masturbation to loli hentai and other explicit comics / fanfics with adult and really young cartoon characters couple of times unknowingly when I was 12, and 14 and occasionally unknowingly when I was 17-18. (Ex. Marge and Lisa) I had stopped three years ago, and I'm 20 now but I'm getting intrusive memories of doing it and I immensely regret it and feel triggered by it… I didn't know what the content was in any way at the time or what it represented… and while I avoided most of the content, the videos of them had millions of views, both the videos and the fanfics / comics were on public sites, and some of the creators said they were 18 in some of the videos, so I thought it was safe to watch... I hate myself forever. And you people should hate me too. I'm worthless. I'm a disgusting creature who deserves nothing but the upmost anger and disgust from you all….. god help me.…. just recently I was watching hentai for the first time in a while, hoping to find regular stuff with women my age or above and I kept stumbling onto loli again. I got triggered and I left the videos immediately of course, but it's giving me memories back to those moments and it's making me feel like I want to watch when I dont. I skipped it of course. I hate this POCD (if this is even POCD) and I hate myself and you should hate me too… It’s making me feel like I’m not anxious about the real event OCD intrusive thoughts right now and more intrusive thoughts of being in denial because of the lack of anxious feelings… 😞😞😞 I know the real events (especially the real events when I was 13) that trigger my real event OCD were horrible and I regret them horribly… and my POCD and real event OCD is telling me that I’m a P and a m*lestor and making me feel like I’m accepting it… plus my intrusive thoughts are giving me false memories of either events that didn’t happen or my intentions during the event and saying that I’m worse than a p or a chomo… 😭😭😭 I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo or anything like that in any way… my POCD just keeps telling me that I’m a P or a chomo or in worst case a child r*pist when I don’t ever want to ever be those things in any way 😭😭😭 it’s giving me intrusive thoughts about more details of the real events and this feeling in my head that hurts…  I don’t ever want to ever be a p or a chomo in any way… I don’t ever want to harm anyone, especially children… I don’t ever want to ever be anything my intrusive thoughts tell me I am…

So I tried accepting that I was bi in order to make the thoughts stop. I found my love for my boyfriend again but then got depressed because I don’t wanna be with a girl at all I think it’s weird. The other day I had thoughts of being bi and I was like I don’t care cuz I’m gonna marry my boyfriend one day. I’m worried this is denial but I don’t have the false attraction to girls like I used to ever since then and when I do I don’t feel attracted at first and after the analyzing I feel really anxious and scared because it’s not something I want. I don’t even think about them sensually anymore but my mind/body still try to convince me. Anyone else go through this??

The anxiety is rough today. I just want to love my boyfriend without doubting it. It’s painful. I’ve been doing a load of erp everyday and I’m just having a really hard time. I love him so much I don’t want to lose him. My ROCD wants me to leave but there isn’t anything wrong. This is my first ever long term relationship in my life, almost five years together. I have plans to marry him and have children someday. I didn’t start struggling until I had a panic attack in early July over questioning my life. It’s been up and down. I’ve only ever known unhealthy relationships. I come from a toxic house my parents fought every night, my first relationship was dysfunctional and he cheated on my and got my friend pregnant and left. Each one of my life long Bestfriend’s has gone sour but I can’t let go of them for some reason. I hyper focus on each relationship in my life and anytime I have any intrusive thoughts it’s like I have one foot out the door. Ready to run from everything that’s scary. He doesn’t hit me, he doesn’t hurt me, we laugh and love and do everything together, he is literally my best friend. But ocd wants me alone. I won’t let ocd win.

Can someone talk? I’m going to literally implode I need to get some things of my chest

does anyone else experience false memory ocd to the point where u worry ur not remembering something correctly? like multiple things and then u distort a memory in ur head that ur not even sure is correct, or warped, or it's exactly what happened. kinda like u overthink it so much that it keeps changing and ur not sure what even happened anymore. so u start questioning and worrying if this happened and then u come up with countless scenarios of what could've happened? idk if that makes sense..

I'm honestly not feeling well tonight. Things usually feel negative at night. My mind as usual keeps thinking too hard and I can't relax. I haven't felt the feeling of true relaxation in a long time. That meaning no worrisome thoughts, no weird feelings, no trouble breathing, and no chest tightness. I was just laying down googling and listening to a YouTube video until I got tired and doze off. Then I woke up gasping for air. Before I went for the nap, it felt harder to breathe as I was laying down. As if my body was going into fight or flight over basically nothing. I hate this. It's very annoying. I also always feel tense in an area like my left hip, shoulder blades, my head feeling heavy, or my back. I really hate this.

I hate whenever my mind finds a memory that shows "proof" that my real event is worse than it seems and I'm not remembering the timeline correctly. My mind instantly goes to doubting which obviously I try to say no no shut up that doesn't prove anything. I know I should just leave it alone but god dang its so scary :( Anyways just needed to vent I guess. How is everyone's night/day ?

What are some exercises you find effective? I feel like the instructions I have been given are a little vague and hard to understand.