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I watch a video about the deference between NOCD and denial and i was thinking what if I’m denying and I’m gay but idk if that’s the intrusive thoughts pls someone should explain

I’m getting really demoralised! Every time I focus on a doubt as to why I’m not in the right relationship, I eventually stop obsessing over the reason but something else comes up and replaces it immediately. Like for example I used to obsess that my boyfriend was dangerous and had bad intentions, I know for sure now that this is not the case and trust him. I then obsessed over the fact he wasn’t my usual type and I quickly got I’ve that one as he is attractive anyways and we just had a great connection. I obsessed over looking at his photos on social media and comparing them to other men at one point, again I no longer carry out that compulsion or feel the need to. Then randomly it turned to obsessing over his height , he’s a bit taller than me but we’re about the same height but that’s never been a big issue for me and it hasn’t even crossed my mind until moths in , again I no longer care about this. I developed and obsession that I fancied some other guy I knew , I will mention I never even fancied or thought about this other guy in that way until I had intrusive thoughts with my boyfriend it’s only after I met my boyfriend that I started obsessing about ‘what if i like this other guy more’ which i now realise is not the case and I never did . I obsessed over thinking my boyfriend is gay and didn’t fancy me , I even confessed and he said it’s worrying I would have this kind of doubt 2 years in to our relationship and he was obviously concerned as it’s not the case . Then earlier today I walked past this guy when I was walking my dog that I found attractive but my head started visioning a future with this other guy and I was like ‘what If that means you’re supposed to be with this other guy and is a sign etc’ which is stupid cause I love my boyfriend and we’ve built a strong love and have plans to get married and I would never want to not be with my boyfriend ! I’m lost because I feel like every time I get past a hurdle something else gets thrown into the mix, and I know I won’t break up with my boyfriend over these thoughts but it doesn’t worry me like will I ever be able to be happy and not worry

Everything is horrible, horrible, horrible. I feel disgusting, everything is just terrible. I hate my life, I hate all that I’ve done, I wish it never happened, I don’t care if I’ve “learned” from it, I can’t take it back. I hate how my memory has become so distorted I don’t what real and what’s not. I hate myself for not knowing better and knowing better at the same time. I hate myself

Anyone try to make traits of their ocd into something good, ie creativity, ambition?

I was scrolling through ig and a very pretty actress showed up on my feed. I felt like I genuinely found her sexually attractive and got a groinal response. To rest this I imagine kissing her and I felt like I would like it. The thing is I didn't panic but I really wish I did. I don't want it to be like this. I don't want to be anything besides straight and don't want to have a sexual or romantic attraction to women. Does this make sense? The thing that worries me is that I felt like I was enticing the idea and gave it truth but I don't want it to be true.

Hello, I am a completely broken mess. My fiancé and I lost our gorgeous, incredible dog, Gus, on Wednesday morning. He was diagnosed with an ear infection last week, he went to the vets twice and again on Monday because his balance was off. It turns out that he actually had a very rapid blood clot on his brain and we had to make the decision to put him to sleep on Wednesday morning. The thing is, I am dealing with such guilt because I checked him about 70-80 times (as always when I’m at work) on the home camera whilst we were at work on Tuesday, and he was restless and panting a bit. I instantly knew he wasn’t feeling great, but we had been told the day before that his ear was heavy and probably irritating him. Now, in hindsight, I can see he was in the midst of a severe blood clot which eventually caused him to pass away. How can I ever forgive myself for not going home on Tuesday when I checked the camera? The vet has reassured us a few times that bringing him earlier wouldn’t have changed anything, and they would still have never found out he had a blood clot until it was too late. All signs he was exhibiting pointed to lack of balance due to an ear infection. I feel like I failed him. And my OCD is latching onto this. Why didn’t I go home? Why didn’t I act on the fact I knew he wasn’t 100%? I guess I just thought he was feeling pretty pissed with his ear, but that wasn’t true and I feel so guilty. Please can someone respond I literally cannot cope. I don’t know if this is reassurance seeking or just OCD. Please reply.

Any tips on this theme? Some of my thoughts with this them are bizarre. To someone who has been through it what did you do ab your thoughts

Really really struggling I feel like I need to scream cry run and hide I cannot stop obsessing about my husband he makes me feel anxious uncomfortable etc He cuddled me last night and I felt weird I don’t get it I’m so confused and worried to death I had an appointment at work today I cancelled couldn’t bare the thought of going somewhere and pretending to be present I’m not enjoying food doing anything going anywhere physical contact with my husband and being with him is making me question him constantly I’m dreading the weekend at home with him I just don’t know what to do Do I love him anymore should I leave should I run away I cannot cope with these feelings any longer I’m seeing a counsellor Monday had my meds increased and not drank alcohol in 11 days and I drank very regular This episode all started from a panic attack non related 3 weeks ago

Hey guys I have rocd and I need advise or some words of encouragement When it comes to the feelings of oh I dont love my boyfriend even when I say I do it feels like im lying to myself and it makes me discouraged but I am too numb to fight it Its like my body doesn't want to accept I do Moments when I think oh I want to do something with my boyfriend my brain and feelings shut it down like oh its just going to turn into a routine or nothing he does will make you into him It just makes me depressed and numb because I love my boyfriend a lot, I could not imagine leaving him when I know all I want is him Sometimes my head tells me oh you are too young to have rocd (im 19) or there's always the grass greener on the other Side why settle But I love long term relationships and I want it with him, I chose to date him because it was something about him that was just different and I instantly connected with him We also been together for almost a year (anniversary on August 25) and sometimes my head tells me oh if you guys were together longer its rocd since a lot of people that are on the app I've seen had their relationship for years With anyone dealing with this and go through these episodes in recovery what is it that you do that helps you go forward with your partner and not feeling like giving up

Why does playing logic with OCD never work?

today I was with my boyfriend and after getting over hocd pretty much I think it started morphing to rocd and I just started finding problems that I hadn’t found before and then I was with him and started crying because I felt like I wasn’t as in love w him that I used to be but it was all so sudden idek. has anyone else gone through this

this isn’t really about ocd… so feel free to skip lol. i just needed some advice and this is usually where i go. i’m in a long distance relationship and i love my girlfriend, but the distance is hard. i feel like it’s making me way less emotionally connected and interested in the relationship. i don’t enjoy facetiming her as much and i wish would wouldn’t do it everyday or at least just once. i don’t enjoy hearing about her day, im sexually frustrated from us being apart which isn’t helping my mood, and sometimes she’s just clingy and i don’t want to have to text her all day. that being said i do still love her and miss her dearly, i just am not enjoying being apart because it makes me distance myself emotionally. i feel like this will pass and i don’t want to end our relationship. I’m surprised she hasn’t said anything to me yet because due to these feelings i’m kinda becoming an asshole and not being the best girlfriend i know i can be. what can i do to try and make this work?

Dear lord, I thank you for all the wonderful blessings in my life. Please lord I pray you help me realize the strongholds satan has put up in my mind, my mind is a battlefield and I want you on my side. I pray you help me flow through life with the Holy Spirit within me. I pray you help me cast all fear, doubt, worry, guilt, shame, and anxiety on to you. For I can not figure everything out on my own. Give me the desire to learn more about you and develop a closer relationship with you, so that when my life gets rough and my ocd flairs up I can still live in peace. Thank you for forgiving all of my sins and making me new. Lord I pray you place your hands on my mind and help fill me with healing, as I will trust in you and lean not on my own understanding but on you. “Cause me to hear your loving- kindness in the morning, for on you do I lean and in you I do trust. Cause me to know the way wherein I should walk, for I lift up my inner self to you” psalm 143:9 In Jesus name, amen I was reading my book battlefield of the mind by Joyce Meyer and she talked about how god does not want us to live in fear anxiety guilt or shame. How it is a Gift to be able to give everything all of your troubles no matter how big or how small to him. He will take them because he died for you, he died for you to be happy. He doesn’t want to see you living an unpleasant life. So if you’re struggling today or any day and need a little encouragement I hope this helps. I keep all of you struggling with this in my prayers, I know how hard it is but god wants to help us all, I’m still learning that too!! I’m so proud of everything all of you have accomplished even if you don’t recognize it, it is hard and I’m so proud of you for being here, supporting other and fighting. You are not your ocd never have and never will be. So if you are a believer or not, that’s ok and I encourage you to give everything to god and practice knowing that god wants you to live happily and wants to show you how to do so whenever you invite him to 🤍💛 he is always seeking you, whenever you feel ready you can seek him !

I wrote a post the other day on here saying what I did that made my ocd disappear for a couple of weeks by not researching/resssurance seeking etc and I relapsed and I feel so guilty 😔 it’s becoming increasingly upsetting to deal with ROCD ! I constantly feel like my boyfriend deserves better than me I do feel like an awful partner for having these thoughts and doubts about the relationship. We are going to be getting married soon , I am absolutely TERRIFIED. I physically feel like I’m going to be sick every time I wake up. I’m crying all the time, my intrusive thoughts are currently about the ‘spark’ in our relationship , the fact I wasn’t head over heels in love when I first met my boyfriend , it’s something that we both say we’ve grown to love each other over time. But I’m constantly telling myself ‘no you’re just trying to reassure yourself and you’re in denial ‘ . Before I met my boyfriend I always had the thought that you know if someone is right for you based off that initial spark and initial attraction, otherwise it will never lead anywhere. And this has really made it difficult for our relationship to progress because these limited beliefs have held me back throughout and otherwise amazing relationship. The attraction is there , but it’s not that intense desire and intense passion. I’ve researched online and It really doesn’t help- endless people saying if you don’t have that initial desire and lust the relationship is bound to fail. But I deeply love him and I’ve never cared for a man like I care about him. He feels like home to me and I know I’m incredibly lucky to have him as my man, many women would dream of a man like him , he treats me like a princess (as cringey as that sounds I can’t find a better word to describe how attentive he is and how he always puts me first ). I pray that we can stay together and walk together through all the challenges of life and that I can overcome these negative self sabotaging thoughts , but the worst part of all of this is the guilt I feel, he could be with someone who doesn’t have ROCD / these horrible doubts and he truly deserves the world he’s an amazing man , he has the purest heart , and he works crazy hours each week to provide for his parents and his siblings because he loves to help people around him, he is selfless. I’m lost at what to do, I give my all in the relationship I really do, but my doubts sometimes make it feel like a full time job and I wish I could appreciate my man rather than constantly obsess and worry. I want to marry him with all my heart , I would do what ever it takes to get over the obstacles in our way but the thing really holding me back is I don’t feel deserving to be his wife, he deserves a woman who was head over heels with him from day one , no doubts , no ROCD, I feel like I’m almost ‘sinning’ to marry him 💔

Change in orientation? recovery? does anybody else feel like their orientation really has changed as they get a neutral reaction to their thoughts like an overall “feeling” of change. it manifests sort of like its an awakening n that im “realiIng my values have changed.” should I disregard these like my other ocd thoughts: meaning is this a normal part of recovery? like embracing uncertainty w them? i am not trying to figure out my orientation so plz dont give advice trying to distinguish. just curious as to if anybody else w ocd has experienced this n how they handled it.

A lot of OCD treatment phrases I hear is it’s okay to be uncertain of what’s to come. But what about being uncertain about things in the past? What about the urge to KNOW everything that had already happened? Did I do this or that? What EXACTLY happened? What do they mean when they said this? I ruminate about stuff in the past including a guy I went on one date with in 2019. It ended with him blocking me but then I reached out a few months later (by this time I had a boyfriend) and he said it was because he “didn’t want to ruin what I had going on” and he “figured I was talking to someone else” (which may include my boyfriend who is now my husband). So I started obsessing what made him think that, and what did I do wrong. Because yes it was true I was technically meeting different people at the same time because it’s my first time doing online dating, but we never discussed how we feel about it, I think he probably just guessed I was taling to other people still but my mind says “no it’s your fault! You ghosted him!” because before he blocked me I did kinda lessened my texts when, for the second date, he invited me to go to the bars and said he wanted me to get turnt. (Additional note: he was also sending inappropriate and sexual jokes not directed at me but it was still random and a little bit sexual). It made me think that those jokes plus wanting me to get drunk and him drunk as well is equal to: he just wants to make out or have sex. Or he’s up to no good, it may lead to something not good. Either way, I felt unsafe for the fact that the intention was for me and him to get really intoxicated. So I stopped replying in that conversation and he didn’t bring it up again. I was hoping he would invite me to a different kind of date like dinner or something else to redeem himself, that’s why I stopped texting him first. But I worried I might have ghosted him accidentally because I might have missed his message on snapchat (that app deletes your messages after you exit it) and that might be the reason why he “thought I was talking to someone else” which I hate because it might be based on miscommunication and not incompatibility, that I was still open to talking to him and he just didn’t get the right message because maybe I didn’t speak up more. That rubs me off the wrong way. So now I’ve obsessed about him long enough (years!) that for any possible new information I can find about him, my compulsion says to GO FIND THAT OUT OR FIGURE IT OUT. For example, yesterday I ended up doing a compulsion and found a youtube video of him from his company, I felt super anxious, some emotional contamination, guilt, ROCD maybe, so I started to say a chant and a prayer while screen recording it to neutralize it then exiting the app. I did it for a number of times too so it may be symmetrical OCD or perfectionism. TODAY, my mind is saying, “Hey remember what you saw yesterday? have you checked the description of the video? Didn’t you screen record the video yesterday, and your compulsion to neutralize it? Why not check it again? It’s for your reference anyway right? Or you can look it up AGAIN on youtube! Maybe they put in his socials there or email address or phone number or anything, just something about him? Have you checked? Check it! It only takes a minute. I will shut up once you check it. It will give you relief once you check it and you don’t find any information because it will be a dead end for you. You don’t have to do any compulsion again after this. This is important. You HAVE TO KNOW what the video description says.” I know for sure this is a compulsion but the thought of getting new info is somehow enticing and the fact that only pressing a few buttons is all it takes to answer my question is giving me anxiety and I want this compulsion gone. The thought of it’ll be a “dead end” once I find out about it is even more enticing because my mind is telling me there won’t be any more compulsions after you do this one because you’re not gonna get new information anyway! But what if there is a new info?What would I do with that? Normally I would have gave in, but yesterday I did that and it sent me into a spiral of compulsions.

i’m sat here on holiday and i don’t think i can do this anymore, in my last post i mentioned i was afraid i was attracted to a 13 year old who looked older, despite knowing this it feels like i still am. i’m so fucking scared it doesn’t feel like ocd and i cant get any help or message my therapist it feels like my worst nightmare has came true, i don’t want to live with this anymore. am i in denial still i cant tell what’s real anymore i don’t want to be here

First ERP attempts of my life, watching "how i knew i was Gay" types videos. Little anxiety and Felt kind of arousal (no groinal responce) without any context, panic and anxiety followed, I fell back into my intimate compulsions to reassure myself (big mistakes, I know), went back to ERP but it dont feel the same... Is this normal in the ERP process ("arousal" feeling especialy)?

I’m thinking I might have a crush on someone besides my boyfriend and It’s giving me so much anxiety and depression because I love him so much and I don’t want to hurt him and I never even think of the other person the reason I think I like them is because I get nervous around them after this incident that we kissed once (I didn’t do it because I wanted to I was pressured by two other friends I didn’t like the kiss specially because I felt I cheated on my partner) , at first I didn’t think anything at all I just felt really guilty cause I already was with my boyfriend i still feel bad at times, and then a friend of mine told me ‘stop feeling that way it’s not like you like her’ and then that’s when my obsession started, I eventually changed themes and I thought I was over it until a few days ago I found out the girl I kissed has a boyfriend and I kinda had mixed feelings about it and I got triggered and started having the thoughts again, I’ve been fine these months and could talk to her naturally why is this suddenly happening I don’t want to like her it makes me sick to my stomach, I’ll sometimes look at pictures of her to see if I feel something and I don’t I feel normal but then I start freaking out about the fact I feel nervous (and extremely uncomfortable) and I’m reviewing past event trying to figure out if it’s true or not I don’t want this to happen I hate this anxiety I don’t know what to do somebody please help me

Does ERP works for OCD and how much time it takes for contamination OCD? Secondly, is it completely curable?