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Guys I literally feel trans. I literally feel like I have to come out and that I’m not a girl anymore 😭😭 I can’t believe my life has come to this.

Okay - I probably shouldn’t be doing this because it’s possibly seeking reassurance, but I really think I want to know out of curiosity. With my OCD I have subtypes that’s easy for my to list and explain, yet there is some feelings that I struggle with putting into words but I am going to try, so here we go. I used to love scary movies, especially all the classics, but now I can’t watch them. I also want to state that I was diagnosed with OCD at 12 and for the majority of my life since then, I never struggled until this past February when I accidentally ate a Delta 8 cookie that had a 150MG dose (keep in mind I’m not used to weed 🙃). I went into a panic attack and ever since I’ve been dealing with awful intrusive thoughts and anxiety. Anyway, one of my OCD quirks is I will think of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and start feeling anxious - (I know he’s not real). If I see a weird field or dirt road that resembles the ones in the movie, I get anxious and uncomfortable. It’s almost like I’m stuck in a scary movie inside my head. I am now super hyperaware of feelings. If I feel drowsy I start getting anxious and if I laugh to much I start getting worried. Last night my husband and I watched Avengers: End Game, and I was a WRECK and the end. I was crying and laughing (because of how ridiculous I looked) at the same time and then all of a sudden BAM! I got anxious and started thinking “omg is crying and laughing like this normal or am I going crazy). I literally feel like an emotional wreck 😅 Can anyone relate?

I just wanna know why i had to get all the mental illnesses in my family

Why does it feel like we have to accept more uncertainty than most? I know I may be wrong, but I cant help but feel that it is so wrong to not worry about potential issues, if I’m making the wrong choice about my relationship especially if there were and can be real problems involved, if I’ve harmed, if I’ve been harmed, if this is not even OCD. It feels like Im being kept in the dark and it feels so unfair. Is there really no way other than to accept uncertainty? These are such important things (to me at least) and I’m supposed to not be sure about them? How is ERP going to help with OCD mixed with « real » problems? Ive been feeling so sad and frustrated about this lately, especially with « is it even OCD or am I supposed to be doing something else? Can someone please let me know how they overcome this?

I was raised religious and It giveds me safety and comfort when I was younger because when I prayed I told to someone me though and worries so that comfort. Later I didn't believe In It anymore but rn because of the OCD episode again I rethink everything because when I prayed I asked things but didn't got It and there was like also a person that had that and god told them like just because I font give you what you want doesn't mean I don't love you around those lines. And I was like Oh I didn't got that when I was younger what I asked for but I got comfort and safety because I needed that and he knows best what people needs. And I got that water on me head when I was you so maybe also that's has something to do with It that I am contected to It. But Idk what to think or I should go back to that because I want that comfort and safety back but rn I don't believe In It but this makes me rethink everything because It probably won't work because you have to believe In you hart I'm It and when I was a kid I did because I didn't doubt It or something so rn I am panicking because It makes sense and what If he exit's for some people and sometimes I think I hear him or like a feeling that he Is there but also could be all OCD. AND CAN ANYBODY HELP ME WITH THIS like should I go back praying every night and saying all that just to get that back but even I don't believe In It anymore like wtf But I always said that I had religion trauma but was Iinying to me self because rn I think different about it and I would be a better person and I should ask god what to do rn or what he wants Idk

Can I carry on in my happy relationship even though there was no initial spark or infatuation on my side but we’ve grown so close ? And that I have anxiety based on my levels of attraction at times ?

Hi, I'm new here-- I don't actually know how to tag these posts, so I'm sorry if what I'm going through has nothing to do with your condition. I want to preface this by saying I am confident that I will never harm any child, nor do I feel any urges to harm a child outside of intrusive thoughts I know I would never act on. My distress stems from the morality issue of groinal responses and unpleasant imagery involving children. My arousal triggers incredibly easily unfortunately, I could get aroused watching a mantis mating video (and if you know about mantises, you'll know how incredible that is). Even so, I get an incredible distress when I am given a groinal response from the intrusive images of children. I know that you can be uncomfortable by something and still get aroused, I know that any image reguardless of what it is can trigger arousal if it's of a sexual nature. However, my mind ignores these facts and just says "You're feeling too good thinking about this. People don't mean this when they talk about groinal responses." But the worst is when I'm attempting to maturbate. Whenever I masturbate, my intrusive thoughts in general can "quicken" the experience. It isn't just children, it can be my relatives, or animals, or maggots, etc. So I know it's not the fact that they're children, but the fact that it's a taboo topic. It doesn't matter what "material" I find, no matter what, when I'm nearing the end my brain is desperate enough to imagine taboo thoughts just to reach the edge. I've been thinking about trading off the child intrusive thoughts for thoughts of incest or even beastiality, if it means I'm not thinking about children while doing 'that'. I believe I've actually tried this before with sucess. Reading this, you may be thinking "wow, you seem to have it all figured out." Yeah, I do! It doesn't help. I know the facts presented to me, I know I'm not a pedophile and still, I have doubt. That's how horrible this disorder is. Sometimes it helps reading other people's responses on these things, but other times it can be disturbing. Some people say they at one point enjoyed aspects of these thoughts, or enjoyed specific actions with children. I do not think that's POCD. But I'm not a professional. However, if those things can also be symptoms of POCD, that's even more demoralising, because it blurs the line between pedophilia and the OCD disorder. It's sad that there's no definitive answer on the difference. Sorry for the incredibly long post, I really just wanted to talk about what I've been going through in detail to see if others feel the same way. I am currently seeing a therapist about this, and no, she hasn't told me my thoughts are pedophilic, so that's good!

Does anyone have any helpful vitamins or routines that seem to help reduce anxiety? I have been trying to get more sleep & read more (which sounds silly but is a great distraction from all of my thoughts) which seems to help so far. I just wondered if anyone has found things that seem to anchor them & help to reduce the spiral of ocd! Also do routines tend to help those with ocd or discourage the breaking of compulsions??? I feel like they help me but maybe they only give me comfort and reassurance which might actually worsen my ocd in the future??? I’m not sure lol if anyone has any suggestions please reply! :)

How can I forgive myself for the mistakes I made as a teenager (maybe 15 through 18 or 19 I don’t remember exactly) when at the time I had no bad intentions I just didn’t understand what I was getting into? How can I forgive myself for being so dumb? I should of known. But unfortunately now dealing with real event and other themes trying to find “proof” it’s so exhausting and unsettling especially when the worst case scenario about my self and my past comes up literally every day and I have to fight it with “maybe, maybe not”…when will it ever go away. Do I even deserve for it to go away? No matter who I’ve told whether it was a parent or a therapist they all say the same thing…….let it go……..how am I supposed to do that. I want to do great things in life. I want to make up for all I have done wrong. I want to help people but I can’t even help myself. I hate myself. I don’t even like myself at all. I would go back in a heartbeat. But I can’t. I’m stuck in this mental hell. Will I ever be ok again…….

I guess I just need to let out some of my feelings because I’ve been holding them to myself for so long and I don’t know what to do anymore. When I first got these thoughts, it came after a huge and debilitating episode of SO-OCD. It was just starting to get a little bit weaker, then obsessive thoughts about being trans hit me out of no where. At first, it was easy to say they were nonsense, that’s how it always starts. I started fearing how real these thoughts would eventually feel, because I knew with my experience regarding sexual orientation obsessive thoughts, it can feel so real and like you HAVE to choose something right away. Well, I wish I was aware that it would be even harder than I thought. I’ve dealt with so much, and I haven’t been able to talk to my mom or anyone about this theme. Because when I tried with my SO-OCD one, she was super stressed out and did little to support me. This whole theme was kind of triggered by my mom mentioning how she wishes she could be like the other parents who could support their kids if they were trans, and I guess that made this pattern start. Prior, I never once doubted my gender identity. But now the doubt gets massive, so massive that it’s hard to even know what to do anymore. Backdoor spikes get strong too so when the anxiety doesn’t come, I fear that means this is what I want. Not only that, but my head keeps telling me I’m feminine even though I just want to feel like myself again. I know that’s not what it means but it’s so hard to stop the doubt once it starts. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve tried looking at old photos or getting up and going to the mirror to see if I really was happy with who I was, or looked at part of myself and wondered if it was more feminine. It doesn’t help that when I was still new to this all, I saw all the symptoms of dysphoria and now I dread looking in the mirror because I’m afraid I’ll start developing it. For a small while it was with my facial hair and a fear that I was gonna start hating it but then that went away and it switched to my shoulders and that’s starting to fade now. I’ve never had an issue with being referred to with he/him, but now I have hyper awareness and I have to carefully analyze my reaction when anyone refers to me that way because I’m absolutely terrified I might start hating it. What makes it even harder, is that I’ve always struggled with my own sense of identity. I’ve wanted to get my own sense of style and to take care of myself better. I wanted to feel like more of my own person, and I’ve been working on this since 2020. These thoughts feel even stronger because they try to convince me it’s because of my gender. What confuses me is that I’ve never been upset about my body before or being a guy. I was always contempt with what I had and wanted to start crafting a clearer picture of who I was in my own head. There’s more I could say, I could go on and on, but there’s not really any reason to. I just wanted to talk about how I felt because it’s always felt like I’m trapped alone and like nobody can help me. I don’t want to be trans, I never wanted to be a woman, but the doubt and the random thoughts and all of it makes it so hard to know sometimes. I wish this could end, and I’m tired of the uncertainty, but I know that I’ll have to learn to sit with it if I want this to get any better.

So my OCD developed during quarantine and it’s gotten pretty bad. First it had started with Harm OCD and then moved onto POCD. I’m still kind of young and POCD is ruining my life and a lot of the time I consider that me just not being here anymore would be best. I’ve never been attracted to a child but once my POCD had started I got thoughts of “what if I’m attracted to kids?” and it makes me question my self a lot. I don’t want to live with this anymore…I know that I’m not attracted to anyone even since I’m aroace but that haunts me in the way off “what if that’s because I’m just attracted to kids?”. It hurts more when I wanted to adopt kids when I’m older and start a family. I wanted to be a father but now I’m reconsidering it because what if I hurt the kids? I’ve started paying too much attention to my arousal responses and I realized that every time my POCD is flaring up I get a groinal response to the intrusive thoughts and I know it’s not real attraction but it kills me on the inside every time. I constantly check and check and check and it’s an endless cycle. I hate myself for this. I don’t want those thoughts ever again, I don’t want to hurt people. I’ve read articles about groinal responses and other stuff and it’s kind of helped but my OCD makes me doubt myself all the time…I’ve never had thoughts like that until my POCD started but I always doubt myself despite all the logical evidence over all of the “evidence” my OCD gives me. Sometimes I’m scared of myself as well. I’m not even 18 yet and this is destroying my life. I want to cry and cry and just hid away. I don’t want to be a monster. I feel so alone sometimes. If anyone has advice please share.

I try to fight my compulsions so bad but when my brain convinces me it's intuition and not OCD, I just have to do it, there is just no fighting it. Me doing the same thing 30 times in a row is so irational but I just can't stop from my fears. Does anyone else have the intuition problem or it feels like God or a higher power is telling you to do these things, thereforee it feels so much more important and that it's not OCD and must be done immediately and correctly.

Hey everyone! So, I’m a new user here at NOCD, and am currently waiting for my upcoming therapy appointment to get diagnosed with ROCD, and chat more about it. However, for the past week, I feel like I’ve been having (what I feel like) is an OCD spike. So last weekend, I was on my period, and my emotions were so much more intensified and I noticed I was so much more sensitive than usual. So last weekend, my boyfriend and I were FaceTiming together, and I noticed I was getting soo sensitive over us talking about our celebrity crushes (lmao), which, I do not find a problem at all usually. Then, he teased me about not knowing where Spain is on a map (lol), and after this call, I felt really sensitive by that comment. A day after, I knew that it wasn’t a big deal at all, and I knew I would not be hurt over it if it was any other day, but my thoughts kept obsessively trying to convince me he was a bad person, and/or that we weren’t compatible. These thoughts continued on incessantly for almost a week. I didn’t tell him anything about it, but planned to tell him later that maybe when I’m on my period, if he could reassure me when he’s joking in case my emotions feel intensified. This then drew on another slew of obsessive thoughts, now focused and determined to say this, because otherwise resentment would build. I was obsessed with making sure our relationship stayed healthy. So, this past week has been stressful to say the least, and I’ve gotten so tired of not being able to interrupt my thoughts. Now, I honestly don’t feel like I need to tell him I was hurt by his teasing, bc it was completely okay. And I’m not sure if telling him to tell me when he’s joking on my period is the way to go, because it kind of feels like overkill, and the calm part of me doesn’t really feel like it’s necessary. But what I know I do want, is to tell him at the very least the anxiety I’ve been feeling, because I do want to be more open as to when I’ve been feeling anxious, because I feel like I haven’t really done that before. But I’m not really what to do, or how to approach this conversation, as I feel like a million things are blinding me in my head right now. Any support / advice would be very appreciated!!

I woke up from a dream about someone in my past and it’s saying that I like them and that I want to leave the boy that I am currently in a situations hip with. I’m not sure if we are in a labeled relationship but technically we are. My thoughts keep attaching to this person in the past and I woke up with immense anxiety because he was in my dream. I feel so guilty because my thoughts have been attached to this person for so long and I’m so scared that I’m just in denial. The guy I am currently in a situations gio with is soooo sweet, funny, and quirky but in a good way. I love talking to him and listening to him— we call almost every day. But I always get doubts about my feelings for him and I also get thoughts that tell me to go back to someone from my past. I don’t want to be associated with the person in my past but since I’m so hyperaware, I always correlate everything I do to that person because my thoughts are like “oh you don’t x, you like the other person” or “omg you’re listening to this song so it reminds me you of that person.” Help! I feel so bad and I always get thoughts about that person. I’m so scared.

So I have intrusive thoughts that drive me nuts. BUT. I don’t know if I have compulsions! I don’t have to touch things a certain amount of times. I don’t do a ritual really. I just inside my head freak out. Is this OCD? I read about OCD, and it’s all about doing repetitive things but all of mine is inside my head. It’s making me believe I have something else wrong with me and it’s scary as hell! It’s convincing me I am a narcissist or sociopath but what’s weird is I deeply care about people in real life and I’m actually a people pleaser? I really just have a hard time understanding why I have dark intrusive thoughts based on my personality and how I interact with others. It feels like hell and since I’m not doing rituals or visible compulsions, my OCD (if I have it) is now convincing me “what if” I don’t have OCD. I do ruminate and I’m obsess over the thoughts and want to know “why”. Is that in itself a compulsion? The actual rumination? I guess this type of OCD is never talked about in movies/books so it makes me feel ALL ALONE.

I think about this a lot. If my relationship with my husband was arranged (like they do in some cultures), the pressure of being in the right relationship would be less. I would feel less responsibility for having made the best choice possible. I would make the best of my relationship and worry less about everything else. Random thought :)

Is mindfulness harmful for OCD? I was thinking about buying a mindfulness journal book but it talks about writing down how you are feeling a lot. Since OCD sufferers are too obsessed with how we feel, would this be counterproductive?

I’d been feeling really in love and secure in my feelings for my boyfriend recently which was amazing after a year of ROCD and obsessive doubts. Now SOOCD is taking me for a ride and I can’t cope. I just want to be with him, why do I have to overthink everything and hurt myself? I could accept being bi or ace, or a mix of the two, but not a lesbian as my mind is trying to tell me I am. We’re also approaching two weeks of barely seeing each other when we see each other everyday recently which is making me so upset and I don’t know how to cope. The whole two weeks will be spent with my narcissistic mother who I have recently discovered makes my anxiety peak. Everything feels so difficult at the moment

I really need some help here if anyone can help ?:( My situation: I love my boyfriend so much, never cared about someone as much as I care about him , developed a very deep emotional connection to him very quickly , there wasn’t that initial spark there , I found him attractive but sometimes not if that makes sense, objectively I know he’s attractive but I think my anxieties made me overthink this aspect. I struggled with loving him so much and not feeling the spark , feeling like something must be ‘wrong’ in the relationship because it wasn’t electric I wasn’t 100% sure on him. I’ve struggled with ROCD for a while which has made the past 2 years of us being together very challenging at times . Do I fear that I’m in denial and staying out of guilt or false hope ? No because I definitely love him but I worry that the lack of intense lust will cause problems if we chose to marry and stay together for the next few decades (which is what we both want ). We have the same life goals, we both want to start a family together and we both value a committed long lasting relationship built on trust on commitment. We 100% share the same values, we have the best time together , feels like time flies by when I’m with him and I don’t feel bored in his presence. I feel like I’ve one the full package really. But the only thing which is causing me immense pain and guilt is the lack of lust. We have great sex and I find him objectively attractive so this is not the issue. It’s that obsession, that intense desire that Hasn’t been there . I feel like I’ve grown so close to him with time and I know I’m being picky but o can’t get over this. Especially because when I google ‘ can relationships work without infatuation’ or ‘can physical attraction develop’ everyone is so negative saying it will never work , people share their experiences saying its setting up for failure or that one day you will meet someone who you share this spark with and then you will ruin your relationship, it’s freaking me out and making me feel sick 24/7 I can’t think about anything else . Me and my boyfriend we’re meant to be getting married next year , I cried tears of happiness when he asked me there’s nothing I want more ! I want it soooo badly , so why does this ruin everything:(

I’ve been doing really well lately, I feel like. Then last night my Apple Watch recorded my heart rage as being 168 (I know it wasn’t actually that high, had to be doubling my actual rate) and ever since then I keep compulsively checking it. Keep monitoring my chest for pain, now I’m convinced it hurts, and keep paying too much attention to my breathing that I’m breathing weird now. I hate this. And it’s so convincing😭even my hands are tingly which I’m sure is carpal tunnel but I’m convinced it’s all my heart and it’s gonna stop or I’ll have a heart attack or die